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Susan Tordella. Raising Able
Preface
Join or form a study group
60 miles away going 60 miles an hour
Research affirms the power of chores
The power of stories
A note on the digital/audio edition:
1. A Positive Parenting Plan
The risks and rewards of cleaning windows
How to get started
Highlights of a positive parenting plan
The meaning of discipline
Act, don’t yak
Write down your most pressing problem
The broken vending machine
Start small
From caterpillar to butterfly
What kind of parent are you?
Avoid trying – do it
Younger children will respond faster
Even Hercules mows the lawn and does dishes
Computer commodore for life
Key points from A Positive Parenting Plan
2. The Benefits of Chores Last a Lifetime
Doing jobs at home transmits values
Chores teach lifelong habits
Chores correlate to lower alcohol use
Chores: The entitlement buster
The lost tradition of childhood chores
Count on me
Consistency is the cure
It’s easier to do it myself
Work can’t always be fun
Expectations yield results
Put chore theory into practice
Life lessons gained by growing up on a farm
Sales training at Hurtte’s Texaco
Don’t just dream. Set goals and create it
New perspective changes the view
Chores build self-discipline
Key points from The Benefits of Chores
3. Can I help, Mommy?
Take time for training
If it’s fun, it will get done
Dancing dust bunnies
Everyone helps at the Children’s Farm School
Adjust your expectations
Hire help or not?
The second shift
Schedule the time
4. The Power of Encouragement
Encouragement can have few words
The language of encouragement
An athlete in training
Find kernels of success
Encouragement motivates workers
Praise or encouragement?
Wean the praise junkies
The forgiving nature of homemade food
The power of pain
Practice the enjoyable art of encouragement
Self-reliance relates to self-esteem
Destroying a barn opens doors
The encouragement of getting published
Canines respond to encouragement
A group activity to learn encouragement
5. Replace Pay and Praise
Money: a poor motivator, good manipulator
Money and work
How to motivate without money
The leverage of expectation
Start with a family meeting
Teamwork makes it fun
The only exception
Teach discipline and teamwork
Make your behavior worth imitating
First we work, and then we play
Develop personal authority
Avoid servitude
If I pay someone else for the job
Chores yield compound interest
Conquer a dirty bathroom with teamwork
Ten strategies to create a team environment
6. Family Meetings: A Voice and a Choice
The first family meeting
Facilitator
Scribe
Reading of the minutes
Favorite excerpts from family meeting notes
Compliments
Regular business: dogs, dishes and decisions
Doing dishes teaches negotiation skills
Family Fun
Blowball power
How to play Blowball
Solving problems
Bedtime negotiations
What’s In It For Me?
If tweens or teen say, “I hate family meetings. I’m not coming. I’m going out with my friends,” you might say, “That’s up to you. We may decide what jobs you’ll do if you’re not there.” You could also say, “I hope you come to the family meeting because I value your input. When would be a good time to schedule the meeting so you can attend?” It’s much easier to convince someone to do something when they have agreed to do so. Jobs
The power of family meetings
Use family meetings as a management tool
Family meetings create cohesion
Family meeting tips
7. Beware of Helicopters
Other responses to the disabled computer
A surprise bonus
Consequences differ from punishment
Money is not the source of all solutions
Experience is the best teacher
Enough rope to burn but not enough to hang
Hand writing as a memory tactic
Ski equipment as a teacher
Eagles ignore sibling rivalry
Peace in the car
Avoid ugly scenes in public
The control factor
Don’t trash my room
Get the job done with work and play
Cooking rice makes a lasting impression
8. Sound Familiar?
Children leave belongings in living areas
Moderate screen time and electronics
Parents are the antidote to screen time
A feasible brain drain policy
Natural and logical consequences
The comfort of bedtime routines
Toddlers can choose to stay in bed
Child repeatedly acts up in class
Homework harmony
Child dawdles in the morning before daycare
Messy bedrooms
Clean K-Mart?
Whose pet is it?
