Читать книгу The Cowboy Father - Linda Ford - Страница 13

Chapter Four

Louisa stopped at the last corner before the Hamilton home. She wasn’t eager to start the session with Ellie.

Rather than dwell on her doubts and fears, she thought of the few hours she and her sisters had spent at the orphanage. Louisa had dreaded the event but was determined not to let her sisters know. However, from the first rowdy greeting to the last goodbye, she’d enjoyed every minute. The children were happy to see them. Several acted as if they especially liked Louisa, which was heartwarming. One of the older girls brought her some drawings she’d done and listened eagerly as Louisa showed her how to add shading and correct perspective to her rather appealing work. Another child, a girl close to Ellie’s age, brought a book and begged Louisa to read it to her.

“What grade are you in, Leila?” she’d asked.

“Grade one. I’m six.”

Louisa asked her to read aloud from her reader. The child read eagerly and clearly. Ellie was in second grade and should read even better.

Perhaps today, Louisa would discover Ellie’s reading level. She turned the corner and headed toward the house. At the front gate, she parked, gathered up determination and courage and shoved them into place, then stepped forth to face the battle. God, guide me, bless me with Your wisdom. She took the awkward parcel from the backseat.

Emmet opened the door as she approached. He sent a questioning look at the bundle in her arms but didn’t ask about it.

At the way he seemed to assess her, Louisa’s cheeks burned. Judd should not have told him about Louisa’s illnesses. Three bouts of pneumonia. Influenza that hit her so hard. She’d asked Madge to remind him no one outside the family must hear of Louisa’s barrenness. She didn’t want to be the recipient of pitying looks.

“Good morning.” She kept her voice cool. Professional. She wasn’t a teacher, but she would act like one. Emmet was a parent of a student. Nothing more. “How is Ellie this morning?”

“Okay. And you?”

She faltered the slightest. Why did he ask? Did he think she might get ill at the least little thing? She tilted her chin. She had no intention of getting ill. “I’m fine, thank you. Eager to start my day.” Eager might be a slight exaggeration. But she would show no fear, no regret, no desperation. God was at her side. The Lord is my shepherd. He leadeth me beside still waters. Would the waters be still or troubled today?

Emmet kept pace at her side as she crossed the front room. “I’m glad you understand that Ellie is finding it difficult to adjust to her situation. It’s a relief to know you’ll be patient with her.”

Did she detect a warning in his voice? She stopped and faced him. “Mr. Hamilton—”

“Please, call me Emmet.”

Did teachers call parents by their first name? Would doing so cross a line she didn’t wish to cross? She needed to keep things impersonal between them. Not one step further than her feelings had already transgressed.

“As you please. I am being paid to teach your child.” The school board had hired her with specific expectations…keep the child up to speed with her classmates. Only, her position depended as much on Emmet’s approval as the school board’s expectations. Emmet had the right to say yes or no to her being Ellie’s tutor. “I’ll do my best to help her keep up with her class work.”

“I care less about Ellie’s schoolwork than about her happiness.”

What more could anyone ask of a parent? But life wasn’t always that simple. “I hope I can achieve the one without sacrificing the other.” But it would take Ellie’s cooperation. Something she suspected that would not come without a battle.

“That’s all I ask.”

Louisa stepped into Ellie’s room and read instant defiance in the child’s eyes. She was trapped between what Emmet believed was possible and what Ellie clearly would not allow—Louisa teaching her.

She considered putting aside the role of teacher and simply amusing the child, but her agreement with the board was quite specific and she couldn’t, in good conscience, pretend she fulfilled the terms without doing so. If she couldn’t teach Ellie she must quit. And that was something she would not do. Not with those medical bills stacked up on Mother’s desk.

Adele had given her more advice. “Make it clear that there is a certain amount of work to be done each day. Be matter-of-fact about it. Then do it.”

“But what if she doesn’t cooperate?”

“That’s where discipline comes in. You might try providing rewards, incentives, if you like.”

Louisa crossed to the little table where she arranged her lesson plans that she and Adele had drawn up together, the books she intended to use and the odd-shaped parcel.

“What’s that?”

“It’s for you. You can have it when you complete today’s lesson.” She picked up the chalk and wrote on the blackboard: “Reading, Arithmetic and History.” “Three subjects. We won’t spend long on each, but they all have an assignment that must be completed.”

Ellie eyed the package, her curiosity obvious.

