Читать книгу Realizing the College Dream with Autism or Asperger Syndrome - Ann Palmer - Страница 11

1	Starting Out: Diagnosis and the Early Years

Eric was the perfect baby. He rarely cried. He ate well and he slept well. As a toddler he never got into anything he shouldn’t have. He never emptied things out of a cabinet and never climbed on anything. He never colored on the walls or picked up something yucky off the floor and put it in his mouth. He loved to sit in your lap and look at books and could do this for hours. He was enthralled with Sesame Street, especially the segments about letters and numbers. At the age of one and a half he was bringing us letter blocks and telling us the letter and then naming something that started with that letter. We thought he must be brilliant.

The phone call came when Eric was two and a half. It was his preschool teacher. She was concerned because Eric wasn’t responding when she called his name and he was ignoring the other children in the class. She thought he might have a hearing problem. I knew there was nothing wrong with his hearing. He always covered his ears whenever there was a loud noise. If anything, I thought he had exceptionally good hearing. She must be wrong.

She was wrong about the hearing, but she was right to be concerned. Thanks to that perceptive teacher, we started the process of finding out what was different about Eric. First there was a speech and hearing evaluation (“Have you ever heard of autism?”). Then there was a trip to our pediatrician (“Look at him. He’s talking. If he has autism then I’m the Pope!”). Finally there was an evaluation by a developmental pediatrician who kindly told us about our son’s autism. The process was painful, but it made us recognize that there was a problem, and we started getting help for Eric. For that I am eternally grateful for that phone call from his preschool teacher.

The grief a parent feels when they find out their child has a disability is different for everyone. For me it was a deep, physical pain deep inside my chest, a weight that was always there. I cried for days until I couldn’t cry anymore. I avoided the people who meant the most to me. They wanted to help and wanted to support me but I wasn’t able to let them in. I couldn’t talk about it and I didn’t want anyone to see me so vulnerable. Eventually I realized that I had to take control of my life again. My six-week-old daughter, my husband, and Eric needed me. Fortunately I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom and dealt with my grief by focusing on learning more about autism and taking Eric to different therapies. I was also very fortunate to have my family and my husband’s family nearby and they helped us physically and emotionally through those early months.

At age three Eric had language and knew many words but he only used his words to name things, mostly in books or on TV. He didn’t use his words to communicate with us. He was very echolalic and would repeat back my questions instead of answering yes or no. He could recite the complete dialogue of his favorite video but he couldn’t tell me what he wanted. His receptive language was also delayed. He didn’t understand much of what people said to him and had difficulty following simple directions.

Socially, Eric was very withdrawn. He was affectionate with his father and me but completely ignored other children and most people around him. He never showed the typical jealousy towards his baby sister and rarely paid any attention to her at all. He was very happy by himself. I used to call it Eric’s “phasing out”—when he would look off into the distance and smile and I knew he had left us and was thinking about a book or video he enjoyed. He always had this great ability to block out things that were going on around him. One day during a thunderstorm, our house was struck by lightning. The electricity in half of the house went out, but not in the room where Eric was watching a video. There was no obvious fire, but the firemen were called and they came to check for possible fires smoldering in the attic or in the walls. Here was Eric, watching his video, while numerous large, loud men in full firefighter gear—hats, coats, boots, axes, etc.—marched through the room he was in. Eric completely ignored them. If I hadn’t already known something was wrong, I would have definitely known then.

One of the hardest things to deal with in the early years was Eric’s routines. He had a routine for eating, getting ready for bed, getting in the car, reading books, for just about everything. If for some reason the routine was interrupted or changed, Eric would get very upset. He would cry non-stop, sometimes for hours. The reasons for his routines weren’t often obvious to anyone else. There seemed to be some sort of plan in his head of how things were supposed to happen. When these routines were messed up, I would have no idea what was upsetting him and he couldn’t tell me. When Eric was about four years old, we took a ferry ride while at the beach. Soon after the ferry left the dock to start across the bay, Eric became very upset and started screaming “Start over, start over!” Nothing could calm him the whole ride across the bay. In his mind, something happened differently than he expected. Actually he missed the start of the boat moving away from the dock, so he wanted it to start over, like a video. These behaviors were very difficult to deal with, especially in public, and we tried to avoid them whenever we could. During those years our family had very little spontaneity in our lives. We always had to think ahead, how will Eric react to this?

