Читать книгу The Demure Miss Manning - Amanda McCabe - Страница 10
ОглавлениеMary watched her reflection in the mirror as her maid put the last touches on her coiffure for the Duchess of Thwaite’s ball. Usually, she saw none of the elaborate process of braiding and pinning. There were too many other things to go over in her mind. The people her father wanted her to talk to at the party; remembering everyone’s names; organising their own dinner parties and who would require return calls and invitations later.
She knew the maids knew their jobs and trusted them to make her look presentable. She knew that she herself could always be called ‘presentable’. Pretty enough, always suitably dressed, knowledgeable enough of fashion. She had always been taught to be appropriate.
But she was certainly no stylish beauty like Lady Louisa, or like her own mother. Maria Manning, with her dark Portuguese eyes and musical laugh, had always dazzled everyone. Mary knew she didn’t have it in her power to be like that, so she did all she could otherwise. Studied, watched her manners, tried to be helpful.
But tonight she found herself peering into the looking glass as the maid twined a wreath of pink-and-white rosebuds through the braids of her glossy brown hair. She felt so unaccountably nervous tonight, almost unable to sit still. Her thoughts wouldn’t stay put on her duties for the duchess’s ball, but kept darting all around like shimmering summer butterflies. And she knew exactly why she felt so flighty tonight.
Lord Sebastian Barrett.
Just thinking his name made her want to laugh aloud. Mary found she couldn’t quite quell her confusion, that feeling of warm, bubbling anticipation mixed with the twinge of fear. Would he be there that night? She knew Lady Alnworth had said he would. The duchess’s ball was the event of the Season, and Lord Sebastian was the hero of London at the moment. Surely she would see him there.
Yet if he were there, what would she do? What if he talked to her—or didn’t talk to her? He was so very handsome, so very sought after, he could certainly have his pick of feminine company.
She remembered the way he had smiled at her in Lady Alnworth’s drawing room, the easy way they had talked together. When she was actually with him, there hadn’t been this fear. It was only now, thinking about him in the silence of her own room, that she felt so uncertain about everything. And Mary hated being unsure of what to feel, what to do.
She closed her eyes and remembered that morning, when she had gone to take the air with Lady Louisa in the Smythe carriage at the park and she had glimpsed Lord Sebastian in the distance. He had looked so distracted and solemn on his horse, dressed in dark riding clothes, and she had wanted to go to him.
Yet he had seemed somehow to want to remain unobtrusive. He did not wear his dashing regimentals and was alone at the park at a quiet hour. He seemed so distant, as if his thoughts were not on the present moment at all. She hadn’t even had the heart to point him out to Louisa.
She had been thrilled at the unexpected sight of him and had longed to call out to him, yet something about his very stillness, his solitary state, had held her back. But then he looked up and saw her, and a smile touched his face. There was only time for him to nod and tip his hat to her, and for her to raise her hand in answer. Then he was lost to sight.
It was that look on his face at that moment that haunted Mary now. That expression of stark—loneliness. It was a feeling she knew very well.
‘What do you think, Miss Manning?’ the maid said, pulling Mary from her daydreams.
She opened her eyes to look again into the looking glass. She was quite startled by what she saw.
The maid had tried something new with her hair, a twist of braids and curls with the roses and a few pearl pins, and it seemed quite transformative. Her cheeks seemed pinker, her eyes shining.
‘You are quite a marvel,’ she told the maid, twisting her head to get another view. ‘I don’t look like myself at all.’
The girl laughed. ‘Of course you do, Miss Manning! You just look extra-happy today, if I can be so bold to say so. It must be a very grand ball you’re going to tonight.’
‘It is indeed grand,’ Mary said, but she knew very well it wasn’t the prospect of the ball that made her cheeks so pink. She had been to magnificent courtly festivities in St Petersburg, all gilt and pageantry, and they had never filled her with such a tingling excitement of anticipation. It was Lord Sebastian.
There. She had quite admitted it to herself. She was excited to see Lord Sebastian.
Mary laughed, feeling rather giddy.
‘Come on, miss, let’s get you into your gown now,’ the maid said.
