Читать книгу A Regency Lord's Command - Anne Herries - Страница 11

Lucinda set out early the next morning, just after she’d seen Justin drive away in his curricle. It was cool and she was wearing a warm cloak to cover her gown, which was one of her plainer ones. She had saved some of the sweet biscuits and a soft white roll that had been sent up for her breakfast. Her daughter enjoyed sweet trifles, perhaps the more so because she had never tasted a cake until recently. Nanny said she ought not to have too many, but Lucinda felt a deep hurtful guilt because of the way her daughter had been mistreated and she wanted to spoil her.

She wished with all her heart that she might have the child living with her at the house and acknowledge her openly, if not as her own child, as a child of a relative sadly deceased. However, she knew that it was impossible. The fact that she must deceive Justin added to her grief, but for the moment there was no other way. Perhaps in time he might learn to trust her and then she might confess her secret, but even an indulgent husband would not allow her to have the child with her permanently. The likeness between them was marked and someone might guess her secret.

As she approached the small cottage she had rented for her child and Nanny, Angela saw her from the window and came out, running to meet her. Lucinda opened her arms, sweeping her up and hugging her tightly as she burst into tears.

‘I thought yer would never come back,’ Angela said and looked at her with reproach. ‘You promised to take care of me.’

‘And I shall,’ Lucinda promised and kissed her cheek. She smelled of soap and her skin shone. Wearing the pretty dress Lucinda had purchased for her before they came here, she looked beautiful, her stick-thin body beginning to show signs of the good food she was now eating every day. ‘I promise you that no one will hurt you again, my darling. Nanny is good to you, isn’t she?’

‘Yes…but I want to be with yer…you,’ Angela corrected herself and then sucked her thumb, her eyes wide and expectant.

Lucinda pulled the thumb from her mouth and smiled. ‘You will spoil your pretty hands if you do that, dearest. Mama has to work to provide a home for you and Nanny. I shall come to you whenever I can, my darling, but you must be good for me and do as Nanny tells you.’

‘She is no trouble at all,’ Nanny said as Lucinda looked at her enquiringly. ‘Did you notice that her speech is improving already?’

‘Yes, with a few slips,’ Lucinda said and kissed her child before setting her down. Angela went off to play with some brightly coloured bricks that Nanny had given her, a relic from her mother’s childhood. ‘She will learn by our example, Nanny. I am sorry I could not return last night, but I was afraid to leave the house too late in case it was noticed.’

‘You have not told him about the child.’ Nanny shook her head in disapproval. ‘I fear you’re laying up trouble for yourself, Lucinda. When he knows you’ve deceived him he will be angry.’

‘I do not wish to hurt my husband,’ Lucinda said. ‘He was angry with me when I told him why I left that day, though he insists that our marriage must continue.’

‘What do you want?’

‘I…love him,’ Lucinda confessed, her voice breaking. ‘At least, I love the man he was when we married. He seems so harsh now, but I know that is my fault for hurting him. Nanny, it is so hard, so very hard. I love them both. How can I choose one or the other?’

‘Perhaps it would not be necessary if you told him the truth?’

‘He would not accept her—how could I expect it?’ Lucinda asked, blinking back the tears that threatened. ‘It would break my heart to leave him and yet I must see her every day—I must!’

‘Well, there is nothing to prevent you while I am able to care for her—but that may not be forever. I am nearly sixty and she will need a home until she is old enough to care for herself.’

‘In time I shall try to make other arrangements, but for now I must leave her in your care.’

‘And you may do so safely,’ Nanny promised. ‘I love her as if she were my own, just as I loved you.’

‘Yes, I know, that is why I came to you.’

‘Where is your husband now?’

‘He went to London on business. I think he hopes that a little time apart will be healing for us both. The revelation I made was a terrible shock for him.’

‘How much worse might it be if he learned that you had a child—that you had lied to him? You must be careful when you come here,’ Nanny said and looked doubtful. ‘But we shall say no more. Play with the child while you have the chance. In time she will get used to your coming and going.’

‘Yes, of course. She must. Even if she lived with me I should only be able to see her a few times a day.’

