Читать книгу The Cotswolds Cookery Club: A Taste of France - Book 3 - Alice Ross - Страница 6

Chapter One

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes, darling?’

‘You smell.’

In Mulberry House, in the idyllic Cotswold village of Little Biddington, up to her elbows in withering suds at the kitchen sink, an appalled Kate Ellis opened her mouth to tell four-year-old daughter, Jemima, not to be so rude; that making such accusations could hurt people; that it simply wasn’t polite, or British, or acceptable. But she didn’t. Because, raising one arm from the murky water in which it had been immersed for what seemed like hours, she executed a quick whiff of her armpit and discovered she really did smell – of body odour, with a hint of vomit.

Returning her hand to the cloudy depths and continuing her scouring of cereal remains, which clung to the Thomas the Tank Engine bowl with limpet-like determination, Kate attempted to recall the last time she’d managed to squeeze anything remotely resembling personal hygiene into the melee that was her life.

And failed miserably.

It certainly hadn’t been yesterday. That had zipped by in one big, vomit-mopping blur. The twins – Mia and Milo – given a choice between eating a dreaded vegetable or sharing anything, would normally opt for the dreaded vegetable. Yesterday, however, they’d demonstrated remarkable magnanimity for two-year-olds in perfectly apportioning a nasty tummy bug.

Awaiting indicators of the areas in later life in which her children might excel – music, art, sport, etc – Kate had discovered that, as vomiters, Mia and Milo would undoubtedly be snapped up by Olympic scouts and deemed to be The Next Big Thing – specialising in the Projectile category.

Older sibling, Jemima, though, had remained unimpressed. Descending the stairs with a bulging bag in one hand, Mr T the teddy in the other, and a clothes peg clamped to her nose, she’d tossed around nasally words like “disgusting”, “gross” and “repulsive”, before announcing her intention to move into her friend Cecilia’s house.

Kate hadn’t blamed her. Rather than the never-ending chaos which ensued in her home – bickering, wailing and screeching, against a background of seemingly self-multiplying cereal-encrusted bowls, a mountain of odd socks, and a constant stream of surprises floating in the toilet bowl – Cecilia’s residence presented a calm, relaxing haven, filled with classical music and colour coordinated toy boxes with printed content lists stuck to the front.

Not for the first time, Kate wondered whether, if someone had been kind enough to give her pre-pregnant self the heads-up on what it was really like having children, she’d have bothered. Of course she loved them. The first time she’d laid eyes on them, fresh from the womb, their little scrunched-up faces inset with tiny currants for eyes and perfect rosebuds for lips, her heart had squeezed so hard it had hurt, and a fierce, primal need to protect them had swept over her. A need which remained as strong as ever today. She would scale icy mountains, cross rapid rivers and walk through fire to keep her children safe.

But, if anyone asked her – hand on heart – if she actually liked her kids, she’d have to reply that she honestly didn’t know.

Concluding it must be part of the bowl’s design, Kate abandoned the persistent cereal, picked several plates from the towering pile on the bench and dropped them into the uninviting water. With her Marge Simpson washing-up brush she began attacking what looked like baked beans remains, while glancing across at Jemima at the kitchen table, intent on her colouring-in.

Noting the concentration on her daughter’s face, Kate turned back to the sink and sighed. Jemima had always been a sweet, affectionate child, who loved anything pink and adored ice cream. Lately, though, all sweetness had evaporated and all signs of affection been replaced with constant whining. Determined to put a smile on the child’s face, Kate had recently made a forty-mile round trip, queued for three hours and spent the equivalent of a family holiday in Majorca, to secure tickets to a performance of her daughter’s beloved Beauty and the Beast. She’d kept the occasion a surprise, the outing being made under the guise of shopping – which had been greeted with some grumbling. Kate, though, had remained optimistic. When Jemima discovered the true purpose, she’d be overcome with excitement, hopping from foot to foot, like in the heady days when she’d been three and found pleasure in everything. However, arriving at the venue, her daughter’s unimpressed state had persisted.

‘If you’d told me we were coming here I’d have worn my blue dress,’ she’d huffed. Followed by a barrage of complaints about how the place was too hot, too crowded and too everything-it-shouldn’t-be.

‘Did you enjoy it?’ Kate had ventured at the end of the evening.

‘It was okay,’ had limped back the half-hearted and, frankly, ungrateful reply.

And then there were the twins – rocketing into the world like two mini torpedoes. And who, with their preformed stubborn, egotistical, single-minded personalities, had continued to wreak havoc ever since.

Why, Kate wondered, as she dunked the plate in the water for a final rinse, then wedged it between a mixing bowl and a measuring jug on the drainer, couldn’t she have had pleasant, easy-going children. Children like Cecilia, who looked forward to their violin practice every day and put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket?

