Читать книгу The Life We Almost Had - Amelia Henley - Страница 13

Adam

There was something so confident about her. The way she wore a swimming costume rather than a bikini. Not caring about fitting in. Not trying to look like everyone else. Her body was curvy in all the right places. The way she covered up, rather than putting it all out on display, made her appear almost other-worldly. The word chaste sprung to mind and I chided myself for my outdated idealism. Romanticizing everything when I got the chance. She determinedly strode into the water, not dipping a toe in and shrieking it was cold like the other girls. Her self-assurance was captivating. It might have been daylight, but she still shone like a star. My mouth couldn’t help smiling along with hers. I couldn’t see what she was watching so intently, probably the fish.

There was a shriek.

The blonde – Star’s wife – frolicking in the waves with Josh. He probably thought she was flirting with him.

Sucker.

My eyes flickered back to Star. She was bobbing up and down. Tiny in the huge expanse of ocean but in no way insignificant.

Josh and the blonde ran out of the sea and flopped down onto towels, deep in conversation. Again, I gazed out to sea, shielding my eyes when I couldn’t immediately see her. She resurfaced. Her hands waved. I thought at first she was beckoning to the blonde, wanting her to go back into the water, but then she slipped underwater again, and I wasn’t so sure. Worry drew me to my feet. Something was wrong. I knew it. She disappeared from view again. Her arms flailing as she fought to break free of the current, which now I realized had her in its grip. It was strong here, I knew from experience, but she should have been able to swim through it.

Why wasn’t she swimming?

The ocean sucked her down once more, her body, her head, her tightly clenched hands. I ripped off my T-shirt, kicked off my flip-flops and pelted into the sea. Once I was knee-deep I threw myself forward, the water slapping against my stomach, my arms slicing through the water. It could only have taken several seconds to reach her but it felt like forever. Her head was barely above water, panic in her eyes.

‘Just relax.’ I linked my arms around her waist. ‘I’ve got you.’ Her body thrashed wildly, heels jabbing into my shins. She didn’t speak. She was whimpering like a frightened puppy. ‘Let your body go limp or you’ll drag us both under.’ She was slim, she couldn’t weigh much, but I was struggling to stay afloat. She tried her best to stop moving but her muscles were rigid. It was like trying to save an ironing board, stiff and unyielding. I tried to manoeuvre her head onto my shoulder. ‘Relax.’ This was nothing like rescuing a mate in a swimming pool for my silver badge. I was sweating despite the water. I began kicking towards the shore, her slumped against my chest, her head leaning back on my shoulder. ‘I’ve got you,’ I said again. It was then I realized I never wanted to let her go.

In the shallows we stumbled to our feet, our arms around each other. I wasn’t sure who was supporting who as we staggered onto dry sand. I was incredulous that conversation still buzzed, children still filled their buckets. Nobody had noticed that someone had almost drowned. My adrenaline was leeching from me, the memory of a few minutes ago hazy. But it had happened.

‘Are you okay?’

She nodded but I knew she wasn’t. She was shaking. I was shaking.

‘Anna! I’m going to get some drinks with Josh. Be back in a bit,’ the blonde called loudly before she turned away.

Anna. She was called Anna. I wanted us to be alone but she needed comfort. Reassurance. I couldn’t give that to her. I couldn’t just watch the blonde leave, like a dick.

‘Do you want me to tell your wife what happened?’ I asked as her knees buckled and she sank onto her towel, still coughing.

‘My wife? Why would you… Oh, last night.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘She’s not my… I’m not…’ She coughed again, rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand.

That mouth.

‘It’s hard to know how to explain,’ she said.

‘I find it’s best to start at the beginning, Anna?’ I sat cross-legged next to her. ‘I’m Adam, by the way.’

‘I don’t want to go into it all, but Nell’s my best friend. We’re not romantically… I’m not romantically…’ She ran her fingers over the face of my watch. ‘I hope that’s waterproof – it looks old?’

She was changing the subject. I wanted to know why she was on a honeymoon with her friend but I didn’t want to push. She looked so pale and there was still a tremble in her fingers as she lifted them from my wrist.

‘It’ll be okay.’ I leaned back on my elbows, feeling the rough sand against my feet, the sun warming my skin, and hope. I felt hope.

‘You twat,’ Josh would have said if he knew what I was thinking.

He wouldn’t be far wrong.

‘Thank you,’ Anna said quietly. We’d been sitting side by side, gazing out to sea for at least fifteen minutes – it was difficult to gauge the time; my watch wasn’t waterproof and I wasn’t hopeful it would ever work again. We were both lost in our own what-might-have-been thoughts. Our silence companionable rather than awkward. ‘You saved my life,’ she said.

‘You’d have been okay.’ I sieved sand through my fingers. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better. Embarrassed. I’m not a good swimmer.’

‘No shit!’

There was a split second when her expression hovered uncertainly before she burst into laughter. I found myself laughing too and when Josh returned with the drinks we were doubled over, my sides aching.

‘What’s so funny?’ Josh asked, shadowed in the sun, but we couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t explain it. For Anna it was probably the relief of her being alive. For me? It was the same.