‘Children belong in the nursery until they are older. It is the way of things amongst your class, Lucinda. It is just that at the moment she is fearful that she will be taken back to that dreadful woman,’ Nanny said. ‘That will not happen while I have breath in my body. If I had my way, that woman would be thrown into prison and left there to rot—and others like her who exploit children.’

‘How fierce you are, dearest Nanny,’ Lucinda said and laughed softly. ‘I see that I do not need to worry for Angela while she has you.’

Lucinda was conscious of the housekeeper’s curious looks as she returned to the house later that day. Clearly the woman thought it strange that she had been gone for such a long time.

‘I should like some tea,’ she said. ‘It was such a lovely day that I walked farther than I knew. I will take tea in the small parlour at the back of the house, please.’

‘Yes, your Grace.’

‘Please, Mrs Mann, I would rather you called me “ma’am” or “my lady.” I am not used to such a grand title.’

‘As you wish, ma’am. I shall bring your tea at once.’ The housekeeper started to walk away, then stopped and looked back. ‘Miss Lanchester called earlier. I told her you had gone for a walk.’

‘Oh, how unfortunate,’ Lucinda said. ‘I should have liked to see her.’

‘Miss Lanchester asked if you would take tea with her this afternoon?’

‘Yes, I think I shall. I shall change my gown and you may have the carriage sent round. Please do not bother with the tea. I shall wait and take a dish with my friend.’

‘But you must be famished, ma’am. You’ve had nothing since breakfast.’

‘Oh…I took one of my breakfast rolls with me. I like to go for long walks and seldom need much in the middle of the day. You may tell Cook to give me an extra roll and biscuits in the morning—or a croissant or two. Also fruit, if we have apples or soft fruits that I may carry with me to nibble as I walk.’

‘Yes, my lady. If it is your wish.’

Clearly Mrs Mann thought it a very odd request. Ladies in Lucinda’s position did not spend hours walking about the countryside alone and they certainly did not eat in public.

Amused by the housekeeper’s ill-hidden disapproval, Lucinda went up to change for the afternoon. Angela had cried and clung to her when she left her and that had made Lucinda reluctant to leave, but Nanny told her the tears would stop as soon as she had gone.

‘Children often cry when their mothers leave them, but they soon get used to it. Angela will settle to a routine. I shall begin easy lessons soon and, as she begins to want to learn, she will not miss you so much.’

Lucinda accepted her word. Nanny had had a great deal of experience of such things. Besides, Lucinda could not spend all her time with her daughter.

Nanny had brought some books and toys with her, but she would need more as Angela grew. There must be a nursery here at Avonlea House, but as yet Lucinda had not visited it. She made up her mind that she would ask Mrs Mann about it that evening and then she would see what she could find that might be useful. All nurseries had old books and toys pushed away into cupboards; they would not be missed and she could take them to her daughter.

Feeling much better about her situation, Lucinda hurried to change into a fresh gown. She did not think she would disclose her secret to Jane just yet, though she might have done so the previous day if Jane’s brother had not arrived at the wrong moment.

Her thoughts turned to Justin and she wondered what the business was that had taken him to London. Was it important—or simply an excuse to put some distance between them?

The meeting with his lawyer took longer than expected. It was late in the afternoon when Justin left his office and began to walk towards his club. He was feeling thoughtful, reflecting on the scene with Lucinda the night before he left her. She’d looked so beautiful when he went into her bedchamber and the scent of her had made him weak with longing. He’d known a fierce desire to sweep her into his arms and make love to her. It was merely his foolish pride that had kept him from making up their quarrel instantly.

A quarrel of his making! Lucinda had not quarrelled at all. It was he that had driven a rift between them with his foolish pride. Now that he’d had leisure to reflect, he knew that she’d been placed in an intolerable position and he was angry, not with her, but himself for not being more understanding, and with all the people who had hurt her.

He understood her father’s anger when her condition became known, but if she had been raped Mr Seymour’s anger ought to have been directed at the man who had taken such foul advantage of her.