Mary nodded, and pushed herself back from her dressing table. Her gaze caught on the miniature portrait of her mother she kept there on a gold stand. Maria Manning had been a true beauty, with a pale oval face and laughing dark eyes, her black hair twined atop her head beneath the intricate lace of her mantilla. Maria’s smile seemed to urge her daughter to go dance at the ball, to be bold for the first time in her life. To follow in her mother’s passionate Iberian footsteps.
Mary remembered the story of her parents’ meeting, of how her father had seen her mother at a ball and they had fallen instantly in love. Mary had always loved hearing those tales and deep down in her most secret heart she had wondered how such a love must feel. As she grew up and saw more of the world, she had known how rare feelings like that really were. She had known she would never find such a thing for herself and would have to be content with a match made of friendship. With a useful, contented marriage.
Now—now it felt almost as if the sun had burst out from behind grey clouds, all surprising and brilliant and glorious. A man like Sebastian Barrett was in the world!
Surely even if he never spoke to her again, that would be enough to give her hope.
But she did hope he would talk to her.
Mary smiled back at her mother and hurried over to let the maid help her into her gown. It was a new creation, straight from the most sought-after modiste in London. Lady Louisa had been quite envious when she heard Mary was to have her new gown in time for the Thwaite ball, but for Mary it had been only one more correct thing to do. She had to look right as her father’s hostess.
But now she was very glad she had the new dress. It was much lighter than the heavily embroidered court gowns she had had to wear in St Petersburg, a fluttering, pale-pink silk trimmed with white lace frills and tiny satin rosebuds. The short, puffed sleeves barely skimmed the edges of her shoulders and white satin ribbons fluttered at the high waist. There was even a matching pair of pink-silk slippers, trimmed at the toes with more roses.
Mary couldn’t resist a little spin to make the skirts froth up, making the maid laugh. She felt as light and pink and rosy as the gown itself.
She just hoped Lord Sebastian would like it.
* * *
‘Mary! Mary, over here!’ Lady Louisa called out. Mary glimpsed her friend waving over the heads of the throng crowding into the hall of the Duchess of Thwaite’s house, waiting to make their way up the stairs to the ballroom.
Mary waved back, but she couldn’t yet push her way through the people pressed around her. Her father held her arm as they had alighted from the carriage, but he was soon called away by some of his diplomatic colleagues. Louisa reached Mary first and drew her behind her to the stairs.
‘It’s all so exciting, Mary,’ Lady Louisa cried, fluffing up her pale-yellow skirts and her bouncing blonde curls. ‘I saw Lord Andrewson and his sister go into the ballroom. He sent me flowers earlier, so surely he will ask me to dance! He is so very handsome. Who do you want to dance with the very most?’
Mary felt her cheeks turn warm and she looked away. ‘Oh—I hardly know.’
But she needn’t have feared she would give away her own wild hopes, for Louisa was quickly on to something else, commenting on the gowns of the ladies in the hall below them. Mary only had to smile and nod in reply, which gave her time to peer over the gilded railings to the people just crowding in through the front doors, studying the faces of the newcomers.
Everyone in London society hoped for an invitation to the Thwaite ball and everyone seemed to have appeared for it. The newest, loveliest gowns and finest jewels shimmered in the candlelight. But there was no brilliant flash of a red coat among them. Mary turned away, her smile sinking with a touch of disappointment.
At last they could push their way through the open doors into the duchess’s famous ballroom, one of the largest in London. The duchess was also known for having the finest florists and musicians. The long, rectangular room, all gold and white, with a domed ceiling painted with a scene of frolicking gods and cupids against an azure sky, was beautifully decorated with loops of ivy entwined with white roses and gold ribbons. More ivy wreaths hung on the gold silk-covered walls. Tall glass doors that led on to an open terrace were invitingly ajar.
From a gallery high above, covered with more greenery and roses, an orchestra tuned up for the dancing. Couples made their way on to the patterned parquet floor, laughing and flirting. The sound of happy chatter rose and tangled all around them, so it was impossible to make out a coherent word.
Mary went up on her toes, trying to study the crowd, but just as on the stairs the press and movement were too much to make out anything more than a vivid, shifting kaleidoscope of whites, pinks, blues and yellows, mixed with the dark tones of the men’s tailored coats.
