Читать книгу Force Majeure - Aloua S. - Страница 6

Finally, I reached the final stage of graduation, I so happy, because I no longer have to see the faces of these teasers. For passed time, I almost did not change in appearance: I just got a little higher, gained weight, grew hair and stubbles, and with a (blurred) vision, I changed my glasses to new one with thicker lenses. The last thing left to no longer be considered a schoolboy – was the UNT (United National Test), aimed for enrolling at the university. I wanted to quickly be through and finally finish school. The teachers and some parents of my classmates terrified us by the exam, saying that in case of failure, we would stay on the street and never get a job, and actually we would not be full-fledged people. Therefore, all graduates gave it a vital meaning and were crazily worried. But I was confident in my knowledge and as a result I got “B”.

And, after all, I was able to relax, because my favorite time of the year had come – summer! Not because it is the season of trips abroad or guitar songs in the yard with friends, but only because I could play all day. Mom also promised me, if I pass the exam well, she will allow me to play as much as I want. I completely was lost in online games. And finally, absolutely no one and nothing bothered me. Putting on the headphones, I was fully absorbed in Counter Strike. Sometimes, with tightly closed windows, I even lost a sense of time. One of these days, I felt some anxiety, something was wrong. At first, I suppressed this feeling in myself, I thought: “what can happen, everything is fine”. But each time this feeling swallowed me up more and more, after a while, it finally hit me…

– Mama! Oh, God… Mom!!! Where is she?! – I cried out with horror, having run around the whole apartment in search of her: – So, calm down… Maybe I’m just overthinking?! She probably works long hours as always… But I’m sure that I haven’t seen her lately – I was panicked. I brokenly began to phone her. A female voice said coldly: “The number you are trying to reach is not available. The phone number is switched off or out of the range. Please call back later”. Not believing, I called back, but the situation has not changed. The answering machine stubbornly did not understand that I urgently needed to find her and that something could happen to her. I called again, but the auto answer stubbornly repeated the same phrase. Then it hit me, her mobile phone could simply have been discharged. And she, probably, is in the office, instantly I looked at the time on the computer screen. “20.23, ugh, exactly she is at work”. At that moment I began to phone to the office.

Finally, instead of answering machine, I heard beeps. For a long time no one answer the phone, but I was persistent and did not intend to give up. And finally a miracle happened, a woman’s voice answered:

– Hello?

– Hello, can I hear Assiya Lee? – I asked.

– Hello, and who asks her? – asked a woman on the other side of the wire.

– Hello. This is her son, Damir, – I answered impatiently.

– Ah, is that you?! Wait… your mom isn’t at work, isn’t she at home? Why is she not contacting us? Do not answer the mobile phone? – she began to ask me around.

– I don’t know, I thought she was still in the office, – I answered with confusion.

– Three days? Are you kidding?! – the woman replied with a grin.

I immediately hung up, well what could I answer. Besides, thoughts were about something else. “Mommy! Where is she?! God, oh God… I am an idiot… Brainless… What now to do? What to do?” Everything shrank in my chest, so that it was difficult to breathe. I was shaking and I wanted to hide from the whole world. “Mom, where are you?” – was forefronted in my mind. At first I wandered around the house from thoughts that tormented me, and then I sat on a pouf in the corridor, thinking what to do next. I sat there for a very long time, staring straight before me. At that moment, I thought about everything and already gradually began to lose my mind. After sitting in this position for a long time, I did not notice how mid-night came.

Finally, the mind cleared up a bit and I began to think rationally: “What to do? So what am I doing when something is not clear? I ask Granny what to do. Exactly, Granny! So, hey, she and grandpa seem to be at a resort abroad. Damn… what now? Whom should I call?? Who else is left… well, he… father. Should I call him?! Though there’s no alternative”.

