Читать книгу Always the Midwife - Алисон Робертс - Страница 10

IT MUST HAVE been enough because that happiness stayed with her for the rest of her shift.

In fact, this was turning out to be the best day yet since Sophia had made such big changes in her life, leaving her home town of Canberra to shift to Melbourne.

Word had spread quickly through the Melbourne Maternity Unit about her successful management of an obstetrical emergency in the community. With its international reputation for excellence, the MMU attracted the best in the field but this case was earning her congratulations from every quarter.

Alessandro Manos, who headed the neonatal intensive care unit, had been the specialist called to check the baby and he’d been thorough.

‘There’s no sign of any complications from oxygen deprivation,’ he told Sophia. ‘He’s a lucky little boy that you were there to manage the birth.’

She fastened the disposable nappy and reached for the soft sleep suit Claire had given her to bring up to the unit.

‘It wasn’t just me. I probably would have chosen to try and delay the birth and get her in here if I hadn’t had some expert paramedic assistance. He was …’ Oh, yes … there was a definite extra buzz to be found in the satisfaction of a job well done. ‘He was really amazing.’

‘Who was?’ Isla Delamere—Alessi’s fiancée—had popped into the NICU. Her look suggested that the only amazing man around there was her husband-to-be.

‘The paramedic who helped me through an acute cord prolapse this afternoon.’

‘Oh, I heard about that. How’s the baby?’

‘Perfect.’ Was Alessi referring to the baby he’d just checked? His gaze was resting adoringly on his wife as he spoke.

Sophia’s smile had a poignant edge. They might have wanted to keep Isla’s pregnancy secret for a bit longer but the news had slipped out and there was no way these two could hide how they felt about each other. They were so happy. And why wouldn’t they be? They’d found love and were on the way to being a family.

That had been her own dream once.

People probably assumed it still was. That—like most women her age—she was simply waiting to find the right person to make that dream come true. Only her best friend, Emily, knew that there was no man on earth who could put the pieces of her dream back together.

That it had been permanently shattered.

Maybe it was just as well that the baby scrunched up his face and started crying at that moment.

‘I’d better take this little guy back to his mum. She’ll be missing him and he’s hungry.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ Isla said. ‘I want to hear more about this paramedic. Was he hot? Single?’

Sophia shook her head as she wrapped the baby in a cotton blanket and picked him up. An image of those unusual brown eyes, somewhere between hazel and chocolate, flashed into her head. She could even see the crinkles in the corners—the smile that had seemed intimate because it was only intended for the person who had the eye contact.

‘Hot enough, I guess,’ she said lightly. ‘But I doubt very much that he’s single.’ Liar, her mind whispered. He wouldn’t have asked you out if he wasn’t single. Her voice rose in pitch as it tightened. ‘And even if he was, I wouldn’t be interested.’

‘Why not?’ Loved up herself, Isla was keen for everybody to share her happiness. And maybe she’d picked up on the fact that Sophia was being less than truthful. ‘Work is where most people find their partners, you know.’

‘I’m not looking for a partner.’ With the baby, who’d stopped crying for the moment, in her arms, Sophia led the way out of the ICU and headed towards the room where Claire had been taken for assessment. ‘And I do go out. I’m going out tomorrow.’ This was a good opportunity to change the subject. ‘You’re coming, aren’t you? To the gardens?’

‘For Em and Oliver’s vow renewal ceremony?’ Isla smiled. ‘Of course. I wouldn’t miss it. I think everybody from the MMU is going. It’s the perfect way for everyone to move forward, isn’t it?’ she sighed, probably unaware of the way her hand touched her own belly so protectively. ‘Em’s very brave, isn’t she?’

‘She certainly is.’ Sophia’s arms tightened a little around the precious bundle she was carrying, jiggling him as he started grizzling again. They’d all known that Emily’s foster-daughter would only have a short life but her death had been gutting. Only last week they’d all gathered in the children’s section of Melbourne’s botanical gardens to attend the memorial service for little Gretta. So many tears had been shed as the CEO of the Victoria Hospital—Charles Delamere—had spoken so beautifully about how Gretta’s short life had touched the lives of so many others.

