Читать книгу At His Service: Her Boss the Hero: One Night With Her Boss / Her Very Special Boss / The Surgeon's Marriage Proposal - Алисон Робертс - Страница 12

‘YOU’RE perfectly safe.’

Tama sat down on the snow platform and then lay down, his head going behind Mikki’s back as she stayed sitting on the edge. His tone was amused.

‘We’d be risking hypothermia taking any of our clothes off. Lie down, Mouse. You must be tired.’

She was and she did. Cautiously. It was hard to share this space without touching the body of the large man lying beside her, but they were so padded up in their multiple layers of protective clothing, it didn’t really matter.

It shouldn’t matter anyway. But, then, she shouldn’t be able to sense the heat from his body like this. To feel his touch through all those layers as clearly as if he was touching her skin.

Mikki moved a moment later, uncomfortably aware of the pressure of Tama’s hip against hers.

‘Be still,’ Tama murmured.

Mikki froze instantly. The words transported her back to that day in the diving pool when he’d just pulled her from the helicopter ‘wreck’ and she was taking that long-awaited breath of air. She could see his face so close to her own. Could feel that first rush of desire to touch his lips with her own.

Oh, help! Her cringe was almost a wriggle.

‘What’s up?’ Tama asked. ‘You cold?’

‘Nope. I’m good.’

‘Could’ve fooled me.’

‘This is just a bit … weird.’

It was automatic to turn her head towards the person she was talking to. Not that she could see Tama. This was a darkness like nothing she had ever experienced. She wouldn’t be able to see her hand if she held it close enough to touch her nose.

Funny how it heightened other senses. She could feel Tama’s breath on her face. Smell him. A musky, masculine scent she could almost taste.

‘Scared, huh?’

Mikki hesitated. ‘Yes.’ The admission was reluctant because she wouldn’t be surprised if Tama thought less of her for it, but it was the truth. There was a real element of fear still lurking. If Tama hadn’t been here beside her, she would be terrified.

‘You should be,’ Tama said quietly. ‘Any intelligent person would be in a situation like this.’ He was shifting his weight now. Putting his arm around Mikki and pulling her closer. ‘You’re OK,’ he said. ‘I’m here.’

Mikki absorbed the reassurance. Allowed herself to sink into the circle of his arm and let the side of her body mould itself to his. Maybe she didn’t need to be so afraid of their environment but she still didn’t feel safe being this close to Tama.

‘It still feels weird,’ she said into the new silence.

‘Why?’ Tama chuckled and the puff of breath was warm. ‘You don’t make a habit of sleeping with men in holes in the snow?’

The teasing diffused the tension. ‘I don’t make a habit of sleeping with men at all.’

‘Whoa!’ She could hear Tama suck in his breath. ‘You a virgin, princess?’

‘No.’ For some obscure reason it felt like an insult. As though she might not be attractive enough to have had the opportunity. Or too uptight to consider sex before marriage acceptable. ‘And don’t call me that.’

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Hmm.’ Tama sounded interested now. ‘What else don’t you like? Apart from sleeping with men, that is.’

Mikki wanted to hit him. ‘I didn’t say I didn’t like sleeping with men. I said I didn’t make a habit of it.’

‘Good. Delighted to hear it.’

He sounded delighted. Why? What business was it of his, anyway?

‘What about you?’ Mikki countered.

‘I never sleep with men.’

Mikki snorted. ‘Very funny.’

‘And you’re the first woman I’ve slept with in … oh, ages.’

‘Yeah, weeks, I bet. And you’re not sleeping with me.’

‘Not yet,’ Tama conceded graciously. ‘But I will.’

Mikki held her breath unconsciously. There was such promise in those few words but did he mean slumber or sex?

‘You’re not breathing,’ Tama said softly.

‘Yes, I am.’ Mikki let her breath out with a whoosh. ‘See?’

‘Just as well. I was just starting to think I might need to resuscitate you.’

