Читать книгу Halloween, a Romaunt; with Lays Meditative and Devotional - A. Cleveland Coxe - Страница 4

I.

I have been near the gates of death,

And thought I passed them thro’;

Ev’n now my spirit quivereth,

To think of where it flew!

Oh it was hard to yield my breath;

’Twas hard to breathe anew;

It was hard to come to life again,

And Earth once more to view!

To wake, and find ’twas all in vain,

The death-pang and adieu!

II.

Many there be who die in throes,

And groans, and fearful anguish:

And there be those, who waste in woes;

And many there be who languish;

But few there be, who die like me,

Then wake again to sorrow;

Who strive with death, and feel them free,

But are bound again to-morrow;

Who wrestle through all its agony,

And strive no more in its chains to be,

But are born again to misery,

In the dying years they borrow.

III.

I have been near the gates of death,

And know ’tis hard to die;

That the mortal flesh it shuddereth

In the spell of death to lie:

That fearful it is—the ebbing breath;

And awful—the closing eye,

When powerless all, it curtaineth

The soul, from its loved ones by;

When it closeth slow o’er the leaden gaze,

That wraps, like the mariner’s home, in a haze,

The dear ones that comfort us nigh.

IV.

’Tis awful—the hour when death comes on,

When the voice of cheer or wail is gone;

To feel the lip o’er the dry tooth ope,

To catch half a ray through the eyelid’s scope,

Then shudder, though powerless all, to feel

The frost o’er the glazing orbs congeal,

When the breath grows low, and the heart is chill,

Though the blood creeps ghostlike around it still,

And to gasp a moment, and struggle, and try

To yield the starved spirit—and groan—and die,

And still to flicker a dying hour,

When life still hovers, and seems to lower,

Though voice hath no spell, and the pulse no power!

V.

I tell ye the story this chill Halloween,

For it suiteth the Spirit-eve;

But my trance was in Spring-time, when trees were green,

And the hedgerows began to leave:

When the blossom put forth, and the year was new:

When Earth was so lovely—to bid it adieu

Seem’d doubly to die!—and I thought while I drew

My death gasp, I scarcely could grieve

To die in the Autumn, when leaves come down;

When the shadows are gone from the wilderness brown,

When the flowret droops, and the glories that crown

The hill-top, like hopes that deceive:

But to die in Spring—the joyous Spring!

The dear young year, when Hope hath a wing!

To die amid blossoms—the season’s sweet prime;

To go ere the summer; to fade in the time

When Earth waketh up at the Easter-bell’s chime,

And dresseth her green, and decketh her sward,

Like virgins, that early awaited the Lord,

On the morn of his waking sublime!

Oh, to die in the Spring-time—the young joyous Spring,

When scarce have outbudded the sprigs that they fling

In the cold bed they hallow:—when forest birds sing

Their wood-notes too gaily for requiem due:

Oh, this did appal me, as soulless I grew!

VI.

The Autumn wind—oh hear it howl!

Without—October’s tempests scowl,

As he troops away on the raving wind!

And leaveth dry leaves in his path behind!

Without—without,

Oh hear him shout,

He is making the old trees bare;

Oh cruel, he,

To the old oak tree,

And the garden hedge so fair!

Oh, a wild and tyrannous king is he,

When he playeth his frolic in every tree,

And maketh the forest bare!

VII.

I know that a tyrannous rod is his,

When he maketh the forest bow;

But worse, far worse are his tyrannies,

For he tameth the spirit now!

Without—without,

Oh hear him shout,

October is going away!

’Tis the night—the night

Of the grave’s delight,

And the warlocks are at their play!

Ye think that without,

The wild winds shout,

But no, it is they—it is they!

VIII.

The spirits are pulling the sere dry leaves,

Of the shadowy forest, down;

And howl the gaunt reapers that gather the sheaves,

With the moon, o’er their revels, to frown:

To-morrow ye’ll find all their spoils in your path,

And ye’ll speak of the wind and the sky;

But oh could ye see them to-night, in their wrath,

I ween ye’d be frenzied of eye!

IX.

There is a world in which we dwell;

And yet a world invisible!

