Читать книгу Always The Hero - Алисон Робертс - Страница 7

THE PILOT TOOK the rescue helicopter in a long, slow sweep over the length of Kaimotu as they made their final approach.

Most of the island appeared to be covered in native bush with little in the way of buildings. Housing was concentrated along the longest stretch of beach and the hills at one end. This was where the wharf was located and the community’s centre, which contained the public buildings, including schools and business premises.

It was also where the major damage from the earthquake had been focused according to the patchy reports that had been coming in for nearly two hours now. The tremor that Tom and his colleagues had felt had indeed been the tail end of something much bigger. A seven point four earthquake with its epicentre right beneath Kaimotu Island. Probably right beneath its most densely populated area at this time of day, unfortunately. Reports contained the information that there were a lot of people injured. Possibly trapped in collapsed buildings.

The landing coordinates were for the field close to the medical centre, which was often used for evacuations from the island. This was the first time Tom had ever been here but it was hard to appreciate the natural beauty of the isolated island with the amount of adrenaline he had coursing through his body. Exchanging a glance with Frank as they hovered over the centre of the tiny township, where the buildings had taken the brunt of the damage, he could see that his mate was as wired as he was.

Here they were, the first responders, quite possibly the only responders for some time, and they were facing what was probably going to be the biggest job of their careers.

‘There it is.’ The voice of Moz, the pilot, sounded deceptively calm. ‘The medical centre. Hang on to your hats, boys. Let’s get this baby on the ground.’

In their bright red overalls, still wearing their white helmets with the rescue service insignia on the front, hefting only their backpacks full of emergency gear, Tom and Frank ducked beneath the slowing rotors and ran for the steps leading up to the modern buildings attached to the old, wooden hospital. A sign indicated that this was the island’s medical centre—the place they’d been instructed to report to first.

Even before they got through the door they could see the place was crowded. There were people milling around inside and out and the veranda of the old hospital was packed.

It had been two hours since the quake had struck. The initial tsunami warning had been cancelled when it had become clear that the quake hadn’t been centred out at sea. Were people staying on higher ground anyway, just in case?

How many of the walking wounded had made it this far? How many had been carried here? Tom had no idea what was available in terms of medical staff and resources. He had to hope that somebody competent had taken charge and would be able to fill him in. Where would they be needed most? How on earth would they even begin to triage this situation?

The waiting room was packed to the gills. The sound of children crying and the sight of so many pale, frightened people galvanised Tom into action.

‘Who’s in charge here?’ he asked the person closest to the door, a middle-aged woman who was holding a bloodstained dressing against long grey hair that was matted with blood.

‘The nurse. A— Ahhh …’ The word turned into a shriek of fear as the building shook. Children screamed. Somebody tried to push past Tom to get to the door. Everybody else was moving now, too. Gathering children into their arms and either crouching over them or turning to flee.

Tom turned to say something to Frank but all he could manage was a quiet but fervent oath. The aftershock was over almost as soon as it had begun but his heart was still picking up speed as he surveyed the room, wondering if the building was about to come down on them all.

‘It’s just an aftershock.’ The clear notes of a woman’s voice cut through the sounds of panic. ‘We have to expect them. You’re all safe in here. Mike and Don have checked the building. It’s solid.’

‘Who are Mike and Don?’ Frank’s query came as Tom tried to see past all the people and find the woman who’d spoken. There was something about that voice that had made his gut tighten instantly. Sent a tingle down the length of his spine. ‘And where are they now?’

‘Let’s find out.’ Taking a step forward, Tom found a space magically clearing, the way it usually did when they arrived on scene. They had come to help. They knew what they were doing. Their arrival was always welcome.

He could see the back of the woman now. A long blond braid hung down over a navy blue uniform. Tom felt that kick in his guts again but the sight of long blond hair always did that to him, didn’t it? Ever since … ever since …

Abby …

‘It’s definitely broken,’ he heard her tell a teenage boy as she finished winding a crepe bandage to hold a cardboard splint in place on his arm.

Now that her name was filling his head, it was easy to recognise that voice. Clear, soft notes that got a husky little edge to them when she was stressed. Or when she was.

No. Tom had to force that particular association out of his mind as fast as it had entered but it was by no means easy because there was a husky edge to her voice right now.

