Читать книгу I Know How A Butterfly Feels - Ann Palmer - Страница 6

CHAPTER 2

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Men and women study all sorts of subjects to become landscape designers. They plan, layout designs, know the ground and climate. The results are beautiful designs that, at least to me, represent the expenditure of a lot of money. The Palm Springs area desert is a perfect example with all its manicured yards and over one hundred golf course sucking up valuable water, filling the earth with insecticides and chemicals. When I observe nature in its natural form, it weathers all earth and storm or drought conditions without fertilizers, landscape designs, etc. Each flower and tree knows exactly what to do to just BE what they are - to bear the exact flower or fruit it is designed to produce. Laid out in a fantastic array of colors, the wild flowers produce indescribably beautiful picture post cards everywhere you look. They don’t select where they will grow. Perhaps the wind, an animal or bird drops them anywhere. They don’t question the soil’s composition; they just grow where they are dropped. I am of nature and grow where I am planted at any particular time in my life. When the time comes, a wind simply blows me to the next place for my spiritual growth. In this case the “wind” is my motor home. For me, everything in life that a person chooses represents their spiritual growth or lack of it. The Universe has no time limits or constraints - it can wait for us.

Reincarnation seems so obvious. We keep returning on the cycle of life until we reach the center of the wheel where we love so completely and unconditionally that time stands still – there is no linear time – time is eternal. Regardless of the action of the spokes and rim of the wheel, the center of the wheel, where there seems to be no action, is where the power or energy exist. It goes neither backward nor forward. It obtains its power from the outward actions that may experience smooth surfaces, then rocks, chug holes, et al, just as we experience different life challenges, always leading us toward wholeness – the powerful center – our God-soul. Can we really talk to trees and other things in nature? -- Only if we listen with our heart, not the analytical brain. “Nature calls” usually means heading for the bathroom – in my case, it means I have reached a time in life that I desire only to be close to nature – no more freeways, smog, congestion, rude, indifferent humans, no more struggling for self-gratification career pursuits to feed a hungry ego that can never be satisfied – I am one with nature and one with God.

Blessed with a few special friends who are scattered in different places, it is enough for me most of the time. A man is a very handy thing to have around when living in a motor home. He can also get in the way in small spaces. Most men don’t know what to do with themselves when confined in a small living space. Most women long for time for hobbies that can be accomplished in an RV, in my case the motor home. It takes a special kind of person for full time RV living.

In my opinion, I think those of us who opt for RV life must have lived in the pioneer days and traveled with the hardships of covered wagons across this country and now travel the country in style with all the comforts of home!

This is my first adventure in living in a motor home alone. My ex-husband and I had a motor home and traveled a good bit, then bought an Airstream travel trailer that could be towed with a Cadillac with its large engine. I did travel more in that and towed it across country and around California as well as lived in it for several months. I loved it. I never had a “play house” as a kid so it was like an adult playhouse for me.

Now driving my 37’ motor home, plus the things that I have yet to learn about all the mechanicals, has been no easy task. The maneuvering is pretty easy except when driving in strong winds, then it becomes a fight with the steering wheel. One thing I did learn after I arrived in Montana is problems with my propane gas. (Believe me there can be a number of problems that can and will pop up!) The meter reading isn’t accurate so I ran out of gas or so it seemed. That meant no heat, no cooking, no hot water for almost a week! In the country where I am parked, the propane is delivered only once a week. It is far too much trouble to unhook sewer, electric, phone cords and haul it out the tight squeeze through the gate and cattle guard to drive it into the nearby town. It is six miles of gravel road to the highway, then about twenty each way to the small old village of Deer Lodge with its few blocks of Main Street. Within about sixty miles there is Butte, Missoula and Helena. Missoula is the one where my friends go to shop. The propane deliveryman arrived and the tank took only six gallons. Hummm, did I flip a switch that cut it off? I may never know the answer!