The past three days had given Justin time to come to terms with the shock and to reason things out in his mind. Lucinda had not set her cap at Justin. Indeed, she had given him no encouragement at the start, as if she felt herself unworthy or unfit for marriage. His persistence had brought her to a change of heart. While she ought to have told him the truth, he could understand her fear—especially if her heart was touched.

If she loved him, as she professed, she would have feared his rejection. Yet she ought to have known that he cared for her and would listen to her story with sympathy.

It was not her secret that had hurt him so much as her lack of trust, Justin thought. However, she had told him the truth now and he must respect her for that because…he did not wish to lose her. He was not certain why he disliked the idea of an annulment; it was not fear of scandal, though he would be loath to sully his family’s good name. No, it was more—an odd feeling that his life would become an empty wasteland if Lucinda were no longer in it. During the time she was missing he’d never allowed himself to consider his own feelings, but he’d never given up hope that she would be found.

To throw away all the good that could come from his marriage because his wife had been the victim of an evil man would be ridiculous.

He had a few more people he must speak to in town and then he would return to Avonlea. Justin could only hope that his show of temper had not alienated Lucinda altogether. He would try to save their marriage, because he did not wish for a final parting. Meanwhile, he would buy her a pretty trinket to show her that he was sorry for his show of temper.

Lucinda looked around the nursery. It was a large pleasant room that had a sunny aspect and would be warm even in winter. She thought how pleasant it would be if Nanny and Angela could live here. The cottage was well enough for the moment, but as her daughter grew she would begin to wonder why she was forced to live in a cottage while her mother lived in the big house through the woods.

Sighing, Lucinda opened the cupboard door. She had discovered a hoard of treasure in the form of books and small toys. So far she had taken a doll with a wax head, which might have been used by a dressmaker to show off her latest designs, a carved wooden horse and two picture books.

She was reaching for an abacus when a noise behind her made her aware that someone was there. She turned with a little start, feeling absurdly guilty.

‘You startled me, Mrs Mann. Did you wish to speak with me?’

‘Will you be out this morning, ma’am? Cook wondered what to do about luncheon.’

‘Oh, yes, I shall,’ Lucinda said. ‘I was just admiring the nursery. I think my husband and his siblings were fortunate children to have such a pleasant room.’

‘Yes, it is nice,’ Mrs Mann said. ‘Were you thinking of having it refurbished? I know the last lady of the house thought that Nanny’s room needed some attention.’

‘Yes, perhaps I shall,’ Lucinda said. ‘I shall speak to his Grace about it. Thank you, you may go now.’

‘I was wondering about some of the rooms in the west wing, my lady. When you have time you might wish to take a look—especially at the attics. In the old days the servants had rooms there, but they were moved to the east wing because the rooms needed repairs. His Grace’s father spoke of having them improved, but it did not happen. Some of the maids are sharing and it would be better if we could use those rooms again.’

‘Yes, I understand,’ Lucinda said. ‘I shall look at the rooms this afternoon when I return—if that suits you?’

‘Yes, ma’am, whenever you wish.’

Lucinda waited until the housekeeper left and then reached back into the cupboard. She took out the abacus. It would help Nanny teach Angela her numbers and was only wasted here. No one used these apartments and would not until…The thought of having Justin’s child brought a smile to her face. If that were to happen, she would be very happy—yet deep inside her there was pain because Angela would be shut out of this family. Even if Lucinda made time to visit her once a day—and when Justin returned that might be more difficult—she would always be on the outside, never taking her proper place in her mother’s life.

Tears stung Lucinda’s eyes as she hid the abacus under her cloak and went downstairs. Giving her daughter sweetmeats and toys was a poor substitute for a proper home and the security she truly needed. It was useless to repine! The child would be waiting. She must hurry or Angela might have a tantrum. She did have a temper; though Nanny did her best to calm her, she was not as young as she’d once been and the child played her up at times.

‘I thought she was just being naughty at first,’ Nanny said as they stood by the child’s bed and looked at her flushed face. ‘She cried for you most of last night and this morning she threw her milk at me—but then she became hot and I realised she was not feeling well.’

‘Do you think she has a tummy upset?’

‘Perhaps. She ate her supper last night, but this morning did not touch her boiled egg. I thought perhaps we should have the doctor—what do you think?’

