Steve Biddulph’s Raising Girls
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Steve Biddulph. Steve Biddulph’s Raising Girls
Also by Steve Biddulph
Contents
A Letter from Steve
Meet Kaycee and Genevieve
Kaycee’s Story
A Marked and Sudden Change
Genevieve’s Story
A Reality Check
Chapter 1. Creating a Total Girl
The Five Stages of Girlhood
Stage 1: Security – Am I safe and loved? (birth–2 years)
Stage 2: Exploring – Is the world a fun and interesting place? (2–5 years)
Stage 3: People skills – Can I get along with others? (5–10 years)
Stage 4: Finding her soul – Can I discover my deep-down self and what makes me truly happy? (10–14 years)
Stage 5: Stepping into adulthood – Can I take responsibility for my own life? (14–18 years)
Each Stage Asks a Question
GIRLS DO IT DIFFERENTLY – AND FASTER
THINK OF YOUR OWN LIFE
Using the Stages
CLINGY FOR A REASON
UNDER STRESS, WE ALL REGRESS!
In a Nutshell
Chapter 2. Right from the Start (Birth–2 years)
Learning to Connect
People Skills Start Very Young
Growing the PFC
The Gift of Calm
WHAT IS CALMNESS?
Crying and Sleep
You Also Have to Excite Your Baby!
THE HORMONES OF LOVE
HOW TO PLAY WITH A BABY
OUR BABY WILL FIT RIGHT IN (LOL!)
DON’T EDUCATE – JUST ENJOY
In a Nutshell
Chapter 3. Learning to Explore (2–5 years)
No Limits to Girlhood
Enthusiastic Learning
SECURITY LEADS TO EXPLORING
Lots of Arty Stuff Is Free
A SIMPLE ENVIRONMENT IS BEST
Clothes
MATILDA LEARNS NOT TO BE FEARFUL
Nature Is Essential
Three Should Be Free
Choosing Toys
Role Model or Pole Model?, by Paula Joye
MAKING HER STRONG. Raising a Strong Girl Starts Young
Seeing Things Through
Getting Your Daughter to Co-operate
TEACHING HER TO GET IT RIGHT
IT’S ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING NEEDS
A POSITIVE MOOD
WHEN IT COUNTS
In a Nutshell
Chapter 4. Getting Along with Others (5–10 years) Making Friends
How Friendship Grows
When Things Go Wrong
UNLIKELY FRIENDS
What Are the Skills of Friendship?
THE SAME-AGE GHETTO
Be a Friendship Role Model
A COUNSELLOR TALKS ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS AND GIRLS
What works?
Emily – Be My Shadow or Else!
What works?
Maya – The Unappreciated Matchmaker
What works?
Alpha Girls
How Feelings Work
Fear – And Listening to Your Intuition
GIRLS AND ASPERGER’S
A SECRET WORD
Anger Is About Being Strong
Sadness Is Real
Joy
Tend and Befriend
AVOIDING DUD FRIENDS
GIRLS AND SPORT
Pre-School Age
Before Adolescence
In Adolescence
WHAT HAPPENS IN PUBERTY?
Breasts
Pubic Hair
Menstruation
Hips
Other Stuff
Celebrate
In a Nutshell
Chapter 5. Finding Her Soul (10–14 years)
Preparation Begins in Earnest
Spark
How About Your Daughter?
Not All Sparks Are Kept Alive
Why It Matters
Actions You Can Take …
A DIFFERENT GROUP OF FRIENDS
A PLACE TO MAKE AND DO
All That You Have Is Your Soul
What Works for Developing Soul?
INTO THE WILD
SHOULD GIRLS HAVE PRIVACY FROM THEIR MUMS?
AUNTIES
KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON LOVING …
EARLY PUBERTY, CHEMICALS AND YOUR GIRL
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WHAT TO DO ABOUT PREMATURE PUBERTY
IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN
The Facts
TEENAGE GIRLS AND SLEEP BY DR MICHAEL CARR-GREGG
What to Do?