Good. Louisa had already tried reading and arithmetic without success, so she went for history. “Grade twos are studying the history of Alberta. Today we are going to talk about the establishment of the North-West Mounted Police.” She loved the drama of the march west and had a picture book illustrating it. She began with explaining the need for a police force to settle the troubles in the West. She showed a picture of the colorful troop ready to set out—noble and hopeful, unaware of the challenges they would face.

But Ellie stared at the present as Louisa continued reading. If Ellie cared to look at the pictures, they were there before her. Adele had assured Louisa that Ellie would soon be drawn into the lessons.

Louisa came to the end of what she planned to read for the day.

“Now I want you to choose a project. You can either draw a picture about the march west or write a story. You can pretend to be one of the young police officers or—”

“What is that?” Her gaze hadn’t shifted from the parcel.

“If you want to open it, you have to do your lessons.” She placed a bed tray before Ellie, tilted so the child could write, and put a sheet of paper on it. “Do you wish to draw a picture or write a story?”

“Neither.” The girl certainly knew how to put on a pout. “Daddy won’t like that you’re teasing me. He lets me have anything I want.”

“That makes for mighty poor character.” Adele had prepared a list of questions should Ellie balk at working on her own initiative. “Here are questions about the North-West Mounted Police. You can do them.” There were five very simple questions.

“I don’t want to.”

At least she wasn’t insisting she didn’t know or couldn’t remember. Louisa wondered if this was progress. “If you want to see what’s in the parcel, you must first do your work.”

“No.” Ellie swept the tray to the floor with a clattering racket. “Why are you being so mean to me? I don’t have a mother, you know.”

“Well, I don’t have a father.”

“You’re a grown-up. You don’t need a father.”

“Even grown-ups need a father now and then.” She picked up the tray and rescued the paper and pencil, replaced them on the bed and tapped the page. “Please answer these questions.”

“I don’t want to, and I generally do as I please.”

Louisa sighed. “There’s a name for children like that.”

Ellie scowled. “What?”

Should she tell her? “Spoiled.”

Ellie screeched and tried to push the tray off the bed again. But Louisa held it firmly in place. “Let’s get this done so we can move on. We still have reading and arithmetic to do this morning.”

Ellie screamed louder.

Emmet strode into the room. “What’s going on here?”

Ellie sobbed and reached for Emmet. “She’s being mean to me.”

Emmet wrapped his arms about the child’s trembling shoulders. “Hush now. You’re okay. Daddy’s here.” His voice was warm and gentle, but the look he gave Louisa accused her of senseless cruelty.

Louisa sighed. She couldn’t fight them both. But she wasn’t about to admit defeat. She stiffened her spine and thought about how to deal with this.

Ellie snuggled into her father’s shoulder and lifted her eyes to Louisa. There was no mistaking the glint of triumph.

Emmet extracted himself from his daughter’s arms and faced Louisa, but she spoke before he could.

“We need to talk. I’ll wait for you in the front room.” Her stride was far steadier than her insides. She crossed the kitchen. Auntie May sat at the table with four cats on her lap and one draped over her shoulders.

“You’re never beat until you quit,” she murmured.

Louisa flashed a trembling smile. Exactly the words she needed to hear. She wasn’t about to quit. Nor admit defeat.

Emmet backed out of Ellie’s room, assuring his daughter he would be back in a few minutes, then he gave Louisa a curt nod and strode into the front room.

Louisa followed, and although she felt like being meek and apologetic, she kept her head high and her step firm.

“Miss Morgan, I fear you are most unsuited for this job.” His eyes flashed with anger.

An answering flash burned her eyes. “I consider Miss Ross to be a fine teacher, with all the skill that experience and study can give.”

“We aren’t talking about Miss Ross.”

“Indeed, we are. She recommended me for this job. She supervises the lessons. She also gives advice as to how to deal with a child who doesn’t welcome having to keep up with her studies. I suggest if you have a problem with my methods, you consult her.”

He looked askance. “I have no quarrel with Miss Ross. I’m sure she’s a fine teacher.”

“One of the best. We are fortunate to have her.”

“That might well be the case, but she isn’t the one in Ellie’s room making her cry.”

Louisa refrained from pointing out the tears were for Emmet’s benefit to elicit his sympathy. And they worked very well. “Before you decide to dismiss me, you should consider I am the only one available to do this job, unless you intend to scoop up one of those hobos down by the tracks.”

Emmet looked as if she’d suggested dipping his child in mud.

