Don't Sleep With A Bubba: Unless Your Eggs Are In Wheelchairs

Don't Sleep With A Bubba: Unless Your Eggs Are In Wheelchairs
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The Southern Belle's answer to David Sedaris. –Karin Gillespie «She's like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry.»– Booklist Aimed at anyone with a funny bone, these all new stories and essays by Gannett-syndicated columnist Susan Reinhardt tackle domestic life, particularly of the Southern persuasion, with sidesplitting observations and searing confessions. Reinhardt candidly lets readers into her world as she goes mano a mano with her Bubba of a husband–and occasionally her mother. From discovering she's getting a dreaded «front fanny» to revealing her husband's experiments with a Norelco shaver and their Pomeranian pooch, Reinhardt scrapes bare the bedrock truth about married life and love. She also poignantly shares her struggles with a depression that secretly plunged her downward and her reaction to the unexpected helping hands that pulled her up. Totally uncensored and blisteringly honest, Reinhardt is all heart–and a storyteller to savor and remember. «So engaging. . .so honest. . .will make you laugh out loud.»– The Asheville Citizen-Times "Like hanging out with your bluntest, most mischievous friend, the one who never fails to crack you up." – Chicago Sun-Times "Funny and touching. . .Reinhardt is not afraid to put it all out there."– The Pilot (N.C.) "Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter. . . will have you holding your sides the whole time." –Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Girl "She can break your heart in one sentence and leave you laughing till you're breathless in the next." –Julie Cannon, True Love & Homegrown Tomatoes Susan Reinhardt is a syndicated columnist and feature writer whose work has appeared all over the world in major newspapers such as the Washington Post, London Daily Mirror, Newsday, and other Tribune Media and Gannett publications. Reinhardt has won dozens of awards for her writing, including several Best of Gannett honors and a Pulitzer Prize nomination. A long-time volunteer fund-raiser for Hospice, the United Way, the American Lymphoma and Leukemia Society, the PTO and other worthwhile and not so worthwhile causes, Reinhardt is also a proud member of the Not Quite Write Book Club, a group of ten women who drink wine and pretend to act literary. A true Daughter of the South, Susan Reinhardt was born in South Carolina, was raised in Georgia, and currently makes her home in Asheville, North Carolina, the jewel city of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She has two adorable children and still calls her mama every night.

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Susan Reinhardt. Don't Sleep With A Bubba: Unless Your Eggs Are In Wheelchairs

Also by Susan Reinhardt:

Don’t Sleep With a Bubba

Susan Reinhardt

Contents

Acknowledgments

Author’s Note

Richmond, Tee-tee, and a Can of Lysol and Hollywood

Atlanta and the Dumpster

Hollywood and the Mee-Maw Panties

Erma Bombeck Country

Four Teats to the Wind

Not Junior League Material

A DWI on Horseback and a Showdown with a Snapping Turtle

Give Me a Tag and I’ll Give You My Uterus

Hooking Up With David Sedaris

Fishing for a Date

Ode to Bald Men, Precious Thangs

If It’s Not in His Kiss, Could It Be in His Boxers?

My Eggs Are in Wheelchairs

You Can’t Clone Decency

When the Bough Breaks

The Cradle Will Fall

A Symphony of Seasons

I’ll Love You Forever

Whatever God Sends

Rediscovering My Father’s Love

Wings and Ass Bangs

Would You Like a Waffle with Those Shoes, Ma’am?

Sister Sandy and the Family Jewels

In My Sister’s Former Life—Where the Living Is Easy

The Nuttiest Preschool Teacher in the World

They Call Him Flipper, She Calls Him Hubby

Forget Muskrat Love

Doggy Liposuction and Humpathons

Ten Toddlers and Girls Gone Wild

Parenting Tips You Must Never Tell the Pediatrician!

The South Be-Otch Exercise Plan

Hair It Is

The Gambrells in Europe: A Four-Act Comedy

Career Day Including a Skull in a Stomach

For Sale on eBay: My Husband

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NOT TONIGHT, HONEY:

Wait ’Til I’m a Size 6

.....

“What’s up, Sally?”

“Well, they finally dropped, like y’all said they would, but I think they’ve done more than just drop.”

.....

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