Читать книгу Captive - Aimee Carter - Страница 6

I FADING

Somewhere nearby, Benjy was waiting for me.

I could feel his stare as I made my rounds through the grand ballroom of Somerset Manor, greeting each new face with a smile that was becoming harder and harder to hold. They buzzed around me, vying for a few moments of my time, but we all knew they were only here because of my name and face. I was Lila Hart, the niece of the Prime Minister of the United States and one of the few VIIs in the entire country—which, in a roomful of VIs, made me more powerful than them all.

But I didn’t want power or fame. If I had my way, I would be tucked away in my suite with Benjy, stealing as many moments alone together as we could. Instead, I was stuck celebrating my birthday with a roomful of my so-called closest friends, led around by a fiancé I didn’t even particularly like, let alone love.

Except it wasn’t my birthday. These weren’t my friends. And Knox Creed was most definitely not my fiancé.

My name wasn’t Lila Hart. It was Kitty Doe, and on my real seventeenth birthday in September, I’d been kidnapped by the Prime Minister and surgically transformed into his spoiled, rebellious, and supposedly dead, niece against my will. He’d given me a choice: pretend to be Lila or wind up with a bullet in my brain. I wasn’t an idiot, and even though it had meant giving up everything I’d known and everyone I’d loved, I’d chosen to live—and to fight. Three months later, after discovering a lifetime’s worth of political conspiracies and secrets that should have stayed buried, here I was, with Knox clutching my arm as he led me through a crowd of people who would kill me if they figured out who I really was.

I glared up at him and tried to subtly twist my arm from his grip, but he hung on. I didn’t care that he was handsome and tall, with dark hair and even darker eyes, and that most girls would have killed to be in my shoes. They didn’t have to deal with his endless stream of instructions on how to impersonate a girl I hated, nor did they have to pretend to love him in front of the entire country when we spent most days in a constant tug of war.

Besides, I was extremely happy with the boyfriend I already had, thank you very much—a boyfriend who, with his infinite patience, had been waiting over an hour for me to slip away from these people. If I didn’t find a way soon, the night wasn’t going to end pleasantly for any of us.

“We had a deal,” I whispered, leaning into Knox so only he could hear me. “I play nice for a couple hours and leave at nine. It’s now almost eleven.”

“Sometimes plans change,” he said, his fingers tightening around my elbow. Even though he was speaking to me, his eyes scanned the ballroom. “Relax and try to enjoy yourself.”

The only times I’d enjoyed myself in the past few months had been those stolen moments with Benjy. “Lila would have never stayed this long. Every minute I hang around, the more suspicious it looks.”

“I know,” he said quietly, bending down to brush his lips against my ear. The heat of his breath reminded me just how cold it was in the ballroom, and I shivered in my flimsy silk dress. “But sometimes even Lila had to do things she didn’t like. Incoming.”

I turned around in time to see a portly man amble up to us. Minister Bradley, one of the twelve Ministers of the Union who worked under the Prime Minister. I didn’t know many of them on sight, but Minister Bradley’s handlebar mustache was burned into my brain, along with the way my skin crawled whenever he was nearby.

“Lila, my dear, you look ravishing.” He leaned in to bump his dry lips against my cheek, and it took every ounce of willpower I possessed to keep myself from shuddering. “After all you’ve been through, I expected something less...” He made a vague gesture, his eyes locking on my chest.

I didn’t bother to smile this time. “Minister Bradley. I’m surprised to see you here. I thought your wife was sick.”

He chuckled, and his gaze never wavered. “Yes, yes, well, I would never miss a chance to see your beautiful face.”

“In that case, you might want to look up here instead,” I said, and Minister Bradley turned scarlet.

“I’m sorry, Minister,” said Knox quickly, and he hooked his elbow with mine. “Lila’s had a bit too much to drink tonight. If you wouldn’t mind, darling, I need a quick word with you.”

