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Chapter 9

The studio was a hive of frenetic activity and Holly was all but lost in the heat, dust and deafening noise of hard labour. The piece of marble she had picked for the base of Mrs Bronson’s sculpture was beautiful, even before she started working on it. It was almost a pity to have to hack away at the multicoloured veins that threaded life into the blackest stone. But hack away she did. Three days had passed since Holly had taken that fateful walk to the ruins with Jocelyn. She had started to accept that she must surrender her dreams of holding Libby in her arms, of watching her grow and completing the family that Tom so desperately wanted, that she so desperately wanted. But the pain of the loss, the burden of guilt in taking the decision without Tom, the shame of sacrificing her daughter’s life for her own, these were emotions she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to come to terms with.

Dust billowed around her as she cut into the stone with a chainsaw, obscuring her vision. Slowly but surely, the spiral was taking form, to become a dramatic foundation for the mother and child figures that would emerge above it. Despite her progress, Holly found no joy in her work. She had a job to do, that was all.

Holly felt like the worst kind of hypocrite. There had been no bond with her own mother, no foundation on which to build a future, and now there would be no Libby to build a future for. She had been right to doubt herself all along. She was never going to make a good mother. She was willing to forfeit Libby’s life for her own. Holly had read and reread the poem, over and over again. She had scrutinized every page of the journal, hoping to uncover a secret that would help her avoid the life for a life rule, but her efforts were futile and she knew it. If there had been any way to avoid the sacrifice that had to be made then Edward Hardmonton would have found it.

As Holly chipped away great chunks of stone, she toyed with the idea of using the dial again. The moondial might have thrown her life into chaos but it still gave Holly a way in which she could spend time with the child she was sacrificing. Perhaps Jocelyn was right. Perhaps it was a gift and Holly shouldn’t be so quick to turn away from it.

Not every lesson she had learnt about the dial’s workings had been a harsh one. Holly now knew that her presence would be strongest under direct moonlight. She remembered leafing through Tom’s papers in the study, with the full moon shining through the window. That had been why she had found it so much easier to move things in that room. Perhaps she could find a way to finally hold Libby. Every nerve in her body cried out just at the thought of cradling her baby in her arms. But then her thoughts turned to Tom. She would have to face his grief, his eyes looking through her again, and she didn’t think she could do that.

There were other fears too. She couldn’t be sure if the decision she had now taken, the decision not to conceive Libby, had already rewritten her future. If that was the case, Holly wasn’t ready to face what the moondial might reveal. She wouldn’t use the dial, not yet. Reluctantly, however, she knew that it still had a part to play in her future. There was still one question that she would need an answer to eventually. If the dial was keeping score, was Holly sacrificing just Libby’s life or her chances of ever being a mother?

The question at the moment was almost irrelevant. She didn’t think she deserved to be a mother and she was tempted to smash up the moondial as surely as she was smashing away at the marble in front of her.

‘Ever thought of taking up the building trade?’ Billy was standing at the open studio doors and he had to shout over the din that Holly was making.

‘Is it lunchtime already?’ Holly asked. She was used to being dragged away from her work to feed the hungry horde of builders who were putting the final touches to the conservatory.

‘Lunchtime? More like home time! It’s three-thirty.’

‘I’m sorry, Billy, I must have got carried away.’

‘We thought as much, but don’t worry. We’ve worked right through and we’ll have an early start, if you don’t mind. It’s a glorious day out there, probably the last of the year. You should get out into the sunshine once in a while.’

‘Well, if you hadn’t disappeared for weeks and left me with a half-finished conservatory, I’d have been catching the rays in there,’ scolded Holly. Billy had risen significantly in her estimation since Jocelyn’s revelations, but she wasn’t about to let him know that.

‘It’ll be worth the wait,’ he said with pride.

‘So when will you be finished?’

‘Another couple of days and we’ll be done. But you haven’t seen the last of me. I’m still finishing the plans for the garden.’

‘So Tom is getting you to do the garden!’ exclaimed Holly.

Billy hit his palm against his head in despair and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. ‘What am I like? The cat is well and truly out of the bag. Your husband is going to be so annoyed with me.’

‘Well, by rights, he should be home doing the work himself. But I suppose if he’s running around the globe earning lots of money, the least we can do is spend it for him,’ sighed Holly.

‘When is that man of yours coming home? I keep telling him that he shouldn’t leave you alone for so long. You need looking after, whether you think you do or not.’

