Читать книгу The Widows’ Club - Amanda Brooke - Страница 10

Once the last of the lunchtime customers had been served, Tara shut up the shop. She closed early on Wednesday afternoons and would normally use the time to make up cake orders, but she had other plans today and had already sent her deputy manager, Michelle, home early. Molly, Tara’s ten-year-old daughter, was still in school, and Iain was home in Widnes, decluttering the house while eight-year-old Lily was out of the way. Tara would need to have a pre-move clear-out too, but with the limited space available in the flat upstairs, she had learnt a long time ago to be ruthless with keepsakes. Even so, it would be a wrench for both families to step away from the past, and as Tara enjoyed a rare moment of calm, she stopped to appreciate where she was and how far she had come.

Tee’s Cakes had the feel of a Parisian patisserie, with a high counter running along one side of the shop to display intricately crafted cakes and tarts, and a line of padded booths on the opposite side for customers to sip their coffee and whisper secrets. Additional seating could be set up outside, weather-permitting, and the kitchen in the back was state-of-the-art to meet the demands of daily visitors and a thriving online business. Mike wouldn’t recognise the place.

He had originally opened the shop as a traditional café serving English breakfasts and sandwiches to both the locals and returning visitors who had stumbled upon the village and discovered its secrets. Hale was an often overlooked settlement on the edges of the Mersey, and boasted two pubs, a church, and a post office. It had a rich history that stretched back to Roman times, with several points of interest including a nature reserve at Pickering’s Pasture and a lighthouse at Hale Head, and no visit was complete without a trip to St Mary’s church and the grave of John Middleton, better known as the Childe of Hale. The history of the village’s four-hundred-year-old resident, who had reportedly measured nine feet four inches tall, was well known. Sadly, few would stop to remember Michael Thomas Price, who had been dead just eight years.

Tara had known Mike as a friend, a boss, and briefly as a flatmate before they realised there was a spark between them that couldn’t be contained. Tara had grown up in Hale and, after coming top of her class at catering college, she had turned up at Mike’s café one day looking for a job. Her plan was to save enough money to move to Paris where she intended to perfect her craft, but it wasn’t long before Tara had created a successful sideline for Mike by selling her cakes. They worked side by side and with the days so long, it made sense for her to crash out in his spare bedroom above the café. She never did make it to Paris.

Looking around at the transformation, she hoped Mike would approve of how she had used the money he had left her. Of one thing she was certain, he would approve of Iain. In those last days before cancer stole her husband from her, Mike had made it very clear that he wanted Tara to find someone else. If anything, he would ask why it had taken her so long.

Drawn to the window, Tara looked out across the small car park that served Ivy Farm Court; a parade of shops of which Tee’s Cakes was one of eight units. She could see the entrance to Hale Primary School on the opposite side of the road where Lily would join Molly once the house move was complete. The main road continued up towards the park and the Childe of Hale pub where it hit a sharp bend at the war memorial, which formed its own little island between the lanes.

In the aftermath of Mike’s death, Tara had often pictured the regiments of war widows standing before the sandstone cross to remember the husbands who hadn’t made it home. She had imagined them drawing comfort from each other and, longing for something similar, she had created the Widows’ Club with Justine’s help. It was her way to reach out to others, and she had taken far more from it than she could ever hope to give. She was yet to decide if she had given enough.

As Tara stared off into space, her mind unable to form a clear vision of the future, she didn’t register the flash of Faith’s white Range Rover until her friend pulled up directly in front of the shop. Tara unlocked the door and beckoned her inside.

Faith had dropped into Tara’s life three years earlier when she had visited the shop to pick up a large order of French pastries. This was in the days before Iain had used his Internet wizardry to establish Tara’s online business, and when Faith had explained that the cakes were a thank-you gesture to colleagues who had supported her after the loss of her husband the year before, Tara had hooked Faith in. She was good at that.

‘You look nice,’ Faith said with more generosity than was entirely deserving of Tara’s current ensemble.

Having a job that required crawling out of bed at an ungodly hour, Tara had grabbed random items of clothing from her wardrobe in near darkness and only as the sun rose did she notice that the mustard yellow swing skirt clashed brazenly with the pink checks of her vintage blouse. Her customers were used to her eccentricities, but she wished she had tried harder today as Faith slipped off her bright yellow rain jacket.