During the first few years following the diagnosis, I felt like we were living in our car. We were on the go constantly to two different preschools, a church preschool for “typical” kids and a Speech and Hearing preschool. We also had speech therapy at our local elementary school, and private occupational therapy and speech therapy once a week. Eric and I also had weekly sessions at Division TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and other Communication handicapped CHildren and adults). Eric’s therapies and schools were very time-consuming. I was also trying to work with him at home whenever I could. Getting involved in Eric’s therapies was my way of coping. In a way it was my own therapy that helped me survive the early years. I needed to feel like I was doing something to help him. I had to have more control over this autism that had invaded our lives.

Elementary school

Our life calmed down quite a bit when Eric started attending public school. He entered a self-contained autism class for elementary school-aged children with high-functioning autism. There were five children, a teacher, and an aide in the classroom. The kids were various ages and Eric, a small five-year-old, was tiny compared to the eight-and nine-year-olds in the class. All the children had some language. They varied quite a bit in their academic abilities and in behaviors.

These were probably the best years of school for Eric. The teacher and aide were both well trained in autism and they obviously cared for the children in the class. Because it was a small class, there were opportunities for one-to-one instruction with the teachers. Social situations were creatively set up in the classroom for the students so they could practice their social skills in a structured environment. The academics were individualized for each student based on their skills and needs. Even though the classroom was not close to my home and I had to transport Eric there each day, it was worth it to have him in this wonderful learning environment.

The teacher spent a great deal of time educating the other teachers and administrators at the school about her students and about autism. She developed a good relationship with the regular education teachers. She would find the ones who wanted her students in their classes and weren’t afraid to work with these children. When a student was ready to be mainstreamed into the regular education class, the teacher or aide from the autism class would go with the student. They would gradually spend longer periods of time in the classroom as the student adjusted to it. The autism class teacher would gradually reduce her time in the regular education class, allowing the student to become more independent. By the end of Eric’s second year in this class, he was being mainstreamed out successfully for almost half of his school day.

I am often asked by other parents of children with high-functioning autism or Asperger Syndrome about Eric’s early experiences in school. I share with them how important the self-contained autism class experience was in preparing Eric for future mainstreaming and inclusion. Frequently parents express their desire for their child to be fully included from the start and not relegated to special education. There is an assumption by many that if our children are in self-contained special education classes the prognosis won’t be as good. Students on the autism spectrum do not need to be in regular education classes with “typical” kids to learn and grow. I think it is important to look at each individual child, each individual school and what it has to offer, and to be creative in your placement decision for your child. If your son or daughter can be fully included and be successful, that’s wonderful. However, some students on the autism spectrum may have difficulties starting school in the often unstructured setting of a large kindergarten class. Some combination of time in a smaller class and time in regular education classes may be more appropriate for these students. A self-contained special education class, with a good teacher who understands autism, can be an option for students with high-functioning autism or Asperger Syndrome. Starting in such a class should not cause the student to lose the opportunity to be in a regular education class in the future.

Unfortunately, our school system decided the cost of this special class for high-functioning kids with autism was too high, and so they ended it. Eric was doing well in the mainstreamed setting, so it was decided he would be fully included in a regular third-grade class at his home school the following school year. This was a huge change for Eric—new school, new big yellow bus, and a new teacher who knew nothing about autism. On the positive side, for the first time Eric would be in his home school with his sister and the children in our neighborhood.

Eric had been fairly sheltered during his years in the self-contained class. Full inclusion was going to bring new issues. I was concerned that other students would notice Eric’s differences and might say hurtful things to him or to his sister. We had not told Eric about his autism diagnosis, and we decided it was now time to talk to him and his sister about it. Eric was seven years old and his sister was five.

Telling your child they have a disability can be very hard. A parent’s reluctance to tell their child they have autism or Asperger Syndrome is very understandable. They worry that their child will feel bad about themselves, that their life will be changed forever. Parents may not realize what their children are already sensing and the relief they may feel to know the reason for their differences. As difficult as it may be to tell them, parents should consider the child’s right to know.

