She stared at Ethan. Was he kidding? That was what brought her to New Beginnings. She honestly wanted to get her life back…and straightened out. She wanted to make a stable home for Cecily and be the kind of mother that won prizes.

Ethan’s eyes said she had a willing listener who would be sympathetic. She was tempted. “Can I trust you?” At his frown, she blinked. “Yes, yes, I can. It’s just…I can’t trust everyone, you know?”

loves to write about God’s love, and His Son, Jesus. Since she does not have a father, she loves to call God, Father, and to feel the faith that that builds. She also loves to play with her grandchildren.

Ruth’s first book was published in 1993 just a month after her return to her native Missouri after years in the East. She often sets her novels in Missouri, where there are lakes and hills aplenty, and as many stories and history as people. This is Ruth’s eighth Love Inspired novel.

But seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

—Matthew 6:33–34

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

—Matthew 7:1–2

To all the young mothers in my family who give

unrestricted devotion and love to their young.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Letter to Reader

Lisa Marley guided the dual-wheel rusty red pickup truck into the deep shadows of the parking lot. A lighted sign declared she had reached the right place— Blue River Valley Community Church.

“Okay, God,” she whispered. “Here I am, as promised.”

She turned off the growling engine and headlights. A few windows illuminated nearby houses, but there was only silence, and the church stood quietly before her in the autumn mist of early evening.

Silence was good, Lisa thought, only she’d grown unused to it. She shivered. From the cool evening or from nerves, she wondered?

Only a small number of cars were scattered across the parking lot.

Her friend Beth Anne Hostetter had warned her there wouldn’t be a large crowd when she’d issued the invitation to New Beginnings. The organization was meant for men and women over forty who needed just what the name implied. A new beginning in life. A second start.

Beth Anne said the person in charge of this ministry, Dr. Michael Faraday, was a very capable, compassionate man, and Lisa could trust him.

Sure, sure… Trust.

Beth Anne knew Lisa’s fears. Lisa had faith in very few people these days. Sometimes not even in herself.

Those were the middle-of-the-night times when she lay still, listening to her own heartbeat, begging God to talk to her. To tell her how to get her life back.

Did God hear her? She didn’t know, was never sure.

But she’d promised Beth Anne to give New Beginnings a chance, and she was willing to do anything to help rebuild her life.

New Beginnings wasn’t just another singles group, Beth Anne insisted. It offered hope for people. Some were in crisis, some in a rut. Others simply needed to change their attitudes toward life.

That certainly described her—Lisa Jane Marley. Beth Anne’s passion about a loving God had drawn Lisa to a Bible Study last year, and over the months, Lisa had tentatively given her heart to God. Now she was learning the hard part—trusting Him with every ounce of her being.

Her nerves felt stretched as she contemplated getting out of the truck and walking through that door. What if those people asked questions?

Her stomach tensed. Beth Anne had assured her that no one knew of Lisa’s recent history, but still…

If anyone asked Lisa what she’d done this last year or two, or where she’d been, she was outta here.

Yet Beth Anne had said Lisa could make new friends. She couldn’t ask for more. Beyond that, the group’s ideals appealed to Lisa. It offered her a place to work on her future, with people her own age who had similar needs.

She clenched her eyes shut while a familiar gut-deep yearning and hope rose high. Please Lord, let this count…

“Okay, God,” she murmured aloud, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “This is it, so You gotta keep Your promise and stay with me. I’m not doing this all alone.”

Swiping her hand down her thigh, she opened the door and slid to the ground. As she started across the lot, another car pulled into it. Instinctively, she turned her head toward the new arrival. The high beams hit her face, momentarily blinding her.

Lisa froze. Her heartbeat jumped, then raced. Her lips went dry. For one long moment, she couldn’t make herself move.

The car parked, and Lisa blinked. On shaky legs, she ran the last few yards to reach the sidewalk that led to the church door.

“Hey, wait up!”

She ignored the masculine shout and kept walking. Almost at the door, she paused long enough to suck air all the way into her lungs.

“Sorry about that,” came a blithe baritone behind her.

Lisa glanced over her shoulder long enough to take in a tall, rather broad-shouldered male flashing her a wide grin. There didn’t seem to be a jot of real regret in his shadowed expression.

“Anyone ever tell you it’s rude to blast your high beams in a crowd?” she snapped.

“A crowd?” Another car was turning into the lot, but the tarmac was empty of pedestrians. The man fell into step beside her, a scarred guitar case dangling from his grip.

“A place that’s often crowded, then.”

He reached past her for the door handle. The air between them stirred, and she sidestepped to avoid closer contact, only to bump into the instrument case.

“Sorry,” he said again.

“I’ll just bet,” she muttered under her breath.

“Hello and welcome,” greeted a tall, rangy man as Lisa entered the foyer. A touch of silver threaded his thick brown hair, and Lisa guessed him to be in his forties. He was neatly dressed in a casual cotton checked shirt and summer-weight slacks. Clear green eyes met hers with neither flirtation nor judging assessment. “I’m Michael Faraday.”

Lisa was about to answer when her companion spoke up enthusiastically.

“Hiya, Mike. How’s it going?”

“Hi there, Ethan. It’s been a good day.” Mike nodded, as though conceding something that was understood between them. “Glad you remembered the guitar. Jimmy has his, too, so we can open with a little music. Who’s your friend?”

“Don’t really know, preacher. Found her out in the parking lot looking lost. She just sorta followed me up to the church door.”

“I didn’t!” Lisa protested, then clamped her mouth closed. He made her sound like a lost puppy looking for a home.

A lot of teeth…she thought as she turned her annoyed gaze on Ethan. His grin widened, his eyes sparkled. Lisa felt a slight flush creep up her face.

He’s cute and he knows it! Jerk…

She was here at New Beginnings for a lot of reasons, but flirting wasn’t on her agenda.

Forgetting her earlier hesitancy, she offered the minister her hand in greeting. “I’m Lisa Marley.”

“Glad to meet you, Lisa.” Michael spoke with sincerity. “I hope you’ll feel at home with us tonight.”

Three other people came into the foyer, and the minister turned to welcome them. “Hi, folks. Go on into the fellowship hall. It’ll be roomy enough there.”

Lisa hadn’t a clue which direction to take, so she fell into step with the others. They headed down the hall on the left, through double doors opened wide, into a spacious, airy room. At one end, a semi-circle of chairs already held nearly a dozen people, chatting to one another. Off to the side, a man had hooked up an electric guitar and was strumming a few chords.

In the center of the room, a huge Bible lay on a simple oak podium.

“See you later.” Ethan left her to join the other musician.

“Uh-huh.” Her reply was so noncommittal as to be ungracious, but she wasn’t about to encourage the guy. In Lisa’s opinion, most men didn’t need but a flutter of interest to try a pick-up. Finding guys who wanted her wasn’t her problem.

It had never been her problem.

“Lisa!” Beth Anne called her name. Lisa hurried toward her friend, gratitude and relief flooding her.

“I’m only going to remember first names,” Beth Anne said as she started introductions. “This is just the third meeting for New Beginnings, you know. Let’s see. Jenny, isn’t it? And Pam, and Karen and Cindy. The guys are Lorne, Matt, Charlie and Jimmy, helping out on the guitar. And the man you met as you came in—can’t recall his name.”

“Ethan,” Lisa supplied.

“That’s it—Ethan Vale,” Jenny said. Her blue eyes shone in keen interest. “Can’t wait to hear him. He played in a band once upon a time.”

“I’ve heard him,” Cindy added. “At a banking function, before his wife Sharon died. The band played bluegrass that night, but Sharon said they also did country-and-western. He’s really good.”

Obviously, Ethan was already popular among this crowd, Lisa mused. And he was widowed. A thin ribbon of sympathy threaded through her consciousness. She let her gaze roam his way and watched him, tuning his acoustic guitar along with the other musician. He had long, masculine fingers that stroked the strings with care.

Lisa put a clamp on her wayward thoughts. She’d had enough romantic entanglements to last a lifetime, and they’d all been disastrous. Besides, she didn’t intend to let anything get in the way of what she had to do now.

