Читать книгу Parenting with pleasure. How to become a happy parent and enjoy it - Andrei Isaev - Страница 3

What do we do best? What do we do with diligence and precision? Something that we like. Something that we enjoy.

And kids are no exception. The child’s willpower is not as strong as an adult’s. And the primary motivation for children is interest and engagement.

Adults can act out of necessity or duty, but children cannot. And, when asked to, they end up slacking simply because it is meaningless to them.

In order to achieve goals, one needs to feel engaged.

“Pay attention, please!” (attention)

“He is so inattentive” – parents tell me sometimes when they bring their children to my classes. But when offered an exercise they find interesting, they become focused and concentrated, they become immersed in the task. How is this possible?

The answer lies in the close relation between engagement and attention.

If we do something with pleasure, our attention is absorbed in the activity. And, similarly, it is very difficult to sustain attention on a boring task.

The child has not yet know how to manage their attention. Rather, their attention is controlled by surrounding stimuli. It is in the parent’s abilities to help the child direct their attention and control this “spotlight of consciousness”.

There are a number of activities that can train child’s attention control:

– Board games, where the child needs to follow the game’s plot, sequences of moves, execution of the game’s actions.

– Game sports, where dexterity, game awareness and attention are important.

– Chess, reading, viewing pictures and completing various tasks with them, etc.

What is it for? (The goal)

Hellen is waiting for her mother in a hallway of a business-center. But sitting still is boring and very hard. So it might seem that Hellen is just hopping like a frog. “Fooling around”, adults would say. But in reality, Hellen is playing a game she just created. Its goal is to reach the finish line at the end of the hallway by hopping on alternating legs on the tiles on the floor.

What would this game be without the goal? Maybe a lazy teacher’s gym class. But for Hellen it is a very interesting game. But also, it is a game that develops dexterity, balance, various muscle groups, and body control.

Engagement helps children train attention control. Engaged children do not just perform better, they enjoy themselves. And one of the secrets of how to engage a child is a goal.

Notice that every game has a goal, otherwise, it would be meaningless and boring.

Help children set goals. Once the child is ready, teach them to set goals by themselves. Ask them about what they will do now, why, with what purpose?

Make it interesting! (the rules of engaging activity)

– The activity’s requirements should be within the child’s abilities, but demanding enough for it to be quite demanding. In other words, it should pose a feasible challenge.

– Do not forget about the goal. The child should understand it, see how how they can reach it, and how well they are doing.

– The task must be given the child’s full attention.

– The child should feel control over their actions.

The child will definitely feel engaged if they think they are playing a game.

Gregory is trying to throw an empty bottle in the trash can. At first he comes very close and he succeeds in a single throw. Too simple! He takes a step back and tries again. Then another one. Then Gregory tries to do it turning his back to the trash can. Then squatting. Then with his left hand, then over his own head, then over his brother…

Who would have thought that the task of throwing a bottle in a trash can turn into such a breathtaking adventure!

What is the parent to do?

If you want to help the child enjoy what they do:

– Make your interaction clear. Make sure that you understand each other. Give clear feedback.

– Learn to speak your child’s “language” sometimes. “Greg, we need your special superpower to gather the toys. No one else can do it!”

– Learn what the child is thinking and feeling at the moment.

– Give your child a choice in every situation. Use your imagination and your adult intelligence. “Well, Billy, will you put away the toys first, and then the clothes? You’re in charge of the room here, so you choose!”

– Be on your child’s side. Trust them.

– Find activities that contribute to the child’s self-improvement.

The child and the whole world around them

What can a parent do to help the child find joy in anything?

It is important to show the child the many interesting things that one can do in this world.

Train with your child to turn negative circumstances into controllable experiences. Look for opportunities around you. Be attentive and observant, show interest in what and who surrounds you.

– Teach the child to manage their physical sensations, to control the body. It can involve exercises, physical education, outdoor games, hiking, or just wrestling on the couch.

– Develop the child’s visual perception. Study fine art together, watch the world around you, pay attention to its colours and shapes. Visit galleries, art collections.

– Quality music develops musical ear, brings harmony and order to the child’s world. Classical music certainly has such properties..

– You can develop and train your taste for food. It also presents chances to experience a range of new sensations, joy, and engagement.

– And finally, the child’s thoughts, their mind require particular attention. Intellectual activities enrich and develop the inner world of the child. By studying culture, children create a unique new world. Reading, watching educational films, documentaries, conversations, clubs, and classes… In all this, it is important to remember to help the child improve their skills, understand the goal, and track their progress.

– Living in society, the child needs to learn to communicate with themselves and those around. For a child, the experience of being alone trains the state of complete concentration. This is important because a child gradually learns to control themselves, their internal mental, emotional processes. But being in society, on the other hand, contributes to the ability to concentrate on the external.