Immediately my last conversation with my father came up in my head: “Son, if one day, at any time of the day, you will need me, call me and I come”. This was exactly the case. With trembling hands I dialed my father’s number. Inhale – exhale, inhale – exhale… long beeps… the usual redoubted voice answered on the other end:

– I asked you not to call so late! All business – tomorrow! – father said tartly.

– Da-daddy, it’s me, – I said quietly and uncertainly.

– Sonny? D… Damir… is that you? – father asked half-whispered.

– Yes, I need you! – I said hopefully.

– You have no idea how I wanted to hear it from you, – the father remarked happily, but then his tone changed: – Did something happen?

– Dad! Mom’s lost! I do not know what to do, it is already the third day she is not to be found: neither at home nor at work! What to do?! – I desperately asked him.

– Assiya? This is not like her. Did you call the hospitals? Did you file missing person report? – he asked anxiously, saying in a whisper: – I hope it is not too late.

– Late? Dad! What are you talking about? No, I haven’t called anywhere yet. Come, I need you more than ever! – I shouted into the phone.

– Son, I will fly out to you with the first flight. I’ll immediately let you know as I arrive. Take it easy. Surely everything is fine with her, – my father reassured me: – Until then, before my arrival, call the hospitals and file missing person report, – my father gave me instructions in a cold and reasonable tone.

– But dad! You know! I can’t talk to anyone except my relatives! – I confessed to my father about my problem.

– Sonny, at least we will start the search. I will be there soon. I believe in you, – the father tried to inspire me.

– Okay, I’ll try, – I whispered, feeling bad.

After talking with my father, I sat for a very long time. As well squeezing the phone and realizing that here it is – the reality. The loud tick of the clock, the strong wind sneaking into the room, accompanied my terrifying thoughts. Thoughts… they just tore me from the inside. I probably thought about everything in the world. How I paid no regard for her, pushed her away and even was rude to her… to person who, even after all the insults and quarrels, continued to love me. “She did for me so much, and I… I have no forgiveness”. Gathering my wits, I realized that it was time to do something. When I sat down at the computer, I, with shaking fingers, tapped at a keyboard “directory of hospitals of Almaty”. Finding all the numbers, I took the phone in my hands, took a deep breath and started dialing the first number…

– City Hospital No. 1, – said the woman on the other end of the line.

– Uh… hello? – I zoned out for a while.

– Speak?! – she said with a claim voice.

– My… my mother… she… uh… – I was lost even more.

– Did your mother be admitted to our hospital? – she asked, changing her anger for understanding.

– Yes, – I said with relief.

– Last name and first name? – continued the woman.

– Assiya Lee, – I said.

– Well… wait a minute, – the woman said slowly, I heard how she began to turn over the pages in search of the desired surname: – No, she wasn’t brought to us.

Without answering, I silently hung up. Two opposing feelings were fighting in me: relief, because the conversation was over and a heavy feeling that my mother was not there. So I spend all night, without stopping calling all the hospitals. I prayed the God only about one thing: let everything be fine with her, wherever she is now. But after the next telephone conversation, more and more terrible thoughts came. Desperation devoured me completely. Even though I was always lonely, for the first time I felt that I was left alone with fear… and repeated again and again: “God, please, let everything be fine with mom… I promise I will never ask you again about anything”.

By the morning I did not understand anything, and began on the second round to call those whom I had not been able to reach before.

Half asleep I dialed the number and automatically said:

– Hello, have Assiya Lee been admitted to your hospital?

– Hello, wait, I will look, – the same sleepy voice answered me: – Yes, she was admitted three days ago.

– So wait, where am I calling? – I immediately woke up.

– Well, the Cardiology Center! – the sleepy voice on the other end was indignant.

– How is she? What with her? – I began to ask.

– I am only a doctor on duty and I don’t know all the details, but all I can say is that her condition is critical but stable and she is unconscious, – the doctor replied.

– I’ll be right there, – I uttered rapidly.