The fact Ethan was widowed did tie in with what Beth Anne told her about this group. New Beginnings was made up of all kinds of people, in all phases of life, looking for new directions.

“Didn’t know that,” Beth Anne remarked, gazing around the room as others drifted in. “Well, I haven’t met everyone yet. Looks like our crowd has increased, praise God. You sit tight, Lisa, and I’ll join you in a minute.”

Lisa exchanged a general greeting with the others, too nervous to offer a smile, and sat down in the second row on the end seat. Michael stepped up to the podium and welcomed them all, waited for the low hum of chatter to quiet, then opened the meeting with prayer. True to her word, Beth Anne slipped silently into the chair next to Lisa, giving Lisa’s knee a reassuring pat as she did.

Lisa sighed and let her thoughts join in as Michael’s rich, deep voice intoned an earnest praise of God’s presence in their lives, their rock in time of trouble, then sought God’s attention, help and blessings for them all.

Yes, Lord. Do You hear him? He’s a minister, so I guess You just have to listen to him. And I guess he’s first in line for receiving Your help. But I’m here, too, and I’m one of those who needs all the help I can get. I can’t afford to mess up again. Oh, by the way, thanks for the job. I can get tips as a waitress. If the court had let me work in a place that served drinks, I’d earn more, but that’s okay. I’ll work as hard as I need to, You’ll see. If only Aunt Katherine will see reason…

Fifteen minutes later, as the musicians let the opening music drift to a close, Lisa conceded that Ethan knew how to use his guitar. The man could play.

So what? Lisa mused. That didn’t cover much by way of character.

She was into character study these days—good, bad, weak, strong. Her observations of those around her had become an obsession.

The meeting covered a lot of ground. There were announcements of planned activities, most of them strictly for fun and bonding, Bible studies held in small groups, and the private counseling services that Michael offered.

Maybe she should go see him, Lisa thought. Would Beth Anne go with her?

“We officially launch an ad in two weeks,” Michael went on, “for our first big event. An all-day seminar entitled What Are You Doing for the Rest of Your Life? and subtitled, Following God’s Blueprint.”

She certainly needed that. But it was on a Saturday… Her thoughts drifted; she’d have to work.

“Blueprint?” commented one of the men. “Guess I was standing behind a door when they was passing out them things, ’cause life has sure passed me by.”

Chuckles greeted the remark, and another man answered, “Ken, you haven’t enough life in you to make a blip on the charts in the first place. Life can’t help but pass you by when it can’t even find you.”

“Then it’s an all-fired surety that God’s gotta give me something to work with for the next few years, isn’t it?” Ken parried, the lines in his face crinkling as he talked. “I’ve gotta make up for lost time. Maybe it’s a good time to ask Cindy here for a date.”

Cindy turned toward the man in cut-off jeans, his short brown hair flying every way but straight. Lisa’s gaze followed Cindy’s carefully narrowed stare.

Ken gave an exaggerated groan.

While those around her laughed, Lisa found herself wanting to smile, too. She could see this crowd liked to tease, but their friendliness included a real compassion. Slowly her muscles relaxed, and she began to enjoy the meeting.

Then Michael regained their attention, explaining who the speakers would be at the seminar, and what they hoped to cover.

“It’s a dynamite program, so it’s a good time to invite other people to come. We want to serve each other here, folks, while we’re finding or expanding our own walk with the Lord. Even though we’re a little out of the way here in River’s Edge, I don’t think people will mind if we can give them what they need. We can still become an effective force for boomers at a crossroads.”

“Sounds cool, Michael,” Pam said. “What can we do to help set up for the day?”

“We need to get the word out, mostly. And Beth Anne will need some help in taking reservations and organizing the kitchen. We’re contracting with Buck’s Barbecue for lunch, but we’ll still need some set-up and clean-up help.”

After that, Michael launched into the serious side of the meeting. He gave a message from Romans, and Lisa stilled her wandering thoughts to concentrate.

“Most of us in this group are reaching for higher gains now, more than just the material things that topped our list of needs in our twenties and thirties. We’ve somehow missed the narrow road.

“Those decades have also shown us how vulnerable we are to human mistakes. What the Bible calls sin. We’ve discovered our own weaknesses and deeper needs, and often we are anxious or depressed, and we’re desperate to feel God’s love and forgiveness. I’d like to remind you all that loving us is what God does.

“As we wrap up the evening, let’s go home with these words from Romans 8:35-39. ‘Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

‘As it is written, For Your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

‘No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

‘For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’”

Nothing? Lisa wondered. Not even her sins? The thought was reassuring, as Beth Anne had told her.

But what about this terrible thirst for revenge?

Lisa pushed the thought down, along with all the ugly reasons for feeling that she was unlovable. She clung to the soothing words of love and forgiveness. Perhaps Beth Anne was right about her needing this group.

They adjourned for coffee and refreshments, which were set up toward the back of the room. It was someone’s birthday, and Pam had brought a cake. Everyone made a production of singing “Happy Birthday,” then the people milled around, talking among themselves.

Lisa glanced at her watch. This was the point at which she wanted to run. She had to be home by ten, anyway. But with Beth Anne’s eagle eye on her, she didn’t have a chance to slip out unnoticed. When Cindy came up to speak with Beth Anne, Lisa nodded and smiled, then moved to stand at the end of the table.

Ten minutes. Then she’d leave.

“So it’s Lisa, huh? What’s the last name again?” Lisa turned to see Ethan standing behind her. She noted his brown eyes had warm amber glints, like the amber earrings she’d once owned.

“Marley.”

“I’m Ethan Vale.” He picked up a foam cup and offered, “Coffee?”

“No, thanks.” She glanced at the exit. Five. She’d give it five minutes more.

“You don’t drink coffee?”

“Sure. Sometimes.”

“But you don’t want any now? Actually, I like to watch my caffeine intake, too. Does it keep you awake? I can get you something else.”

“No. Um, thank you.” Her truck keys made a nice satisfying lump in her denim pocket. If she left now, she’d have time to run by Aunt Katherine’s house. Just to look at it. These days, she could come and go at her own choosing—as long as she was home before curfew.

“I think the kitchen has a supply of tea,” Ethan said. His inviting gaze urged her to make her request known. “Or lemonade wouldn’t bother you. How about some cake?”

“No, thanks.”

“Why not? You can’t be one of those women always on a diet.” His quick glance down her form-fitting jeans held an admiring glint.

“You can’t be one of those men who never turns down a sweet,” she countered. Everything extra she ate went right to her hips, but she wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Aw, come on. It’s chocolate.”

“So?”

“So, chocolate is one of my favorite vegetables, and I always eat my vegetables.”

Yeah, this guy thought he was cute, all right. At least two of the other women thought so, too, from the envious glances tossed her way.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” she muttered. “I have to go.”

Giving Beth Anne a quick wave, she made a beeline for the double doors.

Ethan followed her. “Hey, I’ll walk you to your car.”

“You don’t have to bother. I’m used to being on my own.”

“Really?” He opened the outside door and allowed her to precede him. “No boyfriend?”

“No.” The thought of anyone in their age group having “boyfriends” or “girlfriends” seemed ludicrous to her.

Never mind, she thought. Engaging in useless conversation that passed as flirting was another habit she’d given up. Besides, her mind kept jumping ahead. She wanted to race across the parking lot and gun the truck’s engine into action. Why had she thought it an advantage to park in the corner space?

“Did you just move here or something?” Ethan asked as they made their way across the lot.

“Yes…no. I, um, just moved to Independence.”

“I used to live in Kansas City. In Westport. But now I live here in River’s Edge. Hey, want to do a movie on Saturday?”

Lisa climbed into the truck and held her breath as she turned the key in the ignition. She sighed in relief when the engine started. Uncle Fred insisted the truck ran like a top, in spite of the body rust.

Would Aunt Katherine allow her in the house at this hour?

“So how about it?” Ethan’s tone cut into her thoughts.

