Читать книгу The Nanny's Christmas Wish - Ami Weaver - Страница 12

Chapter Four

“I’m sorry, Maggie, I’m running a little behind.” Josh’s harried voice carried clearly over the phone the next evening. “I know it’s pumpkin-carving night. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Maggie pulled two plates out of the cupboard. “It’s okay. It happens. We’ll wait for you.”

“If I’m going to be more than an hour I’ll call again. Then you can start without me.” Voices in the background, then Josh spoke again. “Gotta run. See you later.”

“Okay. Bye.” She hung up, turned to find Cody standing behind her.

“Was that my daddy?” he asked.

She reached out and touched his soft curls. He didn’t step away the way he would have a week ago. Her heart warmed. “Yep. He’s going to be a little late. We’ll go ahead and eat, okay? Then maybe we can get stuff set up so you and your dad can carve the pumpkins.”

After dinner and kitchen cleanup, Cody divided his time between the front window and the pumpkins lined up on the kitchen floor. So Maggie took matters into her own hands.

“Let’s get ready to carve. We can get the newspaper spread out to keep the floor clean,” she told Cody as she pulled a bunch of papers out of the recycle pile. “And we can start cleaning the pumpkins out. That way, when your dad gets here, you guys can start carving right away. Okay?”

Cody sent a lingering look at the door. “Okay,” he said with a dramatic sigh. She suppressed a smile.

“He’ll be here soon,” she assured the little boy and handed him a folded section of newspaper. “Open it like this, and lay it down. We’ll need a couple of layers.”

Josh walked in as they finished spreading the newspapers on part of the tile floor. Cody hurried over to greet him.

“Hi, Daddy! Look! We put papers down to keep the punkin stuff off the floor. And Maggie brought the punkins in so they wouldn’t get cold,” he added.

Josh tugged at his tie and arched his brow at Maggie. “Really? I didn’t know pumpkins got cold.” Despite his teasing tone, he looked tired. His hair was slightly mussed as if he’d thrust his fingers through it more than once. Her fingers itched to smooth it back down.

She gave him a little smile instead and kept her voice steady. “Well, they do inside. No way am I sticking my hand in a freezing cold pumpkin.”

Josh chuckled. “Good point.”

“Maggie said she’d make the seeds so we could eat ’em when we’re done,” Cody said.

“We’ll roast them. They make a yummy snack,” she explained.

“Sounds good. I’m going to go change. Be right back,” Josh said as he tugged the tails of his shirt out of the waist of his chinos. Maggie caught a glimpse of smooth skin and taut abs and her mouth went dry.

Then she gave herself a mental slap. Really? A teeny glimpse of skin was all it took to get her hormones fired up? Sheesh. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second, then shifted her attention to the little boy sitting by the pumpkins. He was her focus. Definitely not his father.

“Okay, Cody,” she said brightly. “Which one is yours again?”

She knew, of course, because he’d told her several times the biggest pumpkin was his. But she asked the question anyway since it guaranteed an excited response.

Cody patted the huge pumpkin. It hit him midthigh. “This one!” he said with glee.

Maggie smiled and pretended to slap her forehead. “Of course that’s yours. What was I thinking? Are you ready to help me clean it out?” She wrangled it onto the newspaper. Despite sitting in the house for the better part of the day, its smooth skin was cold under her hands. “Whew! This is awfully heavy, Cody. I bet it has a lot of seeds. Let’s see, okay?”

Cody did a little dance. “Yeah! I want to see.”

Josh reentered the kitchen. She looked up and managed to hold on to her smile when she took stock of him. Faded jeans, worn T-shirt, bare feet. She managed not to lick her lips and forced her attention back to the task at hand. “You’re just in time.”

He held her gaze just a fraction too long, then dropped away. She was afraid she’d glimpsed regret in his gaze. For what? He cleared his throat. “That’s good. I’m glad I made it. I wouldn’t want to miss this. Can I help?”

“Yes.” She held out her hand, pleased it stayed steady, in mock imitation of a surgeon. “Scalpel, please.”

His mouth twitched as he grabbed the pumpkin-carving tool off the counter and slapped it in her palm. “Check.”

She plunged the tool into the top of the pumpkin and sawed it around the crown. The rich, fresh scent of the fruit rose up and little bits of the shell went flying. Cody watched, leaning on his father, eyes huge. When she whipped the top off with a triumphant flourish, Josh grinned and nudged Cody.

“She doesn’t mess around, does she?”

Cody grinned back. “Can we carve it now?”

Maggie shook her head. “We have to clean it out, remember?” She tipped the pumpkin toward him. “Look at all the seeds. Let’s get them out of here. You want to help? Then you and your dad can start carving.”

Cody kneeled beside her and she handed him a pasta spoon with a smile. He returned her smile, then said softly, “I want to carve it with you.”

Maggie couldn’t breathe, caught in the little boy’s earnest bright blue eyes. Tears burned in her throat as her gaze flew to Josh, who wore a small smile, then back to his son. She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at her nephew. “Then we’d better get cracking, don’t you think?”