She caught a glimpse of her father, standing across the room with the prime minister and a clutch of other politicians. Their faces looked most solemn in the middle of all the merriment. Mary knew he wouldn’t need her for some time.
Lady Louisa was quickly claimed for the first dance by her coveted Lord Andrewson. Mary made her way to one of the small gilt-and-satin chairs lined up along the walls, finding a place to sit amid the gossiping chaperons. From there, she had a view of the ballroom doors, where all the new arrivals had to stop.
She was quickly beginning to feel rather foolish, though, waiting for a man who might not even appear.
The musicians launched into the first dance. Mary opened and closed her lace fan, trying to concentrate on the dancers, the beautiful swirl of the ladies’ pastel gowns and flashing jewels, the men’s fine coats. She tried to distract herself and think of things besides Sebastian Barrett, as she should do at a ball. But nothing quite seemed to work. She felt most unaccountably—fidgety.
She glanced at a tall, ornate clock against the far wall and realised it really was quite early. Many partygoers wouldn’t have even finished their dinners yet. She saw Louisa whirl past and gave her a little wave.
Just beyond the dance floor, Mary caught a glimpse of Sebastian Barrett’s friends, the ones he had been with at Lady Alnworth’s: Lord Paul Gilesworth, Lord James Sackville and Mr Nicholas Warren. Much to her surprise, they were watching her in return. Gilesworth even had a quizzing glass to his eye.
Somehow, that regard made her shiver. She felt quite exposed, as if she was wandering in a cold wood alone late at night. She waved her fan harder and looked away, only peeking back once quickly.
Gilesworth was laughing, while Mr Warren shook his head, frowning. Mary realised she rather liked Mr Warren, he seemed sweet, like a puppy dog. But she did not like Lord Paul Gilesworth, his smile never reached his eyes. She couldn’t imagine why either of them would watch her.
When she looked their way again, they had vanished into the crowd and there were only the laughing dancers. She felt quite relieved.
The dance ended, and Lord Andrewson left Louisa in the empty chair next to Mary’s, promising to fetch them punch and return directly.
‘What a crush it is tonight!’ Louisa cried, snapping open her own painted-silk fan. ‘I can scarcely breathe. I vow my slippers will be in shreds by the end of the evening.’
Mary smiled at her. ‘But surely Lord Andrewson is quite the fine dancer.’
Louisa laughed. ‘He rather is! But you must dance, too, Mary, the music is too merry not to.’ She turned her head to study the room. ‘What of Mr Domnhall? Oh, no, he is such a bore—he would put you to sleep even in the middle of a reel, talking of the fishing at his estate in Scotland. Or Lord Sackville? He is rather handsome...’
‘Lord Sebastian Barrett,’ the duchess’s butler suddenly announced. The ballroom doors opened again, and Sebastian Barrett appeared at last. Mary’s hand tightened on the carved-ivory sticks of her fan.
He wore his regimentals again, brilliant red-and-gold braid. His hair, that golden-shot-brown that seemed so intriguingly changeable, gleamed like new guineas in the light of the hundreds of candles. It seemed as if time slowed and sped up all at once, the music and laughter becoming a muted blur as Mary watched him. All the light in that dazzling room seemed to gather directly on him, leaving all else in shadow.
He had a mysterious little half-smile as he studied the room before him. His bright, sea-green gaze slid over the assembly—and landed right on Mary. She was so startled she had no time to look away, or even disguise what she was feeling. That sudden rush of pure, molten excitement at seeing him again after all her hopes and fears, the warm giddiness that took hold of her—she feared it was all written on her face.
And after all those years of carefully learning to control her feelings. To always be perfectly, politely smiling. It was most absurd.
The duchess hurried over to greet him, the diamond-sparkled plumes of her elaborate headdress waving, and he was quickly surrounded by the crowd. Mary looked down at the floor and snapped open her fan again.
‘Or perhaps you were wise not to dance yet, Mary dear,’ Louisa said. ‘Not when there are suddenly far more—interesting partners now available.’