“Um…can’t. Have to go, really. Nice meeting you, Ethan.”

“Okay. See you next Thursday.”

“Sure, sure….”

Maybe.

Katherine Barge, the woman Lisa had called “aunt” all her life, was really her mother’s cousin. She and her husband, Mark, lived in a forty-year-old ranch-style house in Kansas City. They’d been the only ones Lisa’s mother, Betty, could turn to for any kind of help during Lisa’s troubled youth, and they’d grudgingly given Lisa a home for a while. But Katherine’s help always carried a heavy dose of look-at-all-I’ve-done-for-you grievances and warnings of dire consequences to pay if Betty didn’t find some backbone to cope with life.

Her mother never had, Lisa admitted.

Then it became “if Lisa doesn’t mend her ways…” Katherine also berated Betty’s weakness when it came to disciplining her daughter.

Katherine enumerated Betty’s failings over supper almost every night. If Betty hadn’t chosen to marry that no-good lowlife, Rick—against her very sound advice, Katherine usually included—then she wouldn’t find herself in such a bind now. If Betty had stood up to that bully, she wouldn’t have sustained the black eyes or broken arms or been abandoned. If Betty would only snap out of this so-called depression and get a job, then she could make it on her own.

Katherine’s list stretched to include Lisa. Her teenage transgressions piled higher as the months dragged out. She didn’t clean the kitchen properly. Her skirts and her shorts were too short, her hair was worn too wild. She took forever at her homework, keeping the household up late. And if she continued to hang out with that crazy wild kid down the street, she’d find trouble.

What Katherine complained of most was the way the boys looked at Lisa.

Lisa’s answer was to make herself less and less visible at home and to find attention elsewhere. When the boys found her attractive, she responded with a slow sexy smile she’d learned from the movies.

Eventually, Lisa and her mom found an apartment of their own, but life did not improve. With her mother’s spotty work record and frequent inability to cope, Lisa grew up fast. She learned to juggle their income and bills, her schoolwork, her after-school job, the household and her mom—until Betty finally re-married and moved to Florida.

At seventeen, Lisa had been on her own. Emotionally, she still was on her own, she thought now as she waited at Aunt Katherine’s door. On her own again except for the assurance that the Lord was with her. But that was so new…she didn’t really know…

The front door opened a crack. Katherine’s lined face hardened the moment she spotted Lisa. “Oh. It’s you. Might’ve known.”

Lisa despised the fact she’d fulfilled every horrible prediction Aunt Katherine had hurled at her over the years. She had no excuses, but she’d worked diligently to turn her life around this past year.

Behind Katherine, the TV spouted the nightly news and weather. The predicted cold front already made the temperature feel icy. They’d lost the last remnant of summer, Lisa guessed. Like her. She had nothing of her youth left, and only one bright star in her future.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here at this time of night, Lisa? Past your curfew? I’m about ready for bed.”

“You know why…”

“Who is it, Kate?” Uncle Mark called as he came from the back of the house.

Lisa’s fingers tightened on her shoulder purse as she held Katherine’s severe gaze. “May I come in, Aunt Katherine?”

“She’s asleep,” Katherine snapped. “You can’t disturb her.”

“I won’t, I promise. I’ll only look at her.”

“You’re outside your visiting hours, girl. You weren’t supposed to come until Sunday.”

“I know that. Please?” Lisa despised begging, but swallowed her pride. She’d be on her knees if it would help her cause. “Please, Aunt Katherine. I can’t wait till Sunday. It’s been months—”

“Let her in, Kate.” Mark’s commanding tone had an underlying note of compassion.

Lisa held her breath. She didn’t dare acknowledge Mark’s help.

Katherine’s lips thinned, but after flashing Mark an enraged glare, she swung the door wide. “All right. But only for a minute, y’hear? If you make any trouble, then don’t expect to come here on Sunday. Now don’t you dare wake the child. She’s got nursery school in the morning.”

“She does?” Lisa stepped inside, so eager that she barely kept herself from racing to the tiny back bedroom where she’d stayed with her mother. “Oh. I didn’t know…you didn’t tell me…”

The house smelled the same—of strong disinfectant and furniture polish. A fast glimpse of the hall bathroom as she passed showed the same bowl of plastic flowers she remembered on the vanity. Only a foam ball on the floor indicated a change in her aunt’s routine.

Katherine followed close on her heels, still hissing a protest. “This isn’t wise, Lisa. If Mrs. Braddock hears about this…”

Mention of her parole officer was a threat Lisa expected.

“Mrs. Braddock would understand.” She hoped. “She has grandchildren…”

Tiptoeing, Lisa crept to the side of the white daybed that had replaced the old double bed she recalled. A small form barely raised the blanket.

Her breathing grew shallow as she gazed at her daughter. Cecily lay on her side, her tiny palm under her cheek, her mouth pink and sweetly bowed. Light-brown curls covered the little girl’s head, and Lisa tentatively brushed them with a butterfly touch. She yearned to hold her, to kiss those plump cheeks. To hear the music of her giggles and sing the duck song Cecily had loved just before they were parted.

What was her favorite song now? Did she still hate carrots? She’d grown, Lisa realized. Her limbs were longer. How tall was she now? Could she skip? Lisa could remember her little girl trying to get both feet to cooperate.

Had she forgotten her mother?

“Hi, baby,” she whispered, stroking one tiny hand.

Fierce possessiveness gripped Lisa’s heart, while silent tears gathered. She didn’t even try to stop their slide down her cheeks. Cecily was her one bright star. Lisa would do whatever she had to to get her daughter back. To protect her…

“Mommy’s here. I came to see you as soon as I could.” She was three years old, yet Cecily’s skin still felt baby-soft.

“Your five minutes are up,” Katherine said.

Lisa continued to gaze at her daughter. Hers. Not Katherine’s.

Not Rudy’s, either, in spite of the biological truth. But saddling Cecily with that knowledge wasn’t in Lisa’s plans. Getting involved with Rudy was her sin, not her daughter’s, and she’d paid dearly with humiliation and total disillusionment. At her age, too, when it was expected she’d have gained some smarts. She’d been so stupid.

Only her acceptance of God’s forgiveness had restored anything left of hope for her.

Lisa couldn’t lay the piece of garbage that Rudy was on Cecily and expect her to grow up whole, and with any self-confidence. Lisa had suffered that kind of childhood—she wouldn’t inflict it on her own daughter. And Rudy didn’t want them, a truth that had come down on her like an ancient burial stone at the time.

Oddly enough, she now thanked God for Rudy’s disinterest. Growing up without a father wasn’t the worst of sins, as she knew. Plenty of kids were raised by only one parent. She was ready to accept that the blame and blessing of Cecily’s birth was hers alone.

Only a few months ago, while in Beth Anne’s company, Lisa had vowed to God that if He’d only help her to be free of her past, she’d be the best mother to Cecily she could. She’d live her life on that narrow, sin-free path that the Bible described could be hers through Jesus, and she would teach Cecily His ways.

Now she had to prove it. To the courts. To Aunt Katherine. To herself. And to God, if she expected Him to help her.

“That’s enough,” Katherine hissed, hauling Lisa’s dreams out of the clouds. The older woman’s fingers pinched her upper arm, urging her from the room.

Giving Cecily one last glance, Lisa bit her lip. Every cell in her body protested leaving Cecily, but if she hoped to win back the right to raise her child, she had to cooperate now. She’d already pushed her luck for tonight.

“Thank you,” she murmured past the emotion that clogged her throat. She moved slowly out of the tiny bedroom and down the hall toward the living room.

“You should be grateful,” Aunt Katherine said with a sniff. “You’re lucky we’ve agreed to care for Cecily.”

“I am, Aunt Katherine. Really.” At least she knew where Cecily was, and that the child was safe and well looked after. Some of the women she’d met while serving her sentence had children in foster homes and no hope of getting them back.