He led me away, and I clutched my glass of champagne. We both knew I hadn’t taken a single sip. I couldn’t afford to drink, not when I needed every wit I had to survive the night.

Weaving through the Ministers and their families, along with several of the most prominent VIs in Washington D.C., Knox led me to a table laden with food and cloth napkins folded into the shape of peacocks. The people lingering nearby began to move in, but Knox shot them a look of pure poison, and they scattered.

“You know how important tonight is,” he said quietly, once we were alone. He handed me a small plate from the end of the table. “Do you really think insulting Minister Bradley to his face is going to make this any easier on you?”

“He was staring down my dress,” I said. “Why do you expect me to smile and let him when Lila would’ve—”

“Right now I don’t care what Lila would have done,” he said. “I expect you not to cause a scene with one of the most powerful Ministers of the Union and make us another enemy we don’t need.”

“Everyone in this place is an enemy.” I turned away and began to pile my plate with bite-size desserts.

“I’m not.”

I hesitated, my hand hovering over a piece of pink cake. I was here because I trusted Knox more than I trusted most people, but some days I wasn’t so sure he cared about me more than he cared about why he needed me in the first place. “If you don’t want me to think you’re an enemy, then stop treating me like a prisoner.”

Knox sighed. “I wouldn’t have to if you quit acting like you don’t know how to behave in public. It’s been months. You should know the rules by now.”

“How can I when you keep changing them on me?” At the next table over, I spotted little bites of steak wrapped in a fluffy puff pastry, and my mouth watered. I hadn’t eaten red meat since October. By now I was almost used to it, but there were days I would have given my right arm for a cheeseburger. Today was one of them.

If it was wrapped in a puff pastry, no one would notice, I decided. Edging toward that table, I tuned out whatever lecture Knox was whispering in my ear and casually picked up a piece. One bite. That was all I wanted.

It was half an inch from my lips when Knox’s fingers closed around my wrist. “Lila, darling, that has red meat in it.”

“Are you sure?” I said innocently, trying to tug my hand away, but his grip was too strong.

“Very.”

I dropped the pastry onto his plate, and the last of my patience went with it. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to pee.” And find Benjy before he gives up on me.

“You need to freshen up,” corrected Knox in a low voice.

“Minister Bradley is staring at me like I’m some prize pig,” I said. “I need to pee.”

Without warning, Knox wheeled me around toward an antechamber nearby, his fingertips digging into my arm, and he didn’t say a word until we’d passed through the doorway. “Do you realize who’s here?”

I glanced over his shoulder. Now that we had left, suddenly the buffet had become the most popular corner of the room, as Ministers, their families, and the clingiest social climbers in the District of Columbia milled around, waiting for us to emerge. They all had VIs tattooed on the backs of their necks—the highest rank we could earn after taking an aptitude test on our seventeenth birthday. The same one that decided the rest of our lives, including our jobs, where we lived, how many children we could have, and how long our lives would be. Their VIs meant endless privilege and put them at the top of the food chain. The III hidden under my VII had earned me a one-way ticket to cleaning sewers for the next four decades, if I’d managed to live that long with the few cruddy resources I would’ve been granted by our gracious government. “Yeah. Every bottom-feeder in Washington.”

“Enough.” Knox glared at me, and his carefully crafted facade finally dropped. He shut the door. “You can either play nice, or you can explain to Daxton why the entire country suddenly knows who you really are. Because those people out there aren’t idiots, despite what you seem to think, and if you keep talking like this where they can all hear you, they will figure it out. Your choice.”

“The only thing that’s going to make them figure it out is if I act like I’m perfectly happy out there, pretending like I care about any of this,” I said, my fake nails digging into my palms. “Lila wouldn’t have stuck around this long.”

Knox grimaced. Glancing at the door, he took a step closer, lowering his voice. “I know, Kitty. I’m sorry about that, I am. But if we slip away now, someone will come looking for us, and that’s the last thing we need tonight, all right?”