Mary glanced up at her friend in surprise. Were her thoughts now so apparent to everyone? ‘Louisa, I hardly think someone like Lord Sebastian Barrett would have any shortage of dance partners.’
‘La, who said anything about Lord Sebastian?’ Louisa cried. ‘Yet you had such a look on your face when he came in and I would vow he looked right at you. He could do no better for a dinner partner and you, my friend, are much prettier than you ever give yourself credit for. Now, come with me.’
Mary had not an instant to protest as Louisa took her arm and bustled her away from the dowagers’ chairs. She pulled Mary through the heavy press of the crowd, so quickly there was no time to look at the people they pushed past. They nearly stumbled over one lady’s train and Mary stammered an apology.
‘Ah, Lord Sebastian! Surely you remember us. We met at Lady Alnworth’s,’ Louisa cried. Mary whipped her head back around to find they had landed right in front of Lord Sebastian. The duchess watched them with an astonished look on her face, her gloved hand on the red sleeve of her prized guest, the heroic Lord Sebastian. But Mary barely noticed the social nuances she was usually so carefully attuned to. She could only see him.
‘Lady Louisa, Miss Manning,’ he said with a bow. ‘How very good to see you again. I was hoping you would be here tonight.’
‘Were you?’ Mary blurted out, then bit her lip.
He smiled down at her, his eyes shimmering. ‘Indeed. I enjoyed our talk at Lady Alnworth’s. I did glimpse you both at the park, but did not want to interrupt your conversation. Such fine weather this morning.’
Weather? It seemed such a mundane thing to speak of after all Mary’s daydreams of his handsome face, his voice, his smile. Yet she was glad of the familiar chatter. It gave her time to compose herself. She surreptitiously smoothed her skirt and gave him a careful smile.
After a few more pleasantries about the warm days and the loveliness of the party, the duchess was reluctantly distracted by even more new arrivals and Louisa tugged on Mary’s hand.
‘Lord Sebastian, I fear dear Miss Manning was just saying the ballroom is so very crowded she feels rather faint,’ Louisa said. ‘We were just on our way to seek some fresh air, but I fear I must repair my torn hem.’
Mary looked frantically at Louisa, trying to shake her head in protest. Whatever was her friend trying to do? Her face felt flaming warm all over again. But Louisa just smiled.
‘If Miss Manning feels faint, I would be happy to escort her to the terrace for a moment. I am not so fond of crowds myself,’ Lord Sebastian said, his smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. It made him look even more handsome.
‘Lord Sebastian, really, you must not—’ Mary began, breaking off on a gasp as Louisa’s grip tightened.
‘So very kind, Lord Sebastian!’ Louisa said merrily. ‘I will join you both in just a moment.’
Louisa spun away and Lord Sebastian held out his red-clad arm to Mary.
She accepted, feeling caught up once again in a hazy, sparkling dream, and let him escort her to the half-open doors of the terrace. She was afraid to look at the people around them, afraid to look up at all, almost fearing it would all vanish.
She was also afraid he had been caught by Louisa’s machinations, that he had a thousand places where he would rather be. Yet he gave no sign of resentment at all, no indication he wanted to leave her in the nearest corner at the first chance. He held tight to her arm, smiling solicitously as if he did indeed think she might faint. He talked in a low, deep voice of more light things such as the weather and the music, things she only had to make blessedly short answers to.
She glanced at him secretly from the corner of her eye, examining his sharply chiselled profile. There was no sign of what she thought she had glimpsed at Lady Alnsworth’s, that stark second of loneliness, and then in that brief glimpse at the park. That raw, burning solitariness she herself hid so deep inside.
They slipped through the doors on to the terrace. It was an unusual space in a London house, a wide marble walkway with carved stone balustrades looking down on to a manicured garden. Down there, Chinese lanterns strung along the trees gleamed on flower beds and pale classical statues.
Along the terrace itself, potted plants created intimate little pathways, with chairs tucked behind their leafy shelter, perfect for quiet conversations. A few other couples strolled there, pale glimpses between the dark green.
The hush after the roar of the ballroom was almost deafening.