“I thought not. Then why don’t we consult Miss Ross and get her help in sorting this out?”

“Sounds like a fine idea. After school today?”

“She’s already expecting me.” They had arranged to meet almost every day to discuss lessons. “I don’t believe there is any point in me trying to continue this morning.”

Louisa returned to the bedroom and gathered her things—including the wrapped gift—then paused to say goodbye to Ellie, not caring at all at the pleased look on the child’s face. This wasn’t over yet.

She could only hope Emmet would realize that if he let Ellie win this battle, she would be the loser, not the victor.

Later that afternoon, Louisa waited outside the classroom for Emmet. She’d arrived a few minutes before, but it didn’t seem fair to go in without him. He might wonder if she was seeking to get Adele on her side. It had been tempting to do so, but in the intervening hours since she’d marched out of the Hamilton house, her resolve had grown. She would not fail.

Emmet approached, his strides firm, his jaw squared even more than she’d noticed before. He was a man determined to do what was best for his daughter.

Louisa mentally drew herself to rigid attention, as if readying for duel. How silly. A giggle tickled the back of her throat, but she wisely restrained it. They weren’t adversaries. They both wanted the same thing—what was best for Ellie. Only problem was they obviously considered that to be two different things.

Her amusement died as quickly as it had come, and the prayer she had whispered all afternoon filled her thoughts. Lord, show us a way of compromise that will enable me to teach Ellie.

“I’m ready.” Emmet paused at her side and indicated she should lead the way.

She proceeded down the hall to the room where Adele waited for her. They passed a closed door. “Before the Depression and drought drove so many people from the land, this room held the older grades. Now even the desks in one room aren’t full, and there are no students above grade five.” Why did she explain this to Emmet? He had attended classes here when he was younger, when both rooms held children. “I feel badly that many children will be deprived of an education because of their family circumstances.” She had never before felt the need to fill silences with idle chatter.

“You hold learning in high regard, don’t you?”

She cast a sideways glance at him. Was he mocking her? No, he looked serious. “I believe there is much value in learning.”

“Reading, writing and arithmetic are handy skills.”

“So are art, music, languages, history and so much more. The more we know about our world, the better equipped we are to live successfully in it. But learning also teaches us to think past the obvious, past our own experiences.”

He chuckled softly, puckering the edges of her resistance to him. “I always thought experience was the best teacher.”

“It is sometimes a cruel teacher.”

They considered each other. She saw in his eyes a dark familiarity with the sort of pain she meant, and she understood something as clearly as if he had written it in bold letters across his forehead. He’d lost much and now protected Ellie, perhaps even indulged her, because she was all he had left, and he feared losing her.

Instinctively she touched his arm, signaling she understood. “There is no substitute for experience, but I believe a solid education can equip us to deal with life. Of course, our best help in life is to trust God. He promises to guide us through.”

Emmet could have been frozen stiff, for all the indication he gave that he heard her or was aware of her touch. Yet she didn’t withdraw her hand. She felt his troubled soul through her palm and wanted to soothe it. “You do believe in God’s love and care, don’t you?”

He shuddered. “I think I do. I like to think God brought me back to Golden Prairie for a reason, but I think He could have found a better way to do it than through Ellie’s accident.” By the time he finished, his voice grew harsh, uncertain. He shook his head. “I struggle to trust God when things are hard.”

She crossed her arms about her waist, pressing tight, her palm still warm from where it had touched him. “I suppose that’s what it means in Second Corinthians five, verse seven, when it says, ‘We walk by faith, not by sight.’ When we can’t see why things are the way they are, we choose to trust God anyway.”

“It’s that easy, is it?”

She smiled widely. “No, it’s that hard—but I prefer to trust God rather than my own assessment of the situation.” It had been a struggle to come to the place of trusting God in her barrenness, but she had to believe He had something else in store for her—something that would bring her satisfaction.

Adele must have heard them outside her door as she swung it open. “Mr. Hamilton, Louisa. I didn’t expect the two of you. Do come in.” She glanced from one to the other. “Is there a problem?”

Emmet spoke before Louisa could answer, but it didn’t matter. They’d come with a common purpose. “We agreed to seek your advice in Ellie’s lessons.”

“Very well.” Adele waved them toward the front row of desks as she sat behind the big teacher’s desk.

Louisa had no problem slipping into hers, but Emmet had to wedge into a desk designed for young children, not broad-chested men. Louisa ducked her head to hide her amusement and shifted her gaze toward Adele.

