Читать книгу Modern Romance July 2015 Books 5-8 - Andie Brock, Louise Fuller - Страница 26

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

‘REMEMBER HOW WE used to sit here?’ Bella said, as they sat bathed in sunrise with their calves dangling in cool water.

‘I do.’ Sophie smiled. ‘I also remember the terrible row I had here with Luka.’

‘It is a glorious day for a wedding.’

‘A wedding that isn’t going to happen,’ Sophie said.

‘He loves you,’ Bella said. ‘I can see it in him. Luka would not leave you standing in the church. He would not have come to Sicily just to shame you.’

‘He told me he would never go through with it. Is it wrong that I wish my father would die before three p.m., just to spare him the shame?’

‘I think so.’ Bella smiled.

‘Luka is as stubborn as I am.’ Sophie sighed. ‘He accuses me of being Sicilian as he trips on his own pride. I’m going to be jilted.’

‘You could always have a fall this morning.’ Bella smiled again. ‘Slip on one of those rocks up there...’

‘I could,’ Sophie said. ‘Or I could get a cramp, swimming, and you have to save me but I swallowed so much sea water that I was too weak to make it to the church...’

They laughed, they sat at the water’s edge and laughed, and it felt so good to do so.

‘Let him jilt me,’ Sophie said. ‘Let’s really give the people of Bordo Del Cielo some scandal again. The girls are back in town!’

‘Sisters in shame,’ Bella said.

Sophie looked at her dear friend, who was terrified about today too.

‘Are you scared to face Matteo?’

‘I’m ashamed to face him.’

‘He paid for a night with you, remember. You wouldn’t be a whore if it wasn’t for his money.’

‘I know,’ Bella said. ‘If he tries anything I will tell him he can’t afford me now!’

They laughed again and then Bella stood. ‘Come on, we have a lot to do today.’

‘You go back,’ Sophie said. ‘I might just sit here a while.’

‘I will give your pa breakfast.’

‘Thank you.’

Alone she sat and stared out at the water and at the cargo ships and cruise liners so far out on the horizon.

Out of reach for ever.

She was going to cry.

It hit her as surely as the sensation that she might vomit.

It felt like thunder rising in her chest and, like a cat hiding, she moved to the shelter of the cliffs and curled into her knees and wept.

For the father she would soon lose.

For the future devoid of Luka.

But most of all for the love she had known.

A love that could never be replicated or surpassed. She was exhausted, not just from the past but already from a future without him. How she loathed the poets she did not understand, but even with a lifetime to study them she wanted one that matched her, that told her how to deal with a future without Luka in it.

‘You’re going to startle,’ Luka said. ‘As you do every time I approach.’

‘Well, I’ve never had the chance to get used to the sound of your voice,’ she said, and wiped her eyes and looked up. ‘So, yes, every time we meet in the future, expect me to jump. How did you know I was here?’

‘Bella told me. She is sitting in the morning sun with your father. Matteo and I met her walking back...’

‘Walking back from what? Your stag night?’

‘There are no bucks’ nights in Sicily,’ Luka said. ‘We did our best, though. We drank at the hotel till it closed and then walked along the shore.’

‘You should go,’ Sophie said. ‘It’s bad luck to see me on the morning of the wedding.’

‘We’ve had our share of bad luck,’ he said. ‘How is your father this morning?’ he asked, and this time she didn’t accuse him of not caring.

She knew that he did.

‘He will live to see his daughter jilted.’

Luka sat down beside her.

Paulo would know why he could not go through with the wedding. It should not be her father who would have to explain things to Sophie. It was for that reason he sat down to tell her, and braced himself for the most difficult conversation of his life.

‘Why do you hate me, Luka?’

‘As I said before, there are many reasons.’ It should be odd that he took her hand to break her heart, but to Sophie it wasn’t. ‘Remember the night we parted? How angry you were, how you refused to give me a chance to explain? How you compared me to my father?’

‘I was nineteen years old then.’

‘No, Sophie, that’s my excuse when I go over that time,’ Luka said. ‘I was younger, I was just out of prison, I had no idea what was going on. I had said things in court that I regretted, things I know I would handle better if they happened today. I’d run rings around that barrister now.’

‘I know that you would.’

‘I’ve changed,’ Luka said. ‘You haven’t.’

‘You mean I’m not sophisticated enough for you?’

‘I mean your fire remains.’ He snapped his fingers in front of her eyes. ‘That is how long it takes for you to make up your mind, Sophie—you decide things in an instant and nothing will change your mind.’

It was true, Sophie knew, for almost the second he had opened the door to her she had fallen in love and nothing had dimmed that.

‘Almost nothing changes my mind,’ Sophie refuted. ‘I regret the words I said. I was confused, I was hurting...’