“Then you should’ve told me that to begin with instead of playing this ridiculous game,” I said. “I’m not completely unreasonable, you know. If you’d tell me these things—”

“I tell you as much as I can.”

“You treat me like an object, Knox. Right now, in that room—I’m your prop.” I shook my head, torn between seething and breaking down. All I wanted was to go upstairs and be alone with Benjy. With the only person left in the world who still cared about the person underneath Lila’s face.

“You’re not my prop,” said Knox, his tone softening. “I’m trying to protect us both. What we’re doing, dangerous as it is—it’s the right thing to do. You know it is. Don’t mess it up just because you’re having a bad night.”

A painful knot formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard. It was an argument we’d been having for the past month, ever since I had agreed to continue to impersonate Lila. Originally it hadn’t been my choice; after Prime Minister Daxton Hart had bought me at a gentlemen’s club, he’d knocked me out, and I’d woken up two weeks later to discover he’d had my body surgically altered—Masked, he’d called it—to be an exact copy of his niece, Lila Hart, whom he’d secretly had assassinated for leading a rebellion against him. I was supposed to take her place and stop it.

Instead, thanks to Knox, Lila was still alive and hidden underground. And as for me—turned out I wasn’t okay with standing by and letting the government slaughter the people I love.

That was the only reason I’d agreed to stay when Knox had asked me three weeks ago. It had been after an exhausting night and day, when Augusta Hart, Daxton’s mother and the real iron fist around the country, had tried to not only kill me and Lila, but Benjy, too. Instead, I’d put six bullets in her. Now, with Lila seriously injured, it was up to me to pretend to be her until someone took the Prime Minister out of the picture.

That was easier said than done. I’d tried once before and failed—and as a result, Daxton had been in a coma long enough to miss the worst of the fight. When he’d woken up, he’d pretended not to know I wasn’t Lila, but we both knew who I really was. I was nobody to these people. I had been raised as far away from the life of a VII as you could get, in a group home full of Extras born to parents who were only allowed one child. It hadn’t been the most luxurious upbringing ever, but at least I could have had a cheeseburger without having to beg. And at least I’d known exactly who I was. The more time I spent as Lila, the less certain I became that I knew myself anymore at all.

“Think you can handle another hour?” said Knox, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“One more hour,” I muttered, trying to shove aside my frustration. Knox was right; I’d known exactly what I’d agreed to, and playing nice with the Ministers was part of it. “But Benjy gets to stay with me tonight after the meeting.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You know the risks.”

“I’ll pretend I’m staying in your suite. You can tell everyone we had the best sex of your life—”

“It would probably be the worst.”

I kicked his shin with my heel. “You’re a jerk tonight.”

He swore and rubbed his leg. “And you’re going to get you and your boyfriend killed if you don’t—”

The doorknob rattled, and without warning, Knox pinned me to the wall. His fingers tangled in my straw-colored hair, and his lips found mine as he kissed me with burning hunger I couldn’t escape. I didn’t fight him. Better to be forced to kiss him every once in a while than to have someone catch us talking about my real identity—or worse, the rebellion against the government that we were leading together.

The door opened, and I broke away from Knox, trying my best to look embarrassed. “If you don’t mind, we’re sort of busy—”

I stopped, and all the air left my lungs. Even after two months of coming face-to-face with him on nearly a daily basis, Prime Minister Daxton Hart never failed to make my heart skip a beat. And not in a good way.

He loomed in the doorway, his bushy eyebrows raised in surprise. They were slowly going salt-and-pepper, matching his dark hair that was graying at the temples. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said in a smooth voice. “Lila, darling, your guests are anxiously awaiting your return.”

I held his stare. His dark eyes met mine, and for several seconds, neither of us blinked. Knox had no idea that the Prime Minister knew who I was. Daxton had kept his own secret masterfully, only tipping his hand at Augusta’s funeral in order to scare me into compliance. It hadn’t worked. This was our own private game of chicken, and I wasn’t going to be the first to blink.