Lucinda laid a hand on the child’s brow. ‘I think she has a fever. I shall walk into the village and ask the doctor to call. I shall tell him the child belongs to my cousin and that she died. You are her nanny—that much at least is true.’

‘More lies, Lucinda?’

‘What else can I do?’ Lucinda asked. ‘I brought some things for her—but she is too ill to want them now. I shall go and fetch the doctor straight away.’

Leaving the cottage, Lucinda walked very fast down the narrow lane that led to the village. The doctor’s house was at the edge of the green. She went up the path and knocked loudly. A smiling apple-cheeked housekeeper answered the door within a few seconds.

‘What is your business, mistress…your Grace?’ The woman looked startled and dipped a hasty curtsy. ‘Forgive me. I did not realise… Please come in, my lady.’

‘Is your master at home?’

‘Yes, my lady.’

‘I would see him at once.’

‘Had you sent for him, he would have attended you, my lady.’

‘No matter, I am here and my business is urgent. Please take me to your master now.’

‘Yes, of course. Please come this way, my lady.’

Lucinda followed, her heart thudding. She must be very careful in her deportment. Concern for the child of a cousin was acceptable, but she must do nothing to make him suspect that she was Angela’s mother and not merely her second cousin.

Lucinda was late returning to Avonlea that afternoon. The doctor had taken his time examining Angela and then questioned her severely about the child’s nutrition. She had explained that her cousin had fallen on hard times and that she had known nothing of their poverty until her cousin became ill and subsequently died.

‘I was called away unexpectedly to her deathbed,’ she lied. ‘I had some trouble in sorting out her affairs after the funeral and in finding a good woman to look after her child, who still cries for her mother.’

As Angela had woken and clung to her, weeping and crying, the doctor had seemed to accept her story. He said that her sickness was merely a tummy upset and suggested that perhaps her diet was too rich.

‘If she has not eaten well for a long time, too much food may have upset her digestion. You should give her plainer fare and introduce meat and puddings slowly.’

‘It may be my fault for giving her sweet biscuits and cakes. I wanted to spoil her,’ Lucinda said. ‘We shall follow your advice, Doctor.’

‘She does have a little chill, which may have made her feverish,’ the doctor said. ‘I shall give you a mixture for her—if you can spare the time to return with me to fetch it?’

‘Yes, of course.’

Lucinda knew that another journey would make her late for her appointment with Mrs Mann, but she had no choice. The look the housekeeper gave her was one of reproach, but she apologised, saying that she had forgot the time.

‘Well, I’m sure your Grace may do as you please. However, the matter of the rooms in the west wing is something that you ought to attend, ma’am. It is more usually for the mistress of the house to make a decision on the servants’ welfare.’

‘Yes, of course. It may seem to you that I have neglected my duties.’

‘It is not for me to tell you what to do, my lady.’

‘No, but perhaps I should have consulted with you on menus and things? I prefer to wait until the duke returns so that I may be certain of his preferences.’

‘Yes, of course, ma’am. Do you know when his Grace intends to return?’

‘In a few days,’ Lucinda said airily. ‘He has business and will be back when he is ready.’

‘Yes, ma’am, as you say.’

‘Very well, please take me to these attic rooms—and anywhere else that concerns you.’

‘His lordship has had much of the house done, my lady, but the attics seem to have escaped his notice.’

‘I dare say he was not aware that the maids are overcrowded in the east wing.’

Lucinda followed the housekeeper up a narrow staircase, which was conveniently hidden behind a door, concealing it from the casual eye. As the west wing was kept for guests they would not notice the door leading to the attics, but it was usual for the servants to come and go by way of a back staircase. It made it easier for them to service the guests’ rooms and reach their own without intruding.

Looking round the various attic rooms, Lucinda saw what Mrs Mann meant about their needing refurbishment. In some places the ceilings had crumbled and it looked as if the plaster might fall, though two of the rooms needed only some decoration.

‘I think it may be necessary to have a repair to the roof here,’ Lucinda said, gazing up at the source of the problem, which was a patch of damp. ‘Clearly that is what caused the leak in three rooms.’

