Читать книгу Single Father Seeks... - Amy Fetzer J. - Страница 10

Ciara stilled for a second. His tone made it seem as if he’d waited a lifetime to say that. And he meant it. She didn’t dare look back over her shoulder at him. She could already feel the heat of his muscled body behind her like the sweet warmth of the sun. The urge to stop and sink back into him was nearly overpowering.

She mentally shook herself. Fantasy ends here, she thought. She hated that just his presence gave her ideas she’d no business having. She stepped farther onto the back deck and said, “Thank you. So, you named your house?”

He eyed her. “I take it you’re not from the south.”

Finally, she looked at him. “Well, I could fake a southern accent, if you want.” She couldn’t tell him that yes, she was from the south, born and raised only a couple hundred miles away from here, but she’d taken great pains to lose her southern accent. In the CIA, it didn’t help to have her speech marked so clearly.

They walked farther out onto the deck.

Ciara scanned the landscape and lost her breath. “My God, this is heaven.”

Though they were a good hundred yards from the water, the view was incredible—the river, houses on the other side, the sea toward the inlet. There was an in-ground pool and beyond it a gazebo big enough to house a table and chairs and chaise lounges. Live oaks and palm trees shaded the yard here and there, and even as the sun began its descent, she could see an intricate flower garden off to the left, a wicker sofa and table tucked under the spreading branches dripping with Spanish moss. That same sense of peace swept her again and her gaze landed on a wood swing hanging from a tree limb, and then a babbling fountain resting under the shade trees. Ahead of her, a dock stretched for half the length of a football field over the marsh to the water, a screened porch lay a few yards before the end of the pier. There were two boats anchored at the end, a dinged-up, well-used johnboat and a ritzy gleaming cabin cruiser. The contrast spoke volumes about Bryce.

“All this from the Secret Service?” she said softly.

He chuckled to himself. “Lord no. I barely made the rent working for the government. This house has been in my family for generations. It was my parents’ home.”

“They’re retired?”

“Yes, they live in Florida when they aren’t on a jet heading somewhere else.”

She looked at the baby, rocking her from side to side and noticing her little eyelids drooping. “A lot of house for just the two of you, huh sweetheart?” When she looked at Bryce, he was staring at her oddly. Her brows knit, her look questioning.

Bryce couldn’t say why he was so touched by the gesture. His baby in her arms, the gentle way Ciara touched Carolina. He never expected anything so tender from a woman like her. And he reminded himself that all he knew about her was what it was like to make love to her, to be completely and utterly driven mad by her touch.

Stop looking at me like that, she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to open that can of worms.

“It’s breathtaking,” she said into the silence. “Did you grow up here?”

“Yes. Me and my sister Hope. She lives closer to town.” Bryce looked off at the marsh. “There are gators in there occasionally. If you go near, be careful.”

“I understand.” She kept her gaze on the landscape as they strolled around the pool deck. “The décor is lovely, Bryce. Who did it? Your wife?”

He looked at her sharply. “No, my mother. I didn’t live here with Diana.”

She propped Carolina on her hip and said, “Diana, huh?”

The mention of his wife’s name set him suddenly on edge. “I wasn’t married to her when you and I met.”

Her brows shot up. “I didn’t think you were.” A pause and then, “So what happened to her?”

A surge of guilt pounded through Bryce at the thought of his late wife, and what he’d done to her life. He didn’t want to talk about Diana. Especially not with Ciara. Somehow, if he did, it felt as if he were hurting Diana more than he already had.

At his hesitation she added, “If it’s too painful and you’d rather not…”

“Yes, it is painful, but—” He gave Ciara the minimum. “She died when Carolina was born. She had gestational diabetes. The pregnancy was very difficult. Toxemia and the diabetes caused her death.”

Ciara heard the anger building in his voice. And the torment in his features. He must have loved his wife deeply, she thought. To lose his wife and then be forced to care for a newborn alone, how hard it must have been for him.

In the ensuing silence, she watched him stare out over the marsh, his handsome features twisted with anger and the echo of old pain.

“And while we are on the subject, let’s get one thing straight right now,” he said, grinding the words past clenched teeth. He faced her, his hands on his hips, his entire stance as belligerent as a man about to do battle. Something had changed in him in those few seconds, with those few words. Gone was the sexy man she knew, the man needing help with his child, and before her stood a guardian. Guarding what, she didn’t know.

“I’m listening.”

“I’m not looking for a replacement.”

She blinked. “I’m not looking to be one.” She had a career to return to, a job that meant changing the world.

“Carolina is my concern. She needs someone who is here when I’m not. She needs…mothering.”

Oh lord, Ciara thought. Baby-sitting yes, but mothering? After years with the CIA, she was the farthest thing from a mother type. Was she out of her league with this job? Too late to back out now, she thought, remembering how she’d badgered Katherine into giving her this position. Take it like an undercover assignment, she thought, a masquerade. “I can handle it.”

