Are All Banks Bastards?

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Stephanie PhD Retchless. Are All Banks Bastards?

Foreword

PART ONE. Are all banks bastards?

The introduction of a sales culture

Bankers’ guilt – who does it belong to?

Sentence announced – self-imposed

Lending Practices

General ledger systems that allow for fraud

Outsourcing – a dirty four-letter word

Are all banks the same?

Beating the banks, or becoming a member of the 20/80 club

What does it cost to serve?

Have you arrived at the answer?

PART TWO. How to beat the banks by understanding how they work. The tricks

Mortgage brokers - why do you need one? Or do you?

Did your bank decline your loan? Find out why – the basics of personal lending

Can you be free of bank fees?

Ever been short-changed by an ATM? What you should do if this happens

Home & land packages – pitfalls

How can you avoid this?

Safe custody - Car 54, where are you?

Thinking of starting your own business? Or how not to go broke within the first six months of trading

An example of how not to succeed

What to do if you are having financial difficulties with a bank/financial institution

The only way to use a credit card

Did you know that banks can, and often do, give ex-gratia payments for varying complaints? Know your rights and how to benefit from that knowledge

How to pay off your home loan faster without being charged exorbitant fees for fancy software or fancy calculators

Moving home loans between banks/mortgage brokers/financiers

Can banks negotiate a partial payout on outstanding debts as full reimbursement?

Deceased depositors – what to do if you have a joint bank account or if your loved one has an account in the sole name – access to safe custody packets/boxes

What to do if your keycard is ‘snaffled’ by an ATM

Looking for the right account

Questions answered – home loans

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I first met Stephanie Retchless when she became manager of the local branch of my bank. I was struck by the fact that not only was she a friendly smiling manager, but once she arrived, her staff changed and emulated these virtues too. They were noticeably cheerier – read, happier? - than before.

My business needs required regular meetings with my manager. Over the years, I never met Stephanie other than inside the bank, but when I married again a few years ago, she was not only invited but also sat at the top table as a close friend. How one can establish that level of friendship just over a counter or across a desk is still a matter of wonder to me, but we did.

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I was chairman of a hundred and thirty strong branch of a political party at nineteen and have experience in various roles since then, including a stint in Parliament, a longer stint on the Central Executive of a political party, and the past two and a half decades as a political lobbyist. From politics I learnt that loyalty almost always flows upwards. I also learnt, as did Stephanie in her career, that there is a corollary to that maxim. The fact that one of our bodily functions is often called ‘droppings’ is not just a mere observation of physical phenomena, it is also a law of bureaucracy because that particular commodity, even in the metaphorical sense, always falls downwards.

Sadly, in modern banking the customer is no longer at the top of the totem pole. The shareholder is, and that means the dollar is. Staff too, have been ruthlessly down-valued in the ever-increasing demand for greater productivity at less cost. Profits and share price are everything. The rule of “loyalty upward and ‘crap’ downward” has taken over.

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