‘If I had my own house, I would make a space much like this,’ Lord Sebastian said, his voice quiet, with a rather musing tone, as if he was somewhere far away.
Mary glanced up at him, startled to see how serious he looked as he studied the garden. ‘Your own house, Lord Sebastian?’
He looked down at her, a half-smile on his lips. ‘I could hardly add it to my father’s house. He would consider a terrace a great frivolity.’
‘I sometimes think about what I would like to have in my own home, as well. I have never really had one, we move about so much. No one asks what colours one might like in lodgings! But some day...’
‘Some day a real home of one’s own would be nice.’
‘Yes, indeed.’
They stopped at the end of the terrace, where two marble balustrades met and a set of stone steps led down to the garden. The corner was sheltered by a thick bank of potted palms. It was quiet there, no sound but the faint echo of music and laughter from the ballroom, the whisper of a breeze through the trees.
Mary could almost imagine they were alone there. It was disconcerting, making her shiver with nervousness—yet it was also rather alluringly lovely. In the crowded ballroom, she had felt so alone, as she often did at large parties. Here, with just him, she didn’t feel alone at all.
‘A terrace like this could be so lovely for a luncheon party on a warm day. Or maybe a small dance party in the moonlight for just a few friends,’ she said, watching the way the breeze danced on the flowers.
‘A home where one’s true friends could gather would be a wondrous thing indeed. I have lived in camp tents so much of late, that—’ He broke off with a rueful laugh. ‘Forgive me, Miss Manning, I must be so boring. I get carried away with my own thoughts far too often these days.’
‘I’m not bored at all,’ Mary said. Rather, she was most fascinated by this tiny glimpse of the man behind the heroic Lord Sebastian Barrett. A man who might long for a real home just as she did.
‘Once, while we were camped at a field in the middle of nowhere, I saw a constellation of stars I had never noticed before,’ he said. ‘Like a diamond necklace, all sparkling against the darkness. It was wondrous.’
He looked up into the sky and Mary did the same. The darkness was just as it always was in London—hazy, with only a few very bold stars managing to peek through. Yet she could imagine what he had once seen in that field. A dazzling sparkle of lights blazing their way across a black-velvet sky, before the unimaginable carnage of a battlefield.
‘Do you ever dream of what it might be like to float up there among the stars, all untethered from—everything,’ she said fancifully. She was surprised at herself, at her sudden dreams. ‘To just—be.’
He looked down at her. He looked surprised, too, his smile so very real this time. He slowly nodded. ‘Of course. Especially here in London.’
‘Here?’ she asked. ‘Not on campaign?’
His smile turned lopsided, his eyes distant. ‘It sounds strange, I know. But with my regiment, I knew what was expected of me, what I was meant to do and how to do it well. I knew what was thought of me, what I thought of the world around me. Here—here I seem to know so little. It’s London that has become the alien world.’
Mary nodded. It was how she had felt for so long, ever since they came back to London, that she no longer knew where her place was. ‘I have never been in battle, thankfully, but it’s been a long time since I lived in London. My father and I have been our own small world for so long, the one thing I take from place to place, and it’s hard to know quite what to do now. I know I am English, that this is meant to be my home, yet—’
She broke off, unsure of what she was saying. These were thoughts she had kept pressed down so hard, not even daring to think them to herself. Her father had enough to worry about—what with losing her beloved mother and the vital importance of his work, he couldn’t worry about her, too.
Yet the strangeness of being back in England, the lonely moments—how could anyone understand?
But it seemed that, of all people, the handsome Sebastian Barrett did understand. His smile widened, a gorgeous white flash in the shadows, and he nodded. ‘It’s as if everyone here was speaking a foreign language, one I can only decipher on the surface and speak well enough to play my part passably.’
Mary was fascinated. He was the hero of society! How could he be lost? Yet she could see the dark gleam in his eye. ‘What part is that, Lord Sebastian?’
He leaned his forearms on the marble balustrade and stared out at the dark garden. ‘Oh, we all have our parts here, don’t you agree, Miss Manning? Most people have played them so long they can’t even look past them any longer. They have become what they are meant to be. When I was with my regiment, I felt that sense of rightness, that sense that I knew my duty and could carry it out well. It was a feeling everyone should have at some time in their lives, even though it might mean others then carry far too many expectations. But some of us do wonder what it would be like to float among the stars and just be, as you say.’