“Humph… With your irresponsible behavior, I’m surprised the court didn’t step in and take her away from you altogether. And if you start that wild life—”

“That’s in the past, Aunt Katherine. I’ve changed. I’m working hard, taking all the overtime I can get at the restaurant to save money, and keeping my nose clean. Soon I’ll have enough to make a home for Cecily again. Uncle Fred can tell you.”

“Oh, Fred.” Katherine made a brushing motion as if to rid herself of a disgusting piece of lint. “What does he know? He’s just like your mother, good for nothing but partying on a Saturday night. A weak, sorry excuse of a man.”

“Well, that’s not—” Lisa caught herself. Arguing with Aunt Katherine would only antagonize her further. And there was a glimmer of truth in the accusations. But at least Uncle Fred had offered Lisa a place to live in his tiny ramshackle house until she could get on her feet. Until she could make a home for Cecily again. “Uncle Fred’s okay.”

“Still rebellious, aren’t you?”

“No, really… I have changed. I won’t make any more stupid moves.”

“Humph! Your coming here tonight doesn’t exactly show intelligence, now does it? And you’re out running the roads past your curfew. That hasn’t changed.”

“I couldn’t help myself this time, Aunt Katherine. I had to see Cecily. I’m leaving now. I’ll go straight home, I promise. I’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve heard that one before. Excuses, always excuses. From your mother and from you. Your mother couldn’t hold a job because she was always sick. You—you’re so smart that you got yourself mixed up with a married man who gave you a child, and then landed you in jail. What kind of a mother is that for Cecily? One that breaks the law! I have half a mind to call Mrs. Braddock.”

Almost out of the door, Lisa turned abruptly. She’d been home for less than a week and didn’t know her parole officer that well. “Please, Aunt Katherine…”

Catching a glimpse of triumph in Katherine’s gaze, she felt her stomach sink. Begging didn’t always help, she’d discovered.

Lisa straightened her back and lifted her chin. She was through with begging—from anyone. She was through taking any more guff, too. She was the first to admit she’d made some half-witted mistakes in judging the men in her life, but that was in the past. Beth Anne had assured her that the Lord’s forgiveness and grace was there for her, it was for anyone—a promise she clung to as her lifeline out of a hellish situation.

“You won’t have to, Aunt Katherine,” she said, determined to tell the unvarnished truth whenever it was called for, and take any knocks that came her way. “Because I’ll tell her about this myself. I’m due to see her tomorrow, and I’ll explain about coming.”

Katherine’s blue eyes glinted like granite. “You’d better get rid of that chip you carry on your shoulder, my girl, or you won’t have any friends left to listen to you whine. And you just may lose your rights to see Cecily again until the child is grown.”

This time, Katherine’s threat held a bite. Her heart in her throat, Lisa took half a step forward, facing the other woman toe to toe. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve consulted a lawyer about adopting Cecily.”

“You can’t do that, Aunt Katherine! I don’t intend to give Cecily up.”

“You’re an unfit mother! I think that will speak in the court system.”

Lisa gritted her teeth to prevent herself from saying something she’d regret. “I never once neglected Cecily, ever,” she said at last. “I made some bad choices about…about her father, that’s true, but I thought— Never mind. I love Cecily with my last breath. I won’t sign any such papers.”

“That still might not affect what a judge decides,” Katherine warned, a gleeful note in her voice.

“My life is different now.” Lisa prayed her fear wouldn’t rob her of determination to put her old ways behind her. She had changed, but she hadn’t had much time on her side to prove it. “Any judge will take that into account.”

“We’ll see, won’t we? We’ll just see.”

Those words resounded in Lisa’s ears all the way home. A threat. Rage and a sense of betrayal made her seethe. What a hard case Aunt Katherine could be. Well, she’d show her…she’d show everybody.

But in her own way, at least Aunt Katherine cared about Cecily. She would take good care of her.

Lisa shook her head to dispel her irritations. To get her daughter back, she had to look out for herself, to plan and save, to be prepared and strong. Not like before.

Lord have mercy, she’d been so gullible… At her age, too. She’d been long past the time in life when one could label such dewy-eyed trust as youthful foolishness.

Never again.

If only she could find Rudy, that double-dealing, lying two-headed snake. If she could track him down, she’d personally throttle him until his face went purple. Then she’d kick him until he couldn’t sit and truss him up like a prize deer, tie him atop the truck, and parade him all the way to the police department.

She nosed the old truck onto the gravel space that Uncle Fred used as a parking spot, picturing how silly and satisfying such a sight would be. She even felt a chuckle bubbling up at the thought. Then she sighed. Beth Anne and everyone else would say she should let the police handle Rudy. Or point out the Lord’s directive, “Revenge is mine…”

“I can’t do that just yet, Lord,” she muttered aloud. “I have to know that skunk is going to pay for what he’s done.”

If she ever got Rudy in her sights again, she’d go after him with everything she had in her power, and she didn’t envision a pretty outcome. Over the last twenty months, a number of delightful ideas had come her way. Dumping a bucket of red paint all over him as he slept was a favorite. Or hot tar…yeah, she liked that old-fashioned way of dealing with deceivers. Tar and feathers. She’d use an old feather boa or two, bright red…

What would really please her would be to see him prosecuted for his embezzlement, as she had been. But as far as she knew, he was sunning himself alongside his “poor, dying wife” somewhere on a Caribbean beach, untouchable.

Uncle Fred, white-haired and paunchy, lay sprawled across the couch listening to the late news, when she entered the small cottage-style house. The phone rang as she closed the door.

“It’s for you, Lisa.” Uncle Fred yawned widely and handed her the old-fashioned rotary phone.

“Oh? Who is it?”

“Don’t know. Same guy who called thirty minutes ago.”

Someone checking up on her? Already? Had Aunt Katherine made a complaint against her after all? She was only thirty minutes late.

“Hello?” She perched on the sagging edge of the only chair in the tiny living room.

“Hi. Lisa?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh. Glad you’re home. This is Ethan Vale.”

“Ethan? Oh, hi.” What did he want?

At Uncle Fred’s raised brows, she waved him away. He punched the TV’s off button, then left the room, heading toward the kitchen for his usual bedtime snack of crackers and milk.

“Beth Anne asked me to call to make sure you got home all right. And she wants to know if you’d like a ride to the Bible Study at Jimmy’s house. That came up after you left, I guess. We’re starting tomorrow night.”

“Who else will be there?”

“Not too sure. Cindy and Pam, probably. Me and Jimmy. We can arrange a ride for you, if you need one. Beth Anne said you might.”

Another gathering so soon? And Lisa wasn’t too keen on Bible Study. It sounded dry. All that stuff about people dead thousands of years? What would their lives have to do with hers? Up until now, she’d depended on Beth Anne to show her the Scriptures she could apply to her life.

What do you have to lose but ignorance?

The small urging came gliding through her thoughts. She’d had more of the same lately, and she found it a bit spooky sometimes. But Beth Anne thought it perfectly natural in a believer.

“Okay.” The sudden acceptance popped out of her mouth before she realized it. “I work later on Fridays. I need to get stuff ready for the evening shift. If someone can pick me up at the restaurant where I work, I’ll come. Uncle Fred is usually out on weekends, so I don’t have his car.”

“Great. I’ll make sure to be there on time.”

He would? If Ethan Vale thought this was some kind of date, then he had a rude awakening. No dating for her now or in the future, and even if there were, she sure wouldn’t choose a self-absorbed easy charmer like Ethan Vale. She was through with men. Totally, forever through with men. Romance didn’t work in her life, she’d painfully discovered. Besides, all the good men were taken.

But…if Ethan wanted to put himself out to help her, why should she care? She’d let him. His personal interest would be short-lived, anyway, because as soon as he found out about her recent troubles, he’d run scared. Men did that.

Meanwhile, she could use the promise of her new associations to impress her parole officer.

“Suit yourself.”

In the background, she suddenly heard the wail of a small child. “Daddy…”

“Uh-oh, gotta go. See you tomorrow night.”

The phone line clicked. He’d hung up.

So Ethan was a parent, too. What was his story?