* * *

Later that night Maggie sat on the front porch step, bathed in the glow of the orange twinkle lights strung on the porch railing. The full moon’s silvery cast provided additional light. She pulled a soft fleece throw tighter around her shoulders to ward off the evening chill. The carved pumpkins, all three of them, flickered at her feet.

Progress. She’d made it tonight with Cody. He’d wanted to give her a hug—finally—before he went to bed. A little shiver of joy slipped through her. She could still feel those strong little-boy arms around her neck.

From a nanny point of view, she figured he finally felt comfortable with her. That was a huge step, one she’d been waiting anxiously for. From the auntie point of view—well, he’d hugged her. A small smile tugged at her lips and she tipped her head up to look at the stars. What could be better?

Behind her the door opened and closed with a soft snick. She tensed as Josh eased himself down beside her, and willed the totally inappropriate warmth away. Being his employee was enough to make him off-limits. She couldn’t afford to make that mistake again.

Being her former brother-in-law sent it out of the park.

“I think you won Cody over tonight,” he said, his words accompanied with a puff of breath on the chilly air.

Pleasure slid through her and she smiled. “Not many kids, especially little boys, can resist the opportunity to get slimy.”

“True.” He draped his forearms on his knees with a low chuckle that heated Maggie in places she didn’t want to name. “For some of us, it never goes away.”

She laughed, started to rise. Best not to be out here with him too long. “Boys will be boys, I guess. Well, it’s late. I’m going to head in.”

He reached out and snagged her wrist. Her nerve endings briefly sizzled and she resisted the urge to yank her arm away. Her gaze locked on his. Even in the dim light she saw pain and pleading there. Her breath caught.

“Stay. Please. For a minute. If you’re cold we can go in. I just— I want to tell you a little bit about Cody’s mom. About what happened.”

Maggie stopped breathing. She sank back down carefully, as if moving too fast would shatter the moment and send it skittering out of her reach, like marbles on a hard floor.

“Okay,” she said, relieved her voice sounded normal. She chanced a peek at him, saw in the soft light the hard set of his jaw. She could almost feel the waves of tension rolling off him. Her belly clenched in response and she linked her fingers together tightly to keep them from shaking.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and Maggie held her breath, afraid to give away how badly she wanted to know. Why she wanted to know.

“This is hard,” he admitted, his voice rough. “I don’t talk about Lucy much. A lot happened after her death.” He stared down at the step, seeming to wrestle with something internally, and Maggie’s heart cracked. “I won’t burden you with the details. Suffice it to say her parents blamed me. But whatever our issues were, Lucy loved Cody. More than anything. She was a good mom. When I realized she wasn’t going to make it after the—the accident, I promised her I’d put Cody first, before anything and everything else. I don’t know if she heard me, but it’s a promise I’ve honored for almost four years. It’s the least I can do for her. And for Cody.”

Maggie swallowed. She heard both the warning and the regret in his voice. He’d made a vow and intended to keep it. She could understand and respect that, and she would. But still, there was no blame here.

She laid her hand on his arm and tried for diplomacy. “Josh, it’s not your fault she died. How could they think that?” A snowy night, the newspaper article had said, and the car hit a tree. Lucy had been the only occupant in the vehicle.

In the cold wash of the silver moon, she saw his features go even harder. The rough wool of his jacket scraped her hand when he pulled his arm away and stood up. “Because it’s the truth.” The rawness in his voice sliced across her soul. “Her family wants nothing to do with me. Sad to say, it’s mutual. I’m sorry I brought it up, Maggie. Not sure what I was thinking. Forget I said anything.”

Maggie squeezed her eyes shut against the burn of tears as he crossed the porch and closed the door behind him with a slight bang. She dropped her head to her knees as the tears made hot tracks down her cold cheeks.

Her family wants nothing to do with me.

Her stomach rolled, both at the words and the pain behind them. What a horrible situation for all of them. Her heart ached.

A terrible thought hit her. He wanted nothing to do with Lucy’s family. If he found out she was technically family...

He’d fire her and she’d lose her only connection to Cody and Lucy.

She sucked in a breath, the chilly air burning her lungs, and swiped at her wet cheeks. Her secret, and the choice she’d made to keep it, weighed on her more than ever. She’d made a hell of a mess of her good intentions.

Where did she go from here?

* * *

Josh avoided Maggie as much as possible over the next few days, given they lived in the same house. That she cared for his son. That they ate meals together. It made things a little tricky but it was better than examining why he’d felt compelled to try and explain the whole Lucy thing.

How I failed her. Though he figured he’d made that pretty clear.

On the other hand, hadn’t he intended to make clear why he was off-limits? Not that she’d pushed anything. He seemed to be the one struggling with this attraction thing. It had been a stupid lapse on his part.

“You and Cody still on for tonight?” Marta’s voice shattered his thoughts.

“Yeah. Cody can’t wait to spend the night. He’s talked about it all week.” Normally, Josh looked forward to the poker game he played with Travis and a couple of their buddies once a month. Cody stayed at Trav’s house with Marta and their son JT. Tonight he anticipated it for a completely different reason—it’d be legitimate time away from Maggie and her big blue eyes and all the temptations he’d shut himself off from. Things he hadn’t even known he’d missed, that really he’d never had with Lucy. He didn’t want to look at Maggie and see possibilities. It was too hard.