‘It won’t hurt so much now it’s immobilised but I’m sorry, Sean—there’s nothing more I can do right now. We’ll all have to wait until help arrives.’

‘It’s here,’ the boy told her, staring up at Tom, his eyes wide. ‘Right behind you.’

The woman rose to her feet in a graceful movement, turning at the same time. Tom could clearly see the relief in her eyes as she registered the bright uniforms of the helicopter crew. And then he saw the shock as she caught his gaze.

As she recognised him.

‘Oh, my God … Tom …?’

The shock was mutual. Tom had thought that being on an island in the aftermath of a massive earthquake was the only thing he’d be expected to have to deal with.

But he’d been so wrong.

Seeing Abby again was … was such a shock he couldn’t even begin to process it.

That hair, with its gorgeous golden-honey colour and the length that made it so damn sexy when it brushed on naked skin.

Her voice.

Those huge blue eyes that darkened in colour if her mood was extreme. They were as dark as he’d ever seen them right now. She was shocked. Afraid.

Of him?

It was another reaction that Tom had to squash. This wasn’t about them right now. It couldn’t be allowed to be. And this was most certainly not the time or place to try to process anything so personal.

So Tom simply nodded. And acknowledged her.

‘Abby.’

It was just a name but the weight that single word could carry was overpowering. It wasn’t just a person he was acknowledging. Behind that name swirled deep, personal things. Huge, painful things that Tom had thought were long since dead and buried. He could feel them hovering over him in this instant, waiting to punch him in the gut with far more force than seeing her hair or hearing her voice had done. Stab him in the heart, even.

They couldn’t be allowed to get even remotely closer. Not here, not now. They were in an emergency situation that was far bigger than a reunion between two people whose relationship had turned to custard.

‘Fill us in,’ he ordered Abby. ‘Communication’s been very patchy and we need to know what we’re dealing with, here.’

She nodded. ‘The cell phone tower is out of action. They’ve been using the coastguard radio to communicate with the mainland but nobody’s been back to update us. We had no idea when help would start arriving. Come with me.’

Abby led them to what had been her office.

Tom Kendrick was here.

Here. Right behind her. As huge as he’d ever been in both his physical size and the sheer presence his personality emanated. Just as breathtakingly gorgeous as he’d ever been, too, with those strong features and dark eyes and that deep, commanding voice. A crisp, professional voice right now but Abby knew how it could soften. How both that voice and those eyes could make her think of melted chocolate.

Oh … dear Lord … The past was crashing all around her, just like all that stuff that had come off the shelves of her office during the big quake.

Small, paper-sized things, like finding out they had the same favourite foods. Sweet, jelly-snake kinds of things, like how good the sex had been. Huge, fridge-sized things, like the way she couldn’t have imagined her future without him as a part of it.

She couldn’t handle this new bombardment. Her world had been turned upside down and shaken far too hard already. Abby walked ahead of Tom, frantically trying to find the emotional equivalent of a solid desk to crawl underneath, but every instinct was urging her to run. To get out of there—away from Tom—to find Jack and then just keep running. The way she had when Jack had been no more than a positive line on a pregnancy test?

No. Her first instinct then had been to run back to Tom, hadn’t it? Despite the fact that their relationship had already hit the rocks. She’d chosen to run later, when she’d had time to think about the implications of a future that included him.

Something like a sob was building inside her chest, making it impossible to take a breath. She couldn’t run because she was desperately needed here.

And she didn’t even know where Jack was right now, so she could find herself running totally in the wrong direction.

The hovering terror had just been magnified.

She didn’t know whether Jack really was safe.

And … what if Tom found out about Jack?

She had to hold it together. She would be no use to anyone if she fell apart. She had to hang on to the mantra that Ruth had given her within minutes of the quake. Jack was safe. All the children on the school trip, including her Brooke and Amber, would be safe. They were miles away from the township and village and the falling debris that was hurting people.

They were probably the safest people on the island and the teachers would be looking after them. The only reason that they weren’t already in the school hall that was being used as an evacuation centre was because something had happened to close the cliff road. They might have to walk instead of riding in the old school bus.

Time had passed in a blur since that initial terror. That first stunned silence, when the wail of the tsunami-warning siren could be clearly heard, hadn’t lasted long.