It didn’t matter. She set the phone back on the scratched mahogany end table, wondering how Ethan expected to pick her up from her place of work when she hadn’t told him where to come. And how had he known she’d need a ride? What had Beth Anne told him?

“C’mon, Stacy.” Against a background of three-year-old Jordan making “vroom-vroom” engine sounds and five-year-old Tony squabbling with seven-year-old Bethany over a Game Boy, Ethan pleaded with his sister. He shifted the phone receiver and plugged his other ear. “Please? I took your kids and mine to the zoo last month, remember? For the whole day.”

“Ethan,” his sister said reasonably, “taking the kids one time doesn’t equal all the extra hours I’ve given you this past year. You have to find someone besides me to help with the kids. Like Sharon’s parents.”

He mumbled a not-very-nice comment about his in-laws as he watched his children. Tim and Barbara Long were impossible to please, they had never approved of him, and he strongly suspected that given half a chance, they would sue for custody of his children.

He ignored Stacy’s suggestion.

“You tell me to get a life, but how can I do that without help, Stace?”

He heard his sister’s long-suffering sigh. “You can’t expect me to handle all your childcare problems, Ethan. Can’t you ask Sharon’s parents for a change?”

“Uh…I don’t want to do that. Look, I have two job interviews lined up this week, and Sharon’s mom agreed to pick up Bethany and Tony after school today. That’s enough, okay? Jordan will be all right at nursery school for a bit. But I can’t ask the Longs to watch them tonight. I just can’t. They ask too many questions.”

“Uh-huh, and I had the kids over last weekend while you hung out at that Roger guy’s house. What were you doing all that time anyway? You were over an hour late picking them up.”

“Yeah, but that Roger guy is a top fiddle player and we had a hot session. We’re sounding better than ever, sis. Still Western swing, but fresher.”

His sister sighed into the phone again. “Your band sounding good doesn’t guarantee a steady living, Ethan. Can’t you see it? You’re riding a slippery slope here. If Sharon were alive…”

“But she isn’t, Stacy,” he said with a quiet reserve, “and I can’t live the rest of my life in an image that no longer fits.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Stacy sounded mollified, but continued scolding in her gentle way. “But when are you going to get a real job again? You’ve been out of work for almost five months, Ethan. Is either of these two interviews likely to bring you into the fold?”

Into Stacy’s idea of a family fold, Ethan realized. He struggled with the expression for a few moments.

“Uh…well, maybe.” He wasn’t completely out of money yet. And he’d return to the banking world as a last resort. He found banking—numbers, mortgages, interest rates and stock market going up and down—boring. Interacting with people, having fun playing his music as he’d done in college—that was much more satisfactory.

Sharon had never agreed, and he’d gone along with her idea of the family fold. He’d settled into a seventeen-year banking career that had pleased both her and her parents. Oh, yeah. He’d made the money….

For a long time, he and Sharon had lived a great up-and-coming young professional’s existence. He admitted he’d enjoyed part of it. They jaunted and partied, bought a mid-sized house in a snazzy lake community, and traded cars every three years. He liked to cook and often played chef for a host of friends, devising elaborate menus from TV chefs. People loved his dinners.

Sharon felt passionate about her career in retail upper management and had been happy enough to postpone having children. He’d been the nag, wanting children sooner rather than later, but he’d let Sharon choose her time. Then bing, bing, bing, three babies in less than five years.

And a year after Jordan was born, his wife had suddenly died of an unsuspected heart aneurysm.

Two years ago…two long years…rough years.

He’d plunged himself into caring for the children, getting through his demanding days at the bank with the promise of their welcoming smiles. For a long time that was enough. It kept him from crying too much, that unmanly pastime that he did only in the deepest night when nobody could see except God and himself.

His music soothed him, and from it he took encouragement. If only Stacy knew that he was digging himself out of the doldrums, she wouldn’t scold him so much.

The house was always in shambles, though. A series of housekeepers helped a little, and he wasn’t so pressured to run the vacuum or take care of laundry, but it seemed impossible to keep them.

Then this last year he’d slowly wakened to a feeling of overwhelming loneliness. He wanted adult company—needed other adults in his life. He also needed to change his life, make it count in a different way. Those feelings came just about the time his bank was merged into a larger one. His position disappeared, and he wondered—what next? Another bank?

He’d thought about it long and hard, for months now. He wanted a business of his own creation, one that appealed to him. And it would be totally different from banking.

Slowly a plan emerged.

He wanted a restaurant; not too large, and with a small lead staff. He wanted a corner stage for a live musical group to entertain customers. It was a leftover dream from his college days, he knew, and he wasn’t sure if he could make it work. But he wanted to try, to give it all he had. It would provide a place he could indulge his love of playing, of performing. It might not make him wealthy, but it would give him peace.

He’d tossed his ideas around with Mike Faraday. Mike had pointed out that perhaps God was giving him an opportunity for the change in his life that he desired.

To have a new beginning. And he agreed.

As his severance pay diminished, he’d sold the lakeside house and moved into smaller digs. Without Sharon, the fancy house felt too big, anyway. His profit from the sale gave him a financial cushion, but not enough to finance his restaurant scheme. He had to have solid backing, and he couldn’t go much longer without a steady income, either.

Maybe he was a dreamer. Sharon wouldn’t have approved, and neither had her parents when he’d mentioned the idea. He hadn’t a jot of restaurant experience, they pointed out, and his chances of failure were high. Plus, they argued, he had an obligation to support the children in a way that their daughter would have wanted.

Still, the dream only grew stronger.

“Daddy, Tony’s gonna hit me,” Bethany declared, her little chin thrust out as she glared at her brother. Her voice yanked Ethan back to the situation at hand.

“It’s mine,” Tony insisted. The boy squinted defiantly at his sister, his small hands balled into fists.

Ethan swooped Tony up by the waist just as he let a fist fly, missing Bethany by inches.

“Okay, Stacy…”

Without a word to Bethany, Ethan set the squirming Tony on his feet, yards away from his sister. Then he took the Game Boy out of her hands, leaving her to sputter, and put it high on a kitchen shelf in time out.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” he said into the phone. “I’ll watch your two while you and that hubby of yours take a getaway weekend.”

“Now you’re talking,” Stacy crowed. “Fitch will be thrilled. Next weekend?”

“Ahh…next weekend…” He hedged, his thoughts rapidly reviewing his options. One whole weekend shot, but then he’d have achieved payback. And often, the kids fought less with their cousins around.

He hemmed a moment, then let his sister pounce.

“Next weekend, buddy boy, or it’s a no-go. Fitch and I need a break. Two days and two nights.”

“Two nights?” Hiding his elation, he teased her with an exaggerated groan. He couldn’t let his sister think she’d let him off too easy.

“Yep. Friday and Saturday. And you provide tonight’s pizza.”

“All right, you got it. I’ll see you soon.”

He’d drop his children at Stacy’s house on his way to pick up Lisa Marley.

Lisa wiped the last empty table in her station at the restaurant where she worked. The dinner rush in full swing, she headed toward the kitchen with a tray of dirty dishes. Returning, she refilled coffee cups for the lingering diners at table twelve, handed menus to the newly seated table ten, then checked the time. Thirty minutes till Sally came in at seven. Thirty minutes until her long shift ended.

She’d been on her feet since before the restaurant opened at six that morning. But Sally had needed a favor, and Lisa was glad for the extra time. Besides, tomorrow being Saturday, she’d work only a half shift.

And then on Sunday she could see Cecily. For two whole hours, she’d be allowed to play with her daughter. To hold her, talk to her. The thought was the only thing keeping her going….

Afterwards, maybe she’d borrow Uncle Fred’s truck again to drive out to the evening service at Blue River Valley Community Church. Beth Anne talked so lovingly of the members there, Lisa hoped…well, maybe some of them wouldn’t freak out if they knew she’d served time. She wouldn’t tell them, though, not if she could help it.

Fingering her pocketful of change, Lisa gauged it to be about five or six dollars. Enough to buy Cecily a book if she had the time and opportunity to run by a store. Her tips in bills amounted to forty-eight dollars. Pretty good for a no-alcohol-served family eating place. Saturdays were always good.