They’d all been clutching pink balloons that had been released into the sky at the end of the ceremony. The balloons had all held little packets of seeds—Kangaroo paws—all different colours. Apparently they had been Gretta’s favourite and Emily had a vision of new plants growing all over Melbourne. It had been a beautiful ending to a very touching ceremony.

‘The plan is that later anyone who can will head for the Rooftop for a drink.’

‘I heard that. Did I tell you that Darcie’s bringing Flick?’

‘The midwifery student?’

‘Yes. She’s due to start shadowing you next week. We thought it would be a good way for her to get to know everyone a bit better. You don’t think Emily will mind, do you?’

‘It’s an open invitation. We all know Em and Oliver and everyone’s thrilled that they’re back together. The sad bit’s been dealt with and this is about the future. It should be a good party.’

‘How formal is it?’

‘Not at all. You can wear whatever you like. But I did talk Em into buying a new dress and getting her hair done so I don’t plan to turn up in jeans myself.’

Emily Evans had been the first real friend that Sophia had made after moving to Melbourne. They’d clicked instantly and it had been Emily who had helped Sophia settle into her new job and home so happily. An evening with a few wines a couple of months into their friendship had sealed the bond when they’d realised how much they had in common. Their journeys may have been very different but the result was the same—they would never know the joy of holding their own newborn infants in their arms.

Had it been stupid to pick this career? Leaving Isla behind, Sophia had a few moments alone, holding Claire’s baby boy. This was the part of her job she loved best. The weight of the tiny body that fitted so snugly against her chest. The joy in the mother’s face as she handed it over. Watching a tiny mouth latch onto a breast for that first feed …

It was always there, though … that empty feeling in her own arms. The ache in the corner of her own heart.

Emily’s journey had been slower. The hope had still been there for all those attempts at IVF and it must have turned to such joy when she’d finally carried a pregnancy almost to term. How devastating would it have been to experience the stillbirth of her son?

More devastating than it had been to wake from an emergency surgery to be told that you’d not only lost your baby but that your uterus had had to be sacrificed to save your life? There would never be a transition period of chasing an IVF dream to lead to acceptance for Sophia. She’d only been twenty-one but her life had changed for ever that day.

But it hadn’t been stupid to choose this career. Yes, she could have shut herself away from the emotional fallout by choosing a nursing career that had nothing to do with babies or children, but that would have only made the ache worse in the long run and at least, this way, she got to share the joy every day of her life pretty much.

Love always came with some fine print about what you were risking but if you never took that risk, you shut yourself off from what life had to offer. Nobody had ever promised that life was easy and she’d seen more than her fair share of heartbreak in this job, but she’d seen far more people reaping the rewards of taking risks.

Look at Em. She’d chosen to love two children who weren’t even hers, both with medical conditions. She’d been brave enough to risk the heartbreak she’d known was coming right from the start. Sophia had thought she was being brave, becoming a midwife and working with other people’s babies every day, but, compared to Em, she was still hiding from life, wasn’t she?

The next half-hour was happy enough to banish any personal reflections as Sophia spent time with Claire and Greg and the baby who now had a name—Isaac.

The first breastfeed was no drama and she left the happy parents preparing to go back home for their first night as a family.

Weaving through the busy, inner-city streets to get back to her small, terraced cottage when she finally signed off duty wasn’t enough of a distraction, however. The ache was a little heavier today. Not just the empty ache of not having a baby to hold. There was the ache of not having a hand to hold. Having someone in her life who was her special person.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t making new friends here. Good friends. It was because she was essentially alone. She had no family nearby. Her best friend was back with her husband. Sophia had no one who was always available to share the highs and lows of life. And a best friend could never take the place of a life partner, anyway. She had no one to cuddle up to at night.