Adele Ross had become a friend when she learned of the collection of books Louisa had and begged to borrow a few. The woman pulled her hair into a severe knot at the back of her head, as if to prove her serious state of mind, as suited a teacher of young children. But Louisa knew she had the kindest heart and a long store of patience to accompany her cheery attitude. They had never discussed their respective ages, but Adele was probably nearing thirty. Closer to Emmet’s age than Louisa’s. She hadn’t thought of that before and tried to assess if either of them showed a flicker of interest in the other. When she detected none, she relaxed. Though why she should be relieved made no sense. Emmet and Adele would make a good couple. Except it would mean Adele would have to give up her teaching position. Although some school boards now allowed married teachers, this one did not.

Adele looked at Louisa. “Perhaps you’d better explain.”

Glad to be brought back from the useless side trail her thoughts had started down, Louisa nodded. “I have been unable to get Ellie interested in the lessons and Emmet—Mr. Hamilton—feels I am not suited for the job.”

Adele blinked in surprise, then did her best to hide it. She turned to Emmet. “Is that correct, Mr. Hamilton?”

“Ellie is unhappy with Miss Morgan’s lesson presentation. I thought you could suggest someone else. Someone who could get Ellie’s cooperation without upsetting her.”

Adele nodded slowly and considered his request several seconds before she replied. “I can think of no one I would consider more suitable than Louisa.”

Louisa smiled her thanks and gave Emmet a pleased look. She’d told him much the same, but it was gratifying to have Adele verify it.

Adele leaned forward, her hands clasped together, and addressed Emmet. “Why do you think Ellie is upset about the lessons?”

Emmet shot Louisa a look that reminded her of his daughter—full of defiance. “She says Louisa is mean to her.”

“I see. Precisely what does Louisa do that would fall into that category?”

Emmet opened and closed his mouth, then blinked twice. “I don’t know exactly. But several times I have come into the room in response to Ellie’s cries.” He glared at Louisa. “You must be doing something.”

Before Louisa could defend herself, Adele spoke. “I have been a teacher for a number of years and I know how serious a charge such as this is. But I need something more solid than the cries of your daughter.”

Louisa tried to protest, but Adele lifted a hand to signal silence. Was Adele taking Emmet’s side? Just because he was the parent? Adele smiled, taking the sting from her actions. “You’ll get a chance to speak, but I must get to the bottom of this.”

Louisa sat back and fumed. There was no bottom. No top. No sides. Because she’d never been mean. Not once.

“Now, Mr. Hamilton, please explain. Did you see Louisa strike your child?” She waited for Emmet’s answer. “No. Did Ellie accuse her of doing so?” Another pause in which Emmet could only shake his head. “No. Call her cruel names? No. Does she expect Ellie to do more work than she is capable of in her circumstances?”

Emmet shrugged.

Adele pressed him. “How much work has she done?”

“I’ve seen none.”

“You’ve seen nothing that could be constituted as cruelty. And you’ve seen no work. Is that correct?”

Emmet refused to answer. “I’ve seen Ellie cry. Heard her accusations.”

“I’m not discrediting that. But let’s hear Louisa’s explanation, shall we?”

Emmet sighed. His look said he’d like to see her get out of this.

“We have planned the lessons together. Nothing a grade-two student shouldn’t be able to do. In fact, many of my grade-one students could do the work.” Adele turned her gray-eyed gaze to Louisa. “How far have you come with the lessons?”

Louisa hung her head, a sense of complete failure swamping her. “I’ve accomplished nothing.”

“And why is that?”

She shared her concerns with Adele, but hated to admit she had only failure to report. “I have been unable to gain Ellie’s cooperation.”

“Can you explain what you mean by that?”

Louisa brought her head up and spoke directly to Emmet, ignoring his defensive expression that indicated if there was a problem, it was not Ellie’s fault. It couldn’t be. “I am not a teacher, but I have a very good guide. I’ve followed her suggestions. She said to win the child. She said to give her time to accept the idea. I tried. Then she said Ellie must understand she has to continue her lessons. Again, I tried, but no matter what I do, Ellie says she doesn’t know, doesn’t remember or flatly refuses to do any of the work. When I read she does her best to ignore me. I even brought a present as an incentive, as Adele suggested. That brought on an outburst because I refused to give her the present until she did her work.” She waved her hands in frustration. “I value learning. I know what it’s like to fall behind. I want to help Ellie, but she won’t let me.” She hated to admit failure, but she couldn’t continue to insist on being Ellie’s tutor when Ellie resisted her. “Perhaps you’re right. Ellie is falling behind because I can’t reach her.”