Night tips were better. She’d take nights quick as a blink, except Mrs. Braddock thought it better for her to work days until she’d proved herself. And a year under Mrs. Braddock’s watchful eye wasn’t forever, she reminded herself.

Waitressing didn’t pay as well as her office manager position had, and wasn’t the easiest job in the world. But no one questioned past references too closely, either. And Lisa was learning to be good at the work.

In all probability, she’d never become the cashier. Too many doubts from her manager. Nor would she gain another job as an accountant-slash-office manager. Most firms didn’t put much trust in a convicted embezzler.

Returning from filling salt shakers, she spotted a new customer at the counter. Ethan Vale.

His dark hair appeared loosely brushed and needed a trim. He folded his hands, resting them on the countertop as he acknowledged her slight nod. His mouth curved upward. She noted his short, clean nails. A man who kept his nails neat always impressed her.

“You’re early.” Without conscious thought, she smoothed the apron over the food-spattered white blouse. Perhaps it had been a mistake to agree to let him pick her up at work. She didn’t want people from New Beginnings coming in here, snooping. She didn’t want anyone at work to know of her personal life, either.

Besides, she hadn’t had a chance even to brush her hair since noon, much less check her makeup. She handed him a menu.

“Yeah, got lucky,” he said, flashing a half smile that did more than merely hint at charm. It lit his face with warmth and made her want to see that grin full-blown.

“Hope you know that’s the only luck you’ll get today,” she snapped. Too much charm made her jittery.

He chuckled, his light-brown eyes gleaming with humor. “Not that kind of luck. I’m not looking. Well, not right away, I’m not. What I mean is my sis offered to take my kids to an animated movie with hers. They’ll stay the night.”

At the mention of his children, Lisa let a twist of envy dissolve before saying, “That’s nice. But I can’t leave until my replacement comes in. Want something while you wait?”

“Like what?” He shrugged off his denim jacket as though to settle down.

“You aren’t eating supper here, are you?” Dismay was evident in her tone, and she could have kicked herself for making him aware of her turmoil.

He raised a brow. “Coffee will do.”

A surge of customers kept her busy after that. Sally rushed in, later than she’d promised, and by the time Lisa changed clothes in the ladies’ room, they were already late for the Bible Study.

Ethan waited for her out front.

“Sorry,” she mumbled as they reached Ethan’s car, aware she was falling into an old pattern of apologizing for something she couldn’t control.

Uncle Fred had dropped her off at work that morning. She hated to depend on anyone else for anything. It threw her into a panic of defense about causing so much bother. Men hated a bothersome woman.

“Was it your fault?”

“Not really, no.”

“Then you don’t have to apologize. You couldn’t leave before now or you’d have left your employer in a bind.”

She slid a glance his way. Did he really believe that or was he only being nice? She took a deep breath and let it out. He was right about one thing. She would no longer apologize for something that wasn’t her fault or that she couldn’t control.

“How far to Jimmy’s house?”

“Twenty minutes. Relax. It’s no big deal if we’re a little late.”

“So you say. It’ll be over soon after we get there.”

“On a Friday night? No one’s likely to rush home.”

True enough. Lisa hadn’t thought of that. “I have to be home by ten.”

“Ten?”

“Yes. Ten.”

“Why?”

“I just do.”

“Do you have a late date?”

Outraged, Lisa shot a glare his way. He stopped for a red light and returned her stare, his lids at half mast. “Well? It doesn’t matter to me, I only want to know, since we’re cutting our Bible Study down to a scant hour, what’s so important.”

“It’s not a late date, but even if it were, it wouldn’t be any of your business,” she practically growled at him. How dare this man question her? “It’s just something I have to do. Be home by ten. Every night.”

“That’s—”

“Don’t say it. If you can’t get me home by ten, then maybe you’d better let me out at the next convenience store with a phone.”

She had her hand on the door handle.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to do that.”

“I’m not ridiculous, only realistic.”

“Leaving you stranded is ridiculous. Come on, Lisa. I’m sorry I was nosy. Sheesh! Lighten up, okay?”

“Fine. Let’s just forget it. What’s the study to cover tonight?”

He remained quiet for a moment.

“Dunno, but it wouldn’t hurt if we took a look at Corinthians. First, thirteen.”

“Why? What’s that?”

“Oh, you know. Love is patient, kind, not rude and so on…”

This wasn’t shaping up to be a fun evening, Lisa decided. That’s all she needed—someone else to lecture her.

“You pompous jerk. I—”

“Slow down, Lisa,” he said. “I meant me. I need that teaching. I couldn’t begin to judge whether you do or not. Only you would know your own state of mind. Now let’s call a truce, please?”

She remained silent as he parked the car in the lot, then led her to Jimmy’s townhouse. Once they were inside, they headed to opposite sides of the living room. Lisa found a place to sit on the floor with a cushion, remaining quiet throughout the ongoing Bible Scriptures and discussion.

At nine-thirty, while Ethan and Jimmy were totally absorbed in their music, Lisa quietly begged a ride home with Pam. Ethan didn’t even notice her leaving, she thought as she slipped out the door behind Pam. She’d left Cindy to tell Ethan he’d lost one passenger to gain another. Cindy didn’t have to be home until whatever hour she wanted.

“I sure appreciate this,” she told Pam. “This way Ethan can stay as long as he likes.”

“No problem,” said Pam. “My boys are older now, so I don’t have to rush right home. I can drop you off easily.”

Partying, even innocently, was a thing of the past for her, Lisa mused as she slid into Pam’s brown compact. She had to take all her activities seriously from now on. She had little room in her life for an irresponsible charmer.

At eleven-twenty, Uncle Fred’s phone rang. Uncle Fred didn’t own an answering machine, and he wouldn’t be home till the wee hours of the morning. It was unlikely the call was from anyone other than Ethan.

Lisa let the phone ring. Ethan could be as mad as a rain-slogged rooster, but it wouldn’t make a whit of difference to her. He’d go find another woman to charm.

Yet she counted the rings. Ten, eleven, twelve.

“Quitter,” she muttered after the last one died away.

Lisa had come into work at six in the morning. She pushed the previous evening from her mind. No use thinking about it—it hadn’t caused her to lose any sleep. Today was today and she had to put on a smile and be dependable and friendly to keep her job.

She prided herself on her good memory and had no trouble remembering orders. She had eight or nine tables to care for, depending on how efficient Josie, the other waitress, was. Lisa didn’t mind the hard work.

Toward ten in the morning she discovered Ethan at table five. What was he doing here? She hadn’t seen him come in.

When she arrived at his booth, his eyes were lowered as he studied the menu. Beside him, a small face peeped up at her, barely above the tabletop. One of his children, she supposed. The little boy stared at Lisa with wide, bright eyes.

Her guard went up. She wouldn’t be suckered into liking the child. She couldn’t afford to give any more love away. It hurt too much when it wasn’t returned.

She stood waiting, pad and pencil poised, then said politely, “Hi. How may I help you?”

“Stop being mad at me,” Ethan said without raising his eyes.

Her breath caught. How could he possibly read her like that? Know that she’d been miffed? No hello or how are you?

“I’m not mad at you,” she said, denying his claim without emotion. “I’m not anything with you.”

“Then why did you run out on me last night?” He looked up directly into her eyes.

Disconcerted, she blinked.

His brown eyes glinted softly, but they still demanded an answer.

She looked away, then back. She struggled to keep her cool. To keep her emotions under control. “You were busy. I didn’t see what difference it made who took me home.”

One dark brow lifted. “I did. I was worried about you. When I’m responsible for seeing someone home, then you bet it makes a difference.”

“Well, I…” Flushing with guilt, she felt like squirming while her mind searched for a reason. A legitimate one. In the past no one had called her on her excuses.

“And you didn’t answer the phone,” he accused.

She couldn’t lie. That was something the old Lisa would’ve done in a New York minute. But she couldn’t stand here talking all morning either, or she’d be in trouble. Her boss was already frowning at her.