And do not think that naught can be,

Save only what with eyes ye see;

I tell ye, that, this very hour,

Had but your sight a spirit’s power,

Ye would be looking, eye to eye,

At a terrific company!

A thousand shapes are at your side,

A thousand by your bed abide,

A thousand, hellish demon sprites,

That bend ye to their foul delights;

And ye are, every day, the hand,

The tool of an infernal band,

That with you dwell—are one with you,

And govern ye in all ye do,

Save, when ye live in prayer, or hear

A silent whisper in your ear,

From one—your friend in heav’n and earth,

The guardian angel of your birth.

X.

Bear with me, while in sooth I tell

How mine own eye was purged, to see

A strange and awful miracle,

The haunted deep of Destiny.

Ah me, I know the story well!

And I was once as blithe as ye;

But one whose soul hath been in Hell,

Ev’n in a dream, must sadden’d be.

XI.

I have been near the gates of death,

And I, once more, must there appear;

But, Lord, make sure thy servant’s faith,

To walk that shadow-vale of fear!

For thou hast spoil’d the pang, the sting

Of death and hell so fierce before,

Led captive in thy triumphing,

Thy conquest of the Conqueror;

And Faith but waits thy bidding word,

Thy spirit walking on the sea,

To leap, like Peter to his Lord,

And pass the roaring floods to Thee;

For raging waves can never tame,

Nor midnight dark, nor storms, confound

The soul that burns like naptha-flame,

The brighter for the waters round.

XII.

Oh Death! they do thee cruel wrong,

Who call thee fearful names in song,

Or on the blackened canvas, throw

Thy shape, in awfulness and woe.

They sin, who paint thee fearful shade,

A devil-shape, in shroud array’d,

With arrows in thy bony hand,

And shaking aye the sinner’s sand,

With felon grin, and demon leer,

Till Nature feels thy venom’d spear.

XIII.

For oft, as with a seraph’s smile,

Thou dost the happy soul beguile,

And charm away, from darkest scene,

To homes of endless day serene,

Above the world—no more to sigh

For realms where never more they die;

In worlds, to us poor earthlings, known

By thee, kind Death—by death alone.

XIV.

But not to me came death so bright,

For I had lov’d the world’s delight;

And oh to leave what only charm’d me,

To go with Death—that had disarm’d me,

And dragg’d me, loth to part, and fain

To struggle back to bonds again;

’Twas very hard—’twas very dread!

But from my couch, I rais’d my head,

And op’d mine eyes, to look once more

On what, for me, should soon be o’er,

And then I said—or thought, or seem’d

To be repeating, while I dream’d

Away my ebbing hour of breath—

To leave this all, oh this is death!

XV.

My couch was by a lattic’d door,

With diamond panes, of olden making,

That open’d on a garden floor

Of pebbled paths, and flower-beds, waking

Bright as the year, to glad the Earth

And glory in their brilliant birth.

XVI.

I cast mine eye athwart the scene,

And blest the soul-reviving green;

And must I go away, and must

This eye that doateth turn to dust?

Ye pleasant flowers, I said, when ye

Have turn’d to fruit, oh where shall be

The sight that sees ye, loves you, now,

And blesses ye with fervent vow!

Though all the while ’tis growing dim,

And blooms your beauty—not for him!

XVII.

This eye hath but an hour to serve,

And its fine work is broke forever;

The worm shall gnaw its tender nerve,

And blessed light illume it never.

A moment more—and all is dark;

This orb, that beauteous shapes have brighten’d,

And lighted like a diamond spark,

Shall palsy, ne’er to be enlighten’d!

XVIII.

Then my last look shall be at you,

Ye blessed things that still I cherish;

’Tis well the latest things I view,

Should charm me, even as I perish!

Farewell, farewell; life’s dream is going;

And I shall wake to deathless years:

But oh ye flowers, so sweetly blowing,

How can I leave you but with tears!

XIX.

I learn’d to love ye on the knee

Of a fair nurse, in infancy,

Who taught me, with a lip as sweet

As rose-buds, your perfume to greet,

And clap my little hands with joy,

When she gave lilies to her boy.

Oh little flowers! in boyhood too

I held sweet dalliance with you,

And in my earliest passion’s hour,

Could only call my love a flower.