Adele held her palms toward them. “Let’s not be hasty. Frankly, not only is Louisa the best person for this job, but she’s the only person remotely qualified. We’d have to advertise across the province to find someone else, and let’s be reasonable. How many applicants would we get for a two-month job that’s only four hours a day?”

“Probably lots of unemployed teachers looking for work,” Emmet muttered.

“I expect that’s so. But I would think you’d want references. All that takes time.” Adele let her comments hang in the air. “Emmet, what do you want for Ellie?”

“That’s easy. I want her to be happy.”

“Right. Is she happy with things the way they are?”

“I suppose not. She’s restless, wishing she didn’t have to be confined to bed in a body cast.”

“So perhaps school lessons might prove a welcome distraction?”

“I had hoped so.”

“Good.” She turned to Louisa. “What do you want here?”

“To do the job I was hired to do. To help Ellie keep up.”

“Why?”

Adele’s question opened a whole vista of truth to Louisa. It was more than the money. She’d always felt a spectator on life. Never very useful. This was her chance to prove to her mother and sisters…and herself…that she could do something, make a difference. “I believe I can do this. I can help Ellie. I want to because I know how difficult it is to fall behind your classmates, to struggle to catch up and keep up. And because I firmly believe learning can and should be fun.”

Adele’s eyes gleamed with pleasure at Louisa’s confession. “Mr. Hamilton, do you have any objections to Louisa’s goals for your daughter?”

Louisa and Emmet studied each other. Wary adversaries? Or something more? Something that went beyond teaching, beyond Ellie’s needs. She sensed in him a deep hurt that echoed her own. Of course he had pain—he’d lost his wife, and before that his parents, and now his child was injured. Perhaps by helping Ellie, she could help him. Ease some of his concerns. She’d told God she would serve Him in whatever job He provided. This was a job. Nothing more.

But she could not deny she hadn’t expected a job to dig deep into her heart and open up longings she knew she must deny. Somewhere in the past two days, despite Ellie’s cantankerous ways, Louisa had crossed a line. She’d begun to care about the Hamiltons. She wanted to help Ellie because she cared. She wanted to help Ellie because it mattered to her that Emmet, although he loved his daughter deeply, was allowing her to rule his life.

Adele broke into her thoughts, still addressing Emmet. “Do these goals contradict yours in any way?”

“I suppose not.” His gaze held Louisa’s, searching for what, she did not know. But she let him probe deep past the surface of their words and association until she felt as if his thoughts had reached deep into hers, found an anchor pin and secured a hook to it.

“Perhaps there is another way to address the problem. A compromise?”

Louisa forced her gaze toward Adele. Would it include her keeping the job? She darted a glance at Emmet. Did he look even vaguely interested?

He caught her looking and shrugged. “What do we have to lose?”

She turned back to Adele. “What do you suggest?”

“I think you two should become partners in this venture.”

“Partners?” Louisa and Emmet echoed the word in unison. How could they possibly work together? Even being here and discussing Ellie’s need had opened a window in Louisa’s heart, revealed a hunger she must deny. She looked it squarely in the face. Yes, she longed to earn the love of a man such as Emmet—strong, committed, loving—but her barrenness made it impossible. Even if he knew…even if he said it didn’t matter. It would be unfair to burden a man with the same limitations she must accept.

Her best plan would be to avoid him as much as possible. Whatever Adele meant by partnership, Louisa hoped it meant a simple shake of hands in shared concern.

Adele took their silence for agreement. “I think Ellie is feeling you two are in opposition. Either it threatens her, or she’s taking advantage of it. Perhaps even both. I think by presenting a unified front, she will realize she has no alternative but to do the assigned work. She’ll soon learn that lesson time can be fun and help her pass the long days. I have laid out the lesson plans and will continue to do so. I suggest the two of you work out how to deliver them. You’re welcome to use any of the material I have.” She waved a hand to indicate the books and objects in the shelves around the room.

Work together. Plan together. Louisa choked back a protest. How was she to stay professional when every time she turned around, she encountered feelings that were decidedly not professional? And now to consider spending more time in his presence…how was she ever going to keep her feelings locked away?