Читать книгу Fade To Black - Amanda Stevens - Страница 9

At Jay’s nod, Jessica rose and went to answer the back door. Heart still pounding, she turned the knob and drew back the door. Pierce stood on the porch, his pale, gaunt features highlighted by the light from the open doorway. If possible, he looked even more weary than he had that morning.

For the longest moment, he and Jessica stared at one another. Neither of them spoke, but the tension crackled between them like a live wire in an electrical storm.

Then his hands slipped into the front pockets of his jeans and he shrugged, a gesture that was at once familiar and dear. The ghost of a smile touched his lips. “I seemed to have lost my key,” he said wryly.

They both seemed to waver with indecision. Then with a little gasping sob, Jessica took a step toward him as Pierce moved toward her. His arms went around her and held her tightly as she clung to him, her eyes squeezed shut against the intense emotions spiraling through her.

Pierce was alive!

For a moment, everything else vanished from Jessica’s mind. She just wanted to hold him, assure herself that this was no dream. He buried his face in her hair, and she could feel his arms trembling as they held her, could feel his heart beating against hers. One hand came up and brushed through her tangled curls.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered raggedly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come back here, but…I had to. I had to see you again, to make sure you were all right….”

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice cracking with deep emotion. She could feel the leanness of his body against her, the sharply defined ridges of his ribs through the ragged shirt. Pierce had once been so virile and muscular. To see him now made Jessica’s heart ache with sorrow.

But even now, when he’d been through God knows what, she could still sense remnants of strength in his arms, a hint of the same confidence she had always admired so much. Pierce was not a man who would be taken down without a fight.

That thought struck her with cold reality. Was that why he had all the scars? Had he been fighting for his life all this time? Dear God…

As if sensing her thoughts, she felt his posture stiffen. She lifted her head and saw that he was staring over her shoulder, his dark eyes wary once more.

“Hello, Jay,” he said with a thin smile. “Aren’t you out of uniform?”

Jessica had forgotten all about her brother. Awkwardness now settled over the room like a funeral pall. She tried to pull away from Pierce, but his arms held her for a fraction longer, as if staking his claim before letting her go.

“I didn’t think this was an official visit,” Jay said. But even without his uniform, he stood military straight, his cool gaze taking Pierce’s measure without blinking.

Jessica backed away, her gaze darting from Pierce to Jay. Her brother’s expression must have been identical to the one she’d worn that morning. The mixture of suspicion, disbelief, anger and even touches of fear echoed in Jay’s gray eyes.

It seemed a million years before either of them spoke again. Jessica’s heart raced with tension as she stared up at Pierce, once again taking in the haggard features, the scar.

Pierce smiled. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

“Not where my responsibilities are concerned,” Jay agreed. “Shall we all sit down? Jesse, can you get us some coffee?”

The command finally motivated her. Jessica headed toward the coffeepot, relieved to have something to do. She could feel Pierce’s dark eyes on her, following her every movement. Reluctantly her own gaze lifted to meet his. Something flashed between them—a memory? A feeling? Jessica wasn’t sure. But all of a sudden, she felt a tiny shiver of warning scurry up her spine.

Pierce’s proprietary gaze moved over her, greedily, familiarly, making her body tingle with memories she’d long ago suppressed. He was looking at her the way she remembered him looking at her. The brown eyes were narrowed slightly, the long, thick lashes hooding his expression, but Jessica knew what he was thinking. She’d always known.

She said the first thing that came to her mind. “You look hungry.”

“Starving.” His eyes never left her mouth.

Her face flamed at the inadvertent—or not so inadvertent—innuendo. Nervously she wiped her moist palms on a paper towel as she moved past him toward the refrigerator.

“Actually, what I’d really like to do is get cleaned up,” Pierce said. He started toward the kitchen door, then checked himself as he looked back at her. “Is that all right?”

“Of course.”

He hesitated, his gaze unreadable. “Where?”

That jolted her. Where, indeed? She’d long since removed his belongings from her bedroom, except for a few mementos she couldn’t bring herself to part with. The idea of him once again occupying that room was distinctly uncomfortable.

The question of where he should shower brought up a whole new set of problems for Jessica. Where would he stay? Where would he sleep? What did he expect from her? They were still legally married, but five years was a long time. Even if he had no memory of their separation, the reality of those long, lonely years still breathed a life of their own inside Jessica’s heart. Surely he didn’t expect just to waltz back in and pick up where they’d left off five years ago.