Let me tell you how this all began. I had been living in Palm Springs California for three years. Subconsciously that old gypsy spirit was calling. I had decided to live in Palms Springs because it is heavily populated with seniors. About three and a half years before I had moved to Las Vegas for the same reason. I wanted to do a TV show for seniors since there are so few programs of interest for many seniors. Once a year for three years at an Anti-Aging convention, I interviewed doctors and researchers for a TV show. I thought the desert would be a perfect area for a radio show on anti-aging, especially since I had so many contacts all over the country as well as Europe. Once I got it going, perhaps it could be syndicated. I hustled with that for months – conferences with the station that changed Program Directors, which meant having to start all over. The business end of production should be left to a business person, which I ain’t!! I struggled with putting sales packages and everything involved in the business end of it together then went out trying to sell sponsorships. If I get one “no” I am rejected! (That goes back to never winning popularity contest in school.) With great hope for help on this project, I worked with a radio spots saleswoman for weeks. I had a lot of confidence in her but it was all talk, she never got started.

During all that, I called the Marriage License Bureau in Indio. They told me all I need to do to officiate weddings, as an ordained minister, was to list with them. They began sending me weddings. I hadn’t intended to drop the radio show but it got put on the “back burner” and eventually disappeared.

I also contacted the TV Cable Company to run some of the 250 shows I produced in L.A. and Mexico. They would not air programs that were not produced in their studio. To produce a program it would be necessary to take their course. It didn’t matter that I had many years of a strong background in TV plus produced all those shows. I wondered if a well-known person showed up on their doorsteps that they would require the same! I said I would take their course. I signed the application and faxed it to them and waited – and waited. No phone calls were ever answered so that, too, went on the “back burner.”

Then there were the modeling agencies; I registered with one who gave me some work plus we planned for me to teach an acting class – that, too, never got started. There was one agent who was registered with Screen Actors Guild, which meant that if there were any productions in town, I could at least work as an “extra” at SAG wages. They never made an appointment to even SEE me - that also went by the wayside! Should I be feeling rejected?

Officiating weddings was an easy occupational change from being an actress and a good profession for an aging overweight former “beauty.” At first, the license bureau was sending a lot of young Mexican couples with little money for a wedding. I set up an archway in my house with flowers, lights and decorations that made it a little chapel-like area. I charged them very little. I also was asked to do jail weddings. This would be couples with the guy going away for months or years and, for whatever reason, the young woman wanted to marry him, usually because of having a child or more. I often tried to talk the girls out of it to no avail. I tried to counsel each with good advice, which they probably ignored. With the jail wedding allowing only five minutes and over a telephone, through bulletproof glass, I tried to make it as special as possible. I felt so sorry for the bride who generally had to walk away from her wedding alone – no princess experience there! On one occasion I had a friend from N.Y. who wanted to go with me to witness the event. He felt so sorry for the young pretty bride that he took us to dinner. It was good to have such a small celebration for her.

Weddings are such a happy time for the couple, their family and friends that I, too, become absorbed in their joy and happiness. Attending their reception dinners became my only social life. I had some great dinners. It was a lot of fun to get acquainted with families and friends. I personalized each wedding and the compliments I received were a boost for my slumping aging ego. My weddings grew from the small ones in my house to larger ones, including celebrities and most couples were from colder climates that came to the desert for a nice vacation. Having a romance in my own life seemed long gone so I vicariously enjoyed the sharing the love of the young couples.

