Читать книгу The Baby Favour - Andrea Laurence - Страница 10

Three

Scarlet couldn’t shake the feeling that she was a horrible person.

It had been only three days since Mason, Luna and Carroll moved into her house, but she felt awful from virtually the moment it happened. Not because she didn’t like having people in her space or that she resented the situation. It was because she did like it. She liked the scent of Mason’s shampoo lingering in the heavy air of the bathroom after his shower. She liked hearing a baby’s giggles downstairs. It reminded her of the happiest time of her life. And because of that, she had to keep her distance and close herself off from everyone else in the house.

And that was why she was a horrible person.

She hadn’t held Luna since she laid her down for her nap after the funeral. She hadn’t fed her, bathed her, played with her or even so much as stepped a foot into the nursery to check on her in the night. There might as well not even be a baby in the house. Scarlet tried to reason with herself that it was the nanny’s job. That was why she’d insisted they have one, after all. Scarlet was just for show—a make-believe mom for a make-believe family, to soothe Jay’s worries. So she could keep her distance, go along with her agreement with Mason and come out of this situation unscathed.

April was right—this plan was entirely centered on her self-preservation. But who could blame her? What woman with a ticking biological clock and a love of children wouldn’t fall head over heels for Luna? She was the sweetest, most laid-back baby Scarlet had ever encountered. She had a head of crazy brown curls, Mason’s big blue eyes and his dimples. There was plenty of Rachel and Jay in her, too, like Rachel’s pert little nose and Jay’s pouty mouth, but unfortunately all Scarlet could see were the bits of Mason’s genetics in her.

The pieces that their own biological child would’ve had if they could have had their own.

It wasn’t easy to keep her distance. It was just in her nature to want to care for people. When she heard a baby cry, she wanted to soothe it. When Mason swore, she wanted to rush down and see if he’d hurt himself. But she had to remind herself time and time again that this wasn’t her baby and this wasn’t her husband. If she let herself think otherwise, even for a moment, her heart would be crushed when it ended.

As it was, her heart still hadn’t recovered from its last major hit. She wasn’t entirely sure how she could recover when her too-sexy soon-to-be ex-husband was sitting on her couch watching a ball game and working on his laptop.

So far, she had made the excuse that she had to work. And it was true. In her studio, a massive three-panel canvas took up most of one wall, waiting to be painted. When she was done, it would be disassembled, photographed, boxed and shipped to Hawaii to hang in the lobby of the Mau Loa Maui hotel.

Scarlet took a step back and eyeballed her work. The painting was coming along. So far, she’d focused mainly on the background with the three humpback whales roughed in, but not yet done. Locking herself in her studio for hours on end had been helpful for that, at least. As long as she didn’t glance over at the futon with Mason’s neatly folded blankets and pajamas stacked on top of it.

She put down her paintbrush and stretched her hands out. Damn. It had been a long time since she’d worked such long stretches without stopping. How long had it been? Scarlet looked at her watch. It was almost seven in the evening. She hadn’t even stopped to eat, drink or use the restroom since noon.

That was it for tonight. She rolled her shoulders and reluctantly stepped out into the hallway. She could hear the sounds of the television downstairs. It was about Luna’s bedtime, so Carroll was probably giving her a bath.

Scarlet crept down the floating staircase and went into the kitchen. She was surprised to find Carroll there, making herself a cup of hot tea. Her face looked a little puffy and her nose was red. “Good evening, Mrs. Spencer,” she said as though her nose were pinched closed.

Scarlet frowned. “You sound awful, Carroll. Are you coming down with something?”

Carroll shook her head. “I don’t know. I hope not. I almost never get sick and I know now is a horrible time. You’re so busy, and if I give this to Luna, she won’t be able to visit her father at the hospital.”

That was true. The chemotherapy had basically destroyed Jay’s immune system along with the cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer had recovered better than Jay had from the treatment. He would catch any bug he was exposed to and, at this point in his illness, a bout of the flu could be deadly for him.

Carroll set down her tea and launched into a fit of sneezes, followed by a rattling cough that Scarlet didn’t like the sound of. She reached out to touch the woman’s forehead and it was burning up.

“You’ve got a fever. I think you’d better take your tea and get to bed right now. I have some medicine upstairs you can take. I suggest you visit the walk-in clinic first thing in the morning. That flu medicine has to be administered within so many days of symptoms for it to work.”

“What about Luna?”

That was a good question. What about Luna? Scarlet squeezed her eyes shut and resigned herself to her fate. She’d tried, she’d fought, but in the end, fate won out. “We can handle her until you’re feeling better. I’ve made a lot of progress on my next painting.”

Carroll’s eyes grew wide. “No, no. Maybe I could call someone...”

Scarlet would have none of it. “No arguing. Now get to bed right this instant. Is Luna already down for the night?”

“No, ma’am. Mr. Spencer is playing with her on the deck. I asked him to keep her for a minute while I made tea.”

That wasn’t ideal. Scarlet was hoping the baby was already asleep so she could avoid the nursery for as long as possible, but she would do what she had to. “Okay. The two of us can take care of her until you feel better. Now, to bed!”