Knowing when to tell them and what to tell them depends on the child—their ability to understand, their need to know, and the impact it can have on them. Some parents choose to tell their child about their autism when they are very young and others wait until their child is older. Some parents wait until a problem comes up or until the child asks them why they are different or why they don’t have any friends. I always think of it as being like the “sex talk.” You know it’s time to talk to the child when they start asking questions. Then you tell them at the level they can understand at that age. It should be a gradual process, giving them more information as they get older and can understand more. I never expected my first talk with Eric about his autism to be the only talk. I knew his learning about autism and how it affects him would be an ongoing process. Many adults on the autism spectrum have spoken about the issue of when they were told. They often report that they knew they were different even as a young child but didn’t know why. Several adults I have heard speak have said it was harder for them growing up without a diagnosis: something that would explain to them why they couldn’t seem to fit in.

Of course, many individuals with high-functioning autism or Asperger Syndrome may not get a diagnosis until they are older. As a young adult or adult they are often painfully aware of their differences and a diagnosis provides an explanation. They may have been through a long list of other diagnoses before getting the one that fits. In these situations, telling them about the diagnosis is not an issue. They are old enough to be involved in the whole evaluation and diagnosis process and, one hopes, are hearing about the diagnosis directly from the physician or psychologist.

Telling Eric and his sister was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I worried about it for a long time before I actually did it, so it was a great relief when it was over and we were all fine. In the talk with Eric and later with Sarah, I concentrated on how everyone is different. I used myself and their father and each of them as examples. I talked about how some people can do some things better than others, pointing out what each of them could do well and what was harder for them. I used the word “autism” when I spoke to both children because they were old enough to understand. I explained that Eric’s autism means his brain is wired a little differently and that is why he often prefers to play alone or gets upset sometimes in new situations. After telling them both, I was still worried about the comments they might hear at school, but felt that they were better prepared to deal with them. They also knew that they could come to me and their father and talk about it whenever they had questions.

There were other ways that I tried to prepare Eric for the transition to full inclusion in the third grade. We visited the school during the summer and explored the campus and playground. We talked about how great it would be to have Eric and his sister riding on the same bus to school. We tried to build up the experience and how wonderful it was going to be. Because we were treating it as an adventure, Eric was excited.

Eric’s third-grade teacher had been teaching for many years. She was nice and seemed like a good teacher, but it became clear very soon after school started that she was not comfortable having Eric in her class. The notes started coming home: his desk is messy, he doesn’t write his math problems on the lines properly. (It didn’t matter that he got all the answers correct.) Then there was the phone call one night when she said to me, “Eric is awfully small for his age. Don’t you think he would be better off in second grade?” I reminded her that he had already mastered the second-grade curriculum and third grade was where he should be.

I tried to understand her concerns but it was hard. Eric was probably her easiest student. He always followed the rules, he never talked in class or disrupted the class in any way, and he always did the work required of him. I think the teacher was worried about what Eric might do. After five months of my trying to convince her that Eric was not going to suddenly flip out in her class, she called me at home one night. She had watched a television show on facilitated communication that featured several severely autistic children. She was moved by the show and said to me, “Eric is doing really quite well, isn’t he?” After almost five months of trying to convince her of this same thing, she finally got it. From that point on, the teacher was more understanding and supportive. She actually became so supportive and protective that she didn’t want Eric to fail at anything. I had to remind her to challenge him and to let him try new things even if he failed.

The primary support for Eric during his years of inclusion in regular education was the autism outreach teacher from our school system. This person’s responsibility was to support those students on the autism spectrum who were not in autism-specific classrooms. The students could be in other special education classrooms or in regular education classrooms. This teacher was available to provide information about autism to the teachers and to the other children in the class if needed.

For the first two years of full inclusion, Eric’s autism outreach teacher was his former teacher in the self-contained autism class. When they disbanded the class, she became the outreach teacher. It was wonderful to have her to help Eric through this transition to full inclusion. She knew him well and she was very knowledgeable about autism. She was also an excellent ambassador to the regular education teachers. She could go into the classroom and set up schedules or organizational help for the students. She could also work with the students one-to-one occasionally if they needed the extra help with academics. The level of support she provided was individualized for each student depending on their needs. For Eric, she primarily offered support to the teachers and education about the autism spectrum and about Eric’s individual needs. She went into the classroom once a week to work with Eric on some of the academic work. She also came to the class once a week to help facilitate social experiences for Eric on the playground.