“No, I didn’t.” She stood straighter, giving him a narrow-eyed stare. The truth wasn’t that hard to deliver, she assured herself. But she supposed she had been a bit rude. “I’m really sorry.” The words came out with a squeak. “Is that better? Now, may I please take your order?”

“Good enough, I guess. I’ll have coffee and a sweet roll.” He glanced at the child. “Jordan will have chocolate milk. Won’t you, sport?”

Jordan nodded, smiling at Lisa as he snuggled against his father. His thick hair lay against his head smoothly, except where it stuck up against his father’s arm. Lisa couldn’t help herself—her fingers itched to brush it back in place. Her heart melted and she smiled down at him.

“Okay, one chocolate milk coming up,” she said. “Coffee and sweet roll.”

She hurried to fill Ethan’s order, and when she returned to their table with their items, she glanced down at the two of them. Another customer took the seat in booth three, so she headed immediately to take her order.

Focused on her work, Lisa paid Ethan no more direct attention. Ethan didn’t talk to her again, but when he left, he waved cheerily and smiled a friendly goodbye. The little guy smiled at her, too. Waving back, she realized he was about the right age to play with Cecily.

But would Ethan still want to be friends after he found out about her past? She didn’t think so.

She couldn’t allow him to become that close. It wasn’t worth the risk of having the friendship fail. Besides, Cecily came first. That was all that mattered.

Without realizing it, Lisa relaxed. Ethan could be a pretty good friend, she guessed, if someone was looking for that. But she’d better keep him an acquaintance. His friendship was not for her.

On Sunday, Lisa had Uncle Fred’s truck. She wasn’t causing Uncle Fred any trouble. He liked to sleep late on Sunday, and then putter around his yard.

Excited, she’d dressed with extra care, wearing a brown print skirt and creamy blouse. They were new. Uncle Fred had given them to her especially for today.

Today was the day she’d see Cecily.

She drove to church, nerves already making butterflies in her stomach. The parking lot was almost full, so she chose a spot on the street.

I can do this. I can go in, listen to the sermon and like it…God’s word, after all, so it’s bound to be good. Beth Anne said people were friendly….

Lisa got out of the truck and strolled to the entrance of the main church building. She nodded a hello to the greeter and went in to the service. Taking a seat in the last row, her hands wrapped around the carved edge of the pew and she told herself to relax. Next to her, a family of four were busy getting settled. They didn’t speak.

It was a good thing she’d been at this church once before, she thought as she looked around. It wasn’t completely strange. Her jumping nerves quieted as the service began.

She spotted Beth Anne sitting with her husband and Pastor Faraday on chairs behind the podium. Beth Anne was wearing a stylish multi-print dress. Lisa had never seen her in anything but casual clothes before, or with her brown hair so sleek and shiny. She thought her friend looked gorgeous.

It was a rather formal service, unlike the lively Thursday-night gathering. Pastor Faraday gave the Scripture devotion and opening prayer, leaving the main sermon to Pastor Hostetter, Beth Anne’s husband.

The sermon seemed to creep along. It wasn’t half over before Lisa surreptitiously glanced at her watch. Two more hours till she could see Cecily.

I could listen better if this wasn’t the day, Lord. Help me to concentrate….

Glancing about her, Lisa spotted a woman she’d noticed Thursday night. Tall, with hair as pale as moonshine, she was sitting with an older woman who shared the same hair color. A relative, no doubt. What was her name? Lisa wondered. Her expression was grave. Somber. What was she thinking? Was she unhappy about something?

The service finally came to a close. Lisa shot to her feet; she wanted to shove through the crowd, to get in the truck and speed her way to Aunt Katherine’s.

But it was too early. Her aunt wouldn’t be home yet from her own church service. She’d want time to relax and change clothes. She wouldn’t let Lisa in before the arranged time, anyway. Not before one o’clock.

Lisa decided to linger, knowing Beth Anne would eventually come down to talk to her. She let the crowd go around her while she waited. Then two girls, both about twelve, ran up to Beth Anne and started talking.

The girls would be there forever, Lisa mused, so she turned to join the exiting crowd, jostled between an elderly man and a couple of teens. Pastor Faraday waited at the doors, greeting and shaking hands with worshipers. She didn’t want to be acknowledged like the other worshipers, so she slipped by unnoticed; she felt a little lost among the strange faces anyway.

Outside, she paused. The October sun lay half-hidden behind a cloud. She shivered and pulled her jacket collar closer.

It was only a little past twelve. What could she do until the appointed time?

“Lisa.”

She turned to see Beth Anne, her brown hair bouncing about her shoulders, racing toward her. “Hi, Lisa. I’m glad I caught you. I’m so glad you came today.”

“I wanted to come.” And in spite of the slow-moving sermon, Lisa realized she was glad. She’d just been restless and preoccupied. Besides, going to church was a promise she needed to keep, and it might as well be this church as any other. This was God’s house, after all. She needed to make new friends, and here, she at least knew Beth Anne.

“Who is that?” she asked, watching the tall woman she’d noticed inside move away from Michael Faraday while her companion remained talking. The woman limped badly, and her long legs were hidden by dark slacks and sturdy shoes. She managed to make her way toward the parking lot slowly. When she turned to see where her companion was, Lisa could tell that she was in pain. “Isn’t she a member of New Beginnings?”

“Sharp eye, Lisa. Yes, that’s Samantha.” Beth Anne spoke tentatively, showing her concern for the woman. “Thursday was the first time for her at New Beginnings, as well. She needs friends, I think.”

“She is so beautiful,” Lisa marveled. “I’d think she’d have loads of friends already. She looks familiar, but I can’t think why. And why is she limping?”

“A bad accident. And the reason she seems familiar is that she’s a famous model. When she was younger, she was on the covers of many a magazine, under the name Samantha Kim. And you can’t see it from this distance, but one side of her face is badly scarred.” Beth Anne lowered her voice. “She needs plastic surgery, but…well, she came home to recover.”

“Oh… I’m very sorry.” Someone else who wanted to hide from life, Lisa guessed.

“Well, I really have to go.” She suddenly wanted to share her excitement with Beth Anne. “I’m going to see my little girl today. Can you believe it? I can play with her—” and hug and kiss her, cuddle her, see her smile, hear her laughter “—for two whole hours!”

Beth Anne placed her hand on Lisa’s arm, her green eyes warm with empathy. “Oh, Lisa. How purely wonderful. I’m sure you’ll be blessed by this afternoon. I’ll pray the visit goes well. Call me afterwards, won’t you? And tell me all about the visit?”

“Oh, yes. Yes, I will.” Lisa felt a sudden gratitude toward her friend. “Thank you, Beth Anne.”

Gratified that her friend wanted to hear about her first visit with her daughter, Lisa felt lighter. As she left the church, her elation flamed high with hope. She’d shared her feelings with a friend, something she had not done for a long time.

She climbed into the old rusted truck and picked up the fuzzy pink bunny she’d bought that morning for Cecily. She’d stopped at a convenience store for gas, and there it was on the counter. She couldn’t resist it.

An enormous pink polka-dot bow circled the bunny’s neck. She hoped her daughter liked the stuffed animal.

She would only be about fifteen minutes early now, if she drove at snail speed, Lisa figured, nibbling at her lower lip as she started the truck.

A short while later, she parked the truck in front of Aunt Katherine’s shotgun-style house. She glanced up the hard concrete steps to the wooden porch. As a teenager, she’d spent some tough times in that house. But Cecily was only three. She wasn’t yet old enough to wonder why Aunt Katherine was such a harsh disciplinarian. She wouldn’t be there long enough to suffer under the same difficult conditions as Lisa had.

Not if Lisa could do something to prevent it.

She wondered if her aunt and uncle were home from church. The garage was in the back of the house off the alley, and she couldn’t see if the car was there. Should she wait in the truck or risk Aunt Katherine’s wrath by knocking on the door?

She’d wait.

