Читать книгу The Surgeon's Baby Secret - Amber McKenzie, Amber Mckenzie - Страница 8

ERIN SPOONED ANOTHER morsel of the warm decadent bread pudding into her mouth and let both the food and the ambiance overwhelm her senses. The local pub she had ventured to for dinner had been everything she’d been looking for; the noise and activity were a perfect distraction from the constant replay of her own thoughts. She had almost died today. She might have died had Ryan not saved her. The worst part was it would have been a stupid reason to die.

She needed to take responsibility for inadvertent actions. For her constant ability to let people, mainly her now ex-husband, manipulate her. But today it stopped. When she’d got back to her hotel room, she had torn up the new messages that awaited her and instead lounged in a hot bath and thought about what she wanted in life. She wanted to make a difference to the lives of others, just as Ryan had done for her today. The best way to do that was through her work as an obstetrician-gynecologist. So there was no way she was going to leave her training at Boston General, no matter what demands her ex made.

“Is this seat taken?” A deep voice interrupted her repetition of the earlier inner pep talk. She looked up and saw Ryan. He had changed from his running clothes and was flawless in a button-down navy collared shirt and charcoal-gray dark denim. How was it possible in a city of five hundred thousand people she would run into Ryan again? Attraction followed by fear coursed through her. She wanted to say yes and protect herself from once again being swayed by a handsome man, but how could she? Ryan had saved her life. The least she could do was agree to let him join her table.

“No, go ahead,” she agreed, gesturing to the single chair opposite her.

“Are you staying nearby?”

“Yes. You?”

“At the Glasshouse.” She felt her eyebrows rise and her eyes widen as he named her hotel. It felt as if they were being drawn together and that was a tough feeling to reconcile in the face of her newfound decision to take charge of her own life.

“How long are you going to be in Edinburgh?” Maybe he would be gone before she had to worry about her feelings toward him.

“A few days. You?”

“The same.” Of course, she thought to herself. She took a long sip of the local rhubarb cider she had nursed throughout her meal.

“So you are not running away from your life permanently?”

She looked up to meet his eyes, surprised that he had raised her impulsive comment. “No, I’m afraid that is not an option.”

“Glad to hear it.” The waitress arrived at their table and took Ryan’s order. She was a gorgeous Scottish redhead, tall with a body as luxurious as her hair. She waited for Ryan to notice but he was polite and otherwise unconcerned with the other woman. “I hope you don’t mind sticking around for a bit. It’s been a long time since I’ve had good company.”

“How do you know I’ll be good company?”

“Because you’re beautiful to look at and you speak your mind, making you interesting to talk to. It’s a rare but highly sought-after combination.”

He thought she was beautiful. When had she last heard that? She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear before finally looking up to meet his eyes. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Erin. That’s the benefit of having dinner with a stranger. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I think I owe you a lot,” she acknowledged.

“So tell me something about yourself and we’ll call it even.”

She thought of all the things she could tell him. She was a physician. She worked at the same hospital as her stepfather and ex-husband. She was recently divorced from the only man she had ever been in a serious relationship with. None of those topics she wanted to discuss. “I was born in Scotland.”

“You don’t sound Scottish.” He was smiling at her and she couldn’t help but feel a sense of warmth from him.

“We moved when I was one. This is my first time back.”

“Your father never brought you here when you were growing up?”

“No. My father died when I was ten.”

He reached across the table and rested his hand on hers. “I’m sorry.”

This was where she normally said “That’s okay” as casually as she could muster, but something about Ryan changed her response. “Thank you.”

His hand lingered on hers until the waitress returned with his dark draft beer. “So tell me something about yourself,” she said, genuinely interested in the man before her.

“What do you want to know?”

“Am I the first woman you have ever pulled off a hillside?”

“First, and hopefully last. What else?” He leaned back in his chair and looked completely relaxed with opening his life up to her questions.

“Where are you stationed?”

“I’ve been mainly in combat zones in the Middle East for the past five years.”

“Do you like it?”

“Combat?”

“Being in the military.”

“Yes. I originally joined to help pay for school but found myself drawn to the hard work ethic and structure. When I finished school I decided to stay for the challenge.”

“You like a challenge?” She was surprised to hear her own voice almost coy, teasing him.