Scarlet watched as Carroll reluctantly carried her mug with her out of the kitchen toward her room. She steeled herself for what she had to do and went out to the deck to look for Mason and Luna, the two people she’d been trying to avoid.

The deck was empty, as was the pool. Curious, Scarlet walked around to the gate and steps that led to the beach. There, she found Mason and Luna playing in the sand. She stepped down to the beach, kicked off her shoes and walked through the sand to where they were playing.

The summer sun had finally set, but the sky was still bright and people still walked up and down the beach. There was a nice breeze for a summer’s night, reminding Scarlet that she’d spent too much time working and not enough time enjoying the property they’d worked so hard to afford.

“Look, Luna. Your aunt Scarlet has come out to play with us!” Mason picked up the baby and turned her to face the house where Scarlet was walking toward them.

The baby immediately lit up when she saw Scarlet. She grinned wide and dropped her handfuls of sand to reach out for her.

“Someone has missed you,” Mason said.

Scarlet stopped short, biting at her bottom lip. She ached to scoop the baby up into her arms and cradle her to her chest. To smell the top of her head and draw in the endearing scent that reminded her of nights rocking Evan to sleep.

Instead, she crouched down out of arm’s reach. Holding her during Rachel’s funeral had been hard enough. “I doubt that,” she said in a soothing voice she used for babies. “What are we doing out here?”

“We are playing in the sand. I figured she’s about to have a bath anyway, so why not?”

Scarlet nodded. “Well, it appears as though Nanny Carroll has the flu, so I’ve sent her to bed. This dirty little girl is ours to deal with for the next few days.”

Luna reached down to pick up a little red plastic shovel and then dropped it. “Uh-oh!” she declared. So far, she’d mastered mama, dada, no, uh-oh and dog.

“Uh-oh is right,” Mason repeated. “Are we going to be able to handle her on our own?”

“She’s a baby, not a wild animal,” Scarlet said. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

“And what about you?” he asked. His dark blue eyes focused on hers, saying far more than his words ever would. “Will you be fine?”

Scarlet bit at her lip and stood up, dusting sand from her hands. “I guess we’ll find out.”

“Have you gone into the nursery yet?” Mason asked as he followed suit and lifted Luna into his arms.

For a moment, Scarlet was struck by the image in front of her. Her tall, strong Mason casually holding a baby in his arms. It was a simple thing—hardly unusual to any passersby—but it was enough to make her heart catch in her throat.

“No,” she replied, turning away. As her gaze fell on the ocean, she spotted the splash of a pod of dolphins not far offshore. “Look!” She pointed out at the sea.

Mason turned and pointed the animals out to Luna. “Look, Luna. There are dolphins. They’re jumping out of the water. Aren’t they silly?”

Luna’s eyes grew wide and her tiny little mouth formed an O of excitement. She started to clap enthusiastically as they watched them leap out of the water.

“They’re dolphins. Can you say dolphin, Luna? Doll-fin.”

“Dafin!” she exclaimed. “Dafin!”

Scarlet smiled, turning away from one of her favorite creatures on earth to look at Mason and Luna. The two of them together watching the sea with excited grins made her chest ache. This was the life she’d lost. The future she’d never have with him because he’d decided what was best for her instead of asking what she wanted.

“I think our job here is done,” Mason said at last with a satisfied smirk. “She loves dolphins. Next, we just need to get her a baby wet suit and a surfboard.”

Scarlet’s smile dimmed a little. She remembered him making the same threats about teaching Evan to surf. The idea had terrified her at the time, although they’d never gotten that far. “I think she needs to master walking more than a few steps without falling down before she starts shooting the curl, don’t you?”

Mason sighed with feigned disappointment. “I suppose. We need to get her in baby swimming lessons, though. She’s already behind all the kids that started with those ‘mommy and me’ classes. She’s going to be doing the backstroke before her second birthday.”

Scarlet just shook her head and headed back to the house with Mason and Luna on her heels. “Don’t tell Jay about all this. He’ll think you’re out to drown his baby.”

“Don’t be silly, Scarlet. If Luna knows the backstroke, there’s no way she’ll drown.”

* * *

Mason awoke with a start. It took a moment for him to get his bearings in the dark, unfamiliar room. Then, from the crick in his back, he remembered that he was on the futon in Scarlet’s studio.

Then the wail of a baby sounded louder and he realized what had woken him up. He was about to fling back the sheets and go downstairs, but he heard footsteps down the hallway and Scarlet’s soothing voice. “I’m coming, Lulu. I’m coming, baby girl.”

Mason held his breath, waiting to see what would happen. The night before, Scarlet had let him give Luna a bath and put her to bed. In exchange, she’d made some dinner for them both while he was doing it. If he was right, she was about to step into the nursery for the first time in a year.

He got up and crept across the floor as quietly as he could, then peered out the door. Luna’s bedroom was near the foot of the stairs. He saw Scarlet stand there for a moment, just outside the threshold. Then she took a deep breath and stepped inside. After a few seconds, the crying stopped and he could make out the calming mumbles Scarlet said to soothe her.