Oh, dear Lord, please help me now. Please let this visit go well. I want so much for Cecily to love me…. I want her back, God. I had no choice when I left her in Aunt Katherine’s care. I’ll be a good mother, I promise! Oh, yes…without trouble from Aunt Katherine, if You can swing that. But knowing Aunt Katherine, I doubt it. Anyway, I just want today to go okay, all right? Thanks.

She felt calmer. She always did after praying, something she’d learned to do at Beth Anne’s urging.

Taking out her small notebook, she checked her to-do list for the week. It didn’t consist of much. Work, work and more work. But squeezed on the line for Thursday evening were the words New Beginnings.

Funny…she thought of the meeting she’d attended. It wasn’t something she would have gone to before her prison term. Prison term… She might as well say it and be done with it. Nothing was the way the way it had been before; nothing was left from her old life.

Well…that was good, wasn’t it?

She kept a watch on the house. At promptly one o’clock, she headed up the walk. She suppressed a desire to chase up there and pound on the door, but the thought made her smile slightly.

Aunt Katherine answered the door with her usual sober expression.

“All right. I saw you sitting out in front waiting—smiling as you came up here. Well, you might smile now, my girl, but I’m warning you. You behave yourself.”

“Thank you, Aunt Katherine.” Lisa used a demure voice. There would be no shouting today. No ugly talk.

Right away, she heard a child’s chattering from the kitchen. Her child. Her heart felt like a drum, picking up its beat.

“Cecily?” Her voice was tentative as she walked toward the kitchen. She paused in the doorway.

The little girl, distracted by Lisa’s voice, gazed up at her. Too big for a high chair, Cecily was dwarfed in the regular kitchen chair she was sitting in. She’d been eating lunch. A bit of green bean stuck to her chin.

“We left her in her Sunday dress for your visit.” Aunt Katherine spoke as though she’d made a great sacrifice. She believed in changing clothes the minute a person returned home from church. “This one time.”

Cecily wore a pink Sunday dress, with tucks and lace and little puffed sleeves. She looked so darling, Lisa thought, as though she’d stepped out of a picture book. But Lisa understood Aunt Katherine’s message. There would be no repeat of this one kind thing she’d done for Lisa.

“That’s nice of you,” she acknowledged. “Thank you.”

“We’re just about through,” Uncle Mark said. He lifted Cecily down from her chair, then grabbed a napkin to wipe her chin.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Lisa bent over, her voice wobbling as she swallowed hard. Don’t rush her. She hasn’t seen you in such a long time. You have to get acquainted with her all over again.

“Hi,” Cecily said, looking up at her with curiosity.

Lisa went to her knees to be on the same level. “I’ve come to see you especially. Do—do you know wh-who I am?”

The little girl shook her head.

“I’m your m-mommy. You used to live with me, do you remember?”

Fascinated, Cecily shook her head again.

“Do you remember the duck song?” Lisa began singing softly, “This little duck, once I knew…”

A light dawned in Cecily’s eyes. She chuckled as Lisa sang. “Big duck, fat duck, little ones, too…”

Cecily laughed with glee. Lisa smiled too, elation filling her, and kept on singing. When she got toward the end, Cecily sang “Quack, quack, quack” right along with her.

“Of course, you remember,” Lisa said, laughing, the tears streaming down her face.

“Why are you crying?” Cecily asked. “Do you have a boo-boo?”

“No, sweetie, I’m just happy to see you,” Lisa explained. Unable to help herself, she gently brushed the curls from Cecily’s forehead. Her little girl talked so much better now than when she’d left. In complete sentences.

Then she rose and pulled a tissue from her pocket to wipe her eyes.

“Why don’t you go into the front room now,” suggested Aunt Katherine, not unkindly for a change.

“Yes, let’s do that,” Lisa agreed. Brightly, she hoped, for Cecily’s sake.

She held out her hand to her daughter. “I have a little gift for you.”

Cecily hesitated, then placed her small fingers in Lisa’s. They felt so soft and tiny. Lisa could feel each little one.

When they reached the front room, Lisa sank down on the edge of the sofa, where she’d dropped her package when she came in. Cecily leaned against her knees, and the contact with her little body nearly sent Lisa into tears again. She held the bunny out for Cecily.

A squeal greeted the offering. “Bunny!”

Cecily inspected the stuffed animal while Lisa inspected her. Her curls were a soft ash brown, her skin rose-colored. She had Lisa’s eyes, and delicate hands like Lisa’s mother. Had this glorious child come from her? She’s a gem…a beautiful gem, Lisa thought.

After a few moments, Lisa handed her the book she’d also brought. Cecily tore at the wrapping paper. “A book!”

Cecily cuddled close beside her on the sofa, hugging the bunny, while Lisa read to her.

By the time Lisa’s visit was coming to an end, Cecily’s eyes were drooping. Lisa didn’t have the heart to keep the little girl awake any longer. She carried the child to bed, helped her out of her dress, then tenderly tucked a light blanket over her. Cecily’s eyes closed. Finally, Lisa knelt on the floor to watch her sleep.

She sat that way for ten long minutes.

“Time to go.” Aunt Katherine had been very generous. She hadn’t interfered with the visit.

“I know.” Lisa didn’t move.

“Lisa…”

“Yes, I’m going.”

She rose, gave Cecily one last gentle kiss, then marched out. “I’ll be back Thursday afternoon.”

Aunt Katherine’s voice took on its usual caustic tone as she followed Lisa toward the front door. “Yes, I expect you will. But be on time, please. And you can’t spoil the child by bringing her presents each time you come. That’ll have to stop.”

Lisa stopped walking. She slowly turned to stare at Aunt Katherine. The woman would never cease trying to run Lisa’s life. And she wanted permanent custody of Cecily?

Aunt Katherine had said nothing further about the custody issue. Maybe she’d dropped the idea.

Lisa clamped her mouth on a sharp retort. If she wasn’t careful, her aunt’s vindictive attitude could be catching. But now was not the time to challenge her.

“I’ll stop after a time, Aunt Katherine. You are quite right, Cecily would come to expect them. I won’t spoil her.”

The older woman stared at Lisa with suspicion. She didn’t seem mollified by Lisa’s quiet capitulation. It only made her leery.

Keep calm…give her a reasonable answer….

Lisa cleared her throat and continued. “But just now, I want to give my daughter everything I can. I’ve been apart from her for eighteen months. I’ve missed eighteen months of her life. Can’t you understand, Aunt Katherine? I can afford only little gifts now. I can’t give her a home, or food, or clothing or…or…the things you’ve given her for those eighteen months. You needn’t be jealous.”

“I…jealous?” Aunt Katherine’s mouth set in hard lines, and her voice became icy. “You mistake me, my girl. I am not jealous. What have I to be jealous about? But I warn you, Lisa. Don’t give Cecily any more presents. It will be hard on the child when you stop. And I’ll throw them out if you do.”

Throw them out? Aunt Katherine would do it, too. She could be that mean, never giving a thought to how it might affect Cecily.

Lisa had to be careful not to give her aunt further reason to fight her return.

“All right, Aunt Katherine.” Lisa kept her tone even. She’d made a mistake in implying jealousy. Her aunt didn’t admit to such an emotion in herself. “I’ll…see you Thursday.”

Giving in to Aunt Katherine’s demands galled Lisa. Just as in the old days, it would be hard to keep her anger down. But she must behave with the utmost care now. She didn’t dare stir her aunt to greater ire.

Yet Aunt Katherine’s threat lingered.

Lisa curled herself into a ball that night, buried her face against a pillow and cried herself to sleep. She had to get Cecily back. She missed her so….

And if left to Aunt Katherine’s rules, Cecily was likely to turn into a royal little robot…or rebel.

No…no, she couldn’t let her daughter turn out the way she had.

The smothered sobs came as hard as they had when she’d first been sent to prison. She hadn’t wanted to leave her little girl, or give over custody to Aunt Katherine. But the alternative was to place Cecily into the foster care system, and what choice was that? There wasn’t anyone else who could care for little Cecily except Aunt Katherine. And Lisa hadn’t wanted her child to see her mother in prison, either.

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