Not Tonight, Honey: Wait 'til I'm A Size 6

Not Tonight, Honey: Wait 'til I'm A Size 6
Автор книги: id книги: 1596187     Оценка: 0.0     Голосов: 0     Отзывы, комментарии: 0 1162,27 руб.     (11,33$) Читать книгу Купить и скачать книгу Купить бумажную книгу Электронная книга Жанр: Юмористические стихи Правообладатель и/или издательство: Ingram Дата добавления в каталог КнигаЛит: ISBN: 9780758253569 Скачать фрагмент в формате   fb2   fb2.zip Возрастное ограничение: 0+ Оглавление Отрывок из книги

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Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. Boldly, brazenly, and hilariously, she says what only the brave dare to think. –Laurie Notaro Like an edgier, naughtier, southern-bred Erma Bombeck, award-winning columnist Susan Reinhardt has made diehard fans of fellow writers and newspaper readers across the country with her wickedly skewed reports from the trenches of American family life. In this collection of never-before-published essays and stories, she takes her uncensored trademark wit just a little further than ever before–with hilarious and poignant results. From telling off a too-perfect sorority sister twenty years later to going public with her «grumpy vagina»; from facing down those who would judge her in a mall ladies' room to eulogizing her beloved smokin' granny, Reinhardt cuts straight to the heart of the sublime, the ridiculous–and the saggy–realities of being a working wife, mother, and certified slave to a culture that worships women who sport thighs the size of her upper arms. «Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. Boldly, brazenly, and hilariously, she says what only the brave dare to think.» –Laurie Notaro «Surgical patients should forgo reading this book until all sutures are completely healed. Susan Reinhardt is a riot!»–Jill Conner Browne «Funny, wise, and warm. . .from sidesplitting to achingly tender.» –Celia Riverbank «Hilarious, captivating. . .no one is more accomplished at the fine Southern art of storytelling than Susan Reinhardt.»–Ronda Rich Susan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer nomination. A long-time volunteer fundraiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.

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Susan Reinhardt. Not Tonight, Honey: Wait 'til I'm A Size 6

Not Tonight, Honey

Susan Reinhardt

Contents

Acknowledgments

Lessons from the Staircase

The Other Taco Bell Dog

Going to Pot

The Grumpy Vagina

Looking for Some Hot Stuff

Reeling in the Altar Chickens

Men Who Have Maytags and the Women Who Love Them

Mama’s Bridge Biddies

Bebo

The Uterine Comptroller

The Perfect Mom

In Sickness and Health, and Trips to the Goodwill

Marrying Ma Ferguson

Little Miss Ungrateful

Die Rear

Not Tonight, Hon: Wait ’Til I Get My New Boobs

The Ultra GrindZapper Treatment

Miss Glorious Priss Pot

When One Elvis Is Not Enough

Field Trips from the Edge

The Worthalots

I Wanna Sang!

Smiling from the Pool Table

Eye Cues

Gooooood Miiiiiiiilk!

Leasing Life’s Blessings

The Unglamorous Girl of “Camp Am Not”

My Old-Lady Swimsuit

Nobody Wants a Bone But a Dog

The Reinhardt Diet: The Unconventional Way

Someone’s Knockering on the Door

Up and Grade

Growing Older with Grace and Merlot

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Wait ’til I’m a size 6

KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.

.....

“You bring the cash?” she asked. “I don’t have much time to talk. You don’t want her, eight more do.” It had grown from six to eight overnight. “Three of them seem like great homes, too.”

She had me. No mother likes that much competition.

.....

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