Steve Biddulph’s Raising Girls

Steve Biddulph’s Raising Girls
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Steve Biddulph. Steve Biddulph’s Raising Girls

Also by Steve Biddulph

Contents

A Letter from Steve

Meet Kaycee and Genevieve

Kaycee’s Story

A Marked and Sudden Change

Genevieve’s Story

A Reality Check

Chapter 1. Creating a Total Girl

The Five Stages of Girlhood

Stage 1: Security – Am I safe and loved? (birth–2 years)

Stage 2: Exploring – Is the world a fun and interesting place? (2–5 years)

Stage 3: People skills – Can I get along with others? (5–10 years)

Stage 4: Finding her soul – Can I discover my deep-down self and what makes me truly happy? (10–14 years)

Stage 5: Stepping into adulthood – Can I take responsibility for my own life? (14–18 years)

Each Stage Asks a Question

GIRLS DO IT DIFFERENTLY – AND FASTER

THINK OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Using the Stages

CLINGY FOR A REASON

UNDER STRESS, WE ALL REGRESS!

In a Nutshell

Chapter 2. Right from the Start (Birth–2 years)

Learning to Connect

People Skills Start Very Young

Growing the PFC

The Gift of Calm

WHAT IS CALMNESS?

Crying and Sleep

You Also Have to Excite Your Baby!

THE HORMONES OF LOVE

HOW TO PLAY WITH A BABY

OUR BABY WILL FIT RIGHT IN (LOL!)

DON’T EDUCATE – JUST ENJOY

In a Nutshell

Chapter 3. Learning to Explore (2–5 years)

No Limits to Girlhood

Enthusiastic Learning

SECURITY LEADS TO EXPLORING

Lots of Arty Stuff Is Free

A SIMPLE ENVIRONMENT IS BEST

Clothes

MATILDA LEARNS NOT TO BE FEARFUL

Nature Is Essential

Three Should Be Free

Choosing Toys

Role Model or Pole Model?, by Paula Joye

MAKING HER STRONG. Raising a Strong Girl Starts Young

Seeing Things Through

Getting Your Daughter to Co-operate

TEACHING HER TO GET IT RIGHT

IT’S ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING NEEDS

A POSITIVE MOOD

WHEN IT COUNTS

In a Nutshell

Chapter 4. Getting Along with Others (5–10 years) Making Friends

How Friendship Grows

When Things Go Wrong

UNLIKELY FRIENDS

What Are the Skills of Friendship?

THE SAME-AGE GHETTO

Be a Friendship Role Model

A COUNSELLOR TALKS ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS AND GIRLS

What works?

Emily – Be My Shadow or Else!

What works?

Maya – The Unappreciated Matchmaker

What works?

Alpha Girls

How Feelings Work

Fear – And Listening to Your Intuition

GIRLS AND ASPERGER’S

A SECRET WORD

Anger Is About Being Strong

Sadness Is Real

Joy

Tend and Befriend

AVOIDING DUD FRIENDS

GIRLS AND SPORT

Pre-School Age

Before Adolescence

In Adolescence

WHAT HAPPENS IN PUBERTY?

Breasts

Pubic Hair

Menstruation

Hips

Other Stuff

Celebrate

In a Nutshell

Chapter 5. Finding Her Soul (10–14 years)

Preparation Begins in Earnest

Spark

How About Your Daughter?

Not All Sparks Are Kept Alive

Why It Matters

Actions You Can Take …

A DIFFERENT GROUP OF FRIENDS

A PLACE TO MAKE AND DO

All That You Have Is Your Soul

What Works for Developing Soul?

INTO THE WILD

SHOULD GIRLS HAVE PRIVACY FROM THEIR MUMS?

AUNTIES

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON LOVING …

EARLY PUBERTY, CHEMICALS AND YOUR GIRL

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

WHAT TO DO ABOUT PREMATURE PUBERTY

IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN

The Facts

TEENAGE GIRLS AND SLEEP BY DR MICHAEL CARR-GREGG

What to Do?