He eyed her. “I know you’re bonded and trained, but that has little to do with caring for my daughter.”

“I should say so.” Did he think she was completely incapable?

Silence. Hard and biting as they stared.

She squared off with him, wondering why he was suddenly so defensive. “Why don’t you just say what’s on your mind, Bryce? Get it off your chest right now.”

“I don’t trust you.” There was just too much mystery surrounding her. The fact that she was back in his life, in this position, was enough to make him cautious.

“You did enough that night.” Instantly she hated herself for bringing up their past.

“That was five years ago. I was single without a care except who was looking funny at the former first lady. And that night was just about us. Now it’s about Carolina.” He shook his head. “My life is completely different. I’m not the same man.”

“Well, here’s a news flash, Ashland. I haven’t changed. I’m not the mother type. I’ll do my level best for Carolina while I’m here, but don’t expect what I can’t give.”

Bryce recognized her look. Her features shuttered so quickly he felt it like a cold breeze. It was the same look she’d given him in the hotel room when she’d come out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to leave. All traces of the passion they’d shared were erased.

That she could hold his baby in her arms and could call on this emotionless look, added to his suspicions. “What were you doing in Hong Kong?”

“Embassy work.” It wasn’t a lie, she thought, just not the whole truth. “Now can I have a say?”

He nodded.

“What happened between us was a one-time thing. One time. This is a coincidence, a one in a million chance. Deal with it. I need the job, and you and Carolina need me. Let’s just leave it at that, okay, boss?”

“My daughter needs you, not me.”

“Thanks for clarifying that,” she said. “I was having visions of weddings and receptions already.”

Her delivery was cold and sarcastic. Bryce didn’t like it.

“And while we’re drawing battle lines, if I’d wanted more after Hong Kong, I would have looked you up again,” she said. “Really great sex doesn’t mean I want a lifetime.”

His features yanked taut.

“Have I made myself clear?”

He nodded. “Fine. We understand each other.”

“Not by a long shot, Ashland.”

Bryce’s lips tightened.

She arched a brow. Let him stew, she thought. She wouldn’t be revealing anything about herself or her past, and that one night with him had nothing to do with the present. Except to remind her that while his life had changed and grown, hers hadn’t. All that was different was the one mistake she’d made. Trusting the wrong man. The instant she thought of her partner and the magnitude of his betrayal, Ciara knew she couldn’t trust her feelings. About anything. She’d botched it up badly by not seeing what was there, and with Bryce, she had to remember the price of loving—no, not love, the price of getting involved with someone had only rewarded Ciara with heartache. Besides she had to lie to him, she had to keep her real life secret. Involving him in any part of her career or the knowledge of it could bring harm to him or this sweet baby. She would never allow that to happen. She’d vanish first. Her job was to protect her country’s interests—and its people were under that umbrella.

Even if it was raining where she stood.

“I’ll put your bags in your room,” Bryce said, effectively ending this standoff, “and your car in the garage.”

She fished in the pocket of her jeans and tossed him the keys, glad she’d cleared the rental car of anything that bore her real name. “I’ll be with your daughter.” She turned sharply and headed back into the house.

“Where are you going?”

“The sun is too hot for her without a bonnet and sunblock, and she’s tired.”

Bryce silently approved and followed, then frowned at her back as she walked briskly through the house toward the foyer. Though she held his daughter gently, allowing Carolina to grab onto her ponytail, he could feel the remoteness about Ciara. It was as if she had an invisible wall around her now.

He didn’t blame her, really. And it was better for him all around. But for his daughter? Though her actions toward his baby so far were tender, Bryce wondered if she’d deny Carolina her affections because of him.

It was another reason not to trust her.

He’d have to keep an eye on her for the next few days.

And nights?

Damn.

The thought of this woman sleeping down the hall from him made his body jump and rock to life.

“I have work to do,” he said from behind her. “My home office is the library.”

“Fine. Have at it,” she replied as she mounted the staircase. “Though you might want to change.”

Bryce glanced down at his clothes and silently groaned at the food splattered over him. He lifted his gaze to Ciara and his daughter stared at him over Ciara’s shoulder. Bryce waved to his baby.

Carolina bounced up and down in Ciara’s arms, kicking her feet, her cherub face lit up with happiness, as if to say, “See daddy, this is what it’s like to have a mom.”

Bryce’s heart broke then and there.

And he decided he’d put up with just about anything to see his daughter smile like that. But how would he survive with that luscious, mysterious woman right under his nose? And regardless of what he’d said, deep inside, in a place that was lonely and hungry for female company, he wanted to experience another mindless night of desire in Ciara’s arms.

