Читать книгу The force of life beyond death. Development is inevitable - Anastassia Rumjantseva - Страница 4

I happened to get into a car accident, and died at the scene. It was like this: “Bang” – the collision, “That’s it”, I think, “I’m through”. I try to move to check whether everything is in place. But I hardly can make a move. “Am I jammed?” Sort of nothing hurts severely. “Maybe I’m OK?” But no way to get out. “It’s over for me”, I think, “Seems like backbone. Now my vehicle will be a wheelchair”. I feel a little panic. It feels like my body has gone numb.

I must wait. People will soon come and get me out of the car. I’m thoroughly in myself, can neither think of anything else nor understand anything because of the shock. There were no angels or white trumpets. Laying for no reason. It’s getting a little dull. Seems like the numbness is receding. I can hear people coming up. They begin to rake aside and take down everything.

I wanted to let them know that I am here: “I AM IN HERE!!! Hey, you out there, be careful!!!” I shout. But I realize that no sound utters. Shouting it’s usually audible. But my shout is sort of mental. No live sound utters. “Have I lost my voice?” I think, “That’s all, my carrier is over! I will write poetry, like Pushkin. And it will be read in 100 years”, what a bad luck.

It’s getting lighter. The metal got taken down. Everybody is rushing around, but I see them focusing not on me, they are looking down at their feet instead. “Let me also look at it”, I think. “Is it me who has been injured, or is there somebody else having been knocked down?” And then I see my body laying underneath. Whereas I am looking just as badly but hover aloft.

“Holy cow! It beats all! Whether have I gone mad as a result of the blow?” And then I begin to realize that the game is over. My journey has ended. This is the terminus, on one hand, but on the other hand, I can still think, feel, and see just as before, although my body has gone numb. It’s no wonder taking into account the weight of blow.

In summary, they are handling the body whereas I stand or hover beside, and watch all the fuss. I say, “Be careful so that I feel comfortable, and let’s go to the hospital! We need me back since I have a lot to do. There are my family, friends, fans left here. What will they do without me?!” Such thoughts I had at that time. Meanwhile, I followed my body like an air balloon. Initially, I was upset that nobody hears me, nor reacts to me. Although, some people seemed to react, but I can’t confidently assert that they comprehended this experience.

After all, no miracle happened, as you can guess. I’d crossed the edge of life, and found myself on the other side. Further on, I observed what was going on around me and my name.

The first three days I was haunting about my body although I could move anywhere I like. I visited all my relatives. They did not feel me, did not see me and did not hear me. I even tried to rumble with some objects, but nothing worked. I felt pity for my family and all my relatives. I understood that I was not able to change things, and that they would likely manage without me. Approximately on the third day, I began to distinguish shades of my peers, what means people who also had recently died. The first two days I did not see them at all; on the third day they began to appear.

When death is so quick, it’s difficult to understand that “this is it”. As they say, before one’s death, the whole life floats before eyes. But when death comes all of the sudden, it’s hard to make anything. The transition itself is very fast. No pain is experienced.

Of course, shortly before passing away, I sometimes thought about how I’d been tired. Tired from everything. It’s a heavy burden of life which builds up not in a day. It had been getting ever harder to enjoy life. I was concerned about developments in my country. I gave up being that “funny guy” I used to be before. I was fed up with many things, and I felt sort of despair, senseless, weakness, confusion. Everything seemed to have turned out otherwise than how it was wished, or how it was once anticipated.

“Tiredness is about to go away”, I hoped. Everybody who was on the verge of life was extremely tired of it. Irrespective of whether they deceased quickly or slowly. All of them wanted to have a rest.

The cause was unexpected. It means I had no plans on quitting the world so early.

It’s obvious that most of the people are afraid of a sudden death. I think the reason is that the outcome of a slow demise can be somehow influenced. But this is not always true. Everything depends on the individual’s decision. On mental determination. Everyone takes their own path. We make our way on our own, and it can lead either to the right or to the wrong direction.

To the moment of the burials, I’ve already become more absent, I no longer cared about anything.

I saw the reaction of all the people who attended my burials, and I heard their speeches. It was interesting to watch. Especially because my death was all of sudden not only for me. People who attended my burial were more interesting than the fact of me being put into the “crate”. I was not quite surprised. Burials (as it is seen by one having already been on the other side) is the same kind of a circus as a wedding. These two procedures are barely any different. Once my body was buried, I lost contact with it. “What should I do from now on?” I thought.

After burial people put an end to you. You begin to realize that you’ve passed away. “How should we go on without you? Who will now do what you’ve been doing? We miss you. We lack you”, all their jeremiad reduced to that they feel grieved and deprived. Your life story has run across its end. That’s all. Now it’s time to think of how to live further on. However, no one has ever told you about that earlier. Strange feeling.

In such an unforeseen situation, there no thoughts occur how you’ve been without any food for all this time. Overall numb feeling. You pay no attention to how you move. You can walk, and can hover aloft. Almost no thoughts occurred. It mostly seems like a shock caused by what has happened, and by obscurity of the future. Today, I know that that time was given for me to leave the body, and understand that my life is over. Despite that, you still identify yourself with who you were before.