Читать книгу The Millionaire's Marriage Revenge - AMANDA BROWNING, Amanda Browning - Страница 9

WITH a soft moan of distress, Sofie crossed to her bedroom, switching on the light but leaving the door ajar so she could hear Tom if he woke in the night. Kicking off her shoes, she walked over to the window, rubbing her palms up and down her arms as if chilled, though she knew that sensation came from within.

Was Lucas standing at his window too, staring out, wondering if she was thinking of him? No, he was too confident for that. He knew she was thinking of him, worrying what he was going to do. Now that he had found her, by accident though it might have been, he wasn’t about to walk away until he had answers. She couldn’t blame him, but oh, how she wished things could have been different.

Their relationship had started out with such passion and excitement, joy and hope for the future. Even now she smiled when she pictured him looking down at her with love in his eyes. Her heart ached with the memory and the knowledge that, by her later actions, she had forfeited the right ever to see such a look again.

Yet would she believe a declaration of love, even if he were inclined to give it? Her heart would, because she still loved him so desperately, but her head knew he had lied to her. He had broken her trust, and that could never be put right. She would never have believed he could do what he had, but she had the proof. She wouldn’t believe him. Could not.

Sofie sighed heavily, the weight of her sense of betrayal hard to bear now that she had seen Lucas again. Her eye was drawn to the jewellery box which sat on her dressing table and she went to it, taking out the top layer and removing what lay hidden there. Tears glistened in her eyes as she stared at the diamond encrusted wedding band she held in her right hand, so that when she looked at the photograph in her left hand it was almost a blur.

Blinking hard, she went back to the window and sat down on the tiny window seat. Biting her lip, she stared at the two figures in the picture. It was the only one she had taken with her when she’d left. It was of herself and Lucas, on their wedding day, and looking so happy it hurt. Of course, that was because she hadn’t known that, for all his charm and passion, he was fickle. Love obviously meant something else to him.

Even knowing of his betrayal, leaving Lucas had been so painful she had cried herself to sleep more nights than she could count. There had seemed to be no end to the tears. She couldn’t help wondering where he was, what he was doing. The longing to hear his voice had urged her to reach for the telephone more than once, but reason had always made her draw back at the last minute. She had fallen under his spell once, with the result that he had broken her heart. She couldn’t risk falling under it again.

More like an automaton than a human being, she had got through each day as best she could. It had been like walking through a dark, endless tunnel, with no light at the end of it. Until she had discovered she was pregnant. That day she had started to live again. Life had purpose once more, now that she had a precious baby to take care of.

Of course, once the initial euphoria had worn off, she had realised she was in an untenable position. The baby wasn’t just hers, and the knowledge tore her in two. She knew it was only right and fair that Lucas should know he had a child but, after what he had done, she could not contact him. Though it left her with a heavy burden of guilt, she was too hurt to change her mind, and she would just have to live with the consequences.

It hadn’t been easy, living her life without the man she loved, but Tom’s arrival had helped her. Loving him had been the easiest thing to do, and concentrating on him had kept her from despairing about how different her life might have been, had Lucas not proven to have feet of clay. Having made the hard decisions, she had done her best to put the past behind her and get on with her life.

Unfortunately, her past had just caught up with her.

Fear rushed through her as she realised how vulnerable she was. What was she going to do about Tom? Having kept him secret from Lucas, how could she reveal his existence now? Lucas would never forgive her, and that would be his right, but what might he do? Her heart knew that he would want his son, and yet she couldn’t lose Tom. After all that had happened, that would be too much to bear!

Tears burnt her eyes and she pressed her hand over trembling lips. In her mind she could hear her grandmother’s gentle voice uttering one of her truisms: be sure your sins will find you out. Oh, God, she knew she had sinned, but what else could she have done? She couldn’t have returned to Lucas, as that would have meant living in a state of constant doubt. Waiting for him to betray her again. Break her heart again. Because he surely would have. He had proved he was capable of it. What love he had felt for her hadn’t stopped him, and her leaving him must have destroyed even that. So she had stayed away, thinking he would forget her and get on with his life.

Only now she was discovering Lucas had other ideas. He hadn’t divorced her, nor forgotten her. He wanted answers. He wanted payment for what she had done to him.

A single tear snaked its way down her cheek. Of course he did. Never mind the double standard. He was a man whose pride had been wounded by his wife leaving him. He wanted revenge. Wanted to confront her. Unfortunately she wasn’t prepared, never could have been, for a confrontation with her husband. Yet one was upon her now, and she had to be strong. However wrong it was, she had to keep Tom a secret still. All she had to get through was one more meeting and then Lucas would be gone and her life could return to normal.

A strangled laugh escaped her. She hardly knew what normal was any more. It was so hard to lie, yet that was all she had to protect herself. When Lucas turned up, as she was certain he would, she must tell him what he wanted to hear. Tell him anything that would make him walk away—this time for ever.

Pain seared through her at the thought, and she leant her head back against the wall, drawing in a ragged breath. The severity of that pain told her a truth she had avoided—that deep in her heart she had always hoped that one day he would come back into her life, tell her he loved her and forgave her, and everything would be all right again. It was the vain hope of a lost and lonely, broken-hearted woman.

Sofie hugged herself as silent tears flowed. Nothing had changed. There was to be no happy ever after for them, because she could never trust him again. His betrayal had destroyed forever the fragile hope she had that there was one man out there she could put her faith in. She might long for a fairy godmother to wave her wand and make everything right, but she knew she lived in the real world. Even if he wanted her back, she would be afraid to trust him, because that would make her vulnerable again. Love without trust was an empty shell.

The following few days were a nightmare roller coaster of highs and lows. One moment confident she could get through meeting Lucas again with her secret intact, the next despairing, for she knew how hard it was going to be. How could she hide a five-year-old boy, who was used to running in and out of the house at will? She had hardly slept the last three nights, anticipating Lucas’s arrival at any moment, but so far he had failed to appear.

She didn’t think for a minute that he had given up the idea of seeing her again and gone home. He was either very busy with what had brought him north in the first place, or intent on making her squirm. Probably both, she thought with an atavistic shiver.

Now it was Monday and she had dropped Tom off at school on her way in to work. He had been in a grumpy mood all weekend and she guessed he was picking up on her emotions. She had snapped at him more than once and hated herself for it, because she was the one with problems. Thinking about it now choked her up and she determined to get her act together before she picked him up from Jenny’s later.

Jenny, her next-door-neighbour, had a boy of Tom’s age and was happy to look after Tom until Sofie finished work on school days. It was her daughter Annie who babysat for Sofie whenever necessary. It was an ideal situation all round, giving Annie extra pocket money.

Usually her work distracted Sofie from her outside worries, but not this time. Things were not going well. Lack of sleep was the problem. Right now she was muttering to herself as she worked at enlarging a head and shoulders portrait for a client and the air was turning a delicate blue. She rarely used bad language and, when driven to, used only the mildest of epithets. It was just as well she was momentarily alone in the High Street studio. David was doing a photographic session at a client’s home and Jimmie, the apprentice lab assistant, was out getting them some lunch.

Sofie was just in the process of making a fine adjustment when the buzzer sounded. She jumped like a scalded cat, undoing minutes of careful work in one fell swoop, evidence of how shot her nerves were. The buzzer was simply alerting her to the fact that someone had entered the studio and never had such an effect on her. Cocking an ear, she waited to hear Jimmie call out that it was only him, but silence reigned, meaning it must be a customer.