‘Free to find our real selves?’ Mary thought that a most astonishing, and delightful, idea. She longed to know more of his life in the Army, more of what that feeling of ‘rightness’ could entail.
‘What would you do, then, Miss Manning?’
She studied him in the half-light, the sculpted angles of his handsome face, then glanced back up at the sky. ‘I hardly know. I have worked for my family for so long.’
‘So you would be a diplomat, like your father?’
Mary laughed. ‘There are certainly things I do like about my father’s work. Doing good for one’s country, seeking peace, seeing fascinating places, meeting different people—I do like those. But there is one thing I wish was different.’
‘And what is that?’
Mary smiled up at him. Could he be truly interested in her own musings, her own inner thoughts? He looked back down at her, his smile vanished. ‘A real home. We have moved about so much, I can’t even remember what a place that was truly my own would be like.’
‘A cottage in the woods?’
‘Perhaps,’ she answered with a laugh. ‘A half-timbered cottage, with a little rose garden, perhaps a cat on the front steps. Or maybe a shining white castle on a mountaintop. A place for a large family.’
‘A family,’ he murmured and Mary was sure she saw a strange shadow cross his face.
‘What would you want, Lord Sebastian?’
He laughed, that shadow gone before she was even sure she saw it. ‘A castle on a mountain sounds rather ideal. A place far from my family.’
Mary was suddenly reminded he was Lord Henry Barrett’s brother, and she shivered guiltily. ‘Are you not happy to be back with your family now?’
‘As happy as most people are with their families, I would imagine, Miss Manning. I am very glad of the friends and parties I have found in London, the distractions.’
Mary stared out into the garden. ‘Diversion, yes. You don’t have to stay out here with me, Lord Sebastian. I know many people will want to talk to you tonight.’
He gave her another smile, one so sweet, so alluring, it made her fall back against the chilly stone balustrade, unsure her legs would hold her upright now.
‘But I like it better here, talking to one person,’ he said. ‘You are most unexpected, Miss Manning.’
‘Me? Unexpected?’ she said, surprised. He was certainly the one who was unexpected—and even more intriguing than he had been before. There seemed to be so much hidden behind his dashing façade. ‘On the contrary, Lord Sebastian. I am most ordinary.’
‘Ordinary is certainly the very last thing you are.’ He reached for her hand, holding it gently between his fingers, as if it was a delicate, precious piece of glass. ‘Is it so unbelievable that I would rather be out here talking to you, watching the stars with you, than be packed into a crowded ballroom?’
Mary couldn’t stop staring at his hand on hers. His was so strong, sun-browned and scarred, against her white glove. ‘Yes,’ she blurted.
He laughed and raised her hand to his lips for a quick kiss. His mouth was warm and surprisingly soft through her thin glove, making her shiver. He looked so golden in the moonlight, so like a dream.
‘How little you do know me, Miss Manning,’ he said. Something like a flash of sadness, regret, passed over his face.
‘I don’t know you at all, surely, Lord Sebastian.’ And now she wanted to—all too much.
‘I feel as if I no longer know myself at all. I have done some wretched things, I fear,’ he said, pressing her palm to his cheek.
‘Wretched?’ Mary whispered. ‘Whatever do you mean?’
He shook his head. ‘I wish I could tell you—and I hope you never know. Yet I think you should see something...’
His expression looked so very far away, Mary was overwhelmed with the feeling of a bittersweet melancholy. She only knew she wanted to make him feel better, soothe whatever pain it was that seemed to burrow inside of him, beyond that golden beauty.
She didn’t know what else to do, so she went up on tiptoe and kissed him. She knew little of kissing outside of books, so her touch was soft, tentative, full of the hope she could distract him. But his lips parted under hers as his breath caught in surprise and the taste of him filled her with a warm rush of delight.
His hands closed over her shoulders and at first she feared he might push her away. Then he groaned, a hungry, wild sound deep in his throat, and his arms came around her in a hard embrace. He dragged her closer to his hard, warm chest and she went most willingly.