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? Mikki swallowed. She hadn’t imagined that tone of disappointment beneath the light banter. Was he looking for an excuse to kiss her? Desire kicked in and her heart missed a beat and sped up. It felt so obvious she was afraid Tama would be able to feel it as well. She tried to slow her heart rate by slowing her breathing. But that made it very quiet.

‘Uh-oh,’ Tama murmured. ‘You’re doing it again.’

He was so close Mikki could feel the words as much as hear them, and the distance closed as he spoke so that by the time he spoke the last word it simply morphed into a kiss. The talking finished but his lips kept moving on top of hers. Gently. And then more firmly.

It was a conversation all of its own with all the nuances that speech could contain with the tiny variations of pressure and position. Despite the deafening level of sound desire was trying to make, Mikki could ‘hear’ the underlying communication.

I like you. I’m interested.

Me, too.

I like this. Do you?

Yes. Oh … yes!

The kiss went on. And on. Desire was tightly reined in, which made it possible for this conversation to seem relaxed. A pleasure in itself that was not necessarily leading to anything else.

As naturally as the verbal communication had become non-verbal, the process was reversed.

‘Nice,’ Tama murmured as he drew back slowly. ‘Very nice.’

‘Mmm.’ Mikki ran her tongue over her lower lip. It still tingled. It still tasted of Tama. ‘Nice’ was far too pale a word.

‘You’re still safe,’ Tama told her. ‘I don’t do relationships.’

‘Oh?’ The statement should have been reassuring. Where did that frisson of disappointment come from? ‘No.’ The affirmation was definite. ‘How old are you?’

‘Thirty-six.’

‘And you’ve never had a relationship?’

‘Define “relationship”.’

‘Urn …’ Mikki had to think. ‘If you see someone more than a couple of times it becomes a relationship because you have the expectation of seeing them again. You want to see them again.’

‘Does it involve sex?’

‘At some point, if it’s an adult relationship, then sex is involved. That’s what makes it a relationship rather than just a friendship.’

‘OK. In that case, I take it back. I’ve had heaps of relationships.’

‘If you go into it knowing that it’s short term, it’s not a real relationship,’ Mikki continued as she thought aloud. ‘It becomes real when you start caring about that person. When you have the expectation that it’s going to continue and lead to something else.’

‘Like marriage and mortgages?’

‘I guess.’

‘Then no. I was right. I’ve never had a real relationship and I don’t intend to. Any hint that a woman wants that stuff and I’m outta there. Not my scene. How ‘bout you?’

‘It’s not something I can see in my immediate future,’ Mikki said confidently. ‘But I wouldn’t say “never”. Maybe, one day, when I meet the right person, I’ll change my mind.’

‘Really?’

‘Sure. Why not?’

‘Because you’ve seen what it can do to someone.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You said it nearly destroyed your father when your mother died. He must have loved her very much. They must have had the best kind of relationship.’

‘They did. And, yes, he adored her.’

‘And it was nearly the end of the world for him when he lost her. It must have been unbearable. I’ve seen that happen, too. Why put yourself at risk like that?’

‘Because …’ Mikki was getting an insight into herself through Tama that she’d never considered. Was she the same? Had she run from any relationship that looked like it was getting serious because she didn’t want to risk the fallout if things went wrong? ‘It must be worth it. It’s that “better to have loved and lost” theory.’

‘I don’t buy into it,’ Tama said dismissively. ‘There’s other good stuff to be found in life. Like this …’

He was kissing her again. And this time it felt even more natural than the first time. His taste was familiar and … wonderful. His warmth seeped into every cell in Mikki’s body and the movement of his lips sent impulses that brought her whole body alive. Made it tingle with energy and contentment and desire all at the same time.

And then his tongue touched hers and Mikki lost any ability to analyse how she felt. The world had already been banished to this tiny space and now her awareness shrank much further. She just existed in that point of contact between herself and Tama. A white-hot flame that flickered and grew and consumed everything else. Including oxygen. Mikki finally had to pull back to drag in a breath of air. ‘This isn’t good.’