“We’ll be along in a minute, sir,” said Knox. For a moment, I almost felt bad for him. He was the only one in the room who didn’t know what was really going on. I should’ve told him Daxton remembered everything—that should’ve been my first conversation after the funeral. But no matter how much I trusted him more than the others, I didn’t trust him completely, and I’d hesitated, focusing on rallying the people for the Blackcoats instead. Eventually time had passed, and I knew the fallout would be bad—the kind we would never recover from. So instead I’d selfishly held on to the truth as a trump card, to play when I needed it most. Or to never play at all.

Knox did know one thing, though: the secret that I had given up at the funeral, when I had brushed my fingertips against the VII on the back of Daxton’s neck and felt the V underneath. I wasn’t the only Hart who had been Masked. The only difference between us was that I still had my handler breathing down my neck. Now that Augusta was dead, the man pretending to be Prime Minister Daxton Hart had no one to stop him from doing whatever he wanted—including killing anyone who dared to step in his way. When everyone I cared about happened to be doing exactly that, it made things personal.

“One minute.” Daxton raised a finger in emphasis. “I would hate for you to miss your birthday surprise, Lila.”

I shuddered to think what he might have cooked up for me, but I forced a smile. “One minute.”

As soon as he shut the door, I leaned in to Knox’s ear and whispered, “How are we getting away for the meeting? He’s not going to let me out of his sight.”

“Leave that to me,” whispered Knox, and he winked. Backing away, he ran his fingers through his hair and smoothed his black shirt and trousers. I tugged on my short purple dress. Three months ago, I would have never believed I’d be allowed to touch silk, let alone wear silk dress after silk dress custom made for me. As nice as the wardrobe was—and the shoes, and the food, and the luxuries I could have never dreamed of as a III—it wasn’t worth risking my life pretending to be Lila, and it definitely wasn’t worth risking Benjy’s by dragging him along.

I swore. He was still waiting for me. “I’m supposed to meet Benjy for a minute—”

“You’ll see him after the meeting.” Knox tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “No matter how bad tonight is shaping up to be, don’t do anything stupid, Kitty. I mean it. Whatever brief flash of joy you get out of it won’t be worth being sent Elsewhere, and you know it.”

Yes, I did. “Benjy and I. All night in your suite.”

“All night, as long as I don’t have to hear you.” Knox smirked and opened the door. A round of applause met us as we walked arm in arm back into the throng of VIs, and several people I didn’t recognize descended upon us, drinks in hand. I steeled myself for another round of pointless small talk. I’d long since stopped trying to remember names. Lila wouldn’t have bothered, and I wasn’t about to make the effort when all they wanted out of me was the power behind my VII. If only they knew what lay underneath it.

“Do you want another drink?” said Knox, even though I still held my full champagne flute. I shook my head.

“But if you can get me one of those puff pastry things—”

Bang.

A shot rang out, and in an instant, my mind went blank. All I could see was crimson against white, a stark contrast that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I tried to block it out.

Bang.

The sight of Augusta’s body going limp, and blood pooling around her on the carpet.

Bang.

The cold metal of a gun in my hands as I squeezed the trigger again and again, knowing that if I didn’t, Augusta would kill Benjy.

Bang.

“Lila—Lila.”

Knox’s voice filtered through the haze toward me. I cracked open my eyes. Even though he hovered only a few inches away from me, he seemed far off, and his face was blurry. I sensed others lurking nearby, but the dull roar in my ears made it impossible for me to hear what they were saying.

“They’re just fireworks,” said Knox, his breath warm against my cheek as his hands gripped my shoulders. Cold seeped through my dress from the marble underneath me, and it took me a moment to realize I was on the floor. “See? Look over there.”