Chapter 6. Preparing for Adulthood (14–18 years)
What Makes You an Adult?
PARENTS WHO COP OUT
Initiation Into Womanhood
Even Chores Teach You to Be Adult
Responsibility – The Toughest Lesson There Is
The Real Secret of Adulthood
A Singer Finds Her Soul23
Dreaming Forward
In a Nutshell
Chapter 7. Too Sexy Too Soon
How Happy Sexuality Grows By Itself
THE THREE L’S
THE FACTS
RELATIONSHIPS – HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG?
Stopping the Toxic Flood
Can’t We Just Teach Them to Resist?
NIP AND TUCK
THE PEOPLE WE WORRY ABOUT
What Can We Do?
Step One – No TV in Bedrooms
Step Two – Consciously Decide What You View
Magazines
GIRLS AND DESIRE – WHAT SHOULD YOU TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER?
In a Nutshell
Chapter 8. Mean Girls
Small But Strong
It Takes Three
Speaking Up
The Importance of Bystanders
Everyone Experiences Bullying
Cyberbullying
Where Is This Meanness Coming From?
In a Nutshell
Chapter 9. Bodies, Weight and Food. By Lydia Jade Turner and Sarah McMahon
A Candle Burning at Both Ends
Why Dieting Is Harmful
THE WAY WE ARE MADE
How Fat-Shaming Just Makes Things Worse
The Other Extreme
What To Do Instead
How You Can Help Your Daughter
AN INDUSTRY OUT OF CONTROL
WHAT ARE EATING DISORDERS?
Early Warning Signs
Disordered Thinking
The Actual Behaviours
What to Do
Five Myths About Eating Disorders
In a Nutshell
Chapter 10. Alcohol and Other Drugs
What Parents of Girls Should Know and Teach
The Alcohol Pushers54
Binge Drinking
What to Do?
Esther’s Law
Chapter 11. Girls and the Online World. by Melinda Tankard Reist
Trading Human Contact for Friends You’ve Never Met
All Is Revealed
Tell Me I’m Pretty
Rewarding Exhibitionism
Growing Up in a Pornified World
Encouraged to Harm
WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?
Chapter 12. Girls and Their Mums
How Role-Modelling Works
BEING A STEPMUM
Cleaning Up Your Act
Maximising Your Example
Letting Go
Home as a Haven
A GREAT FILM ABOUT MOTHERS
In a Nutshell
Chapter 13. Girls and Their Dads
He’s Strong and Safe
He Stays Connected
TRAGICALLY IGNORED
A Practice Man
How Not to Fight with Your Teenage Girl
HEARING HER OUT
RESPECT REALLY MATTERS
NO MORE PRINCESS
THE MAGIC OF ONE TO ONE
BEING CLEARLY NON-SEXUAL
Practical Stuff. Start Young
Find Common Interests
Listen a Lot
Write Notes and Letters
Be a Great Example of Manhood
IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MUM
What Happened to Kaycee?
Postscript
Notes
Contributors and Acknowledgements
About the Illustrator
Copyright
About the Publisher
Отрывок из книги
Raising Boys
The Secret of Happy Children
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Compared to how girlhood should be, it’s clear something has gone badly wrong. Millions of parents are asking, why are our daughters so stressed? What should we do, so that their lives turn out well? As you will soon see, there is plenty that we can do.
Another use of the stages is ‘remedial’; you can pinpoint the earlier stages that she might have missed out on, due to difficult circumstances. The nature of human beings is that we can often recover things that we missed out on, by getting them down the track. For example, adopted children from terrible backgrounds can gradually find security with their new parents. Overprotected girls who are fearful can be challenged and coaxed to show more courage. Girls with no people skills can learn to get along better, and so on. Be open to the possibility that your daughter may be a certain age in years, and a far younger age in development, if she missed out due to life circumstance during the earlier parts of her ‘quest’.
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