Читать книгу The Paninis of Pompeii - Andy Stanton - Страница 6
ОглавлениеNow, back in Roman Times there lived a fat merchant by the name of Caecilius Maximus Panini. Caecilius was so fat that he looked a bit like a large football with a face on top, and this is what the name ‘Caecilius’ means: large football with a face on top. Caecilius had a lovely wife called Vesuvius, which means ‘Woman married to a guy who looks like a large football with a face on top’. And he had a little son called Filius, which means ‘Filius’. Filius was ten years old, or as the Romans said, he was X years old. The Romans were always using letters instead of numbers and do you know why? It was because they were very stupid people indeed.
Now, not only was Caecilius a fat merchant – he was a fart merchant too. You see, like many businessmen of that time, Caecilius was in the fart trade. He would buy farts down the market on a Friderificus morning for two buzzle-swuzzles each (buzzle-swuzzles were the names of the coins in those days), and then on Saturanium – yes, the very next day! – he’d return to the market and sell them back to the same people he’d just bought them off – but this time for five buzzle-swuzzles each.
In this way, Caecilius had grown immensely rich. And he now had over thirty thousand buzzle-swuzzles in the bank. Thirty thousand buzzle-swuzzles! Can you imagine it? That’s nearly five hundred cromps! This meant that Caecilius was one of the richest men alive. And you might be thinking to yourself that this is why he was so fat, you know, because he was always eating fancy foods and having toffees between mealtimes. But shame on you if you thought that. Caecilius was actually a fairly sensible eater, he just had a glandular problem.
Caecilius and his family lived in the town of Pompeii. Can you see how there’s two ‘i’s at the end of the end of ‘Pompeii’ when surely one would be enough? The Ancient Romans were so rich and wasteful that they didn’t even care how many letters they used! Nowadays we’re far more careful with the way we use our letterssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