‘The roof was repaired last year,’ Mrs Mann told her. ‘It is just the ceilings—and a coat of whitewash, and then some rugs on the floor.’

‘Yes, I see. Well, I shall speak to my husband when he returns. I am not certain that it is within my power to order repairs of that nature, Mrs Mann. Be patient for a while and I shall see what may be done.’

‘Yes, ma’am. If you are satisfied with things as they are.’

A little sniff accompanied her words. Lucinda knew that the housekeeper was less than satisfied with her response to the problem, but an idea had occurred to her—an idea that was daring and outrageous, but which could make her life much easier.

‘I shall attend to the matter,’ she said. ‘Surely the maids can manage for a little longer?’

‘Yes, ma’am, if they have to—but in the summer these rooms can be very hot, especially if there are too many sharing.’

Lucinda felt a little guilty as she returned to her own room and began to change for the evening. Jane and Andrew Lanchester were coming for dinner that evening and they were bringing some guests, people with whom Lucinda was slightly acquainted, which should make it a pleasant evening for all.

She would visit her daughter again in the morning and see how she was faring, but in the meantime she would consider her plan to bring both Nanny and Angela into the house.

Justin had decided to leave town that afternoon. He would be home sooner than he’d planned, but he had set his business in hand and found himself restless, unable to settle. His anger had cooled somewhat, but the hurt was as sharp as ever. Yet he wanted to see Lucinda, to see her smile and hear her voice. Most of all he wanted to lie with her in the beautiful bedchamber he had lavished so much time and money on in preparation for their wedding.

He frowned as he wondered how best to proceed with repairing the rift between them. While he was eager for their marriage to be a true one, he was uncertain of Lucinda’s feelings. She had consented to be married after some initial reluctance—was her reluctance merely because she’d feared to tell him her secret or might she have another deeper reason for her hesitation? Did she fear her husband’s attentions in the bedroom? She had never shown any reluctance when he kissed her—but there was more than kissing to being a true wife.

Clearly, she had been ready to accept her duties as a wife or she would not have wed him, but Justin did not wish for a complacent wife. He had expected that his bride would be innocent and had planned to be gentle and patient on their wedding night—but the knowledge that she had been raped put a new light on the situation. Much as he desired her, he might have to put his own desires to one side for the time being. He would need to be very gentle with Lucinda if he wanted her to respond. Indeed, he might have to wait some time before he took her to bed.

Before he made love to his wife he must regain her trust. Otherwise, he might destroy her and his hopes of a good marriage.

Having made up his mind to leave for Avonlea that very afternoon, he summoned his valet, intending to ask that his bags be packed in readiness. However, when the man came in answer to the bell he was bearing a letter from Justin’s lawyer. Breaking the seal, he frowned. It was a matter of business that had arisen from his fresh instructions concerning his will and he was requested to attend the lawyer’s office at his earliest convenience, which meant that his departure might have to be delayed by at least one more day.

The delay was annoying, but the business could not wait. Sighing, Justin took up his hat and silver-topped walking stick and left the house. The sooner this business was finished the sooner he could go home to Lucinda.

‘The doctor’s mixture did her the world of good,’ Nanny said when Lucinda visited soon after breakfast the next morning. ‘She had honey and rolls and she’s nearly back to normal. It was just a little chill after all.’

‘Is she still in bed?’

‘I left her sitting with her books, but I heard something just before you came in and she may have decided to get up and play.’

Lucinda went upstairs. Her daughter had dressed herself, her gown only half-buttoned at the back, and her tangled curls evidence that Angela had not considered it necessary to use the brush. When she saw her mother her eyes welled with tears, which spilled over and ran down her cheeks.

‘My poor love, come here to me,’ Lucinda said and sat down on the bed, drawing her on to her lap. She kissed and cuddled her, then buttoned her bodice properly and took up a hairbrush. Angela’s hair soon looked respectable and shone. Lucinda noticed that her arms were much better now and her legs had stopped looking like sticks. She was beginning to recover from years of ill treatment, but of course the mental scars were still there. ‘Shall we go for a little walk in the woods?’

Angela shook her head. ‘Will you read to me from my books?’