Panicked people were heading away from the harbour’s edge and uphill towards the hospital. Others began rushing away from the medical centre when it was discovered that the cell phone tower was obviously not functioning and there was no way for anybody to find out whether loved ones were okay. The first injured people began to arrive and Abby had to check on the mostly elderly inpatients in the old hospital wing.

She needed Ben to be here. And Ginny, the doctor who’d helped out recently, although she was refusing to fill the gap that had been left when the last doctor had resigned. She wouldn’t refuse now. They needed all the help they could get.

Thank heavens for Ruth. She’d started by reassuring Abby about the children and had then carried on to be a tower of strength in assisting her to create some order amongst the chaos. With Daisy strapped to her chest in a sling, and Blake being looked after by Hannah, they’d checked on everybody they could find and dispensed both first aid and as much reassurance as they could muster. They’d been ready for contact from the local policeman and volunteer fire brigade when it came and had begun to coordinate a response.

More people who needed medical attention had begun to arrive at the centre and the men had driven off to assess the damage in the township. Now Ruth was sitting at the desk in Abby’s office, trying to record and coordinate information about who was missing, injured or might need evacuation to the mainland.

Ruth looked up as Abby entered the office and she had tears of relief in her eyes as she registered the men with her. ‘Oh, thank God you’re here.’ She tilted her head to see past the two men.

‘It’s just us, so far.’ It was the man with Tom who spoke. ‘We got dispatched as soon as it was known that the epicentre of the quake was in a populated area. When contact was made and we heard about injuries and trapped people, a full response was put into action but it takes time to scramble the right people. There’s another chopper and a light plane coming that are carrying two doctors, a mobile triage unit and a USAR team with a search dog, but it’ll be at least an hour until they’re due to land.’

Tom was looking at Abby.

‘Who’s in charge of the overall incident control?’

Abby heard her breath come out in an incredulous huff.

He didn’t seem to be having any trouble dealing with the fact that they were seeing each other for the first time in nearly six years. Maybe it was so far in the past he didn’t have things hurtling around in his head, like the image Abby suddenly got, of being cradled in his arms. That magic time when desire had been temporarily sated and the world had never seemed so perfect.

Maybe he didn’t have things crashing around in his head or his heart, because it had never meant that much to him in the first place. She had to hold on, here. To stop allowing the past to intrude and assume an importance it had no right to have. She had to focus. To respond to Tom as the person he was at this moment. A rescuer. A skilled professional who was doing exactly what he should be doing and focusing on his job.

But … this was an incident?

No. This was far more than a mere incident. Her whole community was in danger. People she loved. A place she loved. The sanctuary she had sought years ago that had embraced her and kept her safe. More importantly, had kept Jack safe.

Until now.

But this was Tom all over, wasn’t it? This wasn’t about the people and their broken lives. This was about the adrenaline rush of a big job. Of the opportunity to put himself in danger to save others.

Not her problem. Abby could hear the almost desperate whisper in the back of her mind. Not anymore.

Tom was staring at her. Holding her gaze but keeping anything personal well shuttered. If he knew what she was thinking—and, given what she knew about him, he probably did—he wasn’t about to let it interfere with his work.

Oh … help. For a heartbeat, Abby was caught by that intense stare. Or rather by what she could see around it. The gorgeous olive skin and strong features that spoke of Maori heritage. Those dark, dark eyes. The soft, dark waves of hair.

An adult version of her precious Jack.

She couldn’t go there. Couldn’t waste another second thinking about what Tom looked like. Or how it made her feel, seeing him again like this.

‘Mike Henley is our senior police officer. He’s working with Don Johnson, who’s the chief fire officer. They have about twenty people who work in the volunteer fire brigade and have had some training in rescue. We also have our island coastguard guys. They’ve set up headquarters in the information centre, which is on the main street at the ferry terminal end. A boat radio is being used to contact the mainland. The cell phone tower is down.’

‘What medical staff are available? Where are your doctors?’

‘We only have one full-time doctor on the island at the moment—Ben McMahon. He was out on a house call when the quake happened and we haven’t heard any news since. There is another doctor but she’s not working officially and I have no idea where she is at the moment. Apart from that, we have four nurses. Two of them are on duty in the hospital. The others are on their way and they’re going to help look after injured people after we’ve assessed and stabilised them.’

‘We?’

Abby felt a flush of colour stain her cheeks. ‘So far it’s only been me. Fortunately there hasn’t been anything major arriving.’