“So has JT.” Marta studied him, then seemed to rethink whatever she’d been about to say. Instead, she swung her bag on her shoulder. “We’ll see you in an hour or so.”

“Yep. See you then.”

Marta left and Josh pulled his stethoscope from around his neck and tossed it on his desk. He’d lock up, then stop on the way home for a six-pack. Maggie would have dinner ready and then he’d take his son and escape his own house.

* * *

Cody chattered nonstop the whole way to Marta and Travis’s house. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He enjoyed listening to the little guy talk. Josh turned into the driveway and Cody leaned over to peer out his window.

“I see him! I see JT!” he cried, and Josh laughed.

“I see him, too,” he said, waving at the little boy in the picture window. “Let’s get you inside.”

November had ushered in much colder, rainier weather and tonight was no exception. A few hard pellets of snow fell with the rain, tossed around by the brisk breeze. Josh opened Cody’s door, grabbed his son’s backpack and hurried behind him to the house. Marta had the door open before they even got on the porch. She closed it behind them as Cody and JT greeted each other with much excitement, then Cody shouldered his backpack and started to follow his friend.

“Hang on, Code.” Josh caught his son by the pack’s strap. “Give me a hug. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Cody hugged him hard and Josh inhaled the sweet scent of his son. “Okay, Daddy. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Josh ruffled Cody’s curls affectionately and watched as his boy hurried after JT. Josh turned to Marta, who looked at him with amusement. “What?”

“You’re such a good dad,” she said.

He arched his brow, feigning hurt. “What? That’s a surprise?”

She laughed. “Of course not. Not to me, anyway.”

Josh frowned, serious now. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you seem to think sometimes you aren’t. You’re too busy, he has a nanny, whatever. But the time you do spend with him, you make really count.” She punched him lightly on the arm. “Just an observation. Trav is in the garage. Don’t worry about Cody. He’ll be fine.”

“I know he will. Thanks, Marta.” Josh walked through the house to the back door. He could hear JT and Cody laughing and the sound made him smile as he left the house and jogged around to the garage. He wasn’t completely sure he believed Marta as far as being a good dad went. After all, Cody didn’t have a mom anymore—but he did try to be as present as possible for his son. When he wasn’t half-tangled in knots over the nanny, of course.

He wasn’t going any further down that road.

Travis glanced up as Josh entered the garage. “Give me a sec, then we’ll go.”

“No problem. We’ve got time.”

He waited while Trav finished up. Always, his friend tinkered with engines. This time, he had the hood up on his wife’s car. That same dedication made him an excellent mechanic and his garage so successful.

Trav dropped the hood with a thunk and washed up at the sink in the corner of the heated garage, then grabbed his jacket off the hood of his truck. “Ready to play?”

“I am,” Josh agreed.

“Where’s the nanny?”

“She has the night off.” Josh hoped Trav would leave it at that. Both men got in the SUV and Josh turned the engine over.

A pause. “So if she’s got the night off, why are you hanging with us?”

“It’s game night,” Josh said. He tried not to think of the awkward dinner they’d endured. While polite, she’d said as little as possible to him. Both of them had focused on Cody. When he’d left the house, she’d given Cody a hug.

He got a polite nod and she wished him luck.

“Let me get this straight,” Travis said as if Josh was somehow incapable of grasping the obvious. “You’ve got a gorgeous single woman under your roof and a place for Cody to go for the night. And you are going to hang out with the guys.” He shook his head.

Without thinking, Josh said, “How do you know she’s single and gorgeous? Where did you see her?”

Trav sent him a “gotcha” grin. “I didn’t know. Until now.”

Caught, Josh bristled. “It’s not like that. You of all people know why I’m not going there. On top of that, Maggie works for me. She’s great with Cody. I’m not going to screw that up.” Any more than he already had.

Trav sighed. “I know, man. I know. I just wish...” He trailed off.

“What?”

His friend took a minute before answering. “That you’d give yourself a chance. Or, I guess, let yourself have a chance. If it’s not Maggie, fine. But what happens when you meet someone and you want to pursue it?”

Josh’s insides twisted. “I won’t.” He sounded more resolute than he felt.

Travis was silent for a long moment, then said, “Have it your way.”

Josh didn’t answer. A hollow feeling filled his chest. For the first time he wondered if keeping his promise to Lucy was possible. Could he continue to put aside his needs, his life, as penance for the loss of hers? He’d been so careful for the past three years to avoid any kind of possible romantic entanglement. It hadn’t been difficult. Now he had a potential one living under his roof.

He tried to call up Lucy’s face, but her dark hair and blue eyes morphed into Maggie’s. He stifled a groan as he turned into the driveway of their buddy’s house. He needed to focus on what was really important here, which was Cody and his well-being. Trav was wrong. He wouldn’t be pursuing anyone. Cody needed him. All of him.