‘Yes, if you wish it. Come downstairs and we shall sit in the big chair by the fire and read a story.’

Angela scrambled to her feet, seized the book she wanted and proceeded down the stairs. Lucinda smiled inwardly, because it was clear to her that her daughter was feeling much better.

The next hour or so was very happy for them both, but the tears started once more when Lucinda told her that she must leave. Angela screamed and clung to her. She calmed a little when Nanny pulled her away and told her she must be good, but the sight of her child’s reproachful face pulled at Lucinda’s heartstrings as she left the cottage and began to walk back to the house.

The tears trickled down her cheeks as she thought of her daughter’s distress. In the future she might not always be able to visit her every day and the child would not understand that her mother had another life—a life she could not share with her.

Lucinda was starting to shake with sobs as she saw the fallen tree lying just ahead of her in a small clearing. She sat down, her head bowed as the tears fell thick and fast.

A part of her longed for Justin’s return from town. She wanted desperately to see him, to be a true wife to him with no secrets between them—but she could not give up her beloved child. There was no way out of her predicament. If she confessed to her husband, he would be angry again—and he would force her to give Angela up.

‘Duchess—Lucinda?’

The man’s deep voice startled her. She raised her head, and saw Andrew standing just a few feet from where she sat. Feeling guilty, she rose to her feet and brushed a hand over her face.

‘Lord Lanchester…I did not hear you come.’

‘Are you unwell?’ He moved closer, looking at her with concern. ‘You have been crying. Is there something I may do to help you?’

‘No, it is nothing. Nothing at all,’ Lucinda said and lifted her head proudly. ‘It was a silly tantrum, that is all.’

‘I do not think you are the kind of woman who has tantrums,’ he said and handed her a large white kerchief. ‘You may be pleased to know that he has returned this very morning.’

‘My husband has returned?’ Lucinda’s heart missed a beat. She caught her breath. ‘You have seen him?’

‘I saw him driving his curricle on his way here.’ He hesitated. ‘You are in some trouble, I think. For the moment you may prefer to keep your own counsel—but should you need a friend, I am here.’

The warmth and sincerity in his voice brought a flush to her cheeks. She gave him a small shy smile—the smile that unbeknown to her had won more than one man’s heart.

‘You are very kind, my lord.’

‘Tell me, are you in some difficulty?’

‘If I am in some trouble, I fear there is nothing you can help me with. My problem is one I must solve alone.’

‘There are very few problems that will not be made easier by sharing them,’ he said and smiled. ‘I shall not push my friendship on you, Lucinda—but please know that if you need either my sister or myself we are always there for you.’

‘Thank you. I know you are sincere, sir.’ She raised her head. ‘I must go home. My husband will wonder where I am.’

‘You like to walk, I believe?’

‘Yes, I walk most mornings if it is fine.’

‘I shall not keep you.’

Lucinda watched as he walked away from her, farther into the woods that formed a boundary between the two estates. She had thought of them as being Avonlea property, but in actual fact they were right on the edge of her husband’s estate and it was natural that Lord Lanchester might choose to walk this way home if he had been to the village.

Had he seen her walking here before? Had he perhaps seen her enter the cottage? She was not sure who owned the cottage for she had rented it through an agent. It might even belong to Lord Lanchester.

Supposing Lord Lanchester learned that the woman who had rented the cottage for her nanny and child was the bride of his close friend the Duke of Avonlea?

Would he feel it his duty to tell Justin? A trickle of fear ran down her spine. She did not know what to do. Perhaps it might be best to confess her secret to her husband at once?

Her stomach was fluttering with nerves as she went into the house a short time later. Her dress was crumpled from playing with the child and she’d hoped that she might escape to her room to change before seeing her husband, but even as she started to ascend the stairs, Justin came out into the hall and called to her.

‘Lucinda—will you do me the courtesy of sparing me a few minutes of your time, please?’

‘Yes, of course,’ she said and turned, walking to meet him. ‘I am glad to see you back. I hope you had a good journey?’

‘You do not seem surprised to see me.’

‘I met Lord Lanchester as I was walking in the wood,’ Lucinda said. ‘He mentioned that he had seen you driving your curricle through the village.’