Oh then the starry jessamine,

I pull’d the garden walks within,

And romp’d around, from plot to plot,

Reaping, where I had strewed not,

All hues and odours; wild with glee,

So boldly mischievous to be;

And laughing when they strove to catch,

Or failing, begg’d me not to snatch;

For I had e’er a lover’s eye,

And flowers were lovely company!

A very bacchanal of heart;

And nature-taught in pleasure’s art,

A young Anacreon in my glee,

Beneath the rose-bush tossing me,

And more—a very rogue, was I,

A pig from Epicurus’ stye;

And so my bosom would I fill

With lily, pink, and daffodil,

And gallop back, my treasures folding,

And bold of heart to bear a scolding,

My head enwreath’d from ear to ear,

And Duke, my spaniel, prancing near.

XX.

Dear happy days, forever fled,

I too must wither, and be dead.

I too must droop; oh bear me up!

A look shall be my cordial cup!

Ah this is my last glance:—nay, this!

I feel an awful dizziness!

Fling wide the casement—let me see

The last dear day-light fade on me!

Oh—and the breezes let me smell;

I know the scent of Spring-time well!

And there’s a little songster winging;

And hark, ’tis Robin Red-breast singing!

And there the glorious sun goes down!

My life’s last sun! oh hold; oh why

So hasten o’er the woodlands brown,

And leave me in the dark to die!

Would God! that mountain were away,

So I might see the sunset longer!

Stop, stop!—ah naught can stop the Day;

And yet mine agony grows stronger!

Oh see how fast his golden ray

Sinks—sinks! I’m sure, before, it never

Went half so fast! Stay, stay, oh stay!

Ah there ’tis going!—gone forever!

XXI.

It sunk: I swoon’d: a pang—’twas over!

Nay, nay, for still my life would hover:

The dying lamp would flicker—flicker,

Though breath was low, and sight was thicker.

And I was going, going slowly,

My heart unshrived, my soul unholy,

The sins of mis-spent years upon me,

And follies that had all undone me!

And this I knew not—for ’twas awful,

How I was fill’d with thoughts unlawful;

Thoughts that did make me all forget

What I had left for dying minute;

And I was dying, dying, yet

Forgot that endless death was in it.

XXII.

I slept; but yet I was not dead

For breath still fluttered nigh;

And now, a strain of music shed,

Came mournful as a sigh!

Was it some spirit’s harp I heard,

Far in the land of dreams?

Was it the song of Eden’s bird?

Was it the lull of streams?

What was it? for I did not know

But ’twas an angel band

Come down, to bear me from below,

Up to the Spirit-land!

It murmur’d—rose—swell’d high and clear:

Then sunk, and sunk away, like Fear

Holding her breath. Again, it swell’d!

I thought some fairy’s death-peal knell’d.

XXIII.

It was a wind-harp’s magic strong,

Mov’d by the breeze in dreamy song;

But I was gone too far to know

What stirr’d my troubled spirit so,

And in my fancy, came a flood

Of visions, strange to flesh and blood,

And nameless shapes that hover’d round;

Such was the wizard power of sound!

XXIV.

Methought all lovely forms were nigh,

And Beauty, with a tearful eye

Dewing the couch where I lay to die,

And singing my soul away.

And I said, fair beings, ’tis well ye know,

And the soul of a poet would have it so,

The lovely have been my friends below,

And a soul of song, in a song should go

To the world where they sing for aye.

XXV.

And their fairy fingers were fain to play:

But I was a-going, and gone too far

To listen them longer, as there I lay,

Though each was as lovely as angels are.

And each had locks, like the beamy light,

And lips like the crimson wine,

And eyes, like the stars of the morning, bright,

Or the diamond’s spark divine.

XXVI.

But one glance more—one wilder’d sight,

And I closed my eye on all delight:

One hasty glance—and I never knew

Whence was the music that thrill’d me through;

My ear but caught one fading strain,

And then it was seal’d: but it rung again

With a deathlike, piercing, frosty pain:

And o’er each limb did numbness creep,

As steals o’er the muscles the prickly sleep:

And death came on me: my breath but press’d

In a struggling gasp, from half my breast;

And a falling, falling, falling feeling,

And dark oblivion o’er me stealing,

And a hand that press’d me down, below

The deepest depth of some ocean’s flow,

And a struggle long, and a struggle dread,

And a frantic wrench to raise my head,

And a throttled gasp, and a quenching breath,

And a struggle—is all I know of death.