‘We need to get to the information centre. And we need a medical team to work with. What’s the most serious case you’ve got in here?’

‘There’s nothing life-threatening. Bruises, lacerations and a few broken bones. One of our other nurses who’s coming in is trained in first aid. It’s under control.’

‘Good. You can come with us, then.’

It was a gasp rather than a huff that escaped Abby now. ‘I don’t think so…. This is where people are coming for treatment.’

‘If they can get themselves here, they’re not the victims we need to worry about first. We’ve got doctors arriving very soon and they can base themselves here. You’re an experienced emergency nurse, Abby. We’re going to need more than one team to check the township and triage for injuries. Frank can lead one. You can come with me. I take it you know the layout of the town?’

‘Of course. I’ve been living here for five years.’

A flicker crossed Tom’s face as he registered that this was where she’d come after they’d split up. A frown that suggested he couldn’t understand why. It was gone as fast as it had appeared but Abby was aware of a flash of … what, satisfaction? Relief? He wasn’t as unaffected as he was managing to appear. He hadn’t forgotten everything because he hadn’t cared enough.

Yes. It was a kind of relief. She wasn’t the only one who was finding this painful.

‘Good.’ Tom’s gaze had shifted away from her. ‘You’ll know the people as well, then. Could be a valuable asset.’

Torn, Abby twisted her head to look at Ruth. She could see her own reaction reflected back. She was a valuable asset here, too, wasn’t she? This felt like the right place to be. Where she had access to medical equipment and drugs and where Ben and Ginny would come to help.

This was where someone would come to reunite Jack with his mother.

And … and it was a much safer place to be than out there in the unknown, where things were wrecked and dangerous and where she could be at serious risk if there were any more of those horrible aftershocks.

But these new arrivals were the experts. They also had medical qualifications that exceeded her own. Ethically, she had no choice. She had to follow orders.

‘Let’s go.’ Frank was staring out the window. ‘We’re wasting time here, mate.’

Tom’s glare was holding Abby. Pulling her in.

‘I can’t go out like this.’ Abby held out her bare arms and looked down at the flimsy material of her uniform.

‘There’s the overalls in the back of the Jeep,’ Ruth reminded her. ‘And the helmets.’

‘You’ve got a four-wheel-drive vehicle?’ Tom was moving towards the door. ‘Excellent. Let’s move.’

The Jeep was one of the clinic’s vehicles, modified to have a stretcher clipped in the back and equipped with emergency gear. The island’s equivalent of an ambulance. Ben had the other one.

‘Go, Abby,’ Ruth urged. ‘We can cope here. People need you.’

Abby nodded. She had no choice. Tom was already halfway out the door. Frank was holding back, waiting for Abby to go ahead of him.

‘Send someone to find me,’ she told Ruth, ‘if you hear anything at all about Jack.’

‘Of course I will. He’ll be fine, Abby. They all will.’

But Ruth’s lips trembled. She had two daughters on that school trip, didn’t she? Did she have to try and make Abby believe they were all safe in order to keep herself focused?

‘Who’s Jack?’ Frank asked as he followed Abby out of the door. ‘Your husband?’

‘No.’ Abby took a deep breath as she tried to push her own fear back into its box in the corner. ‘He’s my … my son.’

Tom heard.

Abby had a child? A son?

Of course she’d moved on. It had been nearly six years since they’d been together. How old was this Jack? A baby? A toddler, maybe. Couldn’t be any older unless she’d moved on and replaced him pretty damn fast.

‘So you’ve got a son?’ The words escaped as Tom climbed into the front passenger seat of the Jeep.

Abby reached to switch on the ignition. ‘Mmm.’

‘And he’s in day care or something, because you’re working?’

She might have nodded. It was hard to tell because she was turning her head to see whether Frank was on board and the door was closed. It was also quite possible she was avoiding answering him by simply pretending she hadn’t heard his question.

‘How old is Jack?’ Tom knew it was none of his business. He had no right to ask personal questions and it was entirely inappropriate given the circumstances but the idea that Abby had moved on so conclusively … had had a child with her new man was sitting in his gut like a hot rock right now. Burning, even.

The vehicle lurched forward with enough force to make him think about fastening his seat belt instead.