‘What?’ Tama sounded astonished. ‘I thought it was pretty fantastic myself. Best kiss I’ve had in … oh, ages.’

Mikki suppressed a smile. ‘I meant it’s not a good idea. We can’t have sex, Tama.’

‘No. That would require a little less in the way of clothing than we currently have and it would be silly to risk dying of hypothermia.’

‘I meant not at all.’

‘We’re only kissing.’

‘And kissing is generally the first step on a path that leads to a lot more.’ It would be too disappointing to get more of Tama’s kisses and know they were leading to nothing more. Better to pull the plug right now. ‘What happens when we’re not sleeping on top of a mountain? Tomorrow, say, or next week?’

‘Do you want a lot more, Mouse?’

‘No.’ Yes.

‘You sure about that?’ Tama’s lips were teasing hers again.

‘We can’t.’ Mikki was desperately trying to remember why it was such a bad idea. Oh, yes … ‘It would be … completely inappropriate.’

‘Would it?’

‘Yes. Of course it would. You must see that.’

‘Help me out here. We’re both adults, aren’t we?’

‘Y-yes.’

‘And we’re both single. At least, I’m single. How ‘bout you?’

‘Of course I’m single. I wouldn’t be kissing you if I wasn’t.’

‘I also get the impression that neither of us is into those long-term, real relationships you were talking about. Not yet, in your case, anyway.’ A hint of alarm crept into his voice. ‘You don’t see me as husband material do you?’

Mikki almost laughed. ‘No way! And I’m certainly not looking. Settling down anywhere—with anyone—is the last thing I want right now. I’ve got way too much to do with my life first.’

‘So there you go. We’re the same, you and me.’ Tama’s grip on Mikki tightened by way of emphasis. ‘We want the same things. So why not sex? I think …’ Tama’s lips touched Mikki’s again and his tongue stroked hers for just a heartbeat. ‘I think it would be very, very good.’

Mikki had absolutely no doubts about that.

‘You’re my teacher.’ She forced the words out in a rush. ‘I’m with you because I need to learn stuff.’

‘Agreed.’ She could hear Tama smiling. ‘So the curriculum has some extras. I’m sure there’s some things I could teach you in bed, princess.’

Oh, Lord! Mikki had absolutely no doubts about that either.

‘I’m dependent on you for a qualification I really want to get, Tama. That makes it inappropriate. Unethical. If anyone knew, you’d get into big trouble. I’d probably end up having to leave without the qualifications I need to get me into MSF.’

‘What if it didn’t? What if nobody knew about it except us?’

‘It’s way too risky. What if it turned to custard and you took your revenge by failing me?’

‘It wouldn’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because we’re not talking real here, that’s why not. We’re talking sexual attraction. At least, that’s what it is for me. I know it’s inappropriate and I’ve tried to ignore it, but it doesn’t seem to be going away. Quite the opposite.’ He sighed, an eloquent admission of defeat, and when he spoke again, his voice was husky. ‘I want you.’ His lips were close to Mikki’s again and she felt his words right through her body. ‘And I think …’ He paused to brush her lips very softly. ‘I think you might feel the same way.’

‘Mmm.’ The sound was strangled. Embarrassingly close to a moan, really.

‘So maybe we should just get it out of our systems. Deal with it. Unresolved sexual tension could lead to frustration that might interfere more with your training than your imagined fallout that’s not going to happen because we’re not going to have a real relationship. We can’t, can we? You’re not even going to be around for long enough.’

‘That’s true. A couple of months at the most, if you do your job properly.’

‘So there you go. We’re talking a few weeks. We don’t even need to think that far ahead. This could be a one-off situation. A kind of debrief. A way of defusing tension.’

‘A one-off?’ Mikki didn’t like that idea. It was too casual. Cheap.

‘Theoretically. I guess what I’m saying here is that we shouldn’t take it too seriously. We know what we want and there’s no real reason why we shouldn’t go there and then take it one step at a time. See what happens. I reckon we could make it work.’

‘And nobody would find out?’

‘Not from me, they wouldn’t.’

