Читать книгу The Island of Charon. Playing Another Reality. Antoine de Saint-Exupery Award - Alexandra Kryuchkova - Страница 17

4.1. Life is too short

Michael… I wished he had been with me on the Island!

We never spent vacation together… I used to send him my erotic pictures from the Greek islands asking, «Which girl do you prefer? Choose!» to get in response, «Let’s take them all!» He had a good sense of humor…

Yes, perhaps Michael was the only man sent to me from Above, whom I would marry immediately, quite consciously agreeing with the fact that he would cheat on me after the wedding in the same way, as he cheated on his wife with me.

It was strange for me that many girls were lost in deep illusions about the possibility of changing a man via some stamp in his passport. I never understood those who used to read phones, to look out for a strange hair on clothes, to sniff out foreign smells and to perform other functions of a private detective. Having noticed the evidence, probably I would have say something acrimonious, asking not to bother me with it any more.

Was I jealous of Michael for his wife? No. Did I secretly wish for their divorce? I didn’t even think in that direction.

His wife was an axiom. Besides, almost from the first day of our acquaintance, Michael hammered into my mind the idea that I was absolutely free and could find another man at any moment with the aime to be friends or to get married, and he would be sincerely happy for me and even ready to celebrate my wedding, because there was no Michael in my life and would never be.

From time to time, I honestly tried to get acquaintance with someone with the aim of creating a family, considering exclusively free boys, and sometimes I even shared the results of such search with Michael. Negative results. But not because I had excessive demands to a potential prince.

Apparently, it was my destiny. I attracted not «mine» men, such as chronic alcoholics, hardened gigolos, uncompromising atheists and sexual perverts. With all the wealth of choice, there was no alternative to Michael.

Perhaps for the spirit of freedom each of our rendezvous, which could become the last one, turned out into a bright holiday, and such a format of relations withstood a rather long test of time.

Michael never gave me money or gifts, but the most magical February the 14^th was connected with him. Michael just used to catch for us a unique moment of «here and now», in which we found ourselves shining as the Sun.

However, the feeling of being unoccupied and not belonging to anybody poisoned me. What did it cost him to admit that he existed in my life? In general, we must face the truth, these were not at all the relationships that could bring happiness, should be dreamed of and / or envied.

We quarreled in all these years only twice. Not even quarreled. I took offense. The first time I didn’t like his cynical words about… Or rather, the tone of expressing his opinion. I agreed with him, of course, Michael as always was absolutely right, but I disliked the way he said what he said… However, after a couple of days, Michael realized the reason of my bad mood, came into my office and asked to forgive him. How many people asked your forgiveness for the tone of expressing their opinion?

The second time he persistently asked me the reason of the offense for two days in a row just before my departure to Ammouliani. I even sent him a joking threat, «I’ll write a novel about you!»

And I received a letter as the answer of not a boy, but a man.

«No-no-no, this is not a novel, and not even a story, and not an episode, but just a moment in life of two adult self-sufficient people, who simply misunderstood each other. Sorry, I did wrong when I disappeared without explanation. I had a black streak, problems with money and in general… But as soon as life began to improve, I allowed myself to approach you again.»

And that «I allowed myself to approach you» was imprinted in me once and forever, instantly connecting kilometers of memories into a single whole picture.

«I don’t even know how else to surprise you!»

«Oh my God, I am already a grandfather!»

«I’ve lost some kilograms! Now I’m like a boy!»