How stupid had she been, turning down that offer of a date with Aiden Harrison?

Why couldn’t she be a bit braver?

If only she could turn the clock back to that moment. She could see those dancing eyes so clearly. A mix of attraction and humour and … confidence that she would say yes?

He hadn’t been upset by her stuttering refusal, though, had he?

Maybe, by now, he was feeling relieved.

Oh, for heaven’s sake. Sophia gave herself a mental shake. She needed to get over herself or she wouldn’t be contributing anything positive at tomorrow’s celebration. Maybe she needed to take a leaf out of Emily’s book and convince herself that the risk of loving was always worthwhile.

Maybe she could even go down that track herself one day and think about fostering kids.

‘It’s only me.’ Aiden let himself into the big house in Brunswick—his usual stop on his way home. ‘Where is everyone? Nate?’

A dark head popped out from behind a nearby door. ‘We’ll be out in a sec, Aiden. The other boys are in the lounge.’

The lounge was a large room and, like all the other rooms in this converted house, it had polished wooden floors. Unlike most lounges, it had very little furniture, however, because the residents didn’t need sofas or armchairs. The four young men who lived here were all quadriplegics who needed a high level of domestic and personal assistance. The youngest lad, Steve, was only eighteen. Nathan, at twenty-four, was the oldest.

Not that his younger brother intended to live here for long. This was a halfway step—a move towards the kind of independence he really wanted. At some point they were going to have to talk about it and maybe tonight would be a good time. While he hadn’t said anything yet, Aiden was worried about the idea of Nate living independently. He himself had a demanding job and he wouldn’t be able to drop everything and go and help his brother if something happened. At least here there were always carers on hand and it was a lot better than the residential home he’d been in for the last few years.

Or was the anxiety about the future more like a form of guilt? That he hadn’t been able to care for his brother himself when the accident had happened because he’d only been a kid himself?

That it was his fault that the accident had happened in the first place?

That, if Nathan was capable of living in a normal house, he’d want it to be with him and then he’d have to take full responsibility. Oh, he’d have a carer to come in a couple of times a day to help with the transfers from bed to wheelchair and for the personal type care of showering and toileting, but what about the rest of the day? What would happen if Nate fell out of his chair or something and he was in the middle of a job like that obstetric emergency today?

He wanted his brother somewhere he was protected and surely this was as good as it got? This was like a regular blokes’ flat, with a sports programme playing on its huge-screen television and guys sitting around, yelling approval at the goal that had just been scored.

And then he saw what they were watching. Murderball. The loud, fast and incredibly aggressive form of wheelchair rugby that Nate was currently passionate about. Two of the other guys in the house were part of a local team and Nate was desperate to make the grade. Physically, he certainly qualified.

Many people thought that quadriplegics—or tetraplegics—were always totally paralysed from the neck down but the repercussions of a cervical injury or illness were as individual as the people who suffered them and they were graded according to whether the impairment was complete or incomplete and by how much sensory and motor function remained.

With the C6 spinal injury Nate had received at the age of ten, he had little movement or sensation in his lower body. Thankfully, the injury had been incomplete so he still had a good range of movement in his upper body and better hand function than many. If he got his strength up, he’d probably be lethal on a Murderball court.

‘Hey, Aiden. Wassup?’

‘All good, Steve. How ’bout you?’

‘This is our game from last week. Wanna watch?’

‘Sure. Not for long, though. I promised Nate I’d take him out for a beer tonight.’

The young woman who’d greeted him came into the lounge. With her short, spiky black hair and facial piercings, Samantha was unlike any of the carers he’d come across in the years of Nate’s care so far.

‘He’s out of the bathroom, Aiden. You can help him finish getting dressed if you want.’

Nathan’s face lit up as Aiden went into his room.

‘Hey, bro …’ The hand held up for a fist bump took away any awkwardness of the height difference between the brothers and Nate’s lack of hand strength. ‘What do you call a quadriplegic on your doorstep?’