‘And you look stunning,’ she said as she admired Faith’s dove grey cashmere jumper paired with black cigarette pants. At forty-six, Faith maintained a seemingly effortless beauty. With penetrating grey eyes and a flawless complexion, her make-up was understated and she had caught up her tousled blonde hair into a messy ponytail that left stray curls to frame her face perfectly. This was Faith’s idea of casual. ‘Make yourself comfortable and I’ll sort the coffee. Do you fancy a slice of cake?’

‘Why else would I be here?’

Five minutes later, Tara set down two cups of coffee, one opera cake, and three plates and forks.

‘Please don’t say Justine’s joining us!’

‘I wouldn’t do that to you,’ Tara said, only to feel a pang of guilt. Justine had been there for Tara long before Faith dazzled her way into her life. ‘I wouldn’t do it to Justine either.’

Faith pulled a face: the clash of personalities was felt on both sides. ‘So how was the meeting the other week? Did I miss anything? Was there lots of blubbing?’

‘It was a good session and I think our new members are going to fit in well. You should have been there,’ Tara said pointedly as she served up a slice of cake for each of them.

‘It was probably safer that I wasn’t. We’ll be running out of space if you recruit any more.’

‘The numbers are fine.’ Tara played with the cake on her plate, carefully separating the intricate layers of coffee-soaked almond sponge, ganache and buttercream. She didn’t look up when she added, ‘Iain wasn’t there either.’

Faith cocked her head. ‘And was that a problem?’

‘It did raise a question in the group about whether he was thinking of leaving. We have talked about it, and, while Iain’s not going to make a firm decision just yet, he’s doesn’t need the group like he did before. He wants to focus fully on the future.’

‘Easier said than done.’

‘I’m not suggesting we airbrush out the past,’ Tara said, suddenly aware of the strong aroma of coffee that was a stark contrast to the smell of sizzling bacon she associated with Mike’s café. She had held on to the life insurance money for almost three years before plucking up the courage to have the place remodelled. The café’s reincarnation had a distinct French vibe, but Tara had ensured there was a place for treasured mementoes too, including Mike’s chef’s cap pressed flat inside a frame on the wall behind the counter. ‘But Iain and I have each other now, and if there are any issues to face, we should deal with them as a couple.’

Faith’s cup was halfway to her lips. ‘You make it sound like you want to leave too.’

Tara didn’t answer immediately. ‘Funnily enough, that was something else the group picked up on.’

‘Anyone in particular?’ Faith asked with a raised eyebrow. ‘I bet Justine would love it if you left. I keep telling you, she doesn’t like being overshadowed. She must be champing at the bit to run the group on her own.’

Tara refused to entertain the idea that there were cracks developing in her friendship with Justine. It was true that, occasionally, it felt like there was an element of competition when it came to opening and closing the meetings, but Justine admitted herself that Tara was more natural when it came to leading the discussion. ‘She was as concerned as the rest of the group that I might consider leaving,’ Tara insisted. ‘And if I did go, I’d make sure there was someone else to pick up the slack.’

Faith had managed to take a sip of her coffee this time, and she spluttered. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting me?’

Tara laughed. As good as Faith would be at controlling the group, they could all agree that she and Justine would not make the ideal partnership. ‘It doesn’t have to be you. Steve or Nadiya might be willing.’

‘Justine wouldn’t work with any of us. She might say the right things, but she’d push us out eventually.’ Faith leant forward when she added, ‘It’s what she’s doing now with you. You just don’t see it.’

‘I’m not leaving ye—’

‘Good,’ Faith said before Tara could add the caveat. ‘You keep chairing the meetings and Justine can carry on as the bean counter. Speaking of which …’ She took an envelope from her handbag and slid it across the table. ‘Here’s my balance for the Christmas party.’

Tara wrinkled her nose. ‘I’ll take it on the condition you tell Justine I’ve given you a receipt. She’s become obsessed with keeping the accounts squeaky clean since finding out one of our new members is an auditor. Like April could care less.’

‘I like the sound of April already.’

‘That’s good because she’s on her way over. The extra plate is for her,’ Tara said, watching for Faith’s expression. She didn’t disappoint.