“I’ve found that everything in life worth having you have to work for.” The smile that followed was enough to make her heart begin to race. Was he flirting with her? A second later a horrible thought flashed through her mind and in a moment it also left her mouth.

“Are you married?” She alternated her gaze between the look in his eyes during his response and an examination of his left hand, looking for any hint of an outline of a ring.

“No, never have been.” It seemed as if he was telling the truth, but would she know if he wasn’t? He didn’t seem at all disturbed by her question. “Are you?”

She thought about her new label, hating the way it made her relive all her mistakes every time the label was used. She took another sip of her cider and rested the glass back on the table before answering. “Divorced.”

“That bothers you.”

“You’re observant,” she acknowledged.

“I’ve built my career around paying attention to the subtle clues people give me.”

“Then you’re lucky. I’m so naive that I miss even the most obvious of signs people give me.”

“You don’t strike me as naive.”

“I’m not anymore.” Or that was her new resolve anyway. She still needed to prove it to herself.

“I get the feeling there is a story behind that.”

He was more than observant, he was perceptive and he was right. There was a long story behind the loss of her innocence, but not one that she felt like sharing—especially with Ryan. It had been years since she had been a stranger to anyone and she enjoyed the freedom of talking to someone who wasn’t privy to the backstory of her life. “Are you always this inquisitive with women you have barely met?”

“No. But considering how we met I think we’re already beyond the superficial, don’t you?”

It wasn’t his words that implied an intimacy between them. It was the way he was looking at her. She again took in the man sitting before her. He was as handsome as he was confident and, as silly as it felt, it felt as if he was on her side. She wasn’t sure which feature she found most attractive but attraction was definitely coursing through her body.

“Yes,” she answered. “What exactly are we doing here, Ryan?”

She was direct. He’d known that already but he still wasn’t prepared for her question, because he didn’t know the answer. He had thought about little other than her since they had last parted. Relief had been just one of the emotions he had felt when he’d seen her tonight. If it had only been relief he would have just been happy to see that she was all right and left her alone, but more than relief he felt a complete fascination with the woman he had spotted the moment he’d entered the restaurant.

She looked more mature and somehow more desirable than she had on the hillside. Gone was the young frightened girl and instead, walking past him, was a confident woman. Her blond hair appeared freshly washed and accented perfectly against the blue silk of her shirt. She once again wore heeled boots to add to her height and they clung to her legs in the same fashion as her flesh-hugging gray denim.

Once in the pub he waited for over an hour before he ventured to her table and now he was being asked point-blank about his intentions. Intentions he still didn’t even know or understand.

“I’m getting to know a person who has captured my attention and I hope you’re doing the same.”

He watched as her flush spread from the valley between her breasts that her shirt exposed upward toward her face. She reached this time for her iced water and he watched her bide her time before answering.

“You have definitely captured my attention. But I’m not sure about why we’re bothering to get to know each other.”

“You really know how to flatter a man.” If he’d thought she’d turned red earlier, she had darkened two shades with his last comment.

“What I meant was that neither of us lives here. We may never even see each other again after tonight.”

“Do you want to see me again?”

Another long pause before he heard the small sigh escape her lips before she answered. “I’ve learned the hard way it doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It matters to me.” And it did. He hated seeing the look of defeat in her eyes and felt as if he would do anything to make it go away.

“And if I did want to see you again?”

“Then we would want the same thing.”

He waited for her response, or more so her verbal response. He didn’t miss the way her pupils dilated or the slight tremble in her response to him. “I want to see you again. I just don’t know if it is a good idea.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because things I thought were right for me in the past have been anything but.”

“You don’t think you can trust me?”

She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready for Ryan. Why now? Except she couldn’t really begrudge his arrival in her life, because without him there was the possibility she wouldn’t be alive. Could she trust him? Her instincts said yes, but she had been so wrong before that the person she really couldn’t trust was herself.

“I don’t know what to think about any of this.”

“What does your gut tell you?”

Her gut told her that she wanted more. More of Ryan and more of the feelings he was bringing out in her. That even talking to him felt so different from her beginnings with Kevin. She didn’t feel that sense of being charmed and swept off her feet, which ironically felt better. Ryan made her feel as if this was less about him and more about her and him liking what he saw in her. What would be the harm in spending more time together? To indulge in the feelings he brought out in her? Her first fling and in less than a week they would go their separate ways, and at best he would become a beautiful memory to carry with her as she carved out her new life. At worst, well, really, what couldn’t she face after everything she had already been through?

