Читать книгу Regency Society - Хелен Диксон, Ann Lethbridge, Хелен Диксон - Страница 19

She was sick into the china basin kept beneath her bed and then sick again as Taris stirred.

Swallowing, she could hardly hide her embarrassment. Such a far cry from last night’s loving and the first rays of dawn slanting through the gap in the curtains at her window.

Her stomach heaved again and she held back her hair, the sweat of exertion marking her skin with a glistening dew. She noticed that the grazes on her arms this morning had crusted, the first scabs of healing formed across open wounds.

Breathing heavily, she shut her eyes, shut everything out whilst she tried to find an equilibrium, the nausea receding as quickly as it had come and leaving a tiredness that was all encompassing.

‘Has this happened before?’ he asked when she turned towards him.

‘It has,’ she replied, wishing that she could have hidden it. Perhaps she was dying? Perhaps this was a sickness that had no cure, the exhaustion that accompanied the early-morning routine just another symptom of its severity. Frankwell had vomited often in the mornings in the last months of his life.

Taris didn’t look happy at all. ‘Hell,’ he said, pulling the length of his hair back off his face. Naked, the muscles of his chest stood out along the contours of his hard brownness. ‘Hell,’ he repeated when she did not say a thing.

Rallying, she tried to make light of her suppositions. ‘I am certain it must be something I am eating and—’

He interrupted her. ‘How old were you when your mother died?’

‘Seventeen.’

‘And you were close?’

Bea didn’t understand the meaning of such a topic change. ‘Very.’

His silence unnerved her.

‘Well, perhaps not as close as we had been when I was younger, but—’

‘I want you to come with me to Falder. I am repairing there today and Emerald and Asher will arrive later in the afternoon.’

‘I don’t understand?’

‘You need to be away from London.’

‘Because you feel that I might have another accident?’

His laugh was unexpected. ‘There are other reasons I have for asking this of you, but I would rather not discuss them here and now.’

Beatrice could not guess at what the ‘other reasons’ might be, but the fright yesterday had made her wary of being in the vicinity of a lot of people, and Falder with its isolated safeness appealed.

‘I should not wish to be a nuisance.’

‘The castle has one hundred and twenty-seven rooms! You would hardly be in the way and with Emerald and my mother as chaperons there could be no whisper of a scandal.’

Correct and careful! She wished he might have said that he wanted her to come, that he wanted to protect her, that the night they had just spent together had been the most wonderful in his life and that now he desired something more lasting…

But when she turned again he was pulling on his clothes with a haste that said he wanted to be gone.

‘Bates will return with the carriage in the midmorning and men will be sent to help with the lifting of any luggage. I am presuming that you will bring your maid with you.’

‘I am hardly an invalid and my luggage will not be heavy.’

‘No.’ He said this so angrily that she looked up at him in surprise. ‘You are not to lift anything, you understand? And do not go outside for any reason at all.’

Orders. Rules. Directives. Control.

Drawing in a breath, Bea turned away, the image of her late husband’s bluster and tyranny coming to mind.

Perhaps that was what happened with men. They took your body and wanted your mind as well. To own and shape and mould. A small interlude of bliss before getting down to the more serious business of obeying!

When she turned again he was at the door, his clothes replaced in a fashion that suggested his man Bates was close with a conveyance, his woollen cape merely draped across his arm.

‘The carriage shall be back in two hours to collect you, Beatrice-Maude. Please make certain that you are ready.’

Once again back at the Wellingham town house, Taris paced up and down in the library, taking a generous draught from the brandy glass and barely believing the turn that the day had taken.

Beatrice was with child, he was certain of it. His child? He counted back the weeks to the snowstorm in Maldon because with the slight swell of her stomach he knew that she must be at least three or four months into her pregnancy.

One part of his mind beseeched the Lord that it be his, the other mulled over her assertions of barrenness and all that such a state implied.

Barren with her late husband, but not with him? He counted the time in his head since Maldon.

A few weeks past three months! Enough time for a child to swell and the morning sickness to come. How the hell could she not know that when even his limited knowledge of childbirth encompassed such information?

The answer came easily. She had been a barren wife for all of the time she had been married, so why should the question of being otherwise occur to her now?

He felt a growing sense of worry after yesterday’s accident and knew that he could not just leave Beatrice in London. No, Falder represented the only chance of safety and sanctuary and perhaps there they could fashion a plan for the future. He kicked his leg against a chair that had been left out from under his armoire and swore soundly.

Blindness.

Barrenness.

Beatrice’s oft-stated penchant for independence and his own adherence to autonomy.

