Оглавление
Christine Hassler. 20 Something Manifesto
PRAISE FOR 20 SOMETHING MANIFESTO
20 SOMETHING. MANIFESTO. Quarter-Lifers Speak Out about Who They Are, What They Want, and How to Get It. CHRISTINE HASSLER
CONTENTS
EXERCISES
PREFACE
INTRODUCTION
WELCOME TO THE. TWENTY SOMETHING MANIFESTO
WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN WE ARE DIFFERENT
YOUR TWENTY-SOMETHING TOUR GUIDE
CREATING A. TWENTY-SOMETHING COMMUNITY
PART 1. TWENTY SOMETHING IS TWENTY EVERYTHING
CHECKLISTERS AND PLANNERS
DECLARATION: By trying to convince myself that my hardwork will result in a successful life in the future, I’m afraid thatI am truly missing out on my life right now
Take Anxiety and Regret and Shove It . . . into the Present!
THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY PARALYSIS
DECLARATION: My fear is the constant wonder whether or notwhat I’m doing with my twenty-something years is right
There Is No “Right” Thing
Do You Get Inspired and Then Feel Bad?
INSTANT-GRATIFICATION GENERATION
DECLARATION: Too much opportunity andtoo many options left me paralyzed.I wasn’t thinking about anything but what I wanted
CHAMPAGNE TOASTS. AND EXPECTATION HANGOVERS
DECLARATION: Don’t give up on your dreams,but don’t be afraid to tweak them a bit
BLINDED BY SELF-FOCUS
DECLARATION: We are so focused on being and doingthat we are losing sight of the big picture
THE PETER PAN SYNDROME
DECLARATION: Despite my unknown future,I will keep working to find change, driving to be successful,and most important, having fun and enjoying lifeto the fullest as my direction takes its time to unfold
STUCK IN NEVER-NEVER LAND
DECLARATION: I tell myself that I still have plenty of timeto change my life and figure out what I want to do,but I lack the desire to start that process
THIS IS MY LIFE?
GOALS VERSUS EXPECTATIONS
YOUR EXPECTATION OR MINE?
“COMPARE, REGRET, AND PANIC!” by Erin, 27. DECLARATION: At my age I feelI should be doing a lot more with my life
“HOW” IS NOT AS HARD AS YOU THINK
I DON’T, I HAVEN’T, THEREFORE I WON’T
If You Are Going to Take Yourself to Trial, At Least Have a Case!
EXPECTATION HANGOVER R X
“DETOUR” by Lisa, 27. DECLARATION: My twenty-something years have turned outto be a huge realization that I’m not who or where I hadpictured myself to be . . . and that’s okay
Don’t Hang Out in Your Hangover
Be Proactive Rather Than Reactive
“RECOVERING FROM A HANGOVER” by Aurora, 23. DECLARATION: Overcoming Expectation Hangovers is allabout finding balance as well as making an effort to recognizeall the positives in your life and being grateful for them
Practice Gratitude; Be of Service
“GETTING MORE THAN I GAVE” by Lauren, 25. DECLARATION: Life often brings unexpected lessons, and I havelearned to embrace them as the most important lessons of all
PART 2. WHO AM I? The Self-Awareness Continuum
THE TWENTIES TRIANGLE
“WHO AM I?” — AWARENESS CONTINUUM. Basic. Approximate ages: 20–24
Investigative
Integrated. Approximate ages: 27–30
PARDON MY DUST: UNDER CONSTRUCTION
“STRANGER IN THE MIRROR” by Phil, 22. DECLARATION: I’m anxious because I don’t know who I am,and until I do, I don’t know where I’m going
MORE, BETTER, DIFFERENT
“MY LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH ME” by Kimberly, 21. DECLARATION: I’m not doing things anymore to be moreor better or different; I’m doing them to improvethe parts of my life that are okay the way they are
NOTHING IS DREADFULLY WRONG, YET NOTHING FEELS RIGHT
KILL YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS
GROWN-UP GROWING PAINS
“MY GROWN-UP LIFE” by Noelle, 26. DECLARATION: I am waiting for some sort of a finaleto this dizzying journey where I declare, “I have officiallyfinished growing up. I know exactly who I am!”