‘And you call yourself a friend? Why are you doing this to me, Tara? She’s going to cry, isn’t she?’

‘Quite possibly,’ Tara said and went on to explain April’s nightmarish discovery of her husband’s body. ‘She needs us, Faith, and I think she’ll talk more if it’s just me and you. A large group can be overwhelming and in hindsight it was a mistake to have two new members starting at the same time. You sidestepped the last meeting, but you’re not getting out of this.’

It was no coincidence that Faith had made her excuses. Introductions were often cathartic for new members, but their raw grief could be harrowing for those who were further along their journey.

‘I was busy with work,’ Faith insisted.

‘If you say so.’

Tara didn’t push further. Faith put on a convincing act, but she continued to feel her husband Derek’s loss keenly. Unlike April and Nick, it had taken several sessions before she had been able to share her story with the group, but she too had cried.

Faith was unlike anyone Tara had ever met. She could be as charming as she could be blunt. She had no time for fools, but for the lucky few she let into her heart, she was fiercely protective, hence her animosity towards Justine for her perceived attempts to undermine Tara.

‘You’re going to like April. I promise.’

Faith scowled. ‘And what about the other newbie? Is he invited too?’

‘No,’ Tara replied. ‘He’ll manage just fine with the group.’

‘What’s he like?’

‘His name’s Nick Malford, he’s thirty-eight, and he lost his partner two years ago. It was Justine who enrolled him so I don’t know all the details. What I can say is that he’s genuinely heartbroken, and he’s not afraid to shed a tear,’ she teased Faith. ‘But he has a certain confidence about him, so I expect he’ll integrate with the others quite quickly.’

‘So we’re left with the problem child.’

‘We’re left with someone who needs some extra attention.’

‘You’re lucky this cake is so good,’ mumbled Faith as she stabbed it with her fork. ‘And while I gorge myself, tell me where you’re up to with the house move. You look stressed. Are you stressed?’

‘You said I looked nice before,’ Tara reminded her, but she was smiling. Most people assumed she could cope with whatever life threw at her and it was a rare thing for someone to stop and ask if she was OK. Tara should have known that person would be Faith. ‘But you’re right, things are getting very real. There’s a bit of wrangling over the house on Pepper Street after the survey picked up a couple of issues, but that’s nothing compared to the stumbling block we’ve hit with Iain’s house. He thought he had a buyer, but apparently they haven’t secured a mortgage yet.’

‘It’ll happen.’

Tara felt her stomach clench. ‘Maybe that’s the issue.’

It had felt like fate was giving them a nudge when Iain had been made redundant over the summer, and they had planned their future while sitting on a bench in Pickering’s Pasture. Everything had seemed to click into place as they gazed out across the mirrored surface of the Mersey with the girls close by taking turns birdspotting with a pair of binoculars. With the online business taking off, Tara’s fortunes had taken a turn for the better. She needed more help with the admin, plus a part-time delivery driver, which conveniently added up to a full-time job. To the background noise of their daughters’ giggles, they had struck upon the perfect solution. She and Iain would join forces and become partners in every sense of the word, but as the summer faded and the days shortened, the imperfections in their plan had become difficult to ignore.

‘Don’t tell me, the pieces don’t fit into place as neatly as you imagined,’ Faith said.

‘Barring a few adjustments, the house move and the business set-up will work out fine,’ Tara replied. ‘If there are delays, we’ll manage.’

‘Then what’s the problem? Are you having second thoughts about Iain?’

‘Absolutely not,’ Tara said quickly, her heart clenching. ‘I know we’ve only been together for a year, but I couldn’t love him more. It feels right, and I know he’d say the same. Our families might be two broken pieces from different puzzles, but we can fit together, given the chance.’

‘Ah, so the girls are the problem.’

‘Iain and I took them for a walk to the lighthouse at the weekend and explained we could be in our new house by the end of the year. Molly was over the moon, but Lily was worryingly quiet,’ Tara said as she pictured them walking back to the village.

Molly had raced ahead, but Lily had slipped her hand into her dad’s. When Tara had offered to take her other hand, Lily had refused. ‘My mummy’s holding this one,’ she had said.