Aiden rolled his eyes. ‘I thought you’d given up on the quadriplegic jokes.’

‘Matt.’ Nathan snorted with laughter and then pushed on one wheel of his chair to turn it towards a chest of drawers. ‘What do you reckon? Leather jacket or the denim one?’

‘Either’s good. We’re going to a garden bar but it’s not cold out. Want a hand?’

‘Nah … I’m good.’

Rather than watch Nate’s struggle to put the jacket on unaided, Aiden looked around his brother’s room. The poster collection was growing. Action shots of Murderball games, with wheelchairs crashing into each other and flipping sideways and the occupants only staying with them because they were strapped in.

He waved a hand at the posters. ‘You could get really injured doing that stuff, you know.’

‘Nah.’ Nathan had one sleeve of his jacket on but it was taking a few attempts to get his other hand into a sleeve hole. ‘A cracked rib or a squashed finger, maybe. Wouldn’t be calling you out with any lights or sirens. Hey … any good jobs today?’

‘Yeah … Last call was the best. This midwife was calling for transport to take a home birth in to the maternity unit in the Victoria because it had been going on too long. I overheard the call and decided to poke my nose in just because it was handy and things were quiet. Thought I’d just be waving the flag but the minute I walk in, the woman has a contraction and, boof! Umbilical cord prolapse and it’s turned into an emergency.’

‘Wow. What did you do?’

Aiden settled himself onto the end of Nathan’s bed. This would need a few minutes because Nate always wanted a blow-by-blow account of every interesting job. If he’d been able-bodied, he would have been a paramedic himself, no question about it. You’d think he’d only be reminded of what he’d never be able to do by hearing about it but he never seemed to get enough of hearing about Aiden’s professional exploits.

Or anything else about his big brother’s life, come to that. He particularly loved to hear about the women he met and those he chose to date. What they looked like, where they’d gone on their dates and whether they’d stayed the night. He’d been careful how much he’d said about the midwife on today’s job because Nate would have picked up on that pretty fast and, for some reason, Aiden hadn’t wanted to answer the inevitable questions about how cute she was or whether she was single and, if so, why hadn’t he asked her out yet?

Nate was so sure that someone was going to come along one day who would make him break his three-dates rule. Aiden was just as sure it would never happen.

If he couldn’t take responsibility for his own brother’s well-being, why the hell would he make himself responsible for anyone else? He didn’t even own a dog, for heaven’s sake, and he’d chosen a medical career where he generally never had to see his patients more than once.

Aiden Harrison was only too well aware of his limitations when it came to relationships and he’d found the perfect balance. Life was good. And it would continue to be good as long as Nathan didn’t insist on putting himself at risk. Yes … tonight was the night for having a serious talk about the future.

‘Let’s go.’ He matched the invitation with movement, standing up and opening the extra-wide door so that Nathan could manoeuvre his wheelchair into the hallway.

‘Is it okay if Sam comes too?’

‘Huh?’

‘Samantha. You know … my carer? I asked her if she’d like to come out and have a beer with us and she was keen. There’s plenty of staff on tonight so it’s no problem.’ ‘I … ah …’ Was he going to be playing gooseberry while his brother was having a date?

Surely not.

But why not? He knew better than anyone that a disability didn’t change who you were and his brother was an awesome guy. Why wouldn’t a girl be smart enough to realise that? He had to admit it was a disturbing thought, though. What if Nathan fell in love and got his heart broken? Maybe a man-to-man talk about how well the three-dates rule worked needed to take priority over the talk about how risky independent living could be.

Not that either of those talks was going to happen tonight.

‘Sure,’ he heard himself saying, as though it was no big deal. ‘There’s plenty of room in the van. Maybe one of the other guys would like to come too.’

‘Nope.’ Nathan scooted through the door ahead of him. ‘I only invited Sam.’

