Читать книгу Dear Woman - Michael E. Reid - Страница 20

Let’s face it, no matter how low you set your standards, no matter how much you’re willing to compromise, there are always going to be people who feel like it is still too much work. It will have you questioning everything about yourself and almost nothing about them. You will start second-guessing everything that you thought you had figured out—from what you require to what you will and will not accept. This is a mistake.

“Love is an unfiltered ocean. Your standards are like the purifier that you use to weed out the things that can be harmful to you. The smaller the holes, or the more detailed you are about the standards you have, the more contaminants you remove and the more people you can eliminate.”

There are different levels to finding yourself, one of which is finding people that complement you. This is sometimes seen as the hardest of all levels because it usually takes the longest, and sometimes we feel as if this is the level we have the least control over. The key is to not dwell on it so much. Many people look at this level like it’s some sort of competition. It isn’t. Some people feel that if they don’t have a line around the corner of candidates waiting to take a seat at their table, then somehow there must be something wrong with their product or establishment. This is not always true. Sometimes people draw crowds because of popularity, which isn’t always good. Sometimes people draw crowds because they are giving something away. This is even worse.

It’s not about how many people want to wait in line, or how many people are interested in sitting down at the table with you. It’s about you. It’s about who you open your doors to; it’s about who you feel comfortable enough sitting down at the table with; it’s about who you are willing to feed, with your time, energy, attention, and love. You will make out better in the long run. I promise you. The saying, “Quality over Quantity,” applies so much here. Do you want to be seen as a fast-food chain or a five-star restaurant? Truth be told, it all depends on how you feel about the product you are serving.

The first thing you must focus on doing is setting the table. Setting your table can be as simple as making it perfectly clear to whomever desires a seat what is on the menu and what is not. The clearer you make this in the beginning, the fewer problems you’ll have in the end. Where a lot of people go wrong is offering people things that aren’t necessarily on their menu. If this happens, you’ll find yourself bending over backwards trying to please people in ways that you aren’t comfortable with. Pretty soon you’ll get tired of doing that. Then who do you blame? Be careful what you offer. Set your table, and make sure the menu is in ink, not pencil.

Keep in mind that you must be fair and firm. Fair, because when you set the table, the standard of the person you require should be equal to the type of service they receive. You can’t expect a man to wear a suit jacket to a restaurant where the hostess is wearing jeans and a T-shirt, right? So, make sure you embody the same standards you require.

As far as firm goes, this is where a lot of people go wrong. A lot of times, we meet someone, and they’re close. Other times, we just think they’re close. Know the difference. Remember, it’s one thing to have a bar that bends, but it’s completely different to have one that moves up and down. If you set your table and develop your list of things you won’t tolerate, cool. Then you have to compose another list which allows you to decide who’s even worthy of sitting down at your table. Now you’re in good shape; don’t mess that up. Next, and most importantly, watch out for those who slip through the cracks. That’s when you need to pull out the firm. The firm is what’s going to stop you from falling for the “best so far” or the “first decent one in a while.” While this might seem like a short-term victory, ultimately you could be making a long-term mistake.

Set your table and stick to it.