“It’s getting late and it’s pretty dark out. Would you mind walking me back to the hotel?”

“I think I can do that.”

He signaled to the waitress and paid their bill, silencing her objections to his generosity. She also wasn’t able to slip past his gallantry as he helped her put on her jacket and held the door for her as they ventured into the slightly cooled night air.

“It is beautiful here, both day and night,” she remarked, feeling relaxation take hold of her for the first time since arriving earlier that day. A yawn escaped her as the jet lag she had been waiting for did the same.

“Careful, these roads are charming but a bit uneven.” His words were followed by his arm brushing past hers to take hold of her hand. It was the second time she had felt held to him and she allowed herself to enjoy it.

They walked the few blocks toward the hotel and her mind began to quiet as she enjoyed the evening and her time with Ryan. “It’s nice to have someone to look out for me,” she thought and said simultaneously.

The hand that had so strongly held hers pulled her toward him as they stopped still in the darkness a few meters from the hotel’s entrance. “I wish I could say that all I want to do is look out for you.” His voice, sounding slightly anguished, made the short voyage to her ears.

“What do you want to do with me?” she asked, surprised, with no essence of the “come-hither” that question would normally hold.

“This,” he answered, as his hands moved even closer to hold her against him as his lips descended on hers. His lips were hard yet so soft against her own and she welcomed the contact. She reached up, letting her hands rest against his chest, loving the feel of his firm chest as much as she enjoyed the pressure of his kiss. She felt his desire for more and she wanted the same, opening her mouth to his for him to explore. She wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, in the night, kissing, but she was certain that she had never been kissed like that before.

When they finally broke apart she felt breathless and dizzy, both in a very good way. “Thank you,” she murmured against him.

“Thank you?” he said, puzzled.

“I needed to be kissed like that.”

“I’d be happy to do it again.”

She laughed and she enjoyed the sound echoing through the night.

“Really, Erin. I have full intentions of kissing you again,” he stated outright, and she had no doubt of his plans.

“Can you meet me tomorrow?” she asked with a little hesitancy, hoping for the response she realized she desperately wanted.

“Yes.”

“Then I have no doubt you will make good on your promise. Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.” This time she initiated the kiss as she closed the gap between them once again and softly pressed her lips to his, before breaking away and moving through the hotel courtyard to the entrance. He didn’t follow her, which was good as she wasn’t sure she would be able to resist any further advances.

Ryan walked onto the balcony of his suite, which in the daytime gave him both a clear view of old Edinburgh and the sea. He sipped from a short glass of Scotch and tried to organize his thoughts and motivations.

He could no longer pretend that he was spending time with Erin to protect her from herself. Did she have a hint of sadness to her—yes. But after tonight he couldn’t make the argument that she was depressed and needed saving from herself. Maybe he had misinterpreted what had happened on Arthur’s Seat. What he hadn’t misinterpreted was his attraction to her. Tonight in the restaurant with every word that had come from her perfectly formed lips and every small move of her body toward him he’d felt a pull toward her. He had meant what he’d said to her—she was beautiful and she said what she meant, and he valued both qualities equally. So much so that he had kissed her and now wanted more.

He looked out into the night and had to blink before he believed what his eyes were showing him. On the balcony a few rooms away he saw Erin. She had changed into a dark-colored nightshirt that seemed to come just to the tops of her bare legs. It was loose on her but between the V-shaped cut of the neckline, its short length and the way a mild wind was pressing it against her he thought it was the sexiest bedtime apparel he had ever seen on a woman. He watched her, half mesmerized by her appearance and half concerned about her choice of location. What was she doing on the balcony? He exhaled a sigh of relief as she reached for a large blanket and wrapped her body in it before taking a seat in one of the balcony chairs, where she stayed staring out into the night.

Ryan, Erin thought, was she ready for Ryan? She had only said goodbye to him a few minutes ago and she already missed him, a man she just met. It was hard to reconcile all the feelings she was experiencing. One of the emotions she had felt during her divorce had been fear. Fear that outside her relationship with Kevin she had no experience with other men. Would another man find her attractive one day? And would she ever trust another man enough? And even if he did and she did, would she ever want the man she loved to suffer the same cruel fate she had been dealt? No.