Having done weddings in Vegas for three years, I realized the Palm Springs area was so much more romantic with prettier locations for weddings than Vegas. Las Vegas is great for a vacation, especially if one is a gambler but slot machines and table gambling and wedding just don’t mix! As I became acquainted with the various wedding sources, I decided that we needed to organize and help each other promote the area for weddings. I began making plans to try to create an organization. I was a member of the Chamber of Commerce and thought they might help. They gave me the list of Chamber members that were wedding resources. About the time I decided to go forward with this, a young woman called on me to sell me an ad in a Wedding Book. I invited her to attend my first meeting so that she could offer her ads to those who attended. She said she would pay me a commission. The meeting was set. She sat at the front with me. Next thing I knew one of the attendees had nominated me for President and her for Vice President. I liked her O.K. but she did not live in the area and I felt she was wrong for being an officer for this desert group plus the fact she was there to sell ads in a wedding book that was published elsewhere. As time passed, she went from sweetness to bossiness telling me how I HAD to run meetings. This became quite irritating as she was concerned with rules and regulations for organizing and I wanted to promote the area to bring business to the wedding resources first because of the limited season. My experience had been in promoting not in Robert’s Rules! We had planned a larger meeting to bring more people together, so I proceeded to gain free publicity. At our meeting before the big event, she asked board members to stay then she brought up the publicity and other board members said it was too early for the big meeting. The publicity was already OUT stating the date and place of the meeting. She complained about an Email I sent to some board members explaining how I felt about her non-residency and a sales person, not a local wedding resource. She had mentioned to me that she knew a woman she thought should be a part of the group and THAT day I did notice the same woman sitting at the back of the room. When they lambasted me over the publicity and said I should have asked THEIR permission when not ONE had every done one thing to help get this organization going, I was the only one who worked at putting the whole thing together. I was so hurt and disgusted that I left in tears. On the way home I said to myself “Ann, you are too old for this – when you’ve put forth so much effort to get this going and no one helps then they lit into you – you’ve not been paid for your work so just dump it!” That was what I did. When I got home, feeling emotionally devastate, I sent Email to each saying I resigned as President. I think that was her plan because they immediate put her friend in, assuming my place as President! Did they plan it before I resigned? I don’t know the answer. Since the general meeting was already set and publicized, I felt I had to show up. I did not want to start another association and compete with them as some urged me to do. Since my forte’ was promotion, I wrote up a proposal for me to promote these resources as well as create a TV program to promote the wedding business in the desert areas.

The meeting day came. I had reserved a private room at a restaurant. I brought all my proposals neatly presented in clear folders. While awaiting the attendees, the Board members showed up to have their OWN meeting in another area of the restaurant. This put me in a totally awkward position. They came as a group to the doorway of my meeting room that was about to begin and offered me a place on the Board BUT not as President as they had already elected this “Linda” to take my place. If I agreed, then they would join my meeting. I said I would agree only if I was reinstated as President. After all, this was my “baby” that had been taken from me! They said they would not. I said I had to think about it and they said I had to decide then and there! Not knowing what the people attending my meeting wanted, I could not make that decision until I heard them out. The board walked away and I continued my meeting with good people and good suggestions.

Time passed and again I tried working with the same sales woman from the radio show idea to sell sponsorships for the TV show promoting the wedding business in the desert. That went on for weeks and again, nothing happening. In the meantime, I went into Los Angeles to videotape inserts at a studio for the potential TV show. These were helpful hints that could be added to the show where spots were open for potential future sponsors. Writing all of them, imposing on friends to help me produce the spots was a lot of thankless work and they were never used.

As time passed, the Wedding Association that I founded seemed to be flourishing. I was glad that it was but I was also disappointed and hurt that they had cut me out so completely. Again, I have to repeat; I felt it was my baby, my idea and my work that it was taken from me with NO gratitude or acknowledgement. They had meetings and invited people who had attended my meeting but never invited me.

These things that happened in my three years in Palm Springs were so discouraging, especially my disappointment with the wedding association, that I became disenchanted with the desert. Even the Chamber of Commerce seemed more responsive in promoting the wedding association than me. They felt no loyalty toward the work I had done. In three years I had not made any friends. My one friend that I had known for thirty years was very ill and we could spend no time together. Plus the fact, the desert summers are totally unbearable for me. I like to live with open doors and windows. With 110 to 120 degree temperatures, one lives like a hermit inside the house with air conditioning running for many months. Nighttime is the only tolerable time to go shopping. Many people thrive in the heat – not me!

The only good thing that came out of my meeting that day was becoming friends with another minister. Blair was a more confident person than I was. She urged me to charge more for weddings, which I did and got paid the fees I asked. We helped each other. Both were pretty well fed up with the desert. We talked about opening a wedding chapel together nearer the beach area in North San Diego County.

Then 9/11 HAPPENED and hit the news media 24-hours a day! Everything changed for many people that day! We all began wondering “what if” – and of course, I couldn’t help but think California had to be a likely target for the terrorists! Around the same time, Blair had begun dating a really nice guy who lived in his motor home. Before long she was planning to take off with him. With the threat of terrorism, I had lost interest in creating a wedding chapel. Before I knew it she and her new beau were off and gone traveling in his motor home. My gypsy soul was stirring again!