Читать книгу Mr Gum and the Dancing Bear - Andy Stanton - Страница 8

But where were those outrageous tinklers, Mr Gum and Billy William the Third, while all this was going on? Well, they were loafing around Billy William’s unhygienic butcher’s shop, scoffing rancid entrails by the bucketful and having a contest to see who could tell the most lies in one minute. Mr Gum was in the lead with eleven monstrous untruths but now it was Billy’s turn and he was raring to go.

‘On yer marks . . . get set . . . LIE YER FLIPPIN’ EYEBROWS OFF!’ shouted Mr Gum, starting up a stopwatch in his mean old hand – and Billy leapt into action.

‘Right,’ he began, screwing his ears up with concentration, ‘I’m the President of Space! I’m over six hundred years old! I . . . um . . . I once done a drawin’ of a crocodile so brilliant it came to life an’ bit me legs off . . . ’

‘SUPER-FIB BONUS!’ shouted Mr Gum, spitting entrails all over Billy’s face in his excitement. ‘Two lies in one!’

‘Um . . ., ’ said Billy, ‘I got a car what’s so fast it keeps drivin’ into the future! I got five arms! I don’t smell! There’s a secret world hidden under my cap! I once kissed a lady! I sell only the finest quality meats in my shop . . . um . . . ’

‘Time up!’ growled Mr Gum suddenly, which was a lie in itself as Billy still had fifteen seconds to go. ‘Unlucky, Billy me old nozzler, it was a good try but you only got ten lies. So I’m still the reignin’ World Champion Liar of the Butcher’s Shop!’

‘Here, let me see that stopwatch,’ said Billy William suspiciously but Mr Gum quickly smashed it to bits on the counter and ate the pieces.

‘What stopwatch?’ said Mr Gum innocently, a spring hanging out of his mouth.

Well, a fight might have broken out just then, but at that moment Mr Gum happened to glance out the fly-covered window. And when he saw what was going on outside in the town square, his eyes lit up like razor blades.

‘Hang on, Billy me boy,’ he exclaimed. ‘At long last our luck’s changin’ for the better. See that bear out there? Well, he’s our ticket to fame, fortune, glory, some more fame, riches, wealth an’ a bit more fortune.’

‘How’s that then?’ enquired Billy William, squashing a fly against the windowpane and drawing a big question mark on the glass with its blood. ‘He’s only a stinkin’ bear!’

‘Yeah, but wait ’til we get ’im dancin’ for us!’ scowled Mr Gum happily. ‘Everyone loves a dancin’ bear – an’ they’ll pay anythin’ to see it! The bear dances, you go ’round with a hat to collect up the cash an’ I sit back on a comfy chair shoutin’, “Oi, Billy! Bring me all that money or I’ll kick ya in the ribs!” Yes,’ laughed Mr Gum, ‘once we get our hands on that bear, it’s riches all the way for us, ’specially me. An’ that ain’t no lie!’