Читать книгу Return of Dr Irresistible - Amalie Berlin - Страница 9

CHAPTER THREE

NO. HE COULDN’T apologize for that. ‘For...’ He looked at her again and drew a deep breath. ‘I mean about the circus. About what I’m here to do. I know it’s not what you want, but I want to help you get settled wherever you want to go after Keightly.’

‘I don’t want to go anywhere else,’ she said.

None of them did. He was the bad guy in this, but for the right reasons. One day she’d see that. ‘I know you don’t.’

She put the untouched plate aside and turned on the cot to face him. ‘Listen. I didn’t expect to see you tonight. Actually, I didn’t think I’d see you at all until Ginny and Mack’s wedding. And what happened to Gordy...I had a plan for how it should go when you came to the farm. What I wanted to say... But it sort of evaporated when I freaked out.’

She had a plan? She had pictured him coming back and it didn’t involve being a crazy woman? ‘Don’t say you wanted to talk me out of closing.’

‘I was going to ask you to work with me and change what we do. No more traveling circus, a new future.’

That sounded an awful lot like ‘Please don’t close’.

‘There is no future for Keightly, Jolie. This isn’t just about me and what I want to do with my life. It’s dangerous. Especially with people getting older, it’s getting more dangerous for them. Gordy is an old-timer and—’

‘He’s not an old-timer,’ she cut in, the flash of her eyes telling him that the crazy woman might be about to make a reappearance if he didn’t watch out. ‘He’s twenty-eight. Miniature horses live much longer than big horses, and we have some big horses on the farm that are over thirty-five. Gordy is firmly middle-aged.’

She was still afraid someone was going to announce plans to euthanize the little guy. ‘Not what I’m getting at.’

‘Number one, the big-spectacle acts, the ones that are the most dangerous, aren’t done by the core troupe any more. We get contracts for the headliners—fliers. We had a Russian bar act a couple years ago. But just because the core group is getting older doesn’t mean that they want to give up the life.’

‘I know they don’t want—’

‘Number two.’ She held up two fingers, silencing him. ‘I don’t want to keep the circus on the road. I don’t even want to keep it a circus.’

‘Not keep it a circus?’ His headache was increasing. ‘Stop counting lists of supporting...whatever, and tell me what you want to do with Keightly.’

‘I want to make a circus camp,’ Jolie said, her voice softening. ‘At the farm.’

‘A circus camp.’

‘The older performers can still teach. I’m proof of that. Just because I don’t perform any more doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do things. I can be the demonstration, they can instruct, and we can make sure to...to...’ Her hands flew up, a gesture he knew was meant to summon some word that had temporarily eluded her, and which had always been his cue to finish her thought when her mouth got ahead of her. Not that he could do that any more.

‘Circuses are dying.’ She abandoned that train of thought and started again. ‘They’re dying out. There were probably thousands in North America, now how many are left? How many close every year? How long before these art forms are no longer even remembered? Sooner, if we don’t teach them to children and pass on our knowledge. Plus, we’re only half an hour from Atlanta, and people love Keightly in this part of Georgia. They’d love to send their children to circus camp in the summer. Physical activity, fun, a day camp while their parents work. And for the rest of the year we could do the circus-school thing for older kids. Like high school and college age, those who are at their most fit and can best handle the rigors.’

‘Wait.’ He lifted a hand to rub his forehead, a headache blazing to life dead center behind his eyes. It wasn’t exactly asking him to keep things going as they were, and while he appreciated that... ‘You make good points. All your points are good, but Mom is done with running things. She’s said so over and over again and that’s why I’m here. But I don’t have time to devote to co-running a circus camp. I have a practice to build and run.’

‘I’m not asking Ginny or you to run anything. I’m offering. I will run it. I can do it. I’m not a little girl any more.’ It wasn’t that she didn’t like being told no, she just wouldn’t be told no about this. Her fingers twitched then drummed against her legs, trying to calm her indignation. ‘You do whatever it is you want, focus on your practice. Ginny can retire and participate however much or little she wants to.’

‘My name is on it, this is my equipment, I’ll have to take a hand in it. Plus, there’s also no way I want to subject children to that kind of danger.’