A few minutes later, Scarlet came out of the bedroom with Luna in her arms. He watched them go into the living room, where Scarlet sat in her favorite chair to rock Luna back to sleep. He remembered her doing the same with Evan. It had worked like a charm every time.

After about ten minutes, he moved quietly down the stairs. “Is everything okay?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

Scarlet nodded and continued to rock. Luna was snuggled in her arms, already sleeping. “We just needed a new diaper and someone to love on us a little bit.”

Mason settled onto the couch beside her. He watched the way Scarlet looked down at the sleeping baby and immediately understood why she’d chosen to be so closed off the last few days. It was to keep from falling in love with the sweet bundle in her arms. She looked at Luna the same way she’d looked at Evan, as though the sun rose and set on that tiny baby.

He’d thought at first that she just didn’t want to be around her. Scarlet had made it very clear after they lost Evan that she didn’t want to try adoption again. She couldn’t risk falling for another baby only to lose it. He understood that. He didn’t really think of Luna that way, but he supposed in Scarlet’s eyes it was the same. It wasn’t her child, so she wasn’t going to get attached. Scarlet wanted her very own baby; he knew that. Perhaps spending this time with Luna would light the fires in her to settle down with someone else and start a family.

“Motherhood always did look good on you,” he said without thinking.

Scarlet froze for a moment, staring at him before taking a breath and gazing back down at the sleeping baby. “Christian Dior always looks good on me, too, but that doesn’t mean I should wear it all the time.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, speaking louder than he expected to.

Scarlet raised a finger to her lips, then gingerly stood up. “I’m going to put her back to bed before I answer that question.”

Mason waited as she returned Luna to her crib and shut the nursery door. When she came back, she beckoned for him to follow her out onto the deck. He stood up and traced her steps, noticing for the first time that she was wearing nothing more than a tiny pink cotton chemise with lacy white trim. It fit tightly to her full bust, then flowed freely over her hips to midthigh. It wasn’t exactly lingerie, but it wasn’t your grandmother’s nightgown either.

He found himself instantly responding to the innocent outfit as though it were some racy black teddy. His pulse started racing and his mouth was suddenly bone-dry. He attempted to lick his lips, but it didn’t help. It only made him think about her lips and how long it had been since he’d kissed them. Too long.

After he stepped outside, Scarlet pulled the glass door closed behind them. The sky was an inky black sprinkled with as many stars as the LA lights would allow. The moon was hovering overhead, almost full, casting a silvery glow to Scarlet’s figure.

“What I meant was that just because something looks good on you doesn’t mean you get to wear it. Motherhood might suit me, but it appears that life may have other plans.”

Mason frowned. “I don’t know why you would say that. You’ve got plenty of time to still be a mother, Scarlet. You’re beautiful and talented... Surely you’ll meet a man who will give you the family that you want.”

Scarlet looked at him as though he’d reached out and slapped her. “Stop saying that.”

“Stop saying what? It’s true. That’s why...” He trailed off. That’s why I left you.

Scarlet crossed her arms over her chest, pressing her breasts up against the deep V of her nightgown. “I don’t know why you think that just because you’re divorcing me I’m going to waltz out the door and find another man I’ll love as much as I loved you. Do you think they just have men lined up at the shopping mall and I pick one out and live happily ever after?”

Mason tried not to note her use of the past tense where he was concerned. He was the one who left, but that didn’t mean he had to like the idea of her moving on. “Don’t be silly,” he said. “I’m trying to be serious here. I don’t want you to give up on your dream of having your own family, Scarlet. Not because of me. You can still have it. Sure, it won’t drop in your lap tomorrow, but you can have it.”

“Maybe. Someday. But I sure as hell can’t move on with you here. It’s so hard to have you here and not think about everything else. About us. About Evan. About what a mess our lives have become...”

“Do you think it’s any easier on me? Christ, Scarlet. The last three days have been torture.”

Scarlet flinched. “This is what you wanted. How has it been torture?”

He ran his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair and then rubbed his palm over his face. “Do you know how hard it is for me to be around you and not want you? I am crazy with wanting you. You’re my wife.”

“I was your wife,” she said in a cold, accusatory tone she’d never used during their marriage. “You left me.”

“I left you because I can’t have you, Scarlet. Not and let you have what you need to be happy.”

She narrowed her gaze at him and took a step closer. “How do you know what I need, Mason? You always do this. You’ve always treated me like I’m a part of the company that you have to manage. You’re always making decisions for me, thinking you know what’s best, instead of asking me what I want or listening to me when I tell you things.”

Mason hesitated in his reply. He knew it probably seemed that way. He did listen. He just didn’t believe her. No matter how many times she said she was okay not having children, he knew it was a lie. She was settling. Because of him. And he wasn’t about to let her do that for something so important. Even when he didn’t like what he had to do, he’d do it because it was in her best interests.

“You bought this house without asking me.”

“I bought your dream house on Malibu. You don’t like it?”