But if he was really suffering from amnesia, then that’s exactly what he would expect. His feelings hadn’t changed—even if hers had.

Her gaze lifted again, and Pierce’s eyes trapped her with a look she thought seemed slightly reproachful, as if he’d read her exact thoughts. She blushed again and said almost defiantly, “Sometime ago, I moved all your things into the guest room downstairs. You’ll find fresh towels in the bathroom. Everything you need….”

Her voice trailed off at his look. Not everything, he seemed to be communicating. Then he turned and disappeared through the swinging door to the dining room.

Silence quivered in the air for a long moment, then Jay said, “Well, I’ll be damned. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”

With shaking fingers, Jessica pulled the makings of a sandwich from the refrigerator and placed each item carefully on the counter. “So…what do you think?” she asked, not daring to meet her brother’s eyes. He’d already seen more than she would have wanted him to. Her reaction when she’d first seen Pierce at the door had been purely spontaneous, an overreaction to the tumultuous emotions racing through her. She hadn’t stopped to think about what she was doing, about the wrong signals she might be sending to Pierce.

Now she did stop to think, and she regretted the embrace because it had instantly created a bond between them, an intimacy that was far more than she could deal with right now. She was glad Pierce was alive. More than glad. Joyful. Thankful. They’d conceived a son together. But the years apart had been longer than the years they’d had together. There was no way they could ever go back to what they’d once had.

She hoped to God Pierce understood that.

Jay got up and carried his cup across the room to the coffeepot. He poured himself a fresh cup, took a tentative sip, and grimaced. “Damn, Jesse, I wish you’d learn to make a decent cup of coffee.”

“My mind was elsewhere, okay?” she snapped.

“Hey, don’t bite my head off. I’m an innocent bystander in all this.”

“Sorry.” She dropped down at the kitchen table and propped her chin in her hand. “What am I supposed to do?” she asked in desperation. “I don’t even know him anymore, and he doesn’t know me. I don’t know where he’s been, what he’s done, why he’s back. I’m not even the same person he left five years ago. I’ve grown up. I’ve taken charge of my life. I don’t—”

“Need him anymore?” Jay nodded. “I’m sure he’ll find that out soon enough, if he sticks around.”

“What do you mean if?” Jessica raked impatient fingers through her hair as she stared at her brother. “You think he’s going to leave me…leave again?”

Jay shrugged as he brought his coffee to the table and sat down again. “Let’s just say I’m trying to keep an open mind. Wherever he’s been, he’s had trouble. You only have to look at him to know that much. What I can’t help wondering is what kind. And if he’s bringing it back here with him.”

Jessica’s silver gaze rested on Jay’s stern countenance. “Meaning he could be on the run?”

Her brother merely shrugged as he lifted the cup to his lips. But his gray eyes were darkened with worry. “Max is next door with Sharon, right?”

His tone was a little too casual. Jessica found herself shivering with an eerie premonition as she nodded. “She called earlier and asked if he could stay the night. Under the circumstances, I thought it was a good idea.”

“So do I.”

Their gazes met again, and Jessica saw her own uneasiness mirrored in Jay’s eyes. But before either of them could speak, the kitchen door swung inward and Pierce stepped into the room.

Jessica’s gaze instantly collided with his. He looked better, she had to admit. Much better. His dark hair, still glistening with dampness, had been carefully combed and the days-old growth of beard had been scraped away, accentuating even more dramatically the white scar down his cheek, the deep creases around his eyes and mouth.

The jeans he’d put on were old and worn, a pair he used to favor for puttering around the house. But even though they were frayed at the hem and shiny at the knees, they were far better than the disreputable pair he’d discarded. They hung loosely on his gaunt frame, reminding Jessica of how snugly they had once fitted him, how sexy he’d always looked in them.

He wore a blue cotton shirt—sleeves rolled up, tail out—that triggered yet another memory for Jessica. He’d worn a blue shirt the day he’d disappeared. Had he remembered that, too, or was his selection an ironic coincidence?