I twisted around as another bang went off. Reflexively I ducked again, but Knox’s hands remained steady. Bright bursts of color filled the grand ballroom, and I had to blink several times before my vision cleared enough for me to make out each one through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Fireworks. Just fireworks. Not gunshots. No one was in any danger, except for Knox if he didn’t get his hands off me.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, shoving him away. He took a step back, and it was then that I noticed the group of people who had formed a tight circle around us. Each of them stared openly, ignoring the display and instead paying attention to me. Terrific. Not only had I broken down, but I’d done so in front of the country’s highest and mightiest. “I—” I began, wracking my muddled mind for an excuse, but a familiar voice rang through the crowd, cutting me off.

“Lila!”

Benjy burst out from between Minister Bradley and his slack-jawed daughter, and he slid across the floor, kneeling beside me. As soon as I felt his warmth, the knot in my chest began to loosen.

“Are you all right? You were screaming.” His blue eyes were wide and anxious, and his short red hair was disheveled. He reached out to touch my face the same way Knox had, but his hand stopped an inch away. Too many people were staring at us, and no matter how concerned he was, he couldn’t give me away. He couldn’t give us away.

“I’m fine, I promise,” I said again. My cheeks burned, and I pushed myself to my feet, ignoring the way my knees shook. Birthday party or not, I had to get out of here. “I just—I just forgot to eat, that’s all.”

“Back up,” said Knox to the crowd, and he began to corral them away. “Give her some air. Benjy, take her to my suite. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Benjy tucked his arm around me, and I shot Knox a grateful look. Aware of everyone staring at us, I allowed Benjy to lead me to the exit as the bang of fireworks echoed from the garden. Each one sent a shiver down my spine.

This wasn’t normal. I’d never reacted this way before, and it’d been weeks since I’d killed Augusta. It wasn’t as if I’d done it in cold blood. She’d had it coming, after what she’d done to me and Benjy—after what she’d done to her own family, trying to kill her daughter and granddaughter—but apparently my conscience wasn’t interested in listening to reason.

Nor did I have any ends to justify my means. Killing Augusta hadn’t done me any favors—it had only removed Daxton’s leash completely, leaving all of us in grave danger. And that, I thought, was the worst part of all. I’d saved Benjy’s life in the short term by pulling that trigger, but in the long term, we were both one whim away from death.

Daxton stood waiting for us by the double doors, his arms crossed as he regarded me with a look of mock concern. “I’m so very sorry, my dear,” he said, reaching out to take my free hand. I made a point of wiping my sweaty palm against his. “I wasn’t thinking. After all you’ve been through...”

“I’m fine,” I said for a third time. “I just need to sit down.”

“I’m sure your...friend will be willing to help you with that.” He eyed Benjy up and down, and red-hot anger shot through me. Augusta may have been the power behind the throne, but Daxton was still the snake who sat on it.

Benjy cleared his throat. “Knox asked me to help her,” he said. “I’ll be down after.”

“Take your time, boy,” said Daxton, and he shifted his gaze to me. “The most important thing is that dear Lila’s all right.”

His slimy voice followed me even after Benjy and I walked away. I could feel his stare lingering on us, and though my knees still shook, I forced myself to walk faster toward the elevator. As soon as we were inside and the door closed, I let out a breath and turned into Benjy, hugging him tightly and burying my face in his chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. “I don’t know what happened.”

He wrapped his arms around me protectively, rubbing circles on my back, and the heat of his body warmed me from the inside out. If I could have stayed like this for the rest of my life, I would have. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Those fireworks scared me, too.”

“Leave it to Daxton to figure out a way to terrorize me at my own birthday party,” I grumbled. “How long do you think we’ll have before Knox comes looking for us?”

“Not long enough,” he said, and I sighed. It was never long enough.