Chores and consequences develop responsibility
Early practice prevents problems
The soggy potato chip law
Whose problem are chores?
Key points from Sound Familiar?
9. When it Rains, Stomp Barefoot in Puddles
No way to camping? Try day trips
The rain in Maine is relentless
A change in perspective
Blended families can bond in the woods
Develop a campy attitude at home
We survived Hurricane Bob in the wilderness
Rain, the character builder
Stalwartness begins at home
Survival skills inspired boy scouting
Key points from When it Rains, Stomp Barefoot in Puddles
10. Family dinner: The Glue for Your Crew
Family dinner is worth prioritizing
Family time is prime time
Plan dinner in the morning
Cheese curls and a video for dinner
Key points from Family Dinner, The Glue for Your Crew
11. I am not your friend. Set Boundaries
Boundaries teach respect for natural laws
Use action instead of words
Give choices -- approved by you
Master the art of sitting quietly
Telephone manners
Encourage independence
The challenge for single parents
Setting limits prepares children for school
Guardrails provide security
Be the guardrails on the bridge
Chores set an internal compass
From the farm to the firm
Strategy: Timed work sessions
Key points from I am not your friend
12. Self-excess-teem and Entitlement
The power of encouragement
Lessons learned from Ian and crew
Chasing the Holy Grail of self-esteem
The danger of self-excess-teem
Chores: the anti-entitlement drug
Stalwartness on the job
The natural consequence of a crashed car
An ideal worker is made, not born
The right amount of self-esteem
High self-esteem is no guarantee
The power of giving children adult tasks
Practice moderation in chores
Chores generate responsibility and self-esteem
Farm chores teach management skills
Chores plant seeds of entrepreneurship
Her best college students do chores
Key points from Self-Excess-Teem
13. Wax on, Wax off: The Zen of Work
Love the work you’re with
Dirty diapers in every job
The emptiness of working for money
Cleaning as a ritual
Physical work feels good
Be present with the dishes, soap and water
The Zen of working together in a community
Do for others
The modern perception of work
Computers aren’t the answer
Avoid using chores as punishment
Small chores yield big results
Let them get their hands dirty
Get out of dishes free
The Zen of building a chicken coop
The Zen of family work
Work with joy
Napkin and salad girl starts a tradition
Express passion through work
Dogs are friends and teachers
Key points from The Zen of Work
14. Green Chores
Beyond convenience
Turn off one light bulb at a time
Encourage independence if possible
The old-fashioned tradition of walking to school
Ease the grip of stranger-danger – walk and bike
Go on a Low Carbon Diet together
Cultivate a few tomatoes and chicken
What is your legacy?
15. Human Doing or Human Being?
Energize yourself and your marriage
Happy mothers = happy children
Chores: a quick hit of anti-entitlement
Slow down with a pajama day
What is affluenza worth?
Pajama days counteract activity mania
Low key, low cost, good fun
Find frugal local fun in nature
Beware of family-busters
Children ARE interruptions
Whose problem is boredom?
The Zen of 39 dirty windows
Avoid nurturing human doings
Family time instead of sports time
Let siblings work it out
Key points for Human doing or human being?
16. You Are Not My Mother: Blended Families
Divided we fall
Create a welcoming atmosphere
Use family meetings
Blended families thrive on family meetings
The flow of family bonding
Practice acceptance
Yours, mine and ours
The challenge of blended families
Key points from You are not my Mother: Blended Families
17. Name It and Tame It
Goal 1: The desire for constant attention
Goal 2: The struggle for power
Bubbles and Shamim
Change your response
Defuse children on a power quest
Goal 3: Revenge
Avoid the fracas
I hate you
Goal 4: Inadequacy
Birth order
Early self-discipline reaps rewards
Best Foot Forward
The charm of encouragement
Name it and tame it
18. A Stalwart Positive Parenting Plan
What happened to your most pressing problem?
60 miles away going 60 miles an hour
Continuing education
Stay in touch
The basics of a positive parenting plan
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Sources