Before her change of heart, Eric’s third-grade teacher was not happy about what Eric did on the playground. Instead of playing with the other children, he would walk back and forth and quietly talk to himself. He was very happy when he did this and I felt that he needed this time to himself during recess. In my opinion he was doing a great job focusing in the classroom and holding himself together. If he wanted to do this during recess because it relaxed him and calmed him, then he should be allowed to do so. When I observed, the other students in the class did not seem to be bothered by Eric’s actions—in fact they didn’t even seem to notice. But the teacher was not comfortable with this and asked that the autism outreach teacher come and help Eric do something with the other students. She set up a “peer buddy” on the playground once a week whose responsibility was to play with Eric. The little girls that volunteered to do this were great and seemed to enjoy the challenge of getting Eric to connect.

Our first autism outreach teacher left the school system after Eric’s fourth-grade year. It was hard to see her go. She had been so important to Eric and to me. Fortunately, the person who took her place was also wonderful. He was trained and experienced in the field of autism and worked well with the regular education teachers. He was a resource for Eric throughout the remaining years of public school. Eric no longer needed one-to-one support in the classroom. The new outreach teacher’s primary support for Eric was to consult to and meet with Eric’s teachers on a regular basis. He also attended all the Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) meetings.

In addition to helping Eric, the outreach teacher was a support for me personally. Here was someone I didn’t have to educate about my son. He already knew the uniqueness of these students and nothing surprised him. He helped me to see some of Eric’s strengths that I hadn’t been able to see. He also served as a go-between for me with the teachers. If Eric were getting bad grades or if I were seeing problems Eric was having in the classroom, I would call the outreach teacher. He would then contact the teacher to discuss how things were going and offer solutions. The teachers could talk about their frustrations or whatever with the outreach teacher, something they would not feel comfortable doing with a parent. Teachers also seemed to respond better to suggestions from another teacher with experience working with these students than they did to a parent’s suggestions. My relationships with Eric’s teachers over the years were less complicated because of the support of the outreach teacher. At difficult IEP meetings, the outreach teacher was extremely helpful. There were several times over the years that he would help me defend Eric’s need for services when the school would try to remove supports. He helped the other members of the team understand that Eric was doing well because of the supports and that to take them away would be a mistake.

Eric continued with inclusion throughout the remainder of elementary school with very few significant problems. The teachers and the principal were supportive most of the time. School was not easy for Eric and he didn’t enjoy going to school. He had to work hard to hold it together during the day. The numbers of kids in the class and the noise and activity levels were difficult for him to handle sometimes. Luckily, the academics were fairly easy for Eric overall but his writing was very slow and made it hard for him to keep up. Homework was long and tedious and Eric had problems getting himself organized. He required one-toone help at home with most assignments.

As the years went by the people at the elementary school, the teachers and the students learned more about autism and came to understand Eric and accept him for who he was. It helped that the students in his class were told about his autism each year. This is a very personal decision that must be made carefully and with the approval of the person with autism. It may not be the right choice for all students on the autism spectrum. We discussed it with Eric and explained why we thought it would be helpful. He agreed that the other students should be told. We knew Eric’s behaviors would set him apart from the other students and that they would know something was different. When they understood it was the autism that made it difficult for him to communicate or made him act oddly at times, they were much more patient and supportive.

The autism outreach teacher talked to the class about Eric’s autism each year. (Eric was out of the classroom during these discussions.) He did a great job explaining the autism at the level the students could understand. He talked about it in much the same way as I did when explaining the diagnosis to Eric. He talked about how all children have differences and some can do things better than others and that everyone can do something well. He had the students talk about what they did well and what they had trouble doing. He then asked them to share what things they had seen Eric do well. The students had the opportunity to ask questions about autism and about Eric’s behaviors. Eric had very few bullying experiences in elementary school and I think educating the students had a great deal to do with that.