‘He’s back in a couple of weeks, but not for long. He’s got plans to go jetting off somewhere in South America next.’

Billy shook his head slowly in disapproval. ‘You’ve never considered going with him on his travels?’

‘Don’t think I haven’t been tempted,’ Holly replied, and her body wrenched with a renewed sense of guilt. She wriggled her toes in her shoes, seeking the firmness of the floor to anchor her, but all she found was the painful crunch of stone debris underfoot.

She ached for Tom more than ever. Billy was right, she did need looking after and no one could do that better than Tom. But she wanted to spare Tom from the torment she was now going through. Her decision to erase Libby from their future would be a matter for her conscience, not his. She wouldn’t tell him until the new year, when he was home for good and the date had passed when Libby was meant to be conceived.

‘Well, if you need company, you know where I am,’ Billy said, shaking her from her thoughts. ‘If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t seem yourself. You should get out more. It’s not good for a person to lock themselves away.’

‘I go to the village, I have Tom’s parents, and then there’s always Jocelyn,’ Holly told him. ‘Besides, I speak to Tom every day.’

‘You can be in a crowded room and still be alone,’ Billy answered.

‘Sage words,’ agreed Holly, taken aback slightly by the seriousness of Billy’s warning. ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’

‘And next time you speak to that husband of yours, you tell him his conservatory will be ready for a grand opening when he comes home.’

‘Shall I tell him the garden will be fully landscaped too?’

‘Hmm,’ replied Billy with a stern look that turned into a smirk, ‘the less said about that the better.’

Although the teashop wasn’t bustling with customers at this time of year, Jocelyn was busier than ever. When she wasn’t doing the day job, she had more than enough extracurricular activities to keep her occupied. She seemed to be on almost every committee or voluntary group for miles around. With harvest time in full swing, her schedule was so full that she couldn’t get away from the teashop to visit Holly for their usual Sunday brunch, but she wasn’t about to let Holly off the hook so easily, so she invited Holly over for brunch at the teashop instead. Holly suspected that Billy had shared his concerns about her frame of mind with Jocelyn and there was simply no way to turn down her invitation.

The atmosphere in the village felt as crisp and fresh as the late September air, a stark contrast from the dusty atmosphere of her studio, and Holly felt invigorated as she walked to the teashop. Holly just wished Tom was home to enjoy it too.

He was due home in a week and although she knew, thanks to the moondial, that Tom would return home in one piece, she still worried about him. Each time she spoke to him he seemed to be becoming more and more lost. He was passionate about his job and had stepped up to the challenge of reporting on global environmental and political issues, but that hadn’t prepared him for the human tragedy he was witnessing in Haiti. Tom was becoming increasingly frustrated with his own inability to make a difference.

It was clear to Holly that this trip was going to be more than just another assignment. It was changing Tom’s perspective on life and that would no doubt affect his career. Although Holly had glimpsed Tom’s future, she had never really seen beyond his grief to understand what might or might not be happening to him on a professional level. He had obviously taken up the anchorman role, judging from the paperwork she had seen in his study, but she had also seen his scrawled notes on the scripts, their angry tone suggesting it wasn’t a job he enjoyed – and now she was beginning to understand why.

As Holly arrived at the teashop, she had to put her fears for Tom to one side. He wasn’t the only one causing concern.

‘We’re worried about you,’ Jocelyn told her.

They were sitting at a table in the teashop, which was in a rare state of calm, midway between the breakfast mania and the lunchtime rush. Lisa was prepping some food in the back and the only customers in the place had already been fed and watered. The teashop was filled with the welcoming aromas of freshly baked croissants.

‘Would that be you and Billy, by any chance?’

‘If someone as socially inept as Billy can sense there’s something wrong, then there’s something to worry about,’ Jocelyn replied.

‘Well, we both know exactly what it is I have to worry about.’ Holly was picking at a few crumbs around the Danish pastry Jocelyn was trying to force-feed her with.

‘Have you decided what you’re going to do in the next few months?’ It was Jocelyn’s turn to look worried.

‘I have to avoid conceiving Libby, I know that and it’s not going to be difficult. I have contraception injections every three months and my next one would be due in November. The plan I agreed with Tom was to stop the injections and start making babies at the end of this year. Now, thanks to the moondial, I have to keep that appointment, don’t I?’