‘It’s natural that they’d react differently,’ Tara told Faith. ‘Molly was practically a baby when Mike died and she’s never known any different. It might take her some time to adjust to having a father figure, but she can’t wait to move out of the flat. Lily on the other hand was five when she lost her mum. She has memories and emotional ties that are intrinsically linked to the home Iain’s trying to sell from under her.’

‘Is it a deal breaker?’

‘No,’ Tara said, pulling back her shoulders to shift the weight pressing down against her chest. ‘But it’s going to make the next few months far more interesting than I would like. Now enough about me, tell me your news. How come you’ve taken the day off work?’

Tara had been pleasantly surprised when Faith suggested calling into the shop. They tried to meet up at least once a month between group meetings, but Tara had all but given up hope of finding time between one crisis and another.

‘I had a date with a man,’ Faith said, raising an eyebrow.

‘What for? A manicure? Pedicure? Indian head massage?’ Tara asked with a smile.

‘A quotation, actually,’ Faith said, pushing away her empty plate. Her smile disappeared. ‘Lily’s not the only one with emotional ties that are about to be cut. I told myself I had to do something about the house this year, and I’ve finally made a start.’

‘Are you selling up?’ Tara asked, unable to hide her shock. Faith talked about her house as if it were a shrine to her husband, and Tara couldn’t imagine her letting it go any more than she could imagine Faith letting go of the place Derek occupied in her heart.

‘Looking at things rationally, the house is too big for one person, and you never know, it might be fun living in some stylish city apartment with beautiful views.’ She took a moment to consider the possibility, then shook her head. ‘But no, Woolton is my home. I can’t leave.’

‘So explain. What was the quotation for?’

‘There are rooms full of furniture that have been left to gather dust,’ she said. ‘Assuming the antique dealer I met can improve his offer, and I’ll make sure he does, I can at least empty the rooms I don’t use. That way, if and when I do pluck up the courage to move, it should be less traumatic.’

‘One step at a time,’ agreed Tara.

‘And if Ella happens to notice, I might tell her I’ve donated all her family heirlooms to charity,’ Faith said, referring to her grown-up stepdaughter. ‘I doubt she’d care, but her mother would be apoplectic.’

Tara couldn’t believe some of the stories Faith had told her about Derek’s embittered first wife, Rosemary. Their daughter had grown up believing all the tales her mother had spun about her father, and sadly Ella and Derek had been estranged at the time of his death. Tara felt sorry for her, but as for Rosemary, any woman who continued to use her daughter to eke out revenge on a man long since dead deserved Faith’s spite. ‘You are wicked.’

‘I know,’ Faith said with a glint in her eye that faded as she looked over Tara’s shoulder. ‘Your stray lamb has arrived.’

After greeting April with a hug, Tara guided her towards the booth where Faith had remained seated. There was an awkward moment where April dithered, seemingly unable to decide if she should offer Faith a handshake or a hug, but, to Tara’s relief, Faith stood to embrace the new arrival.

‘Faith isn’t one of life’s huggers, but after three years of group therapy, we’re getting there,’ Tara quipped.

The two friends scowled at each other before Tara retreated to the counter to make April’s coffee. From the corner of her eye, she watched April take her seat opposite Faith.

‘I hear you’re an auditor,’ Faith said, raising her voice above the gurgle of the coffee machine. ‘We were hoping you’d cast an eye over the support group accounts to see if Justine’s been skimming something off the top.’

‘Actually, I’m an internal auditor so I deal more with governance issues, but I could take a look.’ April’s eyes were wide when she turned to Tara as she approached. ‘Is there a problem?’

Tara placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of April and took the seat next to her. ‘No, there isn’t. Justine’s far more likely to add money to our fund than take from it. Faith’s teasing and she really shouldn’t.’

Faith took the reprimand with a polite nod. ‘Sorry, that was mean of me, but I don’t like the way she’s been trying to overthrow Tara. Justine hates that Tara’s looked upon as the group leader while she’s left to do the admin.’

‘Which she does really well,’ Tara added in Justine’s defence.

Tara and Justine had been friends since school and had been there for each other during the most difficult times of their lives. Justine had been a source of great strength at Mike’s funeral, never guessing that she would be the next to wear the widow’s mantle three short months later when her wife died from sepsis.

