Читать книгу Be Strong, Be Wise - Amy R. Carpenter - Страница 12

In order to have an effective conversation about prevention, we first need to understand the exact definition of the problem. Usually, people are pretty blown away by just how broad it is:

“Sexual assault is commonly recognized as any unwanted sexual contact or threats of sexual contact. Sexual assault includes the touching of another person’s body in a sexual manner without that person’s express consent, even if the touching occurs through clothing. This sexual assault definition also includes kissing, groping, and fondling.

“The term ‘express consent’ refers to an individual’s clearly stated and voluntary expression of choice in any matter. Any person who is incapacitated, whether by physical or psychological ailment, or by drugs or alcohol, or who is under the age of majority, cannot legally consent to sexual contact. Therefore, sexual touching, or sexual acts performed on such an individual, are considered sexual assault, regardless of the perpetrator’s claim that the victim consented (Legal Dictionary).”

Sexual harassment is defined as “behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.”

Let’s think about the slap on the butt a coach gives an athlete as they run onto the field. To some, this is a normal facet of being on a team and is no big deal. To others, such an act could be as inappropriate as a slap on the face. It all depends on prior life experience and the way that touch gets expressed on a daily basis. If someone has been victim to prior assault, a slap on the butt is likely to be re-traumatizing.

In understanding the definition of assault, a keyword looms large: unwanted. This is where self-awareness and communication become the most effective safety tools in our arsenal. While many forms of touch, such as a slap on the butt, might seem harmless, no one has the right to cross our physical boundaries without permission. It can be hard to conceptualize at first, but a kiss on the cheek, if unwanted, is still assault.

A long-established relationship between friends or family members implies permission, but even in these cases, there are appropriate and inappropriate examples of physical affection. A good way of defining the difference is to know how it feels to receive the advance. This helps build awareness of personal limits when it comes to physical contact. There may be no wrong intention in such displays of affection, but even with family members, it’s important to know what is comfortable versus what isn’t and to communicate that clearly.

When interviewed by the Associated Press a year after her original tweet, Alyssa Milano declared, “Any time we are able to discuss things, we de-mystify them and make them more tangible to overcome.”

Here’s a way to begin discussing what sexual assault and harassment mean to you. Try answering the following questions from two different standpoints: first, according to the definition of assault, and then, according to you. Your answers will help build inner wisdom around the deeper meaning of “good touch, bad touch.”