‘The moondial gives you a window which looks out onto your future, but it’s you that has to make the life-changing decisions,’ Jocelyn told Holly. ‘It’s a big responsibility, I know that, and I’m here when you need me, but I can’t make those decisions for you. I won’t make them for you, not when your own life is at stake.’

Holly knew that Jocelyn was the only person who could really understand the torture she was going through. For Holly, the options were somewhat easier to put into effect than it had been for Jocelyn, but the burden of the decision weighed just as heavily. ‘Did you have to manage on your own? Was the gardener the only person who knew?’

‘Even Mr Andrews didn’t know everything; I was too ashamed to tell him exactly what I had seen. For a long time I kept the secret of my future to myself, but eventually I told my sister Beatrice. She helped and influenced where she could but it was still down to me to navigate my own way into the future. The burden was mine and mine alone.’

‘I understand and I wouldn’t let you take any of my burden either. You don’t want someone’s life on your conscience,’ Holly concluded, but then blushed when she realized how thoughtless the comment was under the circumstances.

‘I don’t want anyone else’s death on my conscience. One is enough.’

‘I’ve spent the last week or so trying to find a way to wriggle out of this deal with the moondial. Don’t look so worried,’ Holly added, seeing the look of alarm growing on Jocelyn’s face. ‘I know I can’t try to hold onto Libby without risking someone else’s life. I wouldn’t only be risking my life. I know I could just as easily be risking Tom’s.’

‘That’s why I won’t tell you what to do. I’m so sorry, Holly, you have to make your own choices and live with the consequences. But don’t go playing games with the dial and don’t let your guard down. Please, Holly, not when you’re playing with people’s lives.’

‘I wish I’d never uncovered the cursed thing.’

‘If it gets to save your life, then it’s a gift not a curse, but be careful. Don’t forget about the choice of path not being free. Remember that raindrop on the window,’ she warned.

‘You think it’s going to take more than simply making an appointment at the doctor’s to avoid conceiving Libby?’ Holly’s frown matched Jocelyn’s.

‘Sometimes you change the circumstances around events, but then they still happen. Remember what happened at Hardmonton Hall? Edward went to great lengths to protect the Hall from a fire, but all it did was change the cause of it.’

‘You’re not putting my mind at rest, Joss!’ laughed Holly, but the laugh was hollow and laced with fear.

Jocelyn sighed in quiet submission to the will of the moondial. ‘I just believe that there’s a universal balance and I know without a doubt that changing the future isn’t easy. If the moondial has taught me anything, it’s taught me that there’s less chaos in the world than we might think. People spend so much time wondering whether they should turn left or right. They don’t realize that they’ll end up in the same place anyway.’

‘But the future can be changed,’ countered Holly, a familiar sense of panic rising in her chest.

‘Yes, and that’s why there’s a price to be paid.’

‘I’m scared, Jocelyn,’ confessed Holly. ‘I’m scared that I have to spend the rest of my life paying the price. I’m scared the moondial intends to take away not just Libby but any other child I may have. What kind of life am I going to lead if I can’t ever have children? Will Tom still love me?’

‘I may have met him only once, but that man will always love you, I’m sure of it,’ replied Jocelyn firmly.

Before Holly had a chance to dwell on her fears the bell hanging above the door of the teashop tinkled, announcing the arrival of new customers. Lisa was at the far end of the small kitchen, still busily chopping vegetables.

‘Duty calls,’ Jocelyn said with a sigh as she pulled herself to her feet. Wincing in pain, she added, ‘I think I’m still recovering from that walk of ours. I really shouldn’t put myself through these long shifts any more.’ Although she was in her eighties, Jocelyn worked just as hard as someone half her age and despite her creaking bones the teashop seemed to charge her energy levels rather than drain them.

‘You should get more help in here,’ Holly told her.

‘If that’s an offer, then I accept,’ Jocelyn said with an air of triumph.

Holly opened her mouth to speak but did an impression of a fish on a line gulping for air, as she tried her best to think of a way to get herself out of the trap Jocelyn had set. ‘If I didn’t know better, Jocelyn, I’d say I’d just been set up.’

‘If you didn’t know better, you’d say no and go home to wallow in your misery.’

Holly’s eyes narrowed as she thought about the offer and tried her best to ignore Jocelyn’s exaggerated moans and groans as she shuffled along the table.

‘I still need to keep my mornings free to work in the studio. And do you have any idea what a complete novice I am in the kitchen?’ warned Holly.