Ciara bathed Carolina, and dried her off before warming baby lotion in her hands and rubbing it in slow circular motions over the sleepy infant. The child was nearly asleep on the changing table and Ciara made quick work of putting on a diaper and fresh clothes.

The infant fussed and rubbed her eyes, pulling at her hair as Ciara sat in the padded rocker, humming softly, the baby nuzzled on her chest. Ciara inhaled the sweet scents, rubbing up and down Carolina’s spine, her own eyelids heavy with a comfort she hadn’t felt in a very long time. She thought and wondered then about her brothers and their children. She hadn’t seen her nephews in years and if her calculations were right, they were in school by now. Then her thoughts drifted to her sister Cassie, who’d finished college summa cum laude and was off somewhere doing something that had nothing to do with her financial degree. Ciara missed them all terribly. She didn’t usually, because she simply chose not to think about them. It had become increasingly easy to block out her past and her family, she thought with regret. She’d never had time to sit back and think of them, her mind had always been focused on her assignment. The cold objectivity was a part of her after all these years. Her lips twisted with self-disgust. That hadn’t stopped her from letting old feelings darn near ruin her career, she thought, and her anger at Mark Faraday settled like a simmering kettle in her chest. She left it there, refusing to waste more energy on him.

Her thoughts drifted immediately to Bryce.

She cocked a look at the sleeping baby in her arms, then stood and carried Carolina to her crib. Laying her down, she tried to remember if at this age they slept on their stomach or back, then laid Carolina on her tummy. Just before she did, Carolina opened her eyes, staring at her so trustingly, and Ciara thought suddenly that nothing she did in her life, nothing for her country, for the CIA, was more important than what she was doing right now. For this child. She stroked her back and the baby’s eyes drifted closed.

How much tenderness had this little girl missed because she didn’t have a mother? Bryce had to be both mother and father and Ciara remembered the different relationships she’d had with her parents. Her mom had been her role model, and made Ciara feel special, as if they shared a secret that men took years to understand. Ciara’s mother had given her pretty things and taught her to take pride in her appearance for herself, not for anyone who might happen to notice. Ciara tried to pass that to Cassie. Yet her dad had been the one who let her hang with her brothers, who won the argument with her mother when she wanted to play soccer. Dad had kept telling her there was nothing she couldn’t do. He’d pushed her to excel, to learn more than one language and make the grade to join the CIA.

Lord she missed them. But they were dead now, killed in a jet crash over Scotland. She hadn’t been able to attend their funeral because she was stuck somewhere in Asia, hiding in a warehouse surveying gunrunners. And somehow, over the years, she’d lost the rest of her family, too. It was a hard fact to swallow, but Ciara admitted silently that though her parents were taken from her, she’d allowed her brothers and sister to fade from her life. Because of her career. Shame rippled through her along with a surprisingly sharp stab of homesickness.

The baby cooed in her sleep, wiggling under the thin blanket, and something hard wrenched in Ciara’s chest. For some reason, she couldn’t leave the baby just yet. Not alone. She was so little.

And for the first time in a long time, someone truly innocent, needed her.

Bryce stood in the doorway, studying Ciara. He tried not to notice how beautiful she looked there bent over his baby’s crib, rubbing Carolina’s back, watching her sleep. Seeing her there struck a chord in him and twisted his insides. She looked so at ease and though Carolina had known the touch of Bryce’s mother and sister, it seemed that a perfect stranger was more soothing than either of them. Instantly he thought of Diana.

Would she approve?

Not if she knew he and Ciara had spent a night together. He’d never told anyone about that night, keeping it private, for himself alone. Telling Diana would have been mean and unnecessary. And caused more problems because she’d been possessive from the start, wanting him to quit the Secret Service for her and their unborn child. Married only a month, and seeing no way around it and feeling equally responsible, he had. Though he resented it at the time, and constantly being around her likely made things worse between them, he didn’t resent leaving the service anymore. Not since his daughter had filled his life and his heart.

“She’s so beautiful,” Ciara said into the silence, startling him, and Bryce realized she’d known he was there all this time.

“Thank you.” He watched her give the blankets a last tuck, then straighten and walk toward him. The tender look she gave his daughter still on her features.

He stared, absorbing it.

“How long have you been caring for her alone?”

“Other than when she was first born, a week.”

“How do you get your work done?” she asked, admiration coloring her voice.

“I don’t. I’m way behind. That’s why I hired Wife Incorporated.”

Ciara shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans when she really wanted to touch him, run her hands over his taut muscled chest. “And here you get me.”

Bryce saw the flicker of reservation in her eyes and wondered over it when she seemed so confident earlier. Trusting her seemed further away than he first thought. “Carolina seems to like you.”

Ciara gazed up at him, her body sensing his, that current shooting up from her heels. “She’s great.”

