Оглавление
Stefan Blom. The Truth about Relationships
Chapter 1
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
KNOW WHERE YOU ARE
THE SEVEN STEPS TO CONNECTION
Step 1: Stop the damage now
Step 2: Have some compassion
Step 3: Choose your time and place
Step 4: Protect your relationship
Step 5: Calm down
Step 6: Check your perceptions of each other
Step 7: Create a respectful space for talking
Chapter 2
THE BENEFITS OF HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIPS
RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Relationship skill
Chapter 3
WHAT NOT TO DO
Don’t fight to be right
Don’t keep quiet
Stop making excuses
Don’t fight about the facts
Stop reacting to each other
Don’t lean on each other’s fences
WHAT TO DO
Prioritise your relationship
Stop the escalation
Share your upsets responsibly
Speak only for yourself
Never compromise
EMERGENCY RELATIONSHIP TOOLS
Put the topic on the shelf
Talk about what you need
Extend an invitation to change
Speak to each other as if you are not alone
Find a good therapist
IN CLOSING
Chapter 4
THE MEANING OF TRUST
YOUR SACRED AGREEMENTS
WAYS TO BREAK TRUST
Our first wound
Our second break in trust
The obvious betrayal of trust: the affair
The every-day breaks in trust
Reactions to a break in trust
Why people break the agreements in their relationships
THE TRAGEDY AND THE IRONY
HOW TO RESTORE TRUST ON YOUR OWN
Adjust your expectations
Check your agreements
Set some boundaries
Put an end to the fantasy: speak the truth
Take a new position silently and strongly
HOW TO RESTORE TRUST WITH YOUR PARTNER
Have lots of honest conversations
Reach a clear, complete understanding of why it happened
Show willingness to be open about any aspect of the truth
Never call your partner overly sensitive or emotional
Sit with both parties’ emotions in a calm and kind way
Offer constant affirmations and reassurances
Show affection
Have complete transparency about the tools used for the deceit
Show some appreciation
Relinquish control
THE TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP
Know where you stand with each other
Behave consistently over time
Stay committed to change
Focus on the place where words and actions meet
Treat each other with respect
IN CLOSING. A new relationship with new commitments
Take back your perceptions
Renew your vows
Chapter 5
UNDERSTANDINGS OF SEX AND INTIMACY
Sex
Intimacy
The complex relationship between sex and intimacy
WHERE TO START. Change starts with a conversation
WHAT TO DO
Stop making excuses
Stop being sexually lazy
Change your physical space
Make sex and intimacy your priority
Share your fantasies
Change your sexual focus
Kiss, kiss, kiss
Get naked
Stroke and caress each other
Connect your mind and body
Make yourself more attractive
Know your erogenous zones
Increase your intimacy
Go on regular dates
Increase your romance
Work around the not-so-sexy roles
IN CLOSING
Chapter 6
THE FIRST ROUND
AWARENESS IS YOUR PROTECTION
For starters, use that checklist
Understand the layers of attraction
At the heart of your future
PREPARING YOURSELF FOR DATING
What is dating really about for you?
Dating as social research
Are you ready for dating?
Do you like yourself enough to be liked and loved?
Are your boundaries strong enough?
Are you ready to step outside your comfort zone?
Can you spend time on your own?
Which dating method do you prefer?
How would you like to present yourself?
LESSONS LEARNT
A ‘maybe’ is a ‘no’
Age is relevant
Distance as a deal-breaker
Substances create false connections, sometimes
Income is relevant
You need, or are, what you are attracted to
Your generosity is never a problem
Your emotions never lie
Charm is a skill
Potential is not reality
Moving too fast causes accidents
Children as a deal-breaker
Real interest needs no questions
Inconsistency means constant upsets
Bullies, princesses and narcissists are real
Words and actions should always be consistent
Emotional shallowness exists
Takers are not givers
Emotional unavailability: don’t go there
IN CLOSING
Chapter 7
1. CHANGE THE WAY YOU SPEAK
Question your ideas about yourself
Define yourself with awareness and truth
Speak the truth about who you really are
Start developing a new inner voice that is kind and gentle
2. CHANGE WHAT IS AROUND YOU
3. LEARN TO COMFORT YOURSELF
4. CHANGE WHAT YOU DO
Stop worrying about what people think of you
Switch off the television
Get to know your area
Be grateful for what you have
Make some good memories
Change your physical space
Learn to deal with your moods and temper
Take charge of your depression or anxiety
Look at your hormone levels and thyroid function
Laugh a little, or a lot
Spend time in nature
Keep a journal
Breathe, sweat and move
Eat good food
Walk
Drop a bad habit
Step outside the patterns of your every-day life
Get some sleep
Spend time in or near water
Invite people into your life
Climb a mountain
Step outside of time
Listen to music
Garden
Cook
Read a good book
Surround yourself with creativity
Slow down
Be here, now
5. DO WHAT YOU SAY
IN CLOSING
Chapter 8
BEFORE YOU END YOUR RELATIONSHIP
A real change
WHY RELATIONSHIPS END
How you speak to and treat each other
Constant fighting and disagreement
A lack of emotional connection and understanding
A loss of trust
Failure to prioritise your relationship
A loss of attraction
Too many outside influences
Addictions
Different sexual preferences or orientations
ONE LAST CHANCE
THE END OF A RELATIONSHIP
Why do we keep going back?
THE END IS THE END
End all contact
Stop avoiding your emotions
Stop the blame
Comfort yourself
Remember what is true about you
Seek the company of friends and family
Try to make sense of what has happened
Take your pain to nature
Get out
Seek some help
IN CLOSING
epilogue
Chapter 9
TRUST
SEX AND INTIMACY
DISAGREEMENT
DATING
CONDITIONS
CHANGE AND GROWTH
FINANCES
THE LIFE OF A RELATIONSHIP
LOVE
