Оглавление
Юлия Пирумова. Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists
Preface
Introduction
The era of “gods” and fragile self-esteem
Many-faced narcissism
The “inner ear” of self-esteem
Why do we need narcissism?
The narcissism scale
Narcissistic vulnerability
Narcissistic people
Narcissistic ways of treating oneself
Fragile self-esteem and how we adapt to it
“Feeble semblance”
Questionnaire for identifying narcissistic deficiency
A crown as protection against vulnerability
The essence of narcissism to a first approximation
Part 1. How children turn into narcissists
Chapter 1. Myth about Narcissus
Chapter 2. Narcissus's drama
Narcissism is the “trauma of unlove”
Uselessness and emotional deprivation
Psychologically immature parents
Emotional exploitation of a child
Unsafe dependence on adults
“Healing fantasy” of narcissists
Narcissistic hunger
A “hole” in the reflection
Unrealistic demands
Summary. Narcissistic adaptation to childhood conditions
Part 2. Deficient narcissism. What is it like?
Chapter 3. “Puzzles” of deficient narcissism
How does a deficient narcissist live?
Chapter 4. Foundations of deficiency. The feeling of inner emptiness
Narcissistic insatiability
Ideal Self
Inner critic
The feeling of being unworthy
Unstable self-esteem
Self-devaluation
Inability to make efforts
Narcissistic procrastination
Impostor syndrome
Narcissistic depression
Inability to feel pleasure and enjoy life
Cherophobia
Boredom
“Life passes by”
Summary
Chapter 5. Narcissistic traps: how we try to cope with inadequacy but still remain “in the red”
Omnipotence
The belief that “If you claim something, you are to live up to it”
The almighty control
Narcissistic standards
Fantasy about one's exceptionality
Inability to acknowledge one's failure
Struggle with reality
Idealization of adulthood
Idealization
Narcissistic devaluation
Narcissistic isolation
Control over feelings and rationalizing
Devaluing desires and needs
Summary
Chapter 6. Typical feelings of a deficient narcissist
Narcissistic anger
Narcissistic pride
Fear of appearing to be ordinary
Fear of being weak
Attitude to regression
Fear of rejection
Narcissistic envy
Fear of envy (as a projection)
Narcissistic shame
Narcissistic anxiety
Summary
Part 3. How deficient narcissists build relationships
Chapter 7. What we face in relationships. The feeling of one's inappropriateness
Profound alienation from people
Seeking involvement in relationships with people
Dependence on ideal love
Lack of reliance on the experience of satisfying relationships
Distorted views on relationships
Unrealistic expectations in relationships
Fear of close relationships
Narcissistic defenses against close relationships
Dependence on the narcissistic source in relationships
Devaluation of one's need for relationships
Great unconscious need for relationships
Absence of empathy to people in relationships
Lack of self-care in deficient narcissists
“Omnivorousness” paradox
The desire to control relationships
The desire to have strong reactions to one's personality
Inability to be in horizontal relationships
Narcissist-the rescuer, or the “white coat”
Fear of dependence in relationships
Fear of being used
Boredom in relationships
The desire to change one's partner
Feeling humiliated because of the need to seek help and support
Summary
Part 4. What shall we do with all that?
Chapter 8. Little Narcissette at a psychotherapist's appointment
Chapter 9. Helping people with deficient narcissism
Self-compassion/self-pity
Dependence
Grief
Powerlessness
Ordinariness
Summary. Narcissistic crisis
Conclusion. Narcissistic reality