Middle school

I began worrying about middle school when Eric was in the third grade. I had heard and read other parents’ stories about bullying and social problems in middle school. I dreaded leaving the smaller, intimate campus of his elementary school where everyone had known him for years. I knew everything would be harder for Eric and that he would need as much preparation as possible for the transition.

I have a very vivid imagination. The picture in my mind of middle school was of total chaos, constant bullying, flunking classes, and Eric wandering the halls lost in a sea of students. Middle school was not like that. There were only a few bullying episodes. Eric never flunked any classes, and he learned to navigate the large campus fairly easily. This is not to say there weren’t problems, because there were. Middle school brought what were definitely the hardest years of public school for Eric and for me as his mother. But we both survived the three years of middle school relatively unscathed and those years actually turned out to be good learning experiences for both of us.

Preparation for the transition to middle school was important. It began in elementary school, in the fourth grade, well before the actual transition. When we had Eric’s IEP meeting at the end of fourth grade, our focus was on the skills he would need for middle school. We wanted to work on these skills during his last year of elementary school. We included goals in the IEP that targeted independence, social skills, and organizational skills (skills he would also eventually need in college). I knew these were weak areas for Eric and could be problems for him in middle school.

In addition to preparing Eric, I also needed to prepare myself for the transition by learning as much as I could about middle school. I talked to other parents of children on the autism spectrum who had been through middle school to find out what was helpful. I talked to friends with “typical” middle school children about what the student needs to be able to do in middle school. I called the guidance counselor at the middle school and asked her questions about the middle school student’s responsibilities. She explained about the “team” teaching concept used in our middle school and the role the guidance counselor would play when Eric came to her school.

At the end of fifth grade, when the transition to middle school was looming ahead of us, we had a very important IEP meeting. I requested the meeting to take place at the middle school, not at the elementary school where it would normally have occurred. I also invited everyone I could think of who could be helpful to us during this transition. The expected members of the team were there: the autism outreach teacher, the exceptional children’s (EC) representative from the elementary school and the EC representative from the middle school, the principal of the elementary school, the occupational therapist from the school system, and Eric’s current elementary school teacher. We also invited a middle school teacher to attend, someone who knew the sixth-grade curriculum. Eric’s sixth-grade teacher had not been chosen yet, or they would have been included. The guidance counselor from the middle school was also there. It was necessary to get the people who had worked with Eric in elementary school together with the people who were going to support him in middle school. The information that was shared during the meeting was crucial to Eric’s smooth transition to middle school.

Middle school meant there would be many changes, and change was not easy for Eric. At this age he was less rigid about his routines than he had been, but I knew he still needed time to prepare for the newness of everything he would be facing. Over the summer before middle school we talked about his new school quite a bit and drove by the school, pointing it out to him. Visits to the school were also helpful and we went there several times during the summer to familiarize Eric with the campus. I also arranged for Eric to get a copy of his class schedule early. We were able to walk through his schedule at the school ahead of time. The Open House, when students would normally walk their schedules for the first time with their parents, is usually loud, crowded, and confusing. I knew that would be overwhelming for Eric and not a good environment for him to learn his route to classes. We attended Open House, but after we had already walked his schedule at a quieter time.

The success of a student on the autism spectrum in middle school can be dependent on the amount and quality of communication between the school and home. Unfortunately, parents often find it harder to communicate with teachers in middle school and high school than with those in elementary school. Communicating the needs of your child to seven teachers is difficult. At many middle schools each teacher may have over one hundred different students a day. Daily communications or even weekly communications home are usually impossible.

It becomes more important than ever to meet with as many of the teachers as possible before the school year begins. When I met with the middle school teachers before school started I shared my concerns for Eric. I described what I thought would be difficult for him, and what information I would like teachers to relay to me about his progress or difficulties. I also emphasized to them that I was willing to support them in any way I could. If they wanted more information about autism or about Eric, I would be happy to try to answer their questions. I also volunteered to help in the classroom or on field trips. Meetings like this with parents before the start of school also gives teachers the opportunity to ask questions about the student and the disability and voice any concerns they may have.