Bryce experienced the same heady heat that drew him to Ciara that night in Hong Kong. She was inches from him, in the doorway and knowing he shouldn’t, he lifted his hand to her face. Before he touched her, she stepped back, her tender expression vanished, replaced with an indifferent mask he already recognized.

His brow furrowed.

Her eyes were glacial, hard. Then she turned and walked down the hall.

Leaning on the door frame, Bryce watched her leave, thinking that no matter what they felt when they were near each other, there was a part of Ciara that was isolated, a woman hidden behind a wall. She might be gentle and tender with his daughter, but she wasn’t letting down her guard.

Bryce went back to his office and remained there most of the day. With music playing in his office, he didn’t hear any noise in the house and managed to catch up on the backlog of work. Yet when he glanced at his watch and realized how much time had passed and that he hadn’t heard his daughter or Ciara in a while, he shot out of the chair and rushed to the door.

How could he be so careless? He knew nothing about this woman. And he’d left her and his baby alone together for hours.

Panicked, he stopped short in the hall, glancing left and right. “Ciara?” Thoughts of accidents filled his tired mind.

“Yes,” she called from somewhere in the house. “In here.”

Only a little relieved, he demanded, “Where the hell is here?”

“Well, duh, in the kitchen.”

He nearly ran down the hall, his heart pounding and when he entered the room he froze. Carolina was tucked in her high chair, chasing cereal around her tray and stuffing as much as she could in her mouth, and Ciara was at the stove. For a second he just stared.

No one on this planet had a right to look that sexy in an apron.

And she’d changed into a tank top and cutoffs that had seen way better days, and were short as hell. They showed off every curve and for a moment, he let his gaze roam over her from head to bare toes. She moved efficiently, sautéing vegetables, checking something in the oven, then punching the timer on the microwave. Plus, glancing over at his daughter while she worked. It was as if she didn’t know he was in the room now. And here he was, like a stag scenting a doe. The fact made him see how long it had been since he’d had a woman. A little over a year. He’d been married in name only, since he and Diana had wed when she was two months pregnant and they’d stopped sleeping together when her pregnancy became difficult, and that happened at the end of her first trimester.

Good grief, it had been a long time.

But then, he hadn’t been interested in a woman until now.

And Ciara was the wrong one.

Shaking his head over his wildly racing thoughts, he went to his daughter, squatting to her level. “Did you have a nice nap, princess?”

Ciara glanced back over her shoulder smiling, trying to see only the father and not the man.

Carolina spit bubbles and offered him a Cheerio. He nibbled.

“How brave of you,” Ciara said, focusing on chopping vegetables and tossing them in a pan. “Accepting food from that grubby little hand.”

He kissed his daughter and straightened. “I’d do anything for her.”

“I know. You’re putting up with me for a nanny, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t have said it like that.”

“But you were thinking it.”

“Actually I was thinking that…”

She looked at him then, her brows drawn tight. “Go on, say it. We might as well be honest with each other from the start.”

He wasn’t going to mention that she was hiding damn near everything about herself from him already, and that was hardly honest. Instead he said, “I was thinking that you should put on more clothes.”

Her features tightened. “Don’t go there. Carolina and I were outside for a while and it’s hot.”

“Regardless, those,” he gestured to the short shorts, “leave little to the imagination.”

“Then force yourself to have less imagination, huh?” she said, pouring him a glass of tea, then placing it on the table before him.

“Kind of hard when I look at you and see you up against the wall, panting and wearing nothing but a strand of pearls.”

Ciara’s entire body clenched, her blood suddenly running very hot and fast.

She glanced his way briefly, flushing a little, and Bryce liked seeing it.

“That was a long time ago.” She returned her attention to the meal she was cooking.

“You said yourself you were the same woman.”

“I guess I lied.”

“What else are you lying about?”

Her gaze snapped to his. “What the hell does that mean?” Don’t get defensive, she warned herself. It will only add fuel to his suspicions.

“You’re not being honest about your past.”

She faced him and his gaze shifted to the knife in her hand. She put it down. “Want to open that door, Bryce? How about yours? Why did you leave the Secret Service?”

Old resentment reared. “I was tired of it.”

“Oh yeah, the travel, great hotels, short work hours. A real pleasure killer.”

“After I met my wife, yes.” The half lie stuck in his throat like glue. He’d still be in the service right now if he hadn’t met Diana.

Ciara felt unreasonably stung by that.

“And taking a bullet for someone who for the most part didn’t know I was alive, didn’t seem worth it after that.” Not worth leaving his unborn baby without a father, he thought. “What about your family?”

Good lord, he wasn’t getting the hint, was he? “I don’t have one, anymore.” In her line of work she’d had to cut all ties, yet for a second, the image of her brothers and her sister swept through her mind.

Bryce noticed the flash of pain in her eyes, the tightening of her features.