They were in a very different part of the botanical gardens this time. The guests crowded around the couple who were standing beneath the wrought-iron archway on the steps to the Temple of the Winds. The greenery of overhanging trees shaded them from the hot sun of a stunning autumn afternoon and once again Charles Delamere was in place as the master of ceremonies

‘Ten years ago,’ he told them, ‘Emily and Oliver made their wedding vows. Circumstances, grief, life drove them apart but when the time was right fate brought them together again. They’ve decided to renew their vows, and they’ve also decided that here, in the gardens that are—and have been—loved by the whole family, is the place they’d like to do it.’

Emily and Oliver exchanged a look that was tender enough to bring a lump to Sophia’s throat. She glanced over at Toby, Em’s foster son, who was being held by Em’s mother, Adrianna. This was a real family affair.

There had been so many tears at Gretta’s farewell in the children’s playground and there were probably just as many as the couple exchanged heartfelt vows, declaring their love and promising their commitment, but there was real joy this time. An affirmation that the risk of truly loving was worthwhile.

It was contagious, that hope. Maybe there was someone out there for her, Sophia thought. Someone who could see past the fact that she could never give him children of his own. Maybe she could find what Emily and Oliver had. How good would that be?

Something would have to change, though, if she was going to become as brave as Emily. Not that she knew quite what that something was but she was definitely going to give it some serious thought.

And, in the meantime, she could celebrate her friend’s happiness. The Rooftop Bar was a good place to be on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Adrianna took little Toby home after a short time but told Oliver and Emily to stay and celebrate with all their friends. She would sort the final packing that was needed before they all went on their family honeymoon to the Great Barrier Reef the next day.

As often happened, the men gravitated together at one point and Sophia found herself sitting with a group of the women she knew best around a deliciously shaded table. Right beside Emily, she impulsively gave her friend another hug.

‘I’m just so happy for you, Em. For you and Oliver. You so deserve every bit of this happiness.’

‘It’ll be your turn next.’ Emily’s smile was radiant. ‘I’m sure of it.’

Isla overheard the comment. She was smiling as she refilled Sophia’s glass with champagne. ‘Good timing that she’s met that hot paramedic, then, isn’t it?’

‘What?’ Emily’s jaw dropped. ‘How come I haven’t heard about this? Who is he?’

‘Nobody,’ Sophia muttered. ‘Just a guy that turned up for that cord prolapse job yesterday.’

‘And he’s gorgeous,’ Isla added. ‘Soph said so.’

‘I said he was good at his job, that’s all.’

‘She couldn’t stop talking about him.’ Darcie Green had joined them. ‘I can vouch for that.’

Emily’s sideways glance was significant. ‘Just remember what I told you,’ she said, raising her glass. ‘You don’t have to marry the guy. Just get out there and have some fun.’

‘Why shouldn’t she marry the guy?’ Isla asked, between sips of her tall glass of soda water. ‘Have you got something against marriage, Soph?’

‘Not at all. I’m thrilled for Oliver and Em. And for you and Alessi. And …’ Sophia glanced around the table, trying to distract the focus of attention. ‘And what’s going on with you and Lucas, Darcie? I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to notice the sparks flying at the ball.’

Lucas was the super-hot senior midwife at the MMU and, while the husbands of the women about to give birth were less than impressed with his popularity, there was no shortage of expectant mums keen to become his patients. No shortage of women in Melbourne just as keen to fill another potential role in his life either.

Darcie was an English obstetrician, on secondment to the MMR. She was dedicated to her job and professional enough to have made several people sharpen up at work. Lucas didn’t seem to be in that number, however, and the antagonism between them had been noted on the grapevine, but the obvious sparks at the ball had not come across as being between two people who didn’t like each other. Not at all.

Not that Darcie was about to admit anything. She shrugged. ‘We all had a good time at the ball,’ she said, carefully avoiding eye contact with any of the other women. ‘But if there was anything serious going on, I’d say it was between Flick, here, and Tristan.’

There was a murmur of agreement amongst the women and more than one knowing smile accompanying the nods.