But Ryan. Did she trust Ryan—yes. But were they ever going to be in a relationship—no. This was a brief and fleeting opportunity and one she didn’t feel she could turn away. Because she liked Ryan and the way he made her feel and because she was not going to let Kevin take one more thing from her.

Kevin had been a mistake from the beginning. She had just been too young and naive to see it. She had been a medical student on her first clinical rotation in Orthopedics when she’d met him. She had been nervous and excited, wearing her white clinical jacket for the first time and being called student intern. Everyone had seemed more important than her—the nurses, the residents, the staff physicians—and all she had wanted to do was to impress.

Then she’d met Kevin, or Dr. Dufour, her supervising resident, and he had seemed godlike in comparison to her lowly medical student ranking. He would single her out from her colleagues, giving her more opportunities and one-on-one time than any of the other students on the rotation. At first she had been flattered and had done her best to impress him, going that extra mile to stay late and check bloodwork or making food runs to bring to him in the operating room in between cases. Looking back on it, she had been more his slave than his student, but she had been so in awe of everything he’d represented.

Then his attention had become more personal than professional. Subtle touches, comments on her appearance, and she’d continued to be flattered. She had never been involved with anyone older than her and the attention of an older accomplished man had been absorbing. And he’d been a charmer, a snake charmer, really. It hadn’t been long before she’d fallen for him and he’d been making late-night appearances at her apartment. She had been in love with the man she’d thought he was and he had been willing to take advantage.

Until—until she’d become pregnant. And until he’d realized that while her last name was the same as her birth father’s, Madden, her stepfather was Dr. Williamson, the hospital’s chief of staff. That had been when she’d started getting glimpses of the man he really was, but she had been so overwhelmed with concern over her own life and how the pregnancy was going to affect her career that she’d pushed them to the back of her mind.

The same was done with her hesitancy over getting married. Her parents had made it clear that she had already disappointed them and it had been crushing knowledge, so she’d gone along with their demands, thinking that once Kevin got used to the idea of their upcoming family he would settle into their life together.

She had been so wrong. Once they’d married he’d become resentful and disinterested and she’d become trapped and alone. He hadn’t even been there when she’d almost died from complications from her miscarriage. To him it had been the final nail in the coffin that was his marriage. He’d felt unable to leave her now, not if he wanted his career. So he’d stayed. She had tried to make him happy. Tried to regain what they had lost, spending months—years—trying to conceive again, but she couldn’t.

Then had come the women. She’d met his first girlfriend shortly after they’d married, learning that he had been involved with the other woman at the same time as her up until their wedding. When she’d confronted him he’d told her what she’d wanted to hear and had promised his fidelity. Soon she had been too caught up in her own pain from her pregnancy loss to care whether he was telling the truth.

But as she had risen from her grief and begun to face her reality, she couldn’t hide the signs. By then she had graduated medical school and was now the resident at Boston General and Kevin was a staff orthopedic surgeon. When she walked the halls she would notice people taking more notice of her than was normal. When she entered the emergency department she would see nurses turn and speak quietly to one another. Then finally after three years of marriage she received a written note in her locker from “a friend” who wanted her to know that her husband was sleeping with one of the hospital pharmacists.

He didn’t even deny it. Instead he blamed his infidelity on her inadequacies as a wife. In some ways Kevin still won in their divorce. She filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, too embarrassed to have her husband’s cheating and her deficiencies aired publically. His professional reputation remained intact and he was able to carry on at Boston General as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, she was struggling to gain her own reputation outside her infamous failed marriage and position as the chief of staff’s stepdaughter.

Kevin wanted her gone, completely, and communicated more with her postdivorce with his badgering than he had in the year prior to their ultimate divorce. And it would be easier for her just to leave and start over somewhere new with all her baggage left behind, but there was something about Boston General that felt like home and she wasn’t ready to give up anything else in her life.

The wind picked up again and she felt the corners of the blanket lift. It was time to try to sleep, to force herself onto Scottish time. She rose from her chair and peered into the night, instinctively turning to her right, looking away from the ocean and at one of the neighboring balconies. She recognized Ryan. The backlighting of his suite and the darkness of the balcony created the same effect as when she had first seen him and the image of masculine perfection was unchanged. They were too far apart for words, so instead she pressed her hand to her lips and extended it toward him before walking back into her suite and closing the balcony door.