‘All the more reason to start putting in some practice,’ retorted Jocelyn.

‘Would you like me to start right now?’ offered Holly.

‘No, tomorrow afternoon will be soon enough.’

Holly was reluctant to move. She glanced at the young family who had settled at one of the tables and were scrutinizing the menu. ‘I just have the full moon to survive tonight then,’ she said.

Jocelyn sat herself back down with a thump. ‘How stupid am I? Sorry, Holly, I didn’t realize it was that close. Are you going to use it?’

‘No, absolutely not. I’ve seen enough of my future for one lifetime.’ Though she managed a brave smile, Holly’s heart felt heavy and her stomach leaden. ‘I’ve already wrapped up the dial in a dust sheet just to keep it out of sight. It can stay under wraps for the foreseeable future.’

They both chuckled at Holly’s feeble pun.

‘Are you sure you’ll be all right?’ Jocelyn asked.

Holly stood up. ‘Of course I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Jocelyn rose from the table for a second time and gave Holly a bear hug. ‘You’ll be fine. You’re a strong woman. Stronger than I ever was.’

‘I doubt that. I’d be happy to have half your strength,’ Holly said. ‘You’re a very special lady.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ replied Jocelyn, wafting her out of the shop with a flutter of embarrassment. ‘And don’t think buttering up the boss means I’ll be taking it easy on you. I want you here at one o’clock sharp!’

As Holly left the teashop she was surprised to find she had a spring in her step. She practically sauntered back to the gatehouse with a sense of control she hadn’t felt in a long time. She had been strong once and she could be again. She wouldn’t drop her guard and she would get through this for her sake and for Tom’s.

That evening, Holly won her first battle with the moondial and ignored its persistent pull from beneath its makeshift shroud.

Holly clattered pots and pans as she raced around the kitchen trying to juggle over-boiled vegetables and burning roast potatoes. She had insisted on inviting Tom’s parents and Jocelyn around for Sunday lunch to welcome Tom home, but she was now seriously regretting the decision. It probably hadn’t been a good idea either to open a bottle of wine to give her Dutch courage.

‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like some help?’ Diane asked, peering around the kitchen door and doing her best not to show any visible signs of horror at the mess that Holly was in the process of creating.

‘No, I’ll be fine,’ insisted Holly as she dropped a tea towel over the scorch mark she’d made on the kitchen table. She had already confessed her mishap to Diane, who had taken it well.

Diane looked at the tea towel and was about to say something but thought better of it. Holly was in no mood to be soothed. ‘If you’re sure?’ she said, more as a question than a statement.

‘I’m sure,’ replied Holly through gritted teeth and with only the slightest hint of hysteria. ‘You get back in there with Tom. I’m sure there’s still plenty of catching up to do.’

‘All right then,’ Diane told her with an unconvincing smile. She still didn’t look like she was going anywhere but then the doorbell rang.

‘That’ll be Jocelyn,’ Holly gasped, looking around in panic and wondering how long she could leave the oven unattended before the whole kitchen imploded. Jocelyn hadn’t met Tom’s parents and she barely knew Tom. Holly would be a poor hostess if she didn’t do the introductions. She did a little jig in the middle of the kitchen as she went to go one way and then the other.

‘Are you all right? I can take over if you like while you get the door,’ Diane suggested with enthusiasm.

For a split second, Holly really was tempted to escape the kitchen with her opened bottle of wine and leave the cooking in more capable hands. There must be something Diane could salvage from the chaos, but she was going to have a hard job recreating perfectly formed sprouts from the green mush bubbling in a pan hidden at the back of the stove. ‘No, I’m the one who made this mess and I’m the one who has to cook my way out of it. Could you see to Jocelyn for me?’

‘If you’re sure,’ Diane conceded reluctantly. She backed out of the kitchen as if she was too scared to turn her back on the bubbling bedlam.

Two minutes later, Jocelyn popped her head around the door.

‘Diane said you’re determined to do this on your own, but …’ Jocelyn cast a wary look over the kitchen. ‘Are you sure you don’t want some help?’

‘I’m fine,’ Holly replied with a fixed grin that was starting to make her cheeks ache. It was difficult enough keeping track of the countless miniature disasters that were appearing by the minute without the constant battle of keeping out the good Samaritans. ‘I’m just sorry I can’t come out of here to do some proper introductions.’