His mouth hardened on hers, his tongue tracing the soft curve of her lips before plunging inside to taste her deeply, hungrily. She wanted so much, more of him. She had never felt like that before, as if she soared up into the stars in truth.
She felt him press her back against the balustrade, his open mouth sliding from hers to trace her jaw, her arched neck. He touched the sensitive little spot behind her ear lightly with the tip of his tongue, making her laugh.
How wondrous kissing was! Why had she not known that before? Or was it only him that made it so wonderful? She reached up to twine her fingers in his hair and pulled him up to kiss her lips again. He went most eagerly, his kisses catching fire with a need that made her own burn even hotter.
‘Mary,’ he whispered against her skin and the one word was so full of deep hidden meaning.
She pressed herself even closer to him, wanting to be nearer and nearer. Wanting so much of—she knew not what. She had fallen into the stars.
‘Oh, bravo, Sebastian! That was quick work indeed.’
The sudden sound of a gleeful voice felt like a shower of cold water raining down on the golden sunshine of that kiss. Mary stumbled back from Sebastian and would have fallen over the balustrade if he hadn’t still held on to her arm. She physically ached, as if she had taken a sudden and sharp tumble.
She peered past his shoulder to find three men watching them—Lord Paul Gilesworth, Nicholas Warren and Lord James Sackville, who had been with Sebastian at Lady Alnworth’s house. It was Giles who had spoken and he watched them with a most repulsive, artificial smile. Mr Warren, to his dubious credit, looked red-faced and appalled, while Lord James laughed.
Mary shook her head. This was surely a nightmare. It simply had to be. Only a moment before, she had felt more burningly alive than ever before. Now she felt cold, distant from the whole scene before her, as if she watched it in a play.
What had seemed such a sparkling, wondrous fairy tale had become something strange and ugly. She closed her eyes and prayed for delivery from that bad dream. She felt his hand on her arm and even it was not like before. Now it felt like a shackle.
When she opened her eyes, it was all still there. The men looking at her, Gilesworth looking horribly triumphant. She was trapped, frozen. After so many years of being proper, being careful, she had made one small misstep and been caught. It was a horrible feeling.
She waited for Sebastian to say something, for the appalling embarrassment to vanish, but that one terrible instant seemed to stretch on and on.
Then Gilesworth’s words, all his words, crashed into her mind.
Quick work indeed.
Could that mean—was it really possible? Had Sebastian meant to seduce her into kissing him, for the amusement of his friends?
She swung around to look at him, horrified. He stared back at her, his face wary, unreadable. The man who had talked to her of the stars, who had listened to her confidences and kissed her so sweetly, had vanished.
‘Is...is it...’ she stammered. She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say. Every word she ever knew had fled from her mind. She felt her cheeks flame with red-hot shame, yet at the same time she was frozen. She could only stare up at Sebastian. She couldn’t see his eyes in the shadows.
‘You should be quite proud, Miss Manning, to have gained the attention of such a hero as our Lord Sebastian,’ Gilesworth said smugly. ‘We weren’t sure the two of you really had it in you to be so bold. But I see that for fifty guineas...’
Fifty guineas? Were they paying Sebastian to kiss her?
Fool, fool, her mind screamed at her. She had never felt so silly, so stupid before in her life.
‘Mary, no, please...’ Sebastian began, his voice rough and hoarse.
But Mary couldn’t bear to hear him say anything, for him to make excuses or, far worse, laugh at her. She felt like the sky, so beautiful with those shimmering stars, was crashing atop her.
She shook her head and pulled her arm free of his touch. What had felt so warm, so safe, now felt like ice. She couldn’t bear to be near him a moment longer, to face the laughter of his friends. She spun around and ran towards the doors into the ballroom, hardly knowing where she was going. She heard Gilesworth’s laughter chasing her.
Only when she saw the bright lights, the blur of the spinning dancers, did she realise she was in no fit state to face a crowd. Even if word of that kiss, that horrid bet, spread, she would have to hold her head up in a dignified play-act. She veered around to the side of the house and found a footman to direct her to the ladies’ retiring room.