‘I’m Nell.’ The blonde handed Anna a plastic pint glass of beer before she sat, curving her legs under her.

‘Adam.’ I took a sip from the glass Josh offered me. It was weak and warm.

‘Are you as smooth as your friend here, Adam?’ Nell asked.

‘Sadly not. Josh has all the moves.’

‘So he thinks,’ Nell grinned.

‘I think I might have met my match,’ Josh said.

Nell raised her eyebrows. ‘You think?’

‘And you are?’ Josh held a hand out to Anna.

‘Anna.’ She took his hand and he raised hers to his lips, planted a kiss.

‘A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.’

Nell cupped her hands around her mouth. ‘Lock up your daughters – Casanova is in town.’

Josh’s eyes were all over Anna, undoubtedly unsavoury thoughts running through his mind.

‘Oi. Behave.’ I threw a kick in his direction. He glanced at me and I gave an almost indiscernible shake of my head and in return he gave an almost imperceptible nod. He turned his attention back to Nell. He may come across as a dick sometimes but, like I said, he was loyal to me. Always had my back.

While he asked Nell if she fancied another swim, I asked Anna if she wanted to go for a walk and I tried not to read too much into it when she said that she did.

We strolled barefoot across the beach, not getting too close to the rolling waves that frothed into foam. Jet skis zoomed towards the shore and shot out to sea again as though they were attached to elastic. I felt the prickling heat of sunburn on the back of my neck, but I also felt something else. Comfortable. Something I’d never truly felt with Roxanne, with her constant obsession with her appearance. With my appearance. Making me change before a night out if what I was wearing didn’t complement her outfit.

‘Shall we head up there?’ I pointed to a slope that led off the beach.

In unison, we turned. Our bodies were close as we strolled, arms almost brushing. I could have stretched out my fingers and taken her hand, but I didn’t.

We paused when we reached the path. Brushing the sand from our feet before slipping our flip-flops on. Hers were silver and sparkly. Mine were from Primark, white and plastic. Roxanne would have been horrified.

A row of kiosks selling postcards and buckets and spades provided a strip of shade and we stepped into it thankfully, welcoming the kiss of warmth rather than the beating heat.

A man approached us and thrust a clipboard under Anna’s nose. Pushed a pen into her hand. He tapped twice on the sentence at the top of the form written in broken English. Some sort of petition to keep open a school for deaf children. Anna glanced at the man, confused. He placed his hands over his ears.

‘You’re deaf,’ Anna said.

He nodded. Moved a hand to cover his mouth.

‘You can’t talk?’

He shook his head.

Anna’s expression was one of sadness. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She spoke slowly. Clearly, exaggerating each word with the movement of her lips. ‘What do you need?’

He twisted his fingers, signing things we didn’t understand.

‘I can’t… I don’t know sign language,’ Anna said.

The man tapped twice on the sentence again, this time with force. The clipboard bowing in Anna’s hands. He slid his finger down to a blank space before pointing at Anna.

‘You want me to sign my name?’

He nodded. His hands making circles as though there was more.

‘My address?’

He nodded again. Tapped the paper too hard. He was getting my back up now. He might be deaf but that was no excuse to be rude and intimidating.

‘You don’t have to—’ I began but Anna had begun scrawling out her details.

Anna Adlington.

‘Good luck.’ She handed the clipboard back to him with a smile. She began to walk on but he put a hand against her shoulder, stopping her. He rubbed his fingers together, the universal sign for cold hard cash.

‘Oh, you want money!’ Anna’s cheeks spotted pink. ‘I’m so sorry, I don’t have my bag. Adam… do you…’

I did have my wallet but I wasn’t giving anything to this tosser with his aggressive attitude. It was probably a scam.

‘No, I don’t.’ I took Anna’s arm and went to walk away but the man blocked my path.

‘Listen, mate.’ I straightened my spine. ‘We’re not giving you any money, understand?’

The man began to shout, angry words, and despite the language barrier I could guess what he was saying.

‘Back off.’ I held up my palm, shielding Anna with my other arm. We hurried away.

‘He lied,’ she said quietly. ‘You really can’t trust anyone.’ I could hear the crack in her voice as she spoke and I knew she was thinking of whoever had hurt her, just as I was thinking of Roxanne.

‘I’d better get back to Nell.’ She wouldn’t meet my eye and began to hurry away.

‘Anna.’ I hesitated as she paused. Unsure what I wanted to say. That not all men are bastards. That I’d never hurt her. Lie to her. That rejection was raw for me as well, that I understood; finding Roxanne in bed with her boss, her legs wrapped around his waist while a band of pain tightened around my heart. There was so much I wanted to say but I didn’t say any of it. Instead, I asked, ‘I’d very much like to have dinner later. With you, I mean. You and me having dinner together. What do you think?’

It was crazy to ask. A holiday romance wasn’t on the agenda. A quick fling wasn’t my style and I had plans for after this fortnight. A new life waiting that wouldn’t accommodate a relationship. But still, in that moment we felt all kinds of right for each other. I didn’t know then that we were all kinds of wrong for each other.

I didn’t know, while I waited for her answer, that I should, perhaps, have walked away.