‘And you wouldn’t let it interfere with work? With my training?’

‘That would be unethical. I’m not an unethical person, Mikki, I promise you that.’

He’d used her name again.

And he’d made a promise she knew instinctively she could trust. Just like she was trusting him to get her through this survival training.

‘Think about it,’ Tama said. He let his breath out in a sigh and pulled her even closer. ‘Right now, we should sleep. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.’

Think about it, he’d said.

He’d meant for Mikki to think about it, but in the bright light of the new day, it was all Tama could think about himself. He’d dreamt about it, with his arm holding Mikki’s body against his while he’d slept.

He’d wanted to kiss her the moment he’d opened his eyes to find her still snuggled against him. He’d wanted to breathe warmth into her body in case she was as chilled and stiff as he felt.

Instead, he’d made breakfast. Hot porridge and strong coffee. And he’d talked about the programme for the second day of training. How they would leave the snow and head for a river crossing and into the bush. How she would learn to make a shelter from brushwood and a fire from scratch.

He didn’t mention a thing about that intimate conversation in the dark. The ball was in Mikki’s court and it would be her choice whether she picked it up or not. However badly Tama wanted it, he wasn’t going to influence her decision. If she was going to come to him, she had to want to.

If this was going to work, she had to want him as badly as he wanted her. And the ground rules had to be sacrosanct.

He hadn’t said a word.

All day.

Either he’d lost interest or he was leaving the decision entirely up to her.

Mikki thought about those kisses and knew he wouldn’t have lost interest any more than she had. She liked it that he wasn’t putting any pressure on her. That he was giving her the choice. But it also made her feel curiously shy.

To come right out and say that, yes, she’d given it some thought and decided it was a great idea seemed way too brazen. She couldn’t think of a way to say it with just the right degree of lightness so she ended up saying nothing about it at all. Just like Tama.

She listened to her mentor and asked questions about what he was teaching her, and she followed him and did everything she was instructed to do.

They worked their way carefully down a slope with patches of icy snow between clumps of tussock. They chose a safe crossing place for the baby river and Mikki crossed her arms and held hands with Tama to give them greater weight and stability as they negotiated the shallow but fast-moving water.

They pushed their way into the bush and Mikki learned about which plants were edible and which were poisonous. They discussed the effects of Giardia parasites and how to treat water to make it safe to drink.

As promised, Tama showed her how to make a fishing hook and line when they came across the larger river they would follow downstream, but they didn’t try their luck fishing for long.

‘We’ve got enough food for tonight and there’s a fair way to walk yet. You tired?’

‘A bit,’ Mikki admitted. ‘It’ll be nice to stop.’ She was tired of walking with wet and squelchy boots and she was tired of trying to interpret every glance or touch from Tama to gauge what he might be thinking. Whether what had happened between them last night was on his mind as much as it was on hers.

But even when they stopped walking, she couldn’t find a way of steering the conversation to anything really personal. It was far easier to stick with the teaching session and learn how to gather brushwood and join it together to make a shelter. How to find small twigs for kindling and then to light the fire by using a magnesium fire-starter.

‘Shave pieces off one side with your pocket knife,’ Tama instructed. ‘And then you make a spark using that piece of flint embedded in the other side.’

Hot food, as daylight faded, was again very welcome. The warmth from the fire was wonderful but Mikki eyed the narrow space beneath the shelter she had constructed dubiously.

‘It’s still going to be cold tonight, isn’t it?’

‘Yep. Usually is, outside like this.’

Too cold to take their clothes off, then. Mikki’s nod was resigned but her heart rate picked up. If she was going to say anything, this was her chance. She swallowed. Then she cleared her throat. ‘It would be silly to risk hypothermia.’

‘It would.’ But Tama was smiling. He was reading the direction of her thoughts easily and his smile was enough to give her a lot more courage.

‘Shame,’ she murmured.

They sat in silence for a minute.

‘There is a hut,’ Tama said.

‘What?’