Carefully looking at the address of the center in the directory, I took off like a shot from a gun and found myself in the yard of the house. Run out on the road, I immediately began to look around, not even know what to looking for. By the road, there was a guy with whom we often crossed paths in the yard. He was leaning back against a car and holding keys in his hands. Seeing my scared face, the guy immediately knew what to do.

– Taxi? – he looked at me.

– Yes… exactly! – I answered and tried to get into the back seat.

– Sit down, bro! I’ll quickly take you. Where to go?, – he began to ask, getting into the car and throwing the seat belt over his head.

– Main Cardiology Center, – I replied, and we immediately began to move.

The taxi driver had been looking at me for a long time through the back mirror and finally decided to ask a question:

– What’s up? You are pale as a ghost!

– Mom’s in the hospital, – I replied in a low voice.

– Mama? I hope everything is fine with her. We need to protect them, because they care about us all the time, and we only remember it when something is wrong with them, – he said, moving the conversation on serious topic.

– Exactly, – I whispered, barely audible.

The guy so quickly and recklessly drove round all the traffic jams and locks, that we very quickly got to the address.

– Well, here we are. Remember: mother needs to be taken care of, – the guy said when I got out of the car. But at that moment I did not hear anything, I gave him money and rushed to the center. Then everything was like in a dream, until I got to her ward.

A passing doctor saw me standing in the corridor at the ward and not dare to enter. He began to say and ask something. However, I did not hear anything except a mad heartbeat. It seemed to me that time slowed down. Having recovered myself a little, I began to catch: “… in serious condition, we hope that she will awake soon. We have several variants of diseases which have the similar symptoms. But we must interview her and only then an accurate diagnosis will be made. By the way, we wanted to contact you, but when she felt bad, she fell on the phone. As a result, the phone was broken. In this regard, all attempts to contact the relatives of the patient were impossible. You can spend a little time with her, but then you will have to leave”. The doctor opened the door for me, and I went into the ward. I was on the verge of tears after seeing her. I wanted to break everything around. But I could not move a finger, I was completely paralyzed. Having recovered myself, I sat down next to my mother and looked at her pale face for a long time and stroked her hand:

– Mommy… darling. It’s me, Damir, your useless son. Forgive me, for being selfish, for not noticing that you were not at home, and for everything, it’s all because of me. You tried for me, but I… did not live up to your expectations. You know, now I will do everything for you! I promise! Just do not die… – I asked in a whisper. I just wanted to howl with pain, which pierced my soul to the bottom. But it didn’t matter how much I asked, she didn’t awake. I do not remember how long I sat there, but after a while the nurse asked me to leave the ward.

Being deeply depressed, I sat crying in the corridor for a long time, left alone with my thoughts. I am separated from the world. My state of weightlessness distracted only by painfully familiar silhouette, which I saw at the end of the corridor. He stared at me and slowly approached. My heart sank, barely breathing, I got up: “My God, how many years have passed…” time seemed to stop. It seemed that everything was like in a slow-motion film… and this silhouette went up to his son and hugged him tightly, saying: “Sonny, I missed you”. But life is not a movie. Having come very close, he did not even recognize me, hell yeah, since more than ten years had passed.

– Dad… – I called to my father.

– Damir? – he forced out, not recognizing his son.

– Yes, Dad, it’s me, – I told him.

– What’s with your mom? – father has addressed to me, still peering at my matured face.

“And about this he asks me after so many years?” My eyes dimmed. He did not even ask: how I lived all this time, how it was difficult for my mother to work round the clock, how we tighten our belts and survived as much as we could.

– They themselves do not really know what’s wrong with her. As soon as mom wakes up – the doctors will interview her and make a diagnosis, – I answered coldly, turning away.

– Good. I will bring in clouts so that they speed up. Sit here for now, – he answered, and hurried off somewhere, scrolling the contacts in his phone. Sitting waiting for my father, I had plenty of time to think and rethink my life. As a result, I realized several things: the first is that virtuality is much better than reality, if only because everything is not really there; the second – someday the reality will come, and it will be merciless, especially to the unprepared person.