He returned her appraisal, the deep brown eyes warm and seeking as they moved slowly over her face and then downward. Her own jeans fitted a little too snugly. She’d always been pencil thin, but after Max was born, she’d filled out and had never been able to drop the extra ten pounds. Actually, she’d always been happy with the added weight, but now she found herself wondering what Pierce thought.

The sudden warmth spiraling through her veins shocked her. And scared her. It had been a long time since she’d felt sexual desire. Not since Pierce had left. Sex with him had been wonderful because it was with him. But before she’d met him and after he’d left, abstinence had never been a problem for her.

Pierce had always teased her that she was like a car engine on a frosty morning. She had to be warmed up properly to get the best mileage. Jessica’s cheeks heated at the memory.

Finally breaking eye contact, she jumped up from the table and busily began assembling his sandwich. Pierce sat down at the table across from Jay, and the two men eyed each other stonily, reminding Jessica that, to her despair, they’d never been the best of friends. She placed the plate in front of Pierce, and their hands touched briefly before Jessica drew hers back.

“What would you like to drink?” she asked in a brisk tone.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a beer,” he suggested with a smile that sent a new wave of awareness washing over her.

“How would you know that?” Jay asked quietly. “I thought you lost your memory.”

Pierce’s head swiveled so that his eyes met Jessica’s. “It’s just an impression, not a memory. I think I’ve done without a lot of things.”

The bottle almost slipped from Jessica’s fingers. Hands shaking, she poured the beer into a mug and set it beside Pierce’s plate, careful this time to avoid his touch. She sat down at the table and watched him attack the sandwich.

His appetite seemed ravenous, though she could tell he tried to curb his urgency. The sandwich disappeared in seconds.

“Would you like another one?” she asked softly, her heart feeling as if it would break in two.

The idea of seconds seemed to shock him for a moment. Then he said, “If you’re sure it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

It took Jessica a long time to make the second sandwich. She stood at the counter, her back to the men as she tried to gather her shattered poise. But as soon as she wiped away the silent tears from her face, a new batch would take their place. Instinctively she knew she wouldn’t let him see her pity. That was the worst thing she could do to a man like Pierce.

At last, sniffing as unobtrusively as she could, Jessica placed the sandwich on the table and said hurriedly, “If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I, uh, have something to do in the other room.”

She all but fled the kitchen, leaving dead silence in her wake.

After a few seconds, Pierce picked up the other sandwich and began eating. Jay reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and withdrew a pack of cigarettes and lit up, leisurely blowing a thin stream of smoke skyward.

“I thought you’d quit,” Pierce said as he eyed his brother-in-law curiously.

“I’ve quit several times since you left. If I hadn’t already started again this last time, I’m sure I would have after tonight.”

Pierce’s brows arched. “I’m glad I don’t have to take the responsibility then.”

Jay blew a trail of smoke from the corner of his mouth as he spoke. “What about your other responsibilities? You as anxious to dismiss those?”

“Meaning?”

“Jessica and Max. You left them high and dry five years ago. If it wasn’t for Jesse’s grit and determination, I’m not sure what they would have done.”

“You don’t have to remind me of my responsibilities to my wife and son. I’ll take care of them from now on.”

Jay crushed his cigarette in his saucer as he stared at Pierce. “You still don’t get it, do you? They don’t need you to take care of them. Jesse’s managed just fine without you. More than fine. The business you left behind is booming, thanks to her. This house is worth a small fortune, and Max, well, Max won’t even know you, will he?”

It was a reality Pierce had been trying to come to terms with since he’d stared into those wide, accusing eyes this morning. Max. How strange that Jessica had named him that after she’d fought him so hard about it. It gave Pierce a small thrill of happiness to know that even after he’d left, Jessica had still wanted to please him.

“Look.” Jay folded his arms on the table and leaned toward Pierce. “Let’s cut through the crap, shall we? This memory business may work with Jesse, but it won’t wash with me. I can recognize a man in trouble when I see one, and I’d say you, my friend, are definitely in trouble. You don’t have to tell me what, you don’t have to tell me how or when or who. All you have to tell me, Kincaid, is why? Why did you come back here?”

“This is my home.”

“Was your home.”

Brown eyes challenged gray. It gratified Pierce to see Jay glance away first. He’d always thought his brother-in-law a little too cocky, a little too self-possessed. Pierce could spot a phony when he saw one, but he’d never had the heart to tell Jesse just how one-sided her sibling devotion was.