The doors slid open, and together Benjy and I headed into the fourth floor wing. My suite was down the hall from Knox’s, and I would have given anything to drag Benjy inside and disappear for the rest of the night. But the party wasn’t the only thing happening tonight, and I wouldn’t have missed another Blackcoat meeting for anything. I was already behind enough—immediately after Augusta had died, Knox and the Blackcoats had seized the opportunity and sent me around to several cities across the country to rally supporters while Daxton was still too busy recovering to pay close attention. Denver, New York, Seattle, Los Angeles—I’d traveled for over a week, and by the time I’d returned, everything within the Blackcoats had shifted. Lila and her mother—Daxton’s sister, Celia—had gone underground to hide, leaving Knox in control. Even now, weeks later, I was still catching up on the plans they’d come up with while I’d been away. I couldn’t miss anything else.

The lights in Knox’s suite turned on automatically as we stepped into the sitting room. Even though my knees had stopped shaking by now, I let Benjy help me to the couch, eager for as much contact as we could get before Knox returned. It had been days since I’d been able to steal as much as a simple hug from Benjy, who, as a legitimate VI, had earned his place as Knox’s assistant. But with Knox constantly hovering over us, raising an eyebrow each time I so much as dared to smile at Benjy, it was next to impossible to find any time to just be with him. And that, above all else, was what I missed about my old life.

“I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier,” I said, tucking my legs underneath me on the sofa. The navy leather was cool against my skin, and after spending hours in the sweltering ballroom, I welcomed it.

“Don’t be. It isn’t your fault.” Benjy sat beside me and draped his arm over my shoulder, and I wasted no time curling up against him. “I nearly punched Minister Bradley for the way he was looking at you, though.”

I grinned. “That would have made the whole thing infinitely more interesting.”

“Until I was sent Elsewhere,” he said. “Then it wouldn’t have been as funny.”

My smile vanished. I touched his cheek, turning his head until he was facing me. “You know I won’t let that happen, right? No one’s going to hurt you, not while I have something to say about it.”

“I’m not the one you should be worried about.” His gaze met mine, and he leaned in slowly until his breath was warm against my skin. “Promise me you won’t take any more chances, Kitty. What happened tonight—”

“I couldn’t help it,” I said. “I didn’t even know what was happening until it was over.”

“That isn’t what I meant,” he said softly. “I overheard what you said to Knox. You’re doing this for the right reasons, all right? I know it’s hard sometimes—”

“You have no idea.” My face grew hot, and frustration boiled inside me, threatening to burst the last ounce of self-control I had left. “Having to be someone else all the time—never getting to be me anymore, having my every move watched... I’m losing myself, Benjy. Sometimes I look in the mirror and forget this isn’t my real face. And sometimes—sometimes I feel like Kitty Doe died, and even if Knox lets me walk away from this tomorrow, I’ll never find her again.”

Heavy silence settled over us, and Benjy’s gaze bore into mine as he traced my lower lip. Lila’s lower lip. “She didn’t die,” he whispered. “I see her every time I look at you. You are vivacious, and no one—not even Lila Hart—will ever drown you out. I don’t care what you look like. The real you will never fade.”

He had no idea how badly I needed to hear that right now—or maybe he did, and that was exactly why he’d said it. I slowly gravitated toward him, my entire body aching to be as close to him as possible. But before I could kiss him, he shifted and slipped his hand into his suit pocket.

“I almost forgot—I made you a birthday present,” he said, and I sat back, disappointment washing over me.

“It isn’t my birthday,” I said. “It’s Lila’s.”

“Then consider this a belated birthday present. Or an early one. Whichever you’d like.” From his pocket he pulled a white cloth napkin, the sort that had been folded into peacocks around the buffet. He’d refolded it into a simple square, and I raised an eyebrow.

“It’s...lovely,” I said. “Thanks?”

He laughed, a deep, throaty sound I would never get tired of hearing. “Open it.”

I unfolded the napkin, and my eyes widened. On the inside was a simple ink drawing of a house on a lake. Sitting in a field beside the lake were two stick figures—one with long hair, and one with Benjy’s freckles. They cuddled together as the sun shone down on them, and a lump formed in my throat.