Justin frowned. ‘Mrs Mann told me that you spend most of your day walking. I was not aware that you enjoyed rambling to that extent?’

‘Yes, it is a favourite pastime with me,’ Lucinda said, feeling very conscious of the lies she must tell him. ‘Did your business go well?’

‘I dare say my lawyers will see to it,’ he replied. ‘As you know, I went mainly because I needed a little time to think. I have decided that I shall put the past behind us, Lucinda. There is still some gossip, but I have told people that you were called to a sick relative; though some may still whisper behind your back, I think the gossip and speculation will blow over. The best thing is to give the impression that we are perfectly happy in our marriage. To that end I have decided that I shall give a ball here at Avonlea.’

‘A ball?’ Lucinda’s heart fluttered. ‘Does this mean that you have forgiven me?’

‘It means that I am trying to put the past behind us, Lucinda. For the moment we shall continue as we were. Outwardly, we have the perfect marriage. As yet I do not believe I wish for more. We shall get to know each other again and perhaps come to an understanding. What happened is in part my fault. I rushed you into marriage. We must get to know one another before we can be man and wife in all senses of the word.’

Lucinda’s hopes had soared when he spoke of a ball, but now she felt a coldness form about her heart. He looked so grave and she missed the gentle smiles that had made her knees go weak when he had courted her. He did not seem much like the charming man who had spoiled and flirted with her. It was that man she adored and longed for.

When she’d been considering her answer, Lucinda had wondered if she could bear any man to touch her after what had happened that fatal night. However, Justin’s gentleness and the tenderness of his kiss had made her feel such sweet longings she had felt she could overcome her bad memories and accept Justin’s loving.

‘Then I shall do my best to be the wife you want, Avonlea,’ she said and raised her head proudly. ‘I shall give Mrs Mann instructions to prepare for guests. How many do you wish to invite?’

‘I think we must invite everyone who attended our wedding. It is only fair to give them the reception they were cheated of then—do you not think so?’

‘Yes, perhaps.’

Lucinda held back the emotion that was building inside her. She still had the guest list she had used for their wedding. Most of those invited were Avonlea’s friends, some of whom she’d never met. It would be embarrassing to face them all at such a glittering occasion, but it must be done. She owed her husband this and more besides.

If he had taken her into his arms and kissed her, she could have borne it all so much easier. Indeed, she might have shed tears and confessed her secret had he been the gentle considerate man she’d fallen in love with, but he was a stranger, a man she did not recognise.

‘I shall do whatever you wish, Avonlea.’

‘I’m glad to hear that, Lucinda. Now, please go and change your gown. You look like a hoyden. Remember that you are a duchess now and try to behave in an appropriate manner.’

How his words stung her! Was he being deliberately cruel or did he not understand that she would have found it difficult enough to carry off her new social standing even if he had been loving and kind? As it was she felt alone and isolated.

Escaping to her rooms, she shut the door and stood with her back against it, fighting the tears. The burden of her secret was hard enough to bear, but Avonlea’s remote manner made it so much worse.

She brushed the tears from her eyes, refusing to break down as she had in the woods earlier. Her hus band had told her to behave like a duchess and she would find the strength to do it somehow.

Justin looked at his reflection in the dressing mirror and swore. He was such a fool. Why must he be angry again? Why could he not have given Lucinda the gift he’d purchased for her, kissed her and told her he cared deeply for her—that he wanted to make her happy? It was what he’d planned, but the sight of her with her hair tussled and her gown creased had alerted his suspicions. She looked as if she might just have come from the arms of a lover.

Her mention of Lord Lanchester had made him so angry—and jealous. Jealousy was an ugly emotion and one he did not like in himself. He had not realised that he could experience the emotion so sharply and his reaction to it was primeval and savage, not at all the behaviour of the gentleman he prided himself on being.

A gentleman was reasonable at all times, courteous to those around him and most of all, honourable. It was not honourable to feel as if he would like to murder his best friend.

Shaking his head, he felt his mouth curve in a wry smile. He must learn to curb his temper or he might not be answerable for his actions.