A large number of people are going to have contact with your child in middle school. It helps to have at least one person at the school who knows your child and is willing to advocate for them. This may be a special education teacher, a guidance counselor, a principal, or a teacher. The guidance counselor was our consistent support person every year of middle school. I also found at least one person on Eric’s team of teachers each year who was particularly supportive and was willing to be a contact for me about my child. The teacher of the autism class at the middle school was also a good resource available to the other teachers. Even though she was not directly working with Eric, the teachers could contact her if they had questions about autism or wanted help developing strategies. It can be beneficial to have a student on the autism spectrum included at a school where a self-contained autism class is located. There is frequently more knowledge about autism at the school and the teacher and the classroom can be used as resources for the included student.

Organizational issues are often one of the biggest problems for included students on the autism spectrum in middle school. All teenagers have difficulty in this area to a certain degree, but for these students it can be a much bigger problem. For the first time, Eric was going to be changing classes seven times a day. He would have to keep up with assignments, notebooks, and books from seven different classes. I knew he would need accommodations and strategies to help with the organizational issues he would face in middle school.

The students at our middle school were required to have a small three-ring notebook for each class. Knowing Eric would not be able to keep track of so many notebooks, we requested he use one large notebook for all his classes. We used subject dividers with pockets between each class section. One pocket was designated for things to come home: assignments, notes to parents, etc. One pocket was for things to go to school: homework, notes to teachers, signed permission slips, etc. The notebook also had a clear cover under which we could place a copy of Eric’s schedule that would be visible from the outside of the notebook.

Eric’s middle school had a very complicated class schedule and no consecutive days had the same time schedule for classes. There were “block” days when certain classes were extended and certain classes were not on the schedule at all. This was going to be a challenge for Eric. To help with this, I made a simple, easy-to-read schedule that included each day of the week and placed it in the cover of his notebook. Each class was color coded on the schedule, green for science, blue for math, etc. so Eric could easily see on the schedule what classes he would have that day. I also included in the schedule possible times when he might go to his locker and to the bathroom if needed. I had to research this a bit, finding out when the classes were located near enough to each other to allow time to go to the locker or bathroom.

If you have ever been in a large middle school when the bell rings between classes, you know how chaotic and loud it is. The halls are suddenly filled with stampeding students, all talking at once, bumping into each other as they hurry to get to class or to their locker. It is very overwhelming, even for people without sensory issues. With all the noise and bedlam going on around them, and having to hurry too, it can be a real challenge for the student to concentrate on what they should be doing. The location of the locker for the student on the autism spectrum is important. We had Eric’s locker assigned near a supportive teacher’s classroom, someone who didn’t mind keeping an eye out for Eric between classes. Frequently, middle school teachers will be asked to stand in the doorway of their classroom between classes to help monitor the halls. You also want the locker located near as many of the student’s classes as possible. The time between classes is extremely short and students have to hurry if they want to go by their locker and get to class on time. Our middle school had top and bottom lockers in the hall and we always made sure Eric got a top locker and one on the end of a row. That way he was not crowded by students on both sides of him or above him and could have easier access to the locker.

The lock on the locker can be a problem for the student on the autism spectrum. Our middle school required a standard spin dial combination lock for the locker. With Eric’s fine motor delays, this kind of lock was very difficult for him, especially if he had to hurry. We arranged for Eric to use another kind of lock, a roll dial lock where he rolled in the numbers of the combination. As long as the school is given the combination of the lock, my experience is they are usually agreeable to this accommodation.

There are also ways to organize the inside of the locker to help the student. You can buy locker organizers that compartmentalize the locker so the student can find things more easily. We also found it helped to post a schedule inside the locker that told Eric what to put in the locker at each visit and what to remove. For example it might say: “Put in English and math textbook, take out social studies notebook and your lunch.” This strategy can be very helpful in the beginning and, as the school year progresses, the student may need less assistance of this type.

In middle school teachers expect more independence from their students. The homework assignments may be written on the board in the classroom each day before class. Students are then expected to take responsibility to write them down in their assignment book without reminders from the teacher. Then students must organize themselves enough to remember to have the correct textbook, notebook, and assignment for each class in their backpack at the end of school. This was very difficult for Eric. Many times when he would get home from school he would have the book and not the notebook, or the assignment and not the book. One helpful solution for us was to have an extra set of textbooks for home. This was included in the modifications in his IEP and saved us many unnecessary trips back to the school to get a forgotten book.