But a child changed everything. Everything! When the clock on the mantel chimed eleven he summoned men to bring down his luggage and walked out to the carriage.

She was ready, but she did not seem pleased. Indeed, when he took her arm to help her she snatched it away as soon as she was sitting in the carriage and placed a small bag in the space on the seat between them. Like a barrier! He could feel the leather when he brushed it with his hand.

Bates came with two maids. Both addressed him in greeting, and a new sense of quiet tension filled the space.

‘It should take us about three hours to arrive at Falder. There will be food and drink supplied to you on arrival there.’

He spoke to all those present in the carriage though no one responded.

‘The journey will take us east through Wickford and Raleigh.’

Still the silence was absolute.

Taris Wellingham was trying to make her feel better with his small talk, but Beatrice did not feel even remotely in the mood for chatter.

His orders from the morning still rankled, as did the way he made no mention of what had happened last night. A man who would take a relationship only up to a certain point, the control men valued more important than truth.

The truth of being together and intimate, nothing held back at all.

She ground her teeth and tightly clasped her hands together, the vestige of nausea still dogging her and the lack of sleep she had suffered last night making her feel heavy and cross. When tears pricked at the back of her eyes she willed them away by taking a deep breath. Perhaps if she tried to sleep the journey would go more quickly. Ramrod stiff and upright, she closed her eyes.

Her cheek was against a hard pillow, but the soft feel of an arm holding her close made her snuggle deeper, reaching for the comfort so thoughtfully provided.

‘Taris,’ she whispered, thinking that the night was still before them and they had all the time in the world.

‘We are almost at Falder, Mrs Bassingstoke. Perhaps now would be a good time to wake up?’

Mrs Bassingstoke? Falder? Wake up?

Horror hit her as she opened her eyes and realised the extent of her contact.

She was literally draped across him, her hand resting in his lap and her head on his chest. My God, had she snored, had she talked in her sleep, had her fingers crept where her dreams had lingered? Instantly she pulled away.

‘I cannot believe that I fell asleep. I rarely do so in any conveyance, my lord.’

‘Perhaps you slumbered fitfully last night?’ he questioned, and she heard the humour of complicity in his words.

Ignoring it, she made much of smoothing out the creases in her skirt. ‘How long was I asleep?’

‘All of three hours. Enough rest to improve anyone’s temper, I should imagine.’

She smiled despite the rebuke, for she did feel immeasurably better and far more able to cope. Her hat had all but been dislodged and she leant forwards whilst Sarah fashioned it into place, glad for the small interruption, though the interest in her maid’s eyes was unwelcome.

‘Falder should be coming into view in the next few minutes.’ Taris Wellingham’s voice interrupted her ministrations. ‘If you look to your right, you will be able see the sea off Fleetness Point. The finger of land jutting out into the ocean is Return Home Bay.’

He did not look himself, she noticed. Memory was as potent a force as any sight and the land of your birth would be an easy recall. Still, she thought, as the peninsula he spoke of came into view, he had an uncanny ability to place himself in the landscape he was in and as her maids craned their necks to look she could not help but admire such a characteristic.

The castle was huge and rambling with turrets and gables and it dominated the grassland around it. The Wellingham family seat for centuries. She imagined what it must be like to belong to a place where your ancestors had roamed and where the family still gathered for the celebrations and tribulations thrown at them.

Taris. Emerald. Asher. Their children. Lucinda. The Dowager Duchess. What must it be like to be a part of a group of people who would see to your back and protect you for ever?

She bit down on the poignant memory of her own parents’ deaths and the aloneness felt since. No one had ever looked out for her. If they had, then perhaps…? Shaking away memories, she concentrated on the moment.

A large group of servants were waiting as they pulled up into the circular drive, white pebbles clattering beneath the wheels of the carriage. She saw how Taris clasped his ebony cane and placed his fist against the handle, a habit she supposed of realising the exact moment when they stopped and when the door might open.

Always in control. Always cognisant of the slightest change in circumstance so that he would not be surprised.

The old man who opened the carriage door looked delighted by Taris Wellingham’s arrival.

‘Master Taris.’

‘Thompson.’ Instant recognition and his hand thrust forward. ‘I trust you are faring well up here.’

‘Better than in the city, my lord.’

‘And your wife, Margaret. Is she keeping well?’

‘Indeed, my lord. I will tell her that you asked after her.’