“I can’t make this better right now,” said Benjy, “but I can promise that it will be one day. We’ll have our cottage in the woods, or our cabin on the beach—whatever you want. I’ll go anywhere as long as you promise you’ll be there with me. I’m going to spend my life with you, Kitty, and I don’t care if the entire country tries to stop us. You’re my future. It’s always been you for me, and it always will be.”

Finally he closed the distance between us and kissed me—a sweet, gentle kiss that held within it every single one of the thousand days I’d loved him as my everything, long after I’d begun to love him as a friend. I shifted into his lap, not caring whether or not someone could walk in at any moment and see us. I needed this. And after all we’d been through together, Benjy and I both deserved this.

He wrapped his arm around me again, safe and secure as I ran my fingers through his hair. He tasted like home. Like everything I missed about my old life, where we would spend the evening curled up together as he read to me. We would never have those moments again, but as soon as we were free of this place, we could make new ones. I’d spent so much of my time worrying about the present, worrying about being Lila, that I’d never let myself stop and think about what my future might hold. It seemed almost like asking too much—like I was challenging the universe by thinking about a life with Benjy as far away from the Harts as possible.

But Benjy had always been an optimist. He’d always seen good in the world where I wasn’t so sure it existed. And this kernel of hope, this ink on cloth, was exactly the future I wanted. I knew in that moment, as I deepened the kiss between us, that I would do whatever it took to get it.

“Kitty,” he whispered, breaking away long enough to glance anxiously at the door. “We shouldn’t be—”

“I am so sick of being told what I should and shouldn’t do,” I murmured. “Everything will be fine. Trust me. Knox agreed to let me stay in here tonight. He’s pretending I’m sleeping in his room, but he’s going to let us have the night together.”

Benjy’s gaze snapped back to me. “You mean—?”

I nodded. “I think it’s about time, don’t you?”

Even though we’d been together for years, finding a moment alone in a group home with thirty-eight other kids hadn’t exactly been easy, and neither of us had wanted it to be rushed. Now that we were both seventeen, I was Lila Hart, and Benjy was my fiancé’s assistant. It was dangerous, but behind closed doors, with Knox willing to cover for us—we would finally have that freedom. I wasn’t wasting it.

“The wedding’s less than a month away,” I said. “We might not have another chance before then, not like this. And I’ll be damned if I’m marrying Knox without showing you exactly how much I love you.”

Benjy blinked, looking torn between eagerness and confusion. “Is that why you want to do this? So Knox isn’t—”

“If he thinks I’m ever letting him touch me no matter how married we are, he’s going to lose his hand,” I said. “I want to do this, Benjy. More than anything. If you don’t, we can wait, but—”

“I want to.” He sounded breathless, and he pressed his lips together, his eyes locked on mine. “Like you said, more than anything. I love you. I just don’t want Knox to be the reason you’re doing this.”

“He’s not, and he never will be.” I brushed my lips against his again. “You’re the only reason I need.”

“Ahem.”

I sprang apart from Benjy, my heart racing. Knox stood framed in the doorway, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed. “Ever heard of knocking?” I said, glaring at him.

“Considering it’s my suite, no.” He pushed off the wall and closed the door. “If you keep this up, it’ll only be a matter of time before someone catches you. I won’t be able to protect you then.”

“So I’ll tell them the truth—sometimes a girl just needs to be kissed instead of slobbered on.” I tucked Benjy’s drawing into the pocket of my dress. “Is the party over already?”

“No, but I couldn’t very well stay down there while my fiancée was ill upstairs. Speaking of, how do you feel?”

“Better,” I said, doing my best to look like nothing was bothering me at all. “When are we going?”

“We are not going anywhere.” Knox moved to his desk and bent down to touch the screen. “I am leaving now.”

“What? But—”

“Do you really think I’m going to let you come, after what just happened down there?” said Knox. “You need your rest.”

“That wasn’t my fault.”