‘I told you this route was carefully chosen. There’s a hut about half a mile away. We needed one available as a precaution, in case someone got injured on a training exercise or the weather turned nasty. It’s got a clearing beside it which is where the chopper’s going to pick us up first thing in the morning.’

‘So why are we out here instead of in a nice, warm hut?’

‘Because it’s part of the training. You needed to learn to make a shelter.’

‘I’ve done that.’

Tama glanced over his shoulder. ‘So you have.’

‘If we happened to be near the clearing a little earlier than expected, no one would need to know why, would they?’

‘No.’

‘But …’ Mikki felt embarrassed now. ‘It still wouldn’t be a good idea to … you know …’

‘Have sex?’ Tama supplied helpfully. ‘Mmm.’

‘Why not? We wouldn’t be risking discovery. Or hypothermia.’

‘We might be risking something else.’

‘We’ve agreed on the ground rules. It’s not going to interfere with your training and it’s not going to get messed up by one of us being stupid enough to think it’s real.’

‘That’s not what I meant. I’m talking about …’ Mikki closed her eyes. This was horribly clinical. ‘You know. Safe sex.’

‘Oh-h. Not a problem.’

Mikki’s eyes snapped open. ‘You’re telling me you carry condoms on a survival training exercise?’

Tama’s grin was unrepentant. ‘I’m a good Boy Scout. Always prepared. But, no, I don’t always carry them. This time I did.’

Mikki opened her mouth, ready to express outrage at the implied expectation, but then she shut it again. She thought back to that moment in Josh’s room. That silent acknowledgement that had passed between them of the attraction and the opportunity that being alone together would provide.

She stood up. ‘Seeing as you’re such a good Boy Scout,’ she said, with a very womanly smile. ‘You’ll know what to do to make this fire safe to leave, won’t you?’

They held hands as they stumbled along a rough track that led to a primitive but sturdy wooden hut. There was a pot-belly stove opposite the door that made the interior deliciously warm in a very short period of time. They both took off their outer, waterproof garments and their balaclavas and gloves and boots.

Leaving the door of the stove open provided a warm, glowing light. Enough to illuminate the narrow bunk beds built into both sides of the hut. Mikki looked at the width of the beds. She looked at the size of Tama and then she looked at the door.

‘There’s no chance anyone else will want to use this hut tonight, is there?’

‘If they did, they would have been here before nightfall, and that was quite a while ago now.’

‘Good.’

Mikki pulled a mattress off a bunk and put it on the floor in front of where Tama was stoking up the stove. She added a second mattress beside it and the whole floor area was virtually covered.

It was such an obvious move that Mikki felt embarrassed having completed it. She couldn’t look at Tama because the courage she’d found to let him know what she wanted had deserted her. Setting up bedding like this made her feel suddenly and horribly … cheap.

It took only a small step for Tama to be close enough to touch her. He put his forefinger under her chin and used just enough pressure to make her lift her face and look up at him.

She saw understanding in his gaze. Reassurance. And then he smiled that gorgeous crooked smile and bent his head to claim her lips with his own.

They shouldn’t be doing this.

Tama knew that, despite the arguments to the contrary he’d presented to Mikki last night.

He also knew he couldn’t have continued resisting the temptation without repercussions. He’d been honest when he’d said that sexual frustration could interfere with their professional relationship more than any aftermath was likely to.

Mikki held her arms up like a child as he helped her undress by pulling the tight thermal top from her body, but there was nothing childlike about the way she dropped her arms around his neck and then stood on tiptoe to offer him her mouth.

Tama let his lips savour hers while his hands un-clipped her bra and then slid slowly forward to trace her ribs and find …

Oh, God! He might have denied it so well he’d believed it but he’d been wanting to touch these small, perfect breasts since he’d first clapped eyes on them by the diving pool that day. He’d known how they would fit his hands. How firm and round they would feel. He hadn’t imagined what it would do to him to feel the tiny, hard nub of an aroused nipple on them, though. With a groan he had to abandon the sweetness of Mikki’s mouth and bend lower to explore with his tongue the place he’d just sensitised with his fingers.