Another man strode up to join them and the same sort of conversation ensued. Taris Wellingham was a lord who would take the time to know old retainers on a familiar basis. Frankwell had never made an effort to learn the name of even one servant and consequently there was a never-ending stream of them through the house. Another thought occurred to her. Perhaps the ploy had been deliberate on his part to keep her isolated from any friendships? Loyal servants might have bolstered her revolt and led her to believe the fault did not lie entirely within her.

How naïve and stupid she once had been. That was the worst of it. The knowledge that a man had kept her so trapped and down-trodden made her feel diminished and guilty. A woman with a secret of shame.

Following Taris down the line of servants, she was surprised when he stopped and brought her to his side to make introductions to the housekeeper and the head butler. This was what a husband might do when first bringing a wife to his family domain, and she was hardly that. The strangeness of it all was confusing and she was glad when they walked up the front steps and came inside.

The entrance hall was beautiful. A wide staircase wound its way from the ground to the first and second floors, the banisters of old polished oak. Off the hall to all sides were numerous doors.

When one opened suddenly she saw an old woman sitting in a wheelchair, a blanket across her knees and a very fine gold-and-ruby necklace resting in the folds of her heavy woollen gown.

‘The Dowager Duchess is waiting in the blue salon, my lord.’ Bates’s voice was quiet and as he walked away Bea was surprised that Taris turned her aside with a whispered confidence.

‘My mother can be a little overpowering sometimes, but as she is old I usually humour her views.’

‘ You sound worried that I might not.’

He laughed. ‘It is not her I am trying to protect with such a warning, Bea, but you.’

‘I am not a green girl…’

‘She has some knowledge of your past.’

‘Oh.’ The wind was quite taken from her sails and where interest had been before, there now lingered dread. How much did she know and who had told her?

‘Mama.’ Taris leant down to kiss her forehead. Here in Falder Beatrice noticed his new ease of movement. He had even placed the cane at the front door with his cloak and hat.

His mother’s hands came across his and she held them close, the look on her face one of love and then considerable interest as her gaze fell behind him.

‘And you have brought a visitor…?’

‘Mama, may I present Mrs Beatrice-Maude Bassingstoke. Beatrice, this is my mother, the Dowager Duchess of Carisbrook. I have asked Beatrice down for a few weeks in the hope of showing her Falder.’

‘I see.’ The woman’s eyes slid across her face, missing nothing. ‘I was sorry to hear of the recent loss of your husband, Mrs Bassingstoke.’

‘Thank you.’

‘My own husband was incapacitated for his last few years and I know how very difficult it can be.’

Beatrice nodded.

‘Did you have much help with him?’ Inside the question Beatrice sensed knowledge.

‘I did not, Duchess.’

‘No mother or father? No sisters or cousins?’

She waited as Bea shook her head.

‘No one?’

The silence stretched out until the old woman gestured her forwards. ‘Then you are in need of a good holiday, my dear. A long overdue holiday, I should imagine. Do you play whist?’

‘Badly.’

Taris’s mother began to laugh. ‘Emerald told me just the same. Do you like the sea too?’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘The sea. Emerald enjoys the ocean. I was wondering if that was some other thing you had in common?’

‘I have not had much experience of water, Duchess.’

‘Horses, then? Do you ride?’

‘I used to ride well once, but—’ She stopped.

‘Then you must do so again. Taris has a number of his steeds standing at Falder. He will help you choose an appropriate mount. What of dancing? Are you a woman who enjoys a whirl on the floor?’

Before she could stop herself Bea reddened rather dramatically, thinking of the one and only waltz she had danced in her entire life. And then she took in a breath. My God, this woman would think she was a dolt should she keep up with this tack. ‘I read extensively, Duchess, and write too.’

‘Novels?’

‘No. Tracts for The London Home, a new broadsheet for women exploring various options that they may wish to take in their lives.’

‘Making up for lost time, then?’

Taris interrupted her. ‘It is getting late, Mama, and we need to refresh ourselves before dinner.’

‘Which room has the housekeeper placed her in?’

‘The green salon at the top of the stairs.’

‘No, that will not do at all. Put her in the gold

room, for it is far more restful. She will like that room better.’

Taris’s smile broadened. ‘You are sure?’

‘I am,’ she said curtly before turning away, the first surprising beginnings of tears on her lashes.

Once again out in the hall Bea was not certain if she should ask Taris anything about the exchange; when he did not seem to want to discuss the conversation further she merely did as the housekeeper asked and followed her. Taris stayed below, watching her as she made her way up.

When they finally came into her chamber Bea thought that she had never in her whole life seen such a beautiful space. It was as though light and airiness had been spun into the fabric on the bed and the walls, a deeper brocade in burgundy counter-playing against it. A writing desk inlaid in patterned walnut was set up near the window with pen and paper and ink, and a bookcase graced the whole of one side, the titles numerous and varied.