‘I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to see you two leaving together,’ Darcie continued lightly. ‘Just what time did you get home, young woman?’

Felicia Lawrence, the student midwife, turned bright red. For an awful moment, Sophia was sure she was about to burst into tears.

Whatever had happened that night was really none of their business. Sophia needed to give her an escape route.

‘So you two aren’t dating or anything interesting like that, then?’

Flick shook her head with more emphasis than was needed. ‘I’m not remotely interested in dating,’ she claimed. ‘My career’s the only important thing in my life right now. Like Sophia.’

‘I didn’t say I wasn’t interested in dating.’ Sophia eyed her glass of champagne suspiciously. Had she had too much? ‘I just … haven’t met anybody. It takes time, you know—when you move to a new city.’

‘But you’ve met the hot paramedic now.’ Darcie was smiling. ‘What was his name? Andy?’

‘Aiden.’ It seemed to be Sophia’s turn to blush now. She could feel the warmth in her cheeks as she said his name aloud. ‘Aiden Harrison.’

‘Is he single? Did he ask for your number?’

‘No.’ She bit her lip. ‘He did ask me for a date, though.’

‘And you said no? What were you thinking?’

Darcie and Flick seemed very relieved to have the spotlight turned onto someone else’s love life and, for Flick’s sake, Sophia was happy enough to take centre stage.

‘I’m not sure,’ she admitted. ‘Maybe I thought he was just being nice. I’d said I owed him a coffee because he’d had to abandon one to come to the job. He said he’d take a beer instead. It seemed—I don’t know—a bit of a joke, maybe?’

‘Nonsense,’ the women chorused. She was gorgeous, they assured her. Intelligent. Fun. Any guy would have to be crazy not to be genuinely interested.

Emily caught her glance in a private moment. She was the only one who might understand that moment of panic. That dip into a whirl of thoughts that had been spinning for so many years now. The issue of meeting someone you really liked and then agonising over when to tell them. On the first date? Did you say something like, ‘Yeah, I’d love to go out with you but you should know that if you want to have kids some time in the future then I’m not the woman for you’? Or did you wait until things got serious and then field the repercussions of someone feeling a bit cheated? Deceived, even.

Yes. Emily’s glance was sympathetic. But there was something else there, too. Encouragement?

‘What does it matter if it did start out as a bit of a joke?’ she said. ‘Isn’t the whole idea to have fun? To let your hair down a bit and enjoy the best of what life has to offer that doesn’t have anything to do with work? It doesn’t ever have to be anything serious.’

You don’t have to marry the guy. Was that code for ‘You don’t have to even tell him’?

‘How many guys do we know who have no intention of getting serious?’ she added. ‘They’re just out to have fun. We could learn something from those guys.’

‘Like Alessi.’ Darcie nodded. ‘Oops … sorry, Isla, but he was a terrible flirt and nobody lasted more than one night. Until you, of course …’

‘Not a good example,’ Emily chided. ‘But you’re right. Soph could use a bit of that attitude and just get out there and enjoy herself with some attractive male company.’

Sophia found herself nodding. And hadn’t she just made a silent vow that very afternoon that something needed to change in her life? Maybe she wouldn’t have to give too much thought to what that something was.

‘Maybe I will,’ she said aloud. ‘Not that there’s anyone around who’s offering the company.’

‘The hot paramedic did. You’re probably putting anyone off asking by sending out I’m not available vibes. Change your attitude and they’ll be around in droves. You might even meet him again.’

Sophia laughed. ‘I don’t think so.’ But she reached for her glass of champagne, feeling lighter in spirit than she had for a long time. ‘But, hey … I’ll give it a go. The next time I get asked out—especially if it’s the hot paramedic—I’ll say yes.’

‘Promise?’ Emily raised her glass to clink it against Sophie’s. The other women followed her example and the glasses met in a circle over the centre of the table.

‘I promise,’ Sophie said.