Together, they had sought out an existing widows’ group, but they had stood out from the start. Tara was in her late twenties, Justine only thirty, and as much as the older women had welcomed them, their experiences of widowhood had been markedly different. There had been no talk of childcare, careers, or the pressure society placed on them to reinvent themselves. If anything, the others envied Tara and Justine’s youth and their potential to start anew.

‘And Justine doesn’t only manage the budget,’ continued Tara. ‘She takes care of all the social media, and puts a lot of time and effort into organising us all. I couldn’t do what she does, but someone could easily replace me.’

‘That’s not going to happen,’ said Faith.

Turning to April, Tara said, ‘I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. The group is a family of sorts and Justine is like a sister to me. There really isn’t a problem between us and if ever there was, I would deal with it.’ Tara knew Faith had good intentions, but she didn’t want anyone taking sides. There were no lines to be drawn, not on her behalf. To Faith she added, ‘So can we please leave her alone?’

‘Noted,’ Faith said as she and Tara locked eyes. The moment passed and they both relaxed as they turned their attention to April.

‘Can I tempt you with some cake?’ Tara asked.

‘I haven’t had much of an appetite lately,’ April replied, ‘but it looks beautiful.’

Ignoring the refusal, Tara cut a slice and left the plate within reach. ‘You can take some home for your mum and dad, if you like.’

‘You’re living with your parents?’ Faith asked. ‘Oh, sorry. I heard what happened to your husband. No wonder you moved out.’

‘I’m not sure I could have slept there again even if I’d tried,’ April agreed with a shudder. ‘And being looked after is probably what I need right now, but to be honest, I didn’t have a choice. Jason and I had been renting our flat, and I couldn’t afford it on my own. I had to rely on family to cover the cost of the funeral, and my first priority is to pay them back before looking for a place of my own. Jason didn’t have life insurance or a pension.’

‘It happens more often than you’d think,’ Faith said. ‘My Derek died in a car crash just over four years ago. He was twelve years older, so you’d think he’d be better prepared, but he’d cashed in his pension as part of the divorce settlement with his first wife. He left me his business, but I don’t know the first thing about imports and exports and most of his contracts were verbal. I was lucky to keep the house when the company folded and its assets were stripped. My parents died when I was a teenager, so there was no one to bail me out.’

Tara looked over the rim of her coffee cup. ‘Enough of the sob story. Tell her about the compensation.’

Faith’s expression was sheepish. ‘OK, so maybe my financial circumstances weren’t as dire as I’m making out. Derek’s accident was caused by a mechanical failure that was supposed to have been fixed. He’d taken his car back to the dealership several times, but my guess is they simply reset the warning light and charged us a small fortune for the privilege. I agreed an out-of-court settlement, but I’m starting to regret it. I could have taken them to the cleaners if I’d been in a better frame of mind, but I’d just lost my husband. Derek’s death was needless, that’s what hurts me most.’

‘That’s awful,’ said April. ‘And what a thing to go through while you were in mourning, although I can understand why you settled. It feels wrong moaning about the money side of things. It shouldn’t be important, should it?’

‘But it’s a reality we can’t ignore,’ Tara replied. ‘Life would be so much simpler if we could deal with the emotional and practical elements of grief separately, but when the worst happens, everything hits you at once. So yes, April, you are allowed to complain about the financial mess you’ve been landed with, to us and the group. And don’t feel guilty about being angry with Jason once in a while.’

April’s laugh was hollow as she pulled the slice of opera cake towards her. She teased a corner of the cake onto her fork and didn’t look up when she said, ‘I’ve been angry with him so much lately.’

Tara’s eyes narrowed. Her instinct had been right – there was more to her story than April had been able to share so far.

‘Do you want to talk about it? Was there something you needed to say at the group meeting but couldn’t?’

Above their heads, there was the roar of an aeroplane climbing to the skies and April finally lifted her gaze.

‘In the months before Jason died … he’d changed. He had been a constant in my life, and suddenly he wasn’t – it was like he was somewhere else, or maybe he just wanted to be. There were times when he wouldn’t look at me and other times when he couldn’t do enough.’

‘But you said at the meeting you thought his change in behaviour could have been linked to his brain haemorrhage,’ Tara said.

April shook her head. ‘It’s what I’ve tried to tell myself, but according to the doctors it would be unlikely. I think Jason was up to something.’