‘Oh, don’t worry about us. Diane and Jack are lovely and I’m getting reacquainted with your gorgeous husband. You really shouldn’t leave me alone with him.’

‘I’ll trust you,’ smiled Holly. ‘Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got a dinner to bring back to life.’

‘You know where I am if you need me,’ Jocelyn told her as she too backed out of the kitchen. ‘And you might want to check the oven. I think I can smell burning,’ she shouted before disappearing from view.

Holly opened the oven door and a cloud of smoke hit her between the eyes. She was busily wafting the smoke out through the kitchen door when Tom appeared. ‘How’s it going?’ he asked.

Holly was just about to scream at him to get out of the kitchen but he had picked up her wine and was refilling her glass.

‘You look like you could do with a drink,’ he told her.

‘I really shouldn’t,’ she said, ‘but one more glass couldn’t do any harm. I think all the damage that could be done, has been done.’

‘It smells delicious,’ Tom said brightly. He was deliberately avoiding making eye contact with Holly or looking towards the billowing smoke coming from the oven.

‘You’re a big fat liar, but I love you for saying it. Is everyone all right in there?’

‘Yes, they’re getting on like a house on fire. Sorry, no pun intended.’ Holly hit him with a tea towel before letting him continue. ‘Jocelyn and my mum are chatting away like old friends.’

Holly knocked back the glass of wine and lifted up her empty glass for a refill.

Tom lifted up the wine bottle to show Holly that it was now empty.

‘There’s plenty more where that came from,’ she replied, tipping her head towards the fridge.

‘How long will dinner be?’ Tom asked tentatively. He was probably calculating if she could serve dinner before she was totally trashed.

‘By my guess, it was ready half an hour ago. It’s now over cooked and burnt.’

‘At least we don’t have to clear space in here and can eat in the conservatory,’ Tom commented. He braved a look at the kitchen table, which didn’t have an inch of spare space.

Holly took a deep breath to clear her head. ‘Oh, I give up,’ she said. ‘Give me a hand serving this up. Do you think I should stick a pizza in the oven just in case?’

‘It’ll be fine,’ Tom assured her.

The smell of fresh paint in the conservatory was quickly beaten into submission by the aroma of stewed vegetable with the faintest hint of burning. It was early afternoon but the day was already fading fast. At least the subdued lighting made the food look almost edible, thought Holly. They had borrowed a long table and chairs from the teashop to seat them all.

‘It’s lovely,’ smiled Jocelyn, taking her first mouthful of Holly’s roast dinner. Holly heard a distinct crunch as Jocelyn bit down on a roast potato.

‘Delicious,’ confirmed Diane sweetly.

‘It reminds me of Diane’s cooking,’ Jack offered. Diane raised an eyebrow at her husband. ‘In the early days, I mean,’ he clarified.

‘You mean to say Mum couldn’t cook either when you first got married?’ Tom was laughing but one look at Holly silenced him.

‘It’s awful, isn’t it?’ Holly admitted. She took a long swig of wine to wash away the bitter taste of disappointment.

There was a chorus of denials and compliments and everyone made a concerted effort to fill their mouths with food.

‘It’s nice to have a home-cooked meal. You don’t know how much I’ve missed being home,’ Tom told them all.

‘And we’ve missed you,’ Holly replied. She was staring intently at Tom but from the corner of her eye, she could see beyond him and into the garden. She could see the pale form of the moondial in its dustsheet glowing in the twilight like an ever-present ghost.

Holly sipped her wine, listening intently as Tom described his time in Haiti. The experience had left its mark and it was going to take a long time before he’d be able to put it all behind him, if he ever could. Holly was more certain than ever that putting off telling Tom about the moondial was the right thing to do.

‘It’s just so frightening to see lives and communities wiped out in one single event,’ he was telling Jocelyn.

‘None of us can take life for granted,’ agreed Holly sadly.

Jocelyn gave Holly a guarded look but said nothing.

‘I’m sure this chicken didn’t see it coming,’ Jack said, laughing at his own joke until his wife prodded him.

‘It’s a lovely conservatory,’ Diane said, trying to move the conversation to safer ground.

‘Yes, Billy’s done a lovely job,’ agreed Jocelyn.

‘We came up with the design together,’ Tom said proudly. ‘Mostly Billy, I have to admit. And then of course there was my dear wife’s interference. The doors were supposed to be at the side, but Holly changed the plans at the last minute.’