“This is my home,” he said, feeling the warmth of anger stealing over him. “I don’t have to justify myself to you. I may owe Jesse an explanation, one I don’t have at the moment, but let’s get one thing straight. I don’t owe you a damned thing.”

The air buzzed with tension. Jay’s gray eyes glinted with steely anger as he half rose from his seat. The unspoken challenge lay in the air between them like a gauntlet thrown to the ground. Slowly Pierce stood up.

“What’s going on in here?”

Both male heads whipped around to find Jessica standing in the doorway, watching them with an expression that wavered between curiosity and disgust. Her assessing gaze went from one to the other as she did her own summation of the situation.

Jay spoke first. “I need to be shoving off, Jessica. But I don’t want to leave until I know everything’s all right here.”

Her expression softened as she smiled at her brother. “I’m okay. Thanks for coming over.”

Jay’s gaze returned to Pierce. “Can I drop you somewhere?” he asked bluntly.

The question struck Pierce like a physical blow. He was being asked to leave his own home. For one black moment, it was all he could do to curb the sudden rage hurtling through him. He turned to face Jessica who still hovered in the doorway. He tilted a brow in question.

Her gaze burned into Pierce’s until his heart started to pound. What was she thinking? he wondered. Did she still feel anything at all for him? It was impossible to think that for him only a moment ago they had been in love, happy, and now she might feel nothing at all for him except pity.

God help him, he could stand anything but that.

Jessica took a deep breath and released it as if she was gathering her courage for what she needed to say. Pierce’s own breath seemed suspended somewhere in his throat.

“This is your home, too, Pierce,” she said finally. “I can’t ask you to leave. Not when….” Her voice trailed off as she gazed at him, the gray of her eyes turning to mist. Pierce knew how he must look to her, and it made him cringe.

“Go on,” he said evenly.

Her gaze dropped. “Not when you obviously need a place to stay.”

“Jessica, for God’s sake, what do you think you’re doing?” Jay objected. “He can’t stay here. What about Max?”

“What about Max?” Pierce said in a deadly quiet voice that seemed to hold both brother and sister in thrall.

“My God, man, you have to know what this will do to him. He’s only five years old.”

“I’ll take care of Max,” Jessica said, and the firm note of resolve in her voice surprised Pierce. Once she would have turned to him to make such an important decision.

Five years, he thought again. Five years of his life gone in the blink of an eye. How much more was lost to him than just that time?

“I hope to hell you know what you’re doing,” Jay muttered angrily as he pushed past them both and strode out of the kitchen.

Jessica chewed her bottom lip, a nervous habit Pierce remembered so well. It heartened him to know that at least some things hadn’t changed.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, then turned and hurried after her brother. Pierce hesitated a moment, then pushed through the door, too, distracted once again by all the changes Jesse had carried out on the house. Changes they had once planned to work on together.

Had she done all this by herself? he wondered as he walked through the formal dining room. The decor was elegant, but somehow the room left him cold. It was almost too perfect, he thought, remembering the house he’d grown up in. There was no life in it. No warmth. No love. It was a room that matched the hard chill in Jessica’s eyes.

He walked through to the living room and looked around. He liked this room better. The pictures of Max in here added a homey touch that somehow soothed him.

Jessica had walked her brother to the door, and now they both stood in the foyer, their furtive whispers attesting to the nature of their conversation.

Pierce crossed the hardwood floor to the fireplace and picked up one of the pictures of Max he’d studied so intently that morning. A baseball cap angled over the boy’s forehead as his brown eyes squinted into the sun. There was a rip in his shorts and a scab on one scrawny knee.

Pierce’s heart melted. He’d loved the baby Jesse had been carrying, and now he loved this little boy with an intensity that astounded him.

Jessica stood at the end of the sofa and watched Pierce. He didn’t look up, and she realized he hadn’t heard her come in. She watched him trace a finger gently along the photo, and the look of fierce possessiveness that came over his face shocked her. Her heart skidded with warning as her own defenses rose in reaction.

Pierce glanced up, and the expression in his eyes confirmed her deepest fears. When he spoke, his voice gave rise to new ones. Jessica trembled with dread as his gaze continued to hold hers.

“Where is he, Jessica? Where’s my son?”