Many of the modifications available to students with learning disabilities are available for autistic students. Our middle school had highlighted textbooks that were prepared by the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) and available for students with learning disabilities. The textbooks would have the key points in each chapter highlighted or underlined. This can be very useful to students who have difficulty determining what the important parts of a chapter are when it is time to study. As I mentioned earlier, in our middle school the students were assigned to “teams” for each grade. Each year we arranged for Eric to be on the team that included the students with learning disabilities. This team had an additional teacher, a learning disabilities resource teacher, who was available to the students on that team. They would go from one class to another to help when needed with testing, special classroom projects, etc. This team of teachers was already prepared to make modifications for the learning disabled students and therefore was more accepting of any modifications Eric might need.

In addition to the organizational issues, the social dynamics of middle school are very complicated and difficult for all teenagers, but especially for students on the autism spectrum. Anyone who can remember their own middle school years can remember the angst a teenager goes through developing friendships during those years. Students in middle school are very sensitive to differences as everyone strives to be like everyone else. For socially withdrawn students such as Eric, totally avoiding social situations may be the answer. Eric didn’t mind not having friends or going to parties or the mall. He walked the halls of middle school as one with blinders on, oblivious to the personal relationships and social battles of the teenagers around him. However, other students on the autism spectrum may be very social and want to have friends but struggle with initiating conversations with others. For those students, individual or group therapy that specifically works on social skills can be helpful. There may be appropriate speech, occupational therapy, or autism-related programs in your area that offer social groups. Most public schools do not offer this resource unless they have several included students on the autism spectrum at the school.

Without that resource available from the school, trying to figure out creative ways to work on social skills with Eric within the middle school seemed a waste of time. It was too difficult to find “typical” middleschool-aged kids who were willing to invite him into their world. There were a few students who occasionally helped Eric. But for the most part, it was not a time to look for good role models or students willing to step outside of the group to be friends with someone who was different. I found it more helpful to concentrate on developing social situations for Eric with family and friends outside of school.

During his time in middle school my concerns for Eric were that he would get lost in the shuffle and no one would know if he was being bullied or treated badly by the other students. I was not sure he would be able to defend himself in those situations. Eric had a bad experience in the physical education (PE) class in middle school. I had no idea that things weren’t going well until I asked him how his PE class was going and he frowned as he said, “OK.” When I asked him why he didn’t like his class, he responded that the kids were mean to him there. After further questioning, I discovered that other students were putting their hands on him and being rough with him while in the locker room. After a few minutes of alarm, I made myself calm down enough to call the school and talk to someone about what was happening. We arranged that Eric would not go into the locker room anymore where there was no adult supervision. Although this experience scared me, it taught me that Eric didn’t always know what was important to report to someone. It brought about a good talk between Eric and me about safety and dangerous situations and what information the teachers and his parents needed to know.

Despite the difficulties, the three years of middle school were good for Eric. He learned to be more independent, which was critical for success in high school and college. He adapted to crowds of people and hectic schedules. He got used to following a schedule and became more organized in doing his academic work. As a parent, I learned a great deal too. Not only did I learn about my son’s needs and vulnerabilities, I learned how much he could do. He surprised me with his flexibility and calmness during a time in his life that could have been very stressful.

Toward the end of middle school, we were still not considering college as an option for Eric. Then one day Eric brought home a sign-up sheet for the courses he would be taking in high school. He was not just choosing courses for the following ninth-grade year, but for all four years of high school. The school needed to know what course of study the students would be on: certificate, college, or vocational. For the first time, we had to consider whether college was possible for Eric. So far, Eric was doing well in his academic courses, but he still required quite a bit of help. Hoping that his successes would continue, we made the decision to keep him in college preparatory classes. I had doubts that he would have the grades or standardized test scores to get into a college but I wanted him to continue to be challenged and accomplish all he could. As it turned out, the high school years were an incredible growth period for Eric, academically and socially, and he was going to surprise me again.