XXVII.

’Twas over! But then my death began;

I was a disembodied man!

Blind, and alone, and alive—but where!

I was falling, and floating, and flitting through air;

There was darkness here, there was darkness there;

Oh where was I, poor soul!

I had never a voice, and never a tongue,

And I felt no limbs, but still I was flung

In the darksome deep that around me hung,

And that seem’d to have never a goal.

XXVIII.

Alone, alone; in the deep alone,

Of an awful, soulless world unknown!

And there was I—but I could still

Think of such thoughts, as us’d to fill

Mine eyes with tears: and tears had then

Been sweet as sunlight seen again.

But tears were none, and never an eye

Save the quenchless sight of memory.

XXIX.

The thoughts of joys our childhood gave,

Like flowers upon a mother’s grave,

How laden comes their sad perfume

With all that hath inspired their bloom!

The dear beloved—the only fair,

Our heart’s best part is mould’ring there;

And thoughts that blossom from the urn,

Are dust, and unto dust return.

XXX.

The breeze that o’er that mother’s tomb

Comes idly, as to garden-beds,

Is sober’d by the flowers’ perfume,

And sadness, all around, it sheds.

The very grass it stirs to life,

Doth seem with old remembrance rife,

And every blade instinct, doth move

To wake the tenderness of love.

’Tis then, that as they wave and nod,

And shiver o’er the daisied sod,

They seem, profanely, not to know

The holy head that sleeps below;

And lovely though their petals be,

Their loveliness is agony.

XXXI.

How awful was my memory, then,

Of hours when I abode with men:

When rose my clouded soul within

The pictur’d world, where I had been:

When all delights that I had known,

Came back, because forever flown:

When blew their fragrance o’er my sense,

With sorrow’s fullness in their flavour,

And all the silent eloquence

Of a remembered savour.

XXXII.

I heard the sound of coming wings;

’Twas dark as the second death,

But I could see a thousand things,

For I heard a being’s breath:

A whisper—a sigh—was here—was there,

For darkness is Fancy’s light:

And horrible phantoms were filling the air,

For I heard the low stroke of their flight.

Oh should they touch me!

Or oh should they clutch me!

How shrunk my poor soul in its fright!

XXXIII.

A terrible moment—’twas coming nigh;

’Twas nearer; ’twas nearer; ’twas on me!

Oh can I believe it!—it pass’d me by;

And off, in the distance, it seem’d to die,

With the creak of its wings:—but there came a cry,

And a hollow, unspeakable, fading sigh,

And a laugh in my ears to stun me.

Ha—ha! Ha—ha! What a wretch was I,

For I thought the devil had won me.

XXXIV.

Ha—ha! Ha—ha! ’twas a hollow jeer;

And it broke like a thunder-clap, right in my ear,

And just when I thought not a whisper was near,

It burst like a trumpet beside me:

And it deafen’d my hearing, with deafness that rung,

And I knew ’twas a black and a damned tongue,

That had laugh’d such a laugh to deride me.

XXXV.

For I had senses, and I could tell

By my spirit’s hearing, that such a yell

Was only learn’d in the bottom of hell,

To torture a bodiless soul:

And bodiless, still I could feel the same,

And I trembled whenever a spirit came,

Or the flap of his flying stole.

Oh why did I tremble! The deathless mind,

It needeth no more to be human still,

Its flesh, and its beauty, it leaveth behind,

But still it endureth—the conquerless Will.

XXXVI.

I fell—I fell—I fell,

Till my spirit began to tire,

I had verily thought the depths of Hell

Were nearer to Heaven, and higher!

And I felt how terrible ’twas, to be

Falling through all Eternity,

With never an eye to gaze and see,

But oh, such a soul to desire!

XXXVII.

And was I to be for ages so!

A being, forever so blind to go!