Chapter 6. Preparing for Adulthood (14–18 years)

What Makes You an Adult?

PARENTS WHO COP OUT

Initiation Into Womanhood

Even Chores Teach You to Be Adult

Responsibility – The Toughest Lesson There Is

The Real Secret of Adulthood

A Singer Finds Her Soul23

Dreaming Forward

In a Nutshell

Chapter 7. Too Sexy Too Soon

How Happy Sexuality Grows By Itself

THE THREE L’S

THE FACTS

RELATIONSHIPS – HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG?

Stopping the Toxic Flood

Can’t We Just Teach Them to Resist?

NIP AND TUCK

THE PEOPLE WE WORRY ABOUT

What Can We Do?

Step One – No TV in Bedrooms

Step Two – Consciously Decide What You View

Magazines

GIRLS AND DESIRE – WHAT SHOULD YOU TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER?

In a Nutshell

Chapter 8. Mean Girls

Small But Strong

It Takes Three

Speaking Up

The Importance of Bystanders

Everyone Experiences Bullying

Cyberbullying

Where Is This Meanness Coming From?

In a Nutshell

Chapter 9. Bodies, Weight and Food. By Lydia Jade Turner and Sarah McMahon

A Candle Burning at Both Ends

Why Dieting Is Harmful

THE WAY WE ARE MADE

How Fat-Shaming Just Makes Things Worse

The Other Extreme

What To Do Instead

How You Can Help Your Daughter

AN INDUSTRY OUT OF CONTROL

WHAT ARE EATING DISORDERS?

Early Warning Signs

Disordered Thinking

The Actual Behaviours

What to Do

Five Myths About Eating Disorders

In a Nutshell

Chapter 10. Alcohol and Other Drugs

What Parents of Girls Should Know and Teach

The Alcohol Pushers54

Binge Drinking

What to Do?

Esther’s Law

Chapter 11. Girls and the Online World. by Melinda Tankard Reist

Trading Human Contact for Friends You’ve Never Met

All Is Revealed

Tell Me I’m Pretty

Rewarding Exhibitionism

Growing Up in a Pornified World

Encouraged to Harm

WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?

Chapter 12. Girls and Their Mums

How Role-Modelling Works

BEING A STEPMUM

Cleaning Up Your Act

Maximising Your Example

Letting Go

Home as a Haven

A GREAT FILM ABOUT MOTHERS

In a Nutshell

Chapter 13. Girls and Their Dads

He’s Strong and Safe

He Stays Connected

TRAGICALLY IGNORED

A Practice Man

How Not to Fight with Your Teenage Girl

HEARING HER OUT

RESPECT REALLY MATTERS

NO MORE PRINCESS

THE MAGIC OF ONE TO ONE

BEING CLEARLY NON-SEXUAL

Practical Stuff. Start Young

Find Common Interests

Listen a Lot

Write Notes and Letters

Be a Great Example of Manhood

IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MUM

What Happened to Kaycee?

Postscript

Notes

Contributors and Acknowledgements

About the Illustrator

Copyright

About the Publisher

Отрывок из книги

Raising Boys

The Secret of Happy Children

.....

Compared to how girlhood should be, it’s clear something has gone badly wrong. Millions of parents are asking, why are our daughters so stressed? What should we do, so that their lives turn out well? As you will soon see, there is plenty that we can do.

Another use of the stages is ‘remedial’; you can pinpoint the earlier stages that she might have missed out on, due to difficult circumstances. The nature of human beings is that we can often recover things that we missed out on, by getting them down the track. For example, adopted children from terrible backgrounds can gradually find security with their new parents. Overprotected girls who are fearful can be challenged and coaxed to show more courage. Girls with no people skills can learn to get along better, and so on. Be open to the possibility that your daughter may be a certain age in years, and a far younger age in development, if she missed out due to life circumstance during the earlier parts of her ‘quest’.

.....

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