‘I wouldn’t just welcome them and throw them on the trapeze without a net,’ Jolie said, and then winced, realizing how badly chosen her words had been for him. ‘We’d be safe. Start slow. Probably start with simple tumbling for children without any gymnastic experience. And it’s not all acrobatics. You know as well as anyone that there are a blue million different disciplines within the circus that don’t even approach performance. Including costume design, set designs, tending animals...’

‘People like you who don’t perform any more.’

‘Right.’ She stopped looking him in the eye, shifting her gaze back to the sleeping Gordy.

Because she’d basically told him to stuff it earlier when he’d asked why she hadn’t been dressed to perform. He couldn’t tell if she didn’t want to talk about that or if she just didn’t want to talk about it with him. Screw it, he wanted to know! If it was another of his sins, he had to know so he could fix it. ‘When did you stop?’

‘I stopped when you did.’

His stomach lurched. ‘Why?’

She shrugged. ‘I just did.’

‘You had to have had a reason. You loved it...’

She shrugged again. ‘I didn’t want to any more.’

‘Jolie—’

‘I still practice, do different things, it’s a good way to keep in shape. I don’t do the trick-riding, but I figure the rest of the Bohannons have that market cornered anyway.’

She didn’t cast blame on him, and that was something he should be thankful for. What could he say if she brought up his past sins? And why was he digging into her history and motivations when he really didn’t want her digging into his? Because he was an idiot. Because he couldn’t know her without wanting to know every single thing about her.

Because he couldn’t say no to her, which was why he had stayed as far away as he’d been able to.

And it was because he couldn’t say no to her that he had to get out of there now. Bad plan to stay with her. ‘Are you going to be all right here on your own tonight?’

‘Yes. Someone will come and try to relieve me in a few hours.’ She looked him fully in the eye again, somehow managing to look even smaller on the cot beside the unconscious horse. ‘Will you at least think about it?’

He knew what he thought about it. He thought—no, he knew—it was a bad idea. No matter how badly she wanted it.

‘Please? Give me some time to show you how it can be. After Gordy is stable enough that he doesn’t need me round the clock? After we relocate to the farm?’

After her arm healed? After he told her he had a probable buyer for all the equipment?

He stretched to buy a few seconds in the vain hope the right words would appear, present him some way to let her down easily, but his words were as elusive as hers had been. ‘Okay. I’ll wait until we’ve settled at the farm, see what everyone else thinks about the idea. Weigh the pros and cons...’

She breathed out slowly, in what he could only term as relief, and leaned back against the wall. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but could you also stay away from me for a few days?’

‘Why?’

She shrugged. ‘Because if you’re around, I’ll just keep wanting to ask you to do it, and then—’ She stopped suddenly, her cheeks flaring pink. ‘Well, not do it, obviously, because that would be stupid. Obviously.’ She was repeating herself so she stopped, shook her head, and then tried again. ‘I wasn’t talking about sex. Obviously.’

If she said ‘obviously’ again...

‘We don’t...not sex. I wasn’t talking about doing that. Hah.’ She shook her head. The more she tap-danced around, trying to clarify, the worse it got. ‘I meant doing...the camp. I would keep asking you to do the camp...’ A great sigh came from her and she stopped talking. Finally. Without more obviouslys.

‘Sure,’ he said, working to keep his voice normal. Unaffected. ‘I can give you space. You should sleep. Mom’s got my number if you think the bite’s growing infected. I need to go take care of some things anyway.’ He walked out.

He had important things to do, like locating his backbone before he just said yes to whatever she wanted to keep from letting her—and everyone else—down.

It was like that. The reason he didn’t want them in the circus any more? He didn’t want any one hurt. Any kind of hurt. But physical hurt—which could kill—had to trump emotional hurt. The emotional hurt just made you feel like you were dying.

They would acclimate to life off the road and outside the circus, he reminded himself yet again. And if they couldn’t, he’d help them find new homes. Somewhere he could stop worrying about them. Somewhere someone else would have to take responsibility when luck turned and those death-defying feats could no longer defy.

Since the second his father had died, that responsibility had passed to him, and even when he hadn’t actively been with the circus, he’d felt it. Oh, he’d ignored the hell out of it, but now that he could no longer do that he felt the weight of every life in his hands. And it was about damned time he used those hands to shield them.

He was a man now, not a boy to be shushed and ignored.