‘Sorry,’ Abby said. ‘Haven’t driven this beast for a while. It’s a bit rugged.’

‘No worries,’ Frank said dryly. ‘We just won’t hand you the controls for the helicopter any time soon.’

Even when Abby was used to the clunky transmission again, the ride was no smoother. The road was badly damaged with parts that had risen into hillocks and other parts sunken and cracked. There were pools of.

‘What is that?’ Abby asked.

‘Liquefaction,’ Tom responded. ‘Silt gets driven up through the earth. Don’t drive into it. It may be filling a sinkhole and could be deep. We’d get stuck.’

Abby was now manoeuvring the vehicle very competently, driving onto the grass verge at times to avoid obstacles. For a moment, Tom stopped looking through the windscreen to spot hazards and looked at her face instead.

He saw a grimly determined profile. She must be scared stiff, he thought. She’d never been into the adrenaline rush of facing danger. She was the total opposite of someone like Fizz. Unlike any of the women he’d ever been attracted to or involved with—before or after Abby, in fact—and maybe that had been the attraction in the first place. It had also been the reason it could never have worked long-term. He needed to remind himself of that. Had to fight an undercurrent happening here that he didn’t even want to try and identify.

And Abby was not only facing potential personal danger here. This was her home now and people she knew well could be amongst the dead and injured. And her child was missing? Yet here she was, totally focused on what had to be done. Heading further into danger?

Tom felt a strong impulse to send her back up the hill when he and Frank had been delivered to where they needed to go. To keep her safe.

Except they needed all the medical assistance they could get. The whereabouts of the only other medics on the island were unknown. Sure, the volunteer fire brigade or civil defence guys here would be trained in first aid but he’d seen Abby in action in an emergency department. He knew she would be as capable as he was of getting an IV line in under difficult circumstances. Assessing someone’s injuries. Intubating them if necessary. She was more than capable. Abby was gifted. Working as a GP’s nurse on a remote island must be sadly underutilising her skills.

If hitting another bump wasn’t enough to bring his train of thought instantly back to his present surroundings, entering the main street of the village certainly was.

‘Oh … my God,’ Abby breathed. She slowed the vehicle, looking stunned as she took in the scene.

It must have been a very picturesque shopping centre with its old, heritage brick and stone buildings preserved and restored to enhance it as a tourist destination but they were always the type of buildings that came off worst in an earthquake. Shop facades and chimneys had toppled. Walls had crumbled, leaving skeletons of wooden framing and rooms exposed like an open doll’s house.

A car was buried under a crushing mound of bricks, with only the front wheels and bumper clearly visible.

‘Hope there wasn’t anybody inside,’ Frank said quietly.

A few metres on there was another mound of bricks and timber. There were several men here, frantically pulling at chunks of rubble. They flagged down the Jeep.

‘We need help. There’s someone under here.’

‘Are they calling?’ Tom asked.

The man shook his head, his face twisted with distress. ‘We can see her foot.’

Tom took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, mate, but there’s no chance she’ll be alive under there.’

‘I know …’ The man dragged in a ragged gulp of air. ‘But we’ve got to try.’

‘You need to keep yourselves safe.’ Tom pointed upwards. ‘Another aftershock could bring that lot down. Who directed you to dig here?’

He shook his head. ‘We just arrived.’

‘Follow us to the information centre. We’re going to get a plan in place for a systematic search and rescue effort. We’ll need all the help we can get.’

He turned to Abby, who was staring in horror at the gap the men were opening up in the pile of rubble. Could she see the part of the woman’s body being exposed? Was it someone she knew?

He wanted to reach out. To touch her arm and offer encouragement. Strength. Or comfort, maybe. But he would be crossing a boundary to do that. The same boundary that made it inappropriate to want to send her back to the hospital to protect her. They were no longer in any kind of relationship. Quite the opposite, and Abby would not want to reach out in any way. The boundary was an almost palpable thing. Like a glass bubble encasing Abby.

‘Drive on, Abby,’ Tom said quietly. ‘We can’t stop.’

This was far, far worse than Abby had anticipated, but it felt so unreal she knew she wasn’t going to fall apart. It was like being transported onto the set of a disaster movie and she was merely a character waiting to play her part depending on the instructions of the director.

