Читать книгу Obsession: The bestselling psychological thriller with a shocking ending - Amanda Robson, Amanda Robson - Страница 21

My mother is breathing her last. Rapid gasps, as I expected. A birdlike rise and fall of the chest. I open my mouth and shout for Dad. I hold her hand and squeeze it, to let her know I am here. She squeezes back. Dad is here, on the other side of the bed, holding her hand and kissing her forehead. She turns her head and looks at me with cloudless blue eyes, the soft blue of hyacinths. As delicate as a breath of air, this transition from life to death, this gentle stiffness. We sit awhile looking at her. At her cold pallor; she who was always so warm, so full of energy.

I leave the room, letting my father say his final goodbye to her in private. I pace around the bungalow like a caged animal – three steps across the sitting room, three steps back to the hallway and the small kitchen, trying to ring Craig, but he is not answering the home phone or his mobile. I’ll wait ten minutes or so and try again. I look out of the window and see two children walking past on their way to school, their whole lives ambling in front of them, and I envy them. I return to the bedroom to find my father still sitting holding my mother’s hand; staring blankly in front of him, as he has been doing for so many weeks, as if she has not passed yet. When will reality hit him? How can I look after him? What can I do to make things right for him?

Nothing will ever be right for him again.

I collapse into my parents’ Draylon sofa and once again am filled with an overwhelming desire to speak to Craig. The only man I have ever been close to. I felt so embarrassed when he first asked me for my phone number, my cheeks were hot and I knew that I was blushing. Blushing, a habit most people grow out of at school. It is still a bit like that between us. He pays me more attention than I deserve and sometimes I still feel overwhelmed by it. I first set eyes on him when he joined our church choir. I noticed him long before he noticed me; Craig, a man out of my league. I watched him surreptitiously for months before I plucked up the courage to talk to him at tea break.

Before I married him, I prayed and prayed to the Lord. How do you know when you love someone? For in the eyes of the Lord we should love everyone. And the Lord answered my prayers and blessed my relationship. I asked my mother how you know when love is special. She said you just do. After all, she just loved my father. Always. My father and mother made a loving relationship look simple. Simpler than it is. My mind clenches in pain. I’m thinking of their relationship in the past tense. Please God, that cannot be right. Love has too much energy to cease to exist. Love lasts forever, doesn’t it? Otherwise there would be no God. The words start to muddle in my head.

I try Craig again. Still no reply. I have no choice but to try and reach him at the fire station. This is an emergency. Surely no one will mind? They confirm what I already knew – that he is not on duty. Maybe he’s taken the children swimming or something. But surely he would have told me if he was doing that? Surely he will be home soon? Please God. Please God may he not have had an accident. The dreaded sound of an ambulance siren pushes through my mind. I tremble inside. I am bursting to speak to him, to know he is all right. To impart my terrible news. I know I will feel a little better when I have spoken to the man I love. I try again. I cannot reach him. No reply from home. His mobile goes straight to voicemail. If I can’t speak to my husband I need to speak to someone else. Tears of frustration build in my eyes. I ring Carly’s mobile. No reply. I ring the surgery and ask for Rob. Apart from Dad and I, Rob is the first to know that my mother has died.