Oh, I was left in my soul to know

The wicked are like the Ocean,

That never can rest, in rise or fall,

That even in calm, is tremulous all,

That casteth up mire, and, bitter as gall,

Is ever, and aye in motion.

XXXVIII.

A body grew o’er my ghostly mind,

And I felt young winglets sprout behind,

A butterfly pair of gauzy things;

And I was a cherub with little wings.

But cherubs there are of weal and woe,

Angels above and imps below:

Oh, was it for good I was fashion’d so!

Or was it for direr stings!

For now I had eyes; and now I could see

And now I was dress’d in a shape to be

A new-born soul in Eternity,

But ignorant all of my destiny,

As the veriest bird that sings.

XXXIX.

But an angel flew with his hands let down

A glorious angel—that wore a crown;

And he caught me up so sweet, and smil’d,

As a mother takes up her falling child;

And I was happy, and thought me then

One of the army of ransom’d men,

But oh, alas! I was left again

In desolate wastes, and wild.

XL.

But in mine eyes strange virtues grew;

And now the Heaven of Heavens, to view

Rose glorious as the light!

Oh it were idle to strive to tell,

But I can remember, remember well,

How wonderful seem’d the sight.

I was not there; but saw afar

How happy the heavenly spirits are,

Like him of old, with a gulf between

My longing soul and the glorious scene.

Oh, never shall pass that dread ravine

A soul defiled by sin!

But there was I, and I could see

How desolate all without must be,

How rapturous all within.

XLI.

It seem’d as if in Heaven, they all

Were keeping some high festival:

For, far and near, they thronging came,

Angels, and shapes of living flame,

That had been wandering with their peers,

Out, o’er remotest stars and spheres,

And roaming over fields of light,

Adoring ever, at the sight

Of wondrous things, beyond our seeing,

Creations bursting into being,

New suns and planets ever making,

And new-born light forever breaking.

XLII.

And wonder seem’d their high employ

Forever, in their homes of joy;

These are thy works—the endless song

Forever roll’d those worlds along.

And now they came, to worship flying,

From stars beyond old Saturn lying;

From far they came, all homeward winging,

And ever on their journey singing,

And trooping to their homes again

From realms beyond our utmost ken,

Legions on legions—from the coasts

Of all thine empire, Lord of Hosts!

XLIII.

A pair of angels came apart

Of flaming soul, and flaming heart,

And flying through the holy air

From Paradise’s gardens fair,

As if two flowers that there were wreathing,

Had sprung to life, all wing’d and breathing.

Ulla and Arah, they are lovers;

Ulla with Arah ever hovers;

Ever together—twins in Heaven;

To whom, by God himself ’twas given

That loving all, and loving Him,

They should be loving cherubim,

And ever in his empire dwell,

Two heavenly souls, yet one as well,

In love that is unspeakable.

XLIV.

Ulla and Arah, there they came

Floating in atmosphere of flame,

And hovering, in the amber blaze,

Like phantoms in a golden haze.

Oh, ye that rapt in wondrous awe,

Have seen what ancient hands could draw,

Bethink ye of the shapes divine,

With wavy grace in every line,

In rainbow rays of glory hung,

Which rapt Rafaelle’s pencil flung;

And ye can tell how there I felt,

To see those cherubs as they knelt,

Their wings and arms together twining,

Their beamy locks together shining,

And rising, falling, bathed in light,

As eagles poise them in their flight;

On waves of ether swan-like sailing,

And, in their angel-worship, veiling,

As Holy, Holy, they did call,

In music-notes seraphical.

XLV.

And I could see, when there above,

This was thine essence, Holy Love!

For love, below, unfailing comer

To light and shade our life’s young summer;

The love that stirs each earthly bosom,

When life’s first blushing roses blossom;

That joyful, gleeful, blissful sighing,

Dying for love, yet never dying:

Oh, that sweet speech of eye to eye,

Is love, but not like love on high.

’Tis all the same in essence fair,

But mingled here—’tis perfect there:

Here, earthly, troubled, never sure,

Above, ’tis tearless, blest, and pure:

Here, never can we call our own,

Flesh of our flesh, and bone of bone;

Above, two hearts may join in one,

And never is the tie undone,

Unending still, and still begun.

XLVI.