‘I know that,’ Luka said. ‘How long did it take for you to see things from my side? To calm down?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Nearly five years,’ Luka said. ‘It has taken you until we are on our knees, till we are all but over, for you to see things from my side.’

‘No, I knew almost straight away.’

‘What did you do about it?’ Luka challenged. ‘Did you try to look me up in London? Did you do anything to let me know that you were wrong?’

‘No.’

‘Only now will you admit that you can see things from my side, that you were wrong.’

‘Are you saying that I have to be perfect?’

‘No,’ Luka said, ‘I love your stubbornness. You would argue the sky was purple. I love your fire and that you are pure Sicilian yet it is what will ultimately tear us apart.’

‘I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘Is it because I lied?’

‘Tell me your lies,’ Luka said. ‘Let’s do this once and for all. Tell me your lies and secrets and I’ll tell you mine.’

‘Why?’

‘Because the truth can’t hurt us any more than this does.’

‘I’m poor,’ Sophie said. ‘Bella and I are as poor as church mice and we fooled you with my wardrobe and phone.’

Luka just smiled.

‘You knew that?’

‘Not really. Though I did wonder about you being an events manager,’ Luka admitted.

‘I’m a chambermaid.’

‘You were when I met you.’

She loathed that she hadn’t moved on but he melted that fear with four words. ‘I loved you then.’

‘You don’t care?’

‘I don’t care about money and things. I admit that I like not having to worry about it and, yes, I like nice things but, at the end of day, if it all falls into the ocean I would survive without it. My father had more money that a team of accountants can trace and yet he was the poorest man I have ever known.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘For not being there for his funeral.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does. My father has done a lot of things wrong but I still love him.’

‘My father did worse.’

‘The hurt is more, then,’ Sophie said. ‘I don’t think you can ever remove love. Even when by others’ standards it deserves to be removed, even by your own... Love is not a whiteboard, Luka, it doesn’t come with an eraser.’

‘I can’t make a good man out of him,’ Luka said, ‘but there were times when my mother was still alive that I remember with some affection. After that...’ He shook his head. ‘So what are your other lies?

‘I feel like I trapped you that day we first made love. That you didn’t see the real me. I am the peasant you despise. When you opened the door I was dressed in my finest with my mother’s earrings, some make-up that I was trying out for our engagement, the dress...’

‘Sophie, I hate that I said that to my father about you. I can’t take it back, just explain that it was a row between him and I. It should never have been replayed in court. As to trapping me, well, I spent six months in prison, and within that time I spent two very long months alone when I thought about that day a lot... Do you think, when I replayed that time, I recalled that you were wearing your mother’s earrings?’

He moved his head and he kissed the lobe of her ear, kissed it with such tenderness that it was as if it was the most important layer of skin that had ever existed. ‘Do you think,’ he asked, ‘when I touch you that I remember the make-up?’ His mouth moved to her eyelids and again he was so gentle and Sophie started crying because she knew, she just knew that right here, right now, he was kissing her goodbye; she just didn’t understand why. ‘I promise you, Sophie,’ he said, his mouth moving down her neck, ‘when I recalled that time, not once did I think of the dress you were wearing. I thought of these...’

He slipped the knot from her top and her breasts were naked to the morning sun and to his mouth.

‘When I go over that time,’ Luka said, and his fingers moved up her dress and to the silk of her panties, which were damp as he slid them down. She moaned as his fingers slipped into her. ‘I remember you naked... I remember taking you for the first time, and the noises you made.’

He pushed her slowly down and onto her back. It was Sophie who slipped off her panties as Luka unzipped. Half-dressed but naked to the very soul, she stared into his eyes.

‘When I come, every time I remember this...’

He seared inside her, and his face was over hers, and Sophie didn’t try to hold back the tears as together they revisited that day.

‘I remember you coming. I remember how I tried so hard not to.’

He moved up on his elbows and looked down at her. ‘I don’t want to come because when I do...’

‘You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?’

How could he be making love to her while nodding that, yes, they were over?

She had lived in the moment just once in her life. That afternoon when the dog had ceased barking, when the surroundings had faded, Sophie had glimpsed the present, and she found it again now.

The past slipped away and the future was unseen, and she kissed the man she loved. She kissed his mouth and his rough cheek, she kissed the scar she had closed and, try as she might not to just yet, she started to come to him.

‘Don’t,’ Sophie begged, because once Luka came it was over, but his tide was coming in.

She knew from the only body she truly knew—his.

His moan was one of pain as he released because it signalled the end, but even in the last throes Sophie might have lost her heart but her head remained and she looked into his navy eyes as he offered her one last chance.

‘‘Will you fight for us?’ Luka asked.