He straightened. “Fainting aside, you’re having a bad day, and the last thing you need is a long night. The last thing I need is to worry about whether or not you’re holding up all right.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “Knox, please. We’re in this together. You said so yourself—”

“And right now that means I have to look out for you and your health. You’re exhausted. Your temper’s shorter than it’s ever been. Look at you—you’re practically shaking. You’re a liability, Kitty, and tonight is too important for me to take that kind of risk. I’ll fill you in when I get back, but right now, I need to go.”

I gaped at him. “You can’t just cut me out like this—”

“I’m not cutting you out,” he said steadily, but there was an edge of impatience to his voice. “It’s one meeting.”

“I’ve already missed three because of the speeches.”

“There will be plenty of others,” said Knox. “And look on the bright side—you’ll have even more time to spend with Benjy.”

Tempting as it was, staying behind meant missing the entire reason I had agreed to put up with this and people like Minister Bradley in the first place. I would have the rest of the night to be alone with Benjy—right now, I wanted to be a Blackcoat. I wanted to do what I was here to do: be the voice of a rebellion that, if successful, would mean Benjy and I would one day have that cottage by the lake. It would mean never looking over our shoulders again, worried someone might see us and catch on to who I really was. It would mean being Kitty Doe again instead of Lila Hart. It would mean finding myself and being the person Benjy saw when he looked at me. The more meetings I missed, the more excuses Knox would have to dismiss my opinions and push me aside. I was here to fight. Not to be his prop or his mouthpiece. And no matter how much he insisted I wasn’t, everything he had done that evening had said otherwise.

I cast a frustrated look at Benjy, and he slipped his hand into mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s probably better if you relax tonight,” he said. “I think you’ll like this new book I bought the other day. I’ll read some of it to you, if you’d like.”

“Enjoy some time with your boyfriend, Kitty,” said Knox. “I’ll be back soon enough. If anyone checks on us, tell them I’m in the shower.”

“Yeah, taking a cold one,” I grumbled. He didn’t rise to the bait, and instead he disappeared into his closet and up through the secret passageway that lay behind it. He’d shown it to me one of my first nights in Somerset, and it was the only safe way we had of leaving the property undetected.

As soon as he shut the door, I stood. “I’m going after him,” I said, tugging down the hem of my dress. Not the outfit I would have chosen, but I didn’t have time to change. “Cover for me.”

Benjy stood as well, reaching out as if to stop me. “Kitty, you heard him—”

I twisted away from his grip. “If it wasn’t for him, we’d have this by now.” I gestured to the napkin sticking out of my dress pocket. “We wouldn’t have to worry about the Harts or the wedding or fireworks driving me crazy. We’d be happy, and we’d never have to think about this nightmare again. Instead, Knox asked me to stay, and I did. Not for him, not for Lila, not for the parties or the jewelry or the private planes, but because of this.” I jabbed my finger toward the closet. “If I’m not there, then what’s the point of doing any of this anymore? I’m not his property, and he doesn’t control me. I’m not letting him leave me behind.”

Benjy sighed, but at least he didn’t argue. “Then I’ll go with you.”

“Someone has to stay behind and make sure no one finds out we’re gone,” I said. He opened his mouth to protest, but I cut him off. “Please, Benjy. It’ll be safer if it’s just me anyway.”

He gritted his teeth, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Okay. Just—be careful. And here, take this.”

He shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it over my shoulders. I slipped my arms inside the sleeves, the fabric warm from his body. “Thanks,” I said, softening. “Make sure no one discovers we’re gone, all right?”

“I’m sure I’ll figure something out,” said Benjy, scowling. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

“I love you. When I get back, I’m yours for the rest of the night. Okay?”

He nodded, and without giving him another chance to talk me out of it, I stepped inside the closet. Knox may have thought he owned Lila, but I wasn’t her. Tonight, I was Kitty Doe again, and I wasn’t going down without a fight.