It was thankfully quiet in the small sitting room. Mary ducked behind a screen to take a deep breath, to close her eyes and try to slow down her racing thoughts. As she smoothed her hair and straightened her skirt, she heard the door open and other ladies’ gowns rustling into the room amid a cloud of laughter. She had to compose herself, then find her father and go home immediately.
The most handsome rogue in London. Mary bit her lip to keep from laughing aloud in a rather bitter fashion. They were utterly right, on both counts. Sebastian Barrett was devilishly handsome—and a terrible rogue, with no concern for ladies’ feelings. Mary was sure she should have realised that, should have realised that his attentions were all a terrible jest. Men like him had no interest in women like her.
She would never forget that again.
* * *
‘Mary!’ Sebastian called, but she was already gone, vanished into the darkness of the evening like a fluttering pink butterfly. His own head felt cursedly clouded, hazy with the unexpected delight of that kiss, and he wasn’t fast enough to catch her. He had started to tell her the truth, had wanted to tell her, and yet it all came much too late.
Gilesworth caught Sebastian’s arm as he started after her, and tossed a heavy purse of clanking coins at his chest. Sebastian let them fall to the terrace stones as he stared into Gilesworth’s smirking face.
How had he ever befriended such a man, even in his desperation to forget battle? He had let boredom draw him into a vile scheme and now he bitterly rued the day.
All he could see was Mary’s face, pale and shocked in the moonlight as she ran away from him. For one perfect moment, as he held her slender, trembling body in his arms, he had forgotten the men he had lost in battle, forgotten his family and London society, and the terrible, numb aimlessness of life. She made him forget, made things seem new and bright again.
It was something he hadn’t expected at all, something startling. That awakening to sensation again, with the soft touch of her lips, the faint scent of her sweet rose perfume. And it had been shattered all too quickly, snatched away, and he had little but himself to blame. He had taken Gilesworth’s ridiculous wager, and now he had wounded the sweetest lady he had ever met.
He reached out and grabbed Gilesworth by the front of his immaculate evening coat, erasing the man’s hideous smirk.
‘You will never speak of this to anyone,’ Sebastian said, in a low, steady voice. He wouldn’t let his burning anger overwhelm him now; he had to help Mary however he could and stemming any gossip was only the first step. ‘If I even hear that you have so much as uttered Miss Manning’s name, I shall make you sorry you were ever born.’
Gilesworth’s self-satisfied smirk vanished, replaced by fear barely masked by a scowl. ‘Now, listen here, Barrett. It was all just a bit of fun, and you—’
‘It is in no way a “bit of fun”, and I was a bloody, foxed fool to ever involve myself in such a vile scheme,’ Sebastian said. Inside, the dark flood of self-disgust threatened to drown him, but outwardly he stayed cold and calm. It was the hard lesson of battle. ‘But it is over now. You will leave Miss Manning in peace. Is that understood?’
He swept a cold glance over all of them. Lord James swallowed hard and nodded, and Nicholas Warren looked red-faced and appalled. Gilesworth scowled, as if he would argue and force Sebastian to challenge him to a duel or something equally ridiculous, but when Sebastian’s fist tightened in the twist of his coat, he sullenly agreed.
Sebastian pushed the man away and hurried to the house to find Mary. She was nowhere to be seen in the ballroom, and her friend Lady Louisa said she thought Mary had already summoned her carriage to return home.
Her smile turned teasing as she looked up at him. ‘But I am sure if she knew you were looking for her, she would never have left so quickly.’
Sebastian knew he had to neutralise any gossip now, even with Mary’s friends. He smiled back at her, a careless, casual smile. ‘I had hoped for a dance with Miss Manning, but I see I was too slow. At the next ball, then.’
He bowed and left her, even though she looked as if she wanted to say something more to him. He found a footman near the duchess’s staircase and the servant verified Lady Louisa’s words, that Miss Manning had called for her carriage and departed in rather a hurry. Sebastian rushed to the street outside, but there was no glimpse of the departing Manning carriage, even in the distance.
He would have to go to her home in the morning, at a proper hour, and make his apologies. He could only hope she would forgive him.