LEARNING TO TRUST
“HEADINESS” by Alexandra, 24. DECLARATION: I’ve learned that self-trust is all about living avibrant life and strengthening a relationship with myself
“AT TRUST’S DOORSTEP” by Gretchen, 28. DECLARATION: Trust that everything you experience isfor a reason. Though you may feel completely disconnectedfrom the rest of the world, keep walking,for you will get to the other side of the road
EMBRACING YOUR BAD SELF
“MY JOB IS NOT MY IDENTITY” by Liz, 28. DECLARATION: I am in charge of the actual qualitiesthat make my life worth living
Personalized Success
PARENTS ARE JUST PEOPLE
“SEEING MY MOM AND DAD FOR WHO THEY ARE” by Victoria, 28. DECLARATION: Seeing my mom and dad as people,not just parents, has helped me learn about myself
SUPPORTING THE JOURNEY: FAITH AND COMMUNITY
“MY SPIRITUAL GROWTH” by Elissa, 29. DECLARATION: I stopped caring as much aboutwhat others thought of me, and focused more on whatI needed to make myself more comfortable
Cultivating a Spiritual Practice
PART 3. NAVIGATING THE TWENTIES TRIANGLE
WELCOME ABOARD: GETTING YOUR SEA LEGS
“CONFESSIONS OF A STRAIGHT-A SLACKER” by Caitlin, 23. DECLARATION: I was extremely motivated as a student,but when it came to planning for my future, I was paralyzed
Truly Experience Your Experiences
Smart Slacking
“SWEET UNCERTAINTY” by Ann, 22. DECLARATION: What do I want? A wonderful question —however, the answers appear to be far from my grasp
If It Feels Right, Don’t Move
Shifting Your Attention
NOODLE THROWING
“JOB JUMPER” by Steve, 26. DECLARATION: I seem to be figuring out what I don’t want to doa lot more than I am figuring out what I actually do want to do
The Process of Elimination
“MUSINGS ON NOT BEING A PEDIATRICIAN” by Kristin, 24. DECLARATION: My path toward finding the right jobhas been an overwhelmingly unsatisfying questto please others and flaunt my degree
Be Willing to Make a Few Bad Dishes
“CHOOSING MY OWN ADVENTURE” by Lindsey, 29. DECLARATION: We can’t cheat and sneak a peekat the potential outcomes of our decisions. We have to live our adventures one page at a time
“THEY DON’T TEACH SELF-DISCOVERY IN COLLEGE” by Natalie, 26. DECLARATION: Now that I have found the paththat truly fits me, I am inspired to keep learning,growing, and challenging myself
Listening to Your Intuition
FINDING YOUR STRIDE
Developing Your Own GPS
Tune Out “Shoulds”
“LISTENING TO MYSELF” by Jess, 28. DECLARATION: The answers become clearwhen you commit to taking a first step
Your Life IQ
Balancing Act
Not Independence: Interdependence
“THE SELF-SUFFICIENCY STANDARD” by Lucy, 26. DECLARATION: Strike an independent balance in lifeand you may discover more time, more opportunity,more freedom, more support, and more joy
EXPECTATION HANGOVER RELAPSES
“STUCK IN QUICKSAND” by R. J., 25. DECLARATION: I see the light at the end of this ExpectationHangover, but I keep getting lost as I try to find my way
LEAVING THE TWENTIES TRIANGLE
PART 4. THE TWENTY-SOMETHING PUZZLE
INTOXICATING, OR JUST TOXIC
FRIENDS
“RUINED BY A ROOMMATE” by Amanda, 26. DECLARATION: I’ve learned the value of keepinga “friendly distance” from negative influences
What Kind of Friend Are You?
“SUPERFRIEND” by Kelly, 26. DECLARATION: I have come to realize that I can stillbe there for my friends without sacrificing myself
Where’s My Coffee Shop?
“FRIEND ME” by Justin, 23. DECLARATION: My social life is composed mainly of “people Iknow” instead of friends, and I don’t know how to change it
PARENTS AND FAMILY
“THOUSAND-PIECE JIGSAW PUZZLE” by Jessica, 24. DECLARATION: With every ounce of understanding I gain, mytwenty-something puzzle comes together, one piece at a time
Becoming the Adult Child of Your Parents
“SOMETIMES IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE” by Anne, 29. DECLARATION: Letting go of my parents and their dreamsfor me meant I could come into my own
Cutting Ties to Build Healthier Bonds
THE SINGLE LIFE
You Complete You
“FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME” by Eileen, 24. DECLARATION: The only person guaranteed to love meunconditionally, accept me always,and be my companion until the grave is me
Curing Emotional Numbness
“LET’S NOT JUST BE FRIENDS” by Eddie, 22. DECLARATION: In order to be the boyfriendand not just the friend, I have to work onbuilding self-respect and confidence in who I am
DATING WITHOUT DRAMA
“DIVE IN” by Jeff, 24. DECLARATION: The dating world is a big gameof sink or swim
Mars and Venus Dating Behaviors
Dating as Research
Ready, Willing, but Waiting for “the One”?
“ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID” by Chrissy, 27. DECLARATION: I’m tired of bridesmaid’s dresses —I want a wedding gown and all that goes with it
Breaking Up with Beliefs
Attracting Your Soul Match
BREAKUPS AND HEARTACHE
DECLARATION: I am able to recognize that the heartaches, disappointments, changes, and triumphs are all equally important to who I am and where I go
DECLARATION: Spending so much time picking overa broken heart means that we forget about the mostimportant people in our lives — the people who still love us
RELATING, SERIOUSLY
The Match That Fizzles
Control Is Not Love
DECLARATION: I don’t want to be an extensionof somebody else anymore
He Said/She Said
DECLARATION: The iron-fist approach and ultimatumsare the best step to destroying a good relationship
DECLARATION: By becoming so focused on the few aspects ofmy life that weren’t working, I was blinded from what was
Love or Career?
GETTING TO “I DO”
DECLARATION: Marriage isn’t something you can plan for.At some point, you just know. It’s really that simple
SEPARATE PURPOSE FROM PASSION
Passion Is a Journey
JOB SATISFACTION: IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S HOW YOU DO IT
DECLARATION: I always thought the answerwas finding a different job, until I realizedthe real answer was just deciding to be different
Are the Dues You’re Paying Too High?
The All-Important Work-Life Balance
DECLARATION: From the outside I had it all; my life waspicture perfect. The inside was a different story altogether
DECIDING TO MAKE A CHANGE: THE FEAR TRIFECTA
PURSUING YOUR PASSION
DECLARATION: Life is not about living up to other people’sexpectations. It’s about creating your own reality every day
HOBBY VERSUS CAREER
BECOMING AN ENTREPRENEUR
Mission Vision Plan. Step One: Write Your Mission Statement
Step Two: Do Your Homework
Step Three: Build a Team of Advisers
Step Four: Brainstorm and Strategize
Step Five: Do It Part-Time
Becoming an Overnight Success Takes Years
DECLARATION: Finding your passion is just the beginning.Making it profitable is the real challenge
The Quarter System
First Quarter: Be the Expert
Second Quarter: Network
Third Quarter: Execute
Fourth Quarter: Evaluate
CAREER 101
PART 5. SURVIVING AND THRIVING
THE ACCEPTANCE PROCESS
DECLARATION: Despite having heard that such things havehappened to other people, you never really think it couldhappen to you. You’re never ready for it
THE INTERPERSONAL MINEFIELD
Warning: Not Everyone Is Going to Like You
DECLARATION: I now know that all this has happenedfor a reason. I once cared about what that reason is,but now I just live my life
We Can Only Change Ourselves
DECLARATION: Letting other people control our livesis useless and a waste of our energy
Divorce
DECLARATION: The hardest decision in my life wasto walk away from my marriage to take care of me
The Power of Forgiveness
DECLARATION: Confronting my fears and resentments allowedme to reach a state of peace, forgiveness, and love
Triggered Memories and Buried Feelings
DEALING WITH PHYSICAL ISSUES
How Do I Look?
DECLARATION: I have allies like intention and actionin my corner, which when combined with patienceand compassion, make a pretty formidable team
Eating Disorders and Addiction
DECLARATION: Addiction helped me to learnthat I control my life; my drug of choice does not
LABELS
DECLARATION: I have had to become less driven,and permit myself to heal and live life only for me.It’s been wicked at times, at other times exquisite
Peeling Off Our Labels
Self-Prescriptions
SENSE ABOUT DOLLARS
DECLARATION: The consequences of living above my meanswere not worth the thrills and frills
From “Charge It” to “In Charge of It”
Financial Independence
DECLARATION: Life isn’t about finding yourself.Life is about creating yourself
ESCAPE YOUR SCAPEGOATS
NO SHIT, NO SHIFT
DECLARATION: Be brave, be persistent, and always have faith in yourself, and things will change
DECLARATION: I thought that cliché was just somethingpeople say to try to explain the unexplainable
NO RISK, NO REWARD
DECLARATION: I decided if my life was going to be lessthan the vision I had imagined,then it was going to be spectacular in the living
GETTING COMFORTABLE IN THE UNKNOWN
DECLARATION: The unknown, the unsure — it’s theblessing and the curse of my twenty-something experience
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
AFTERWORD: SHARE YOUR TWENTY-SOMETHING STORY
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
CONTRIBUTORS
INDEX. A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
To contact Christine or learn more about workshops, speaking events, or coaching sessions visit. www.christinehassler.com