Feeling as though she was on autopilot, she kept the vehicle going until they reached the other end of the main street. The wharf end, where the ferries berthed. She could see a police car among all the vehicles parked outside the information centre, a modern hexagonal structure that was central enough to make it an excellent choice as an operational hub.

The men who were currently the directors looked as though they were up against it.

The island had three police officers and Mike Henley was the most senior. The biggest ‘incident’, as Tom would call it, that Mike had had to deal with in recent years had been a private yacht that had gone aground in rough weather on Elephant Rocks, which were far enough offshore to have made the rescue fairly dramatic.

Mike’s best mate was Don Johnson, who was the chief fire officer for Kaimotu Island. He was also in charge of civil defence and the coastguard and, in fact, he’d been the one who’d dealt with the Elephant Rocks incident very competently.

Both men had come past the hospital on the way into the town’s centre as soon as this emergency had struck and they’d taken the time to check, as best they could, that the building that would be required for providing medical aid was safe to be inside. When the two men saw Abby come into the information centre with Tom and Frank, their relief was obvious. Expert help had started to arrive, at last.

And Abby was proud to introduce him to Tom. If anyone had asked her who she would want to turn up if she was ever in a dangerous situation and needed her life saved, Tom Kendrick would be at the very top of her list.

Even after they’d broken up.

Maybe even more so, because she knew that Tom still wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever it took to save her, even if it meant he was putting his own life at risk. And it wasn’t because he was stupid and a cowboy, as some had accused him of being. Or that he had some kind of death wish. He could calculate those risks perfectly well. He was just prepared to push the boundaries further than most.

Abby was a born worrier. She could conjure up imaginary disasters with no effort whatsoever. The habit was as ingrained as the way she tied shoelaces or slept with her head cradled in the crook of her elbow.

What would Tom think if he knew about some of the fantasy situations she’d come up with over the years? The ones that always ended with his appearance to make everything okay? The ones where he saved her and held her in his arms afterwards as if she was the most precious thing on earth? Or the ones where he saved Jack and recognised his own son?

Oh … help …

This was no fantasy. Abby stood quietly to one side as the group of men taking control of this rescue operation made swift plans. The wall behind them was covered with the kind of brochures the tourists were looking for the moment they arrived on Kaimotu Island. Invitations to charter a fishing vessel or go scuba diving. Pictures of people happily abseiling, mountain biking or taking a vineyard tour. The kind of activities Kaimotu was famous for and which now seemed no more than fantasies themselves.

A map of the township was on a table and grids had been drawn on it. There were cans of spray paint in a box on the floor. They were going to be assigned areas and would spray information on the walls about what they found. Whether there were people trapped. Or needing urgent attention for their injuries. Or dead. If they came across serious injuries, they could only take the time for an initial stabilisation and then summon backup for transportation to the hospital. They had to keep moving as fast as possible.

There was no way Tom’s presence was going to be enough to make everything okay here, either. It was going to take a lot of people and a lot of time. They were facing a gruelling night of probably grim and possibly dangerous work.

There was also absolutely no chance of Tom taking her in his arms and holding her, and that was a good thing. She was over him. She’d spent years getting over him and she couldn’t afford to let those protective walls around that place in her heart fall apart.

And surely there was no chance that Tom would instantly see himself in Jack, was there? She’d managed to avoid letting Tom know exactly how old Jack was, which would be a dead giveaway, and there shouldn’t be any need for the two of them to be in the same place at the same time.

When Jack and the other children turned up, they would be cared for in the community centre. She would be able to get there and reassure herself that he was fine and then she could have him go to Ben’s parents, Doug and Ailsa. Or Hannah, up at the hospital.

Somehow she had to keep Jack hidden from Tom.

At least until she had some time to try and think this through.

Abby barely heard the last instructions being issued by Tom and Mike and Don. She tightened the straps on her backpack full of medical supplies.

‘So you’ll be Tom’s partner,’ Mike said, as though summarising everything she hadn’t heard clearly enough. ‘You’re going to triage the northern half of the village but if we need you for major medical stuff, you’ll be contacted by radio.’

Abby could only nod.

Tom’s partner.

How ironic was that?

At least they had an urgent mission to focus on. No time for anything personal to interfere with the job that needed to be done.

No time to herself to try and think things through.

To try and deal with the awful dread that she had, in fact, done a terrible thing by not making more of an effort to tell Tom about Jack a long time ago.