He pulled out, he dressed and then he dressed her and he asked her again. ‘Now, with what I have to tell you, will you fight for us as you promised?’ He went on, ‘Will your words still be kind and wise when we face a test?’ He placed a gram of gold in her hand and it felt like a weighted ball, with no burden lifted, as he handed it over to her.

‘I found it when my father died. I came back to Bordo for the funeral and I was going through my father’s things.’

‘Your father did this... You...’ She halted, tripped over her words. She tried to remember she was fighting for them but she was breathless on the ropes in her mother’s corner.

‘You see, Sophie, with this you can win every row. You can take the shame of what my father did and give it to me over and over. But I can’t live like that. The reason I will never marry you is this—I have lied under oath to protect your family. It didn’t work. I have lied on the Bible, I have attempted over and over to edit the truth. No more. I will not stand in a church and lie and take you as a temporary wife when the truth is I will love you for ever.’

Anger, rage, fury, hissed at an unknown target.

‘I don’t care if you’re poor. I don’t care if you have lied, cheated...whatever...’ Luka continued. ‘You do what you have to to survive but I know my limits, Sophie. I know I love you. I accept you but I cannot compromise with this. I cannot take more of his shame. I cannot say sorry any more for a person I am not. Know that.

‘I love you,’ Luka said. ‘I love the life we could have, but I care about myself too. I have dreams and ambitions and I will never be brought to my knees again for that man.’

‘Luka, how long have you known?’

‘When he died.’

‘And you never guessed before then?’

This was her mother who had died—her mother!

‘I need to know. How long have you had your suspicions?’

‘I can remember your mother coming to our house. She was angry at my father for trying to get them out of their home. Your father had warned her they should leave yet she refused...’ Luka tried to look with adult eyes at a child’s past and then he lost his cool.

‘I won’t let you do this to us, Sophie,’ he shouted. ‘You want facts? I found out for sure a year ago. I have known for a lifetime he was rotten to the core. If you want a dissection then get a dead frog—they don’t bleed and anyway their blood is already cold. Mine’s warm. My heart beats. I won’t let you do it to me.’

She came out fighting then.

Sophie pushed herself off the ropes that bound her and entered the ring.

For them.

‘You criticise me for comparing you to your father, yet over and over you compare me to my mother. Not just you,’ Sophie said, ‘but my father, the whole town does. “She is like Rosa...”’ The only sound was silence. ‘I am like her, just as you are like your father. But you are not him. You are arrogant, you are clever and you are strong, but you are good. I am fierce, I have a temper, but I would listen when the man I love told me that we had to leave. Did I march to your father and demand Bella’s freedom of choice?’ Sophie shouted. ‘No. I offered to and when she said no, when she said she must stay, I respected her choice...as I have to respect that you can’t marry me.’

‘I can never be your fake husband, Sophie.’

She looked at him.

‘Can we get past this?’

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. Questions were swirling, dates and times and anger and blame, and Luka smiled at her honest answer.

‘You get to decide, Sophie. I’ll be there today. Jilt me if you think I deserve it for what he did. Score your point for your fleeting victory but I win because I know you will regret it for ever if you don’t show up today. No one ever shall, or ever could, love you as much as I do.’

‘You love me so much that you invite me to end us—?’

‘I love you so much,’ Luka interrupted, ‘that I won’t relegate us to a poor future. I would rather have sex with a stranger for the rest of my life than lie next to you cold and blaming. I would rather have half a marriage, half a life, half of me, if I cannot have all of you. For you to deny me that part of you...for you to hold me hostage...’ He shook his proud head. ‘Fight with me about things if you want to, be every inch Sicilian. Call me on what my father did once. I might get that, but if you call me on it twice...’

And Luka dared accuse her of being Sicilian!

‘I don’t give second warnings,’ Luka said. ‘My father was responsible for the death of your mother. I will not let his sins, or your anger, bring me to my knees. If you walk into that church,’ Luka warned, ‘then you’d better know that it’s for ever. You only walk towards me if you can love me more than the shadows of our past. If you can’t, then it is better for both of us that you walk away.’

Luka did the nicest thing then.

Her breast was precariously close to falling out again so he redid the tie to her halter-neck and rearranged her dress. He looked after her in a way that no one ever could and he demanded that she match that care.

Always.

‘Show up or don’t,’ Luka said. ‘Hate me at your own peril.’

‘What will you do if I don’t turn up?’

‘Nothing,’ Luka said. And it was, for Sophie, the darkest response he could deliver. ‘If you don’t show for our wedding then nothing will happen, not ever. I will wish you luck for the future, I will accept that our love could not survive. I’ll be proud of you for having the guts to admit it and,’ he added, ‘I will get on with my life.’

He left her on the rocks.

He left her spinning like a Catherine wheel.

There was a retort she could deliver.

A proud last word, perhaps.

There was comeuppance still to be had.

Or there was a shiny new future?