Faith was blunter, as always. ‘Was he having an affair?’

‘It crossed my mind at the time, but not enough for me to accuse him. There was nothing specific, and then shortly before he died everything seemed to right itself. Stupidly, I thought I’d got my old Jason back,’ April said, blinking away tears. ‘And I’m glad I didn’t say anything. He would have died believing I didn’t trust him.’

‘And if he was having an affair, chances are he would have denied it anyway,’ Faith replied.

‘Exactly, but now that he’s not around to challenge, my nagging doubt has become a full-blown obsession. Am I being paranoid? Is this some cruel side effect of grief?’ April asked. She continued to look at Faith: she would pull no punches.

‘We’re blessed with natural instincts for a reason,’ Faith said. ‘Only people with something to hide, or something to hide from, dismiss it as paranoia. Have you checked his messages? His emails?’

‘Yes, and I hated doing it, but I hated myself more when I couldn’t find anything more incriminating than Snapchat on his phone.’

‘Sorry for being a techno-phobe, but why would that mean anything?’ asked Tara.

‘Messages are time-limited. You don’t have to go to the trouble of deleting them and you don’t run the risk of leaving an audit trail behind if something unexpected happens to you,’ April said, mashing her cake with the fork. ‘As far as I was aware, Jason never used it, so why was it on his phone?’

‘And that’s one of the questions you’ve been left with that Jason can’t answer,’ Tara said, recalling April’s lament to the group.

‘It hasn’t stopped me looking,’ April said. ‘I was finally given online access to his bank accounts last month and I’ve been going through his statements line by line. I’m not sure, but I might have found what I was looking for. There were some biggish cash withdrawals before and after Christmas, and I know for a fact Jason hated using cash. I can only presume it was to avoid any record of his purchases.’

Faith leant over the table and took the fork and plate from April before she pebble-dashed them with ganache. ‘Was it enough to buy a hotel room?’

April shrugged, misery etched on her face.

‘I’m sure there are lots of other explanations,’ Tara suggested. She wondered if Jason might have been into drugs, although this theory was only marginally better than the possibility of an affair.

‘Do you have any idea who he might have been seeing?’ asked Faith, having already reached a judgement.

April didn’t answer immediately. ‘Not really, but what Steve said in the group about friends getting involved with other friends’ partners struck a chord. I look at my girlfriends and wonder if one of them is grieving more for Jason than she should. I’m tempted to come right out and ask each and every one of them, but I’m not sure that’s a particular rabbit hole I want to go down.’

‘I’d say that’s a good call,’ Tara said, taking April’s hand and giving it a squeeze. ‘You don’t need to come up with all the answers straight away. Take it one day at a time.’

April glanced down at Tara’s fingers. ‘Is that your wedding ring?’

‘Yes,’ she replied, lifting her right hand to examine the gold band. ‘I swapped it over when I was ready to accept that my future was no longer as Mike’s wife.’

‘Same here,’ Faith said, wriggling the third finger of her right hand.

‘Did you find someone else too?’ April asked.

‘No chance. Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of love, and I’m over the moon for Tara and Iain, but it’s not for me, not any more. I prefer being in control of my own fate.’

‘I wish I could say the same.’

‘Oh, April,’ said Tara gently. ‘It’s early days and you have a lot to process.’

‘I know, and I can’t tell you how good it feels to talk about this at last.’ April paused and chewed her lip. ‘Will the rest of the group understand? Has anyone else gone through something similar?’

‘None of us had perfect marriages,’ Tara replied. ‘As much as I loved Mike, I spent a lot of time resenting him for stealing my dreams. I had every intention of moving to Paris until I found out I was pregnant. I’m not saying I didn’t love the life we made together, but there’s a reason I’ve created a little corner of Paris in Hale Village.’

Tara wasn’t sure if April noticed she had evaded the question, but Faith did.

‘And you don’t have to raise this in the group if you don’t want to. It’s none of their business, and besides …’ Faith reached over to squeeze April’s hand as Tara had done. ‘You have us.’

Tara couldn’t hold back her smile. She knew Faith would like April. ‘And it’s not as if the main group are ever short of things to talk about, so you’ll still have lots in common with them. You’re not alone, April. Not any more.’