Читать книгу Provence Forever - Massimo Cereso - Страница 15

7

The prison sentence

I served my sentence in the great outdoors, in a prison that was not a prison in the conventional sense, but a farm attached to the penitentiary. I had to serve my sentence from March to October, and the daily work on the farm and the contact with the animals strengthened my relationship with nature. I was able to observe how life awoke in spring and fell asleep again in late fall; learned that everything that was planted had to be cared for responsibly and with much love and care so that a successful harvest could take place.

Comparable to this is the meaningful and fulfilled life of a human being, but unfortunately the instruction manual for such a fulfilled life is not available in any library, but can only be learned in life itself. If every human being would form his life as nature models it, paradise on earth would be guaranteed and all crimes, wars and other misery would be excluded. The intrusion of man into nature has therefore not remained without consequences. The greed of humans after power and money is however boundless, even if or straight because nearly all goods, which are produced on this world, are basically senseless and serve only the increase of power and money. If money did not exist, exploitation of man and nature by man would not be possible.

The time of my serving my sentence additionally opened my eyes as far as people were concerned, because during one of my wife's monthly visits, which took place under the supervision of a priest, Anushka had waited for a suitable moment to illegally slip two packs of cigarettes into my trouser pocket. Unfortunately, the holy father of God noticed this and broke off the visit. Anushka then had to leave the site of her serious crime under the most severe threats of punishment. During that time, I made the experience that all the priests in this world were no better than other people; on the contrary, they wore a deceptive halo on their highly raised heads and were ready to reciprocate only if it was to their own advantage. They mastered the business of the church to absolute perfection, for they allowed themselves to be rewarded for every good and comforting word. Without scruples and without morals, they run a perfect and successful industrial enterprise at the expense of the faithful. With few exceptions, these canons lead a life of pleasure and, like fattening geese, are stuffed with the most delicious food and noble wines of the very best class. With few exceptions, these hypocrites are incapable of leading a so-called normal life out of convenience and fear of the daily struggle for survival. Their claim to be a worshipper of God and to renounce all the beautiful pleasures of life does not correspond to the truth. Their claim to be able to live in paradise after death as a reward for their sacrifice is self-deception; I am convinced that the majority will burn in the so-called hell.

I was brought up strictly Catholic as a child and can well remember that my father was extremely generous when going to church on Sundays for the respective collection of offerings and in contrast to the other churchgoers. Each coin made a thudding sound when it was put into the offering box, which to my great dismay was absent on special holidays, when my father was even more generous and put a bill into the box. For this and other reasons, at that time our priest regularly visited us at home and the subsequent dinner accompanied by the best wines always lasted several hours. Finally, our priest took leave of us with an additional "offering" for the needy humanity and additional stimulants from our factory at a late hour with thanks to God and the assurance that our family will receive a good place in paradise.

I would like to state with all clarity that I believe in a God and that this is therefore an important contribution of my life; assuming that our pastor was not lying, I can spend eternity in paradise after my earthly existence ends. At that time, however, life for me was anything but paradise. Despite the risk of having to spend the rest of my sentence behind bars after all, I wrote a letter to my wife Anushka and arranged to meet her in the open air. This letter was forwarded to my wife by a fellow prisoner after her release. Since I had to do various jobs on the farm independently and unsupervised, various opportunities arose to meet my Anuschka in an adjacent wooded area. My wife visited me every time and at any desired time at the greatest risk, and so I had enough cigarettes for the rest of my imprisonment and also had other small comforts that made life bearable under the given circumstances The time after my release, marked by my return to my parents, whose house also became our home for the next time, was a humiliation that I will never forget. My father could never get over this disgrace, and without the goodwill of my mother, who had demanded the utmost understanding from my father, a return to my parents would have been impossible. My wife Anuschka, who in the meantime had returned to work as an office worker, could no longer bear living together in this atmosphere and after a short time rented a smaller apartment. This new home was another new beginning and the renewed establishment of an existence. I was now thirty-six years old, penniless, and had an extremely precarious reputation for a lonely future.

To get out of this hopeless situation, superhuman forces had to be mobilized. The support, understanding and love of Anushka gave me the strength to shape my future positively and successfully. As a result of my previous business connections abroad, I was able to convince a business friend and owner of an important company to realize the long-standing plans for a branch office in Switzerland. Without knowing about my past, he hired me as managing director with a princely salary and additional success commissions. Nothing in this world could destroy me. For most other people who had suffered the same fate, this would have meant the certain end of a successful existence. Not so for me. My conscience, to which all ethics and morals were alien, allowed a life that basically only the mentally disturbed could lead.

A life based on the pretense of false facts or led under concealment of past machinations is a consummate self-deception and therefore always leads to certain disaster. My insatiable drive for recognition and the overriding need to succeed at any cost, even without regard for rules and laws, caused me to use all means at my disposal, whether legal or not. I was well aware of the consequences that could result from my actions, but at the same time I was convinced that I would never get into the situation of actually having to take responsibility for my actions. Since I always thought positively and was convinced of the success of an undertaking under certain conditions, I could not control my irresponsible actions. This boundless optimism then also caused my life to be heaven and hell at the same time, because the unbearable tensions and burdens were the consummate hell.

My iron will and my tireless efforts in the following two years finally led to the successful development of this company in Switzerland as well. Through hard work, I had once again secured a future-rich existence for myself, my above-average income and the harmony in my marriage to Anuschka formed the cornerstones for my continued success.

By participating in various trade fairs, especially in Eastern Europe, and further visits abroad to industrial companies, I was able to expand my business relationships. Despite my past, the thought of owning my own company was still in my mind, because this hidden and devil-possessed ghost never gives rest. A life as an employee was never my life, because it limited my freedom. Creating a fulfilled life was impossible for me as long as I was only a servant, even if I was well paid as such. I felt the daily orders and instructions of others, especially the superiors, as humiliation; I was neither slave nor serf and could not bear this condition in the long run. Doing something I didn't want to do every day was like blackmail; having to accept rules and conditions from my employers was torture. So, my inner turmoil was also no longer bearable and I had to restore my self-respect.