‘Yes,’ added Holly, ‘you can always change plans or they can be changed for you. Makes me wonder why we bother with them in the first place.’

Her head was becoming a fuzzy mess, a mixture of too much wine and a growing realization that she really had so little control over her future. Tears were welling in her eyes and she became aware that the others had fallen silent and were all looking at her with growing concern. She hadn’t cried since the fateful trip to Hardmonton Hall and she had hoped she had contained her tears once more, but they never seemed to be too far from the surface. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I think I need a glass of water,’ she said, jumping up and quickly heading out to the kitchen.

She took a long drink of water as she tried to clear the fog in her head.

‘Hol, what’s wrong?’ Tom had followed her out and he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder.

‘I just don’t think I like plans any more. You can’t always assume that you can have everything you want in life. Life doesn’t work like that.’

‘Is this about our five-year plan? Have you changed your mind?’ asked Tom. He kept his tone light but his body had tensed.

Holly didn’t answer him. She needed to be sober to have that particular conversation and preferably when they weren’t in the middle of entertaining guests.

‘Please tell me you still want a baby,’ Tom persisted. He was used to Holly’s reluctance but he had obviously assumed that all her doubts had been put to rest now their plans for the future had been committed to paper.

Holly turned to face him, a swell of anger in her throat as she sensed herself being forced into a corner. ‘I want to be a mother, yes. I want that with all my heart. But why do we always have to want more? Why can’t we just appreciate what we have now?’ she hissed, trying to keep her voice low.

‘Do you think I don’t know that? After what I’ve seen?’ Tom countered.

‘Then you should know that you can’t count on the people you love being around tomorrow.’

They stood glaring at each other for the longest time. It was Holly who broke the silence first. ‘I’m sorry,’ she gasped, ‘can we not do this now?’

Tom sighed and gently kissed Holly on her forehead. ‘You lead the way,’ he said with a flourish of his hand, pointing the way back to their guests.

There was gentle laughter rippling around the dining table but Tom and Holly brought their awkward silence into the room with them.

‘Are you all right, Holly?’ Diane asked.

‘A little bit too much cooking wine, I think,’ Holly admitted. She lifted up her glass of water and tried to let go of her anger and fear, but once again the ghostly shroud in the garden caught her attention. If only the moondial would loosen its grip.

‘I expect it’s taking a while getting used to this lean and keen stranger who just appeared on your doorstep,’ replied Diane.

‘Hey, I’m no stranger,’ challenged Tom.

‘No stranger than usual,’ Holly added. Their eyes met for the first time since returning to their guests. A wordless apology passed between them and as everyone laughed at her joke, Holly sensed the tension leaving the room.

Diane was next to have a go at Tom’s looks. ‘You have lost a fair bit of weight on this trip, but at least your hair’s starting to grow back. I never thought I’d say this, but after years of nagging you about the knots and tats in your hair, I think I actually miss the long-haired Tom.’

‘Me too,’ smiled Holly. ‘But any version of Tom is better than none.’

‘Hear, hear,’ Jocelyn said, raising her glass. ‘He looks pretty tasty to me.’

‘Tastier than this dinner anyway,’ muttered Holly. ‘But you’ll be pleased to know that Jocelyn has provided the dessert. Anyone hungry?’

The afternoon ebbed away with no more cross words. Tom and Holly said their goodbyes to their guests as the final rays of sunlight gave up the ghost for the night.

‘Tell me truthfully,’ Tom asked as they closed the front door. ‘Are you having doubts about our relationship? Is that what you meant about not being here tomorrow? Because if you are, I won’t give up without a fight.

I love you, Holly, and if my being away is causing a rift between us, then I’ll stop. I don’t want to lose you.’

‘I know you don’t,’ replied Holly with a truth that Tom couldn’t begin to understand, not yet, hopefully not ever. ‘I just think we spend too much time looking to the future, looking at what’s missing, instead of appreciating what we have now. I don’t want you to ever look back and think, hey, I was happy then and I didn’t even know it, I had my wife, I had my dreams and it was enough.’

Tom looked at her with a deep intensity that made Holly feel uneasy, as if he was looking deep into her soul and was about to uncover the secrets she was keeping from him. He seemed to be struggling to find the words so he simply wrapped her in his arms and held on tightly. ‘Right now, Holly, you’re right. This is enough. This is more than enough.’