Long full-length glass doors opened out on to a balcony and away far in the distance the forests climbed up the hills, moving from lighter green into darkness.

‘Dinner will be in three hours, ma’am. I shall send your maid to help you dress.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Master Taris said to tell you that he would come himself to bring you down to dinner.’

‘I shall be ready.’ When the woman turned to the door Bea could temper her puzzlement no longer. ‘Might I ask you a question before you go?’

‘Of course.’

‘This library looks as though someone has spent a great deal of time building it up?’ Her fingers slipped across the bindings of the books.

‘This was Master Cristo’s room, ma’am, before he left for Europe.’

‘Master Cristo?’

‘The youngest Wellingham brother, ma’am.’

‘I see.’ She waited as the woman departed and looked closely at the titles. Older works with little that had been published during the past few years. Cristo Wellingham? She had not heard this name mentioned once in society and resolved to ask Taris all about him.

The door flung open less than a half an hour later and Lucinda Wellingham stood there in her travelling garb and a look of wonder on her face.

‘It is true, then? Mama allowed you to stay in here. My God. No one has been in here since—’ stopping, she put her hand to her mouth ‘—since Cristo left.’ Beatrice was certain that this sentence was far from the one she had been going to say. ‘Mother must have really liked you.’

‘I think she wanted me to have the room because of all the books. I had just told her that I both read and write.’ Another thought struck her. ‘Did the Duke and Duchess of Carisbrook travel up with you?’

‘They did. We came in two carriages as the children and their nanny were with us and so was Azziz, Emerald’s friend from when she lived in the Caribbean.’

‘She lived in the Caribbean?’

‘For years and years.’

Lord, Beatrice thought, every new thing she found out about the Wellinghams made the family stranger.

‘Have you travelled, Mrs Bassingstoke?’

‘No. I had been to London a few times years ago but of late…no.’

‘The Wellingham ships travel all over the world. One day I shall take passage and stay away for years. You and Taris could come too and we could see the sights together.’

‘That is very generous of you, Lady Lucinda, to think to include me on such a grand scheme, but—’

‘Taris likes you or he would never have brought you here. He never has, you know, brought anyone else. You are the very first.’

Hesitating, Bea wondered just how much of her recent incident on Regent Street she should relate to a young woman who talked a lot. ‘Have you spoken to your brother about why I am here?’

‘No?’ Interest was rife.

‘Then perhaps you should.’

‘He used to be easier to talk to than he is now. His eyesight is worsening, even though Asher forbids anyone to mention it, and I think Taris worries he may be a burden. To everyone.’

For the first time since she had met Lucinda Wellingham, Bea saw the kernel of a profound truth in her utterings.

A burden? Did he think he might be such? To her? Another worry surfaced. He knew a little of her nursing a sick husband. Did he put himself in the same category?

She wished she might have had the courage to ask Lucinda Wellingham just how the accident to his eye had happened, but it felt too much like prying to make a point of it. Besides, a quick knock on the door had them both turning and Emerald swept into the room, a child of about one in her arms and a smile on her face.

‘Bea? I had heard you were here. How wonderful. I can’t wait to show you Falder and you can meet the people from the village and my aunts and cousin.’

The little child suddenly twisted and reached out and Emerald laughed as she deposited the redheaded mite into Beatrice’s arms.

Beatrice had never in all her life been close to someone so young and the experience of having small hands reaching out for her was amazing.

‘Her name is Ianthe, and she’s almost a year old.’

‘Ianthe?’ Bea turned the unusual name on her tongue. ‘After the daughter of Oceanus in the ancient Greek?’

Emerald smiled. ‘You are the first person to have ever asked me that.’

‘The Dowager Duchess has just finished telling me that you enjoy the sea. It was easy to make the connection.’

Ianthe cooed as Bea wriggled her fingers. Then the child grasped on tightly and put them into her mouth.

‘She’s teething and wants anything at all to chew.’

Bea felt strong gums gnashing against her skin, and then felt the beginnings of a tooth protruding, and a great wave of happiness swamped her in its intensity. Being at Falder in a golden room with Lucinda and Emerald beside her and a baby in her arms felt like a wonderful gift. The gift of other people’s lives where years hadn’t been lost to silence and fear and where her company was sought out rather than rebuffed.

Tonight she would begin a journal and write everything down, and then when she was back in London at her town house she could read the passages and remember what it truly felt like to belong.