Perhaps, though, it suddenly struck her – with such force that the next plate she’d selected for assault slipped from her hand – the reason her children were so difficult was because of her.

Cecilia’s mother seemed to have glided effortlessly into her maternal role. And the pack at Jemima’s nursery appeared to manage their parental duties without any of the daily fuss and drama Kate negotiated – and in immaculately clean, sweet-smelling attire, devoid of the grubby food stains she frequently sported.

Oh God, she realised – reshuffling the drying crockery to slot in the latest relatively clean item – she was, quite obviously, a Failure – with a big, fat, emboldened capital F.

‘Cecilia’s mummy always smells of roses,’ Jemima suddenly piped up, compounding her mother’s sinking despair.

‘And I bet she doesn’t wash breakfast pots at two in the afternoon either,’ muttered Kate, noting the time on the rather greasy-looking kitchen clock.

‘No. Their dishwasher works.’

For the second time in minutes, Kate opened her mouth to reprimand her daughter – this time for the accusatory edge to her voice. But, once again, she snapped it shut. The child had merely voiced the truth. It was her fault the dishwasher didn’t work. Well, not that it didn’t work. That could be attributed to the poor thing being flogged into submission as it attempted to keep pace with the family’s unceasing demand for clean pots and ability to produce mountains of dirty. Admitting defeat two weeks ago, with one last heart-wrenching whirr – so loud Milo had jumped and spilled a full pot of yoghurt over Kate’s mobile – it had refused to function ever since.

Kate knew, of course, that one phone call from her would remedy the situation – to the repairman, who would examine, diagnose and outline a plan of action. But the call hadn’t been made. For no reason other than she hadn’t found time. Events had overtaken her to such an extent that she’d scarcely had a minute to nip to the loo, never mind actually arrange anything.

Apart, that was, from her dishes for the Cotswolds Cookery Club that evening. Set up by village newcomer Connie Partridge four months ago, the club had turned out to be Kate’s saviour. It was the one thing in life she looked forward to: a culinary escape route; a place where she could relax and be herself without some little body pecking away at her. The wonderful dishes the group conjured up were only part of the attraction. It was the female camaraderie and support that Kate enjoyed above all, and she now counted its three members – Connie – temporary manager of the village newsagent’s; Melody – now five months pregnant; and Trish – the most recent member, who had a teenage daughter and an estranged husband – among her closest friends.

Their diverse lives led to all manner of topics being discussed at their biweekly meetings, which she always looked forward to immensely – except when it was her turn to host. Those occasions, needless to say, resulted in even more havoc than normal feeding time at the zoo – the children hyper with excitement at having bodies from the outside world in their home. Something that only normally happened when domestic appliances required attention and someone had bothered to call a repairman. Fully conversant with her circumstances, the other club members had offered her the opportunity to “host” at their homes, but, tempting as it might be, Kate didn’t deem it fair. So, despite feeling dead on her feet and like she could sleep for an entire month through a major resurfacing of the road outside her bedroom window, here she now was, making a feeble attempt to create some order in the chaos, in preparation for this evening’s meeting.

Summoning the energy to refresh the washing-up water, she’d just pulled out the plug when a cacophony of voices chanting “The Wheels on the Bus” blasted from her phone.

‘That’s your phone,’ sniffed Jemima, glaring at the offending item on the table.

Swiping up a tea towel that had seen better days, and giving her hands a cursory wipe, Kate dragged herself over to the table.

From Edinburgh, where he was on a training course – supposedly – husband Andrew’s name flashed angrily on the screen, causing a shooting pain through her head.

‘Hi,’ she puffed on answering, too exhausted to attempt a chirpy tone and not sure she would have, even had she not been exhausted. ‘How’s it going?’

‘All right. Kids okay?’

‘Same as usual. Apart from the twins vomiting for England all night.’

‘Nice. Are they on the mend?’

‘I think so. They’re only chucking up intermittently now.’

‘Right. Good. Well, I’ll phone tomorrow and see how they are.’

‘Okay.’

‘Is the dishwasher fixed yet?’

‘No.’

‘Christ,’ he muttered.

Before ending the call.

At his reproving tone, Kate sank down on the nearest chair, wincing as a lego piece bit into her left bum cheek. The pain coincided with the realisation that not only was she a failure as a mother, but she was completely crap at being a wife too.

‘Mummy, you’ve broken Plant Monster,’ chided Jemima.

Kate pulled the figure out from under her.

His green arms were indeed broken, his head looked a bit skewwhiff, and the expression on his face was pained.

She knew exactly how he felt.