Читать книгу A Worthy Gentleman - Anne Herries - Страница 12

Sarah was sitting in the rose arbour reading a book of poetry when John came upon her the next morning. He paused as if fearing to intrude, smiling hesitantly when she looked up and saw him.

‘I did not wish to disturb you, Miss Hunter. Forgive me. I shall go.’

‘I hope that you will not,’ Sarah replied and closed her book. ‘It is very peaceful here. I sometimes sneak away to read for a while, but I am not averse to your company, Mr Elworthy.’

‘Are you escaping from someone?’ John asked and smiled as he sat down on the wooden bench next to her, being careful not to crush her gown.

‘From my mama,’ Sarah confided with a naughty look. ‘It is very wicked of me, but I could not resist. Poor Mama is in a cross mood this morning. She had a letter from one of her friends in Italy and something in it upset her. I do not know what. She has been scolding me for not making more of my chances while we were there.’

‘Your mama would perhaps like you to be married?’ John’s eyes were steady on her face.

‘Yes…’ Sarah felt her cheeks getting warm. ‘She thinks it is time that I put the past behind me. Indeed, I think I have done so, but…’ She shook her head. ‘It is not that I do not wish to oblige my mama, but she is too impatient and I need time.’

‘Perhaps you still think that you would rather not marry?’

Sarah was silent for a moment, her head bent, cheeks pink. ‘No, it is not quite that, sir. Just that, as yet, no one that I would wish to wed has asked me.’ She turned her head as she felt his eyes on her, afraid that she might betray herself and pretending interest in a rose that was still in a tightly formed bud.

The silence stretched between them for a few moments, and then John spoke words that sent a chill of ice into her heart. ‘I dare say you will meet someone in London. A gentleman of good birth and fortune who has a whole heart and will fall in love with you the moment he sees you.’

‘Yes, perhaps,’ Sarah said. She felt that the tears were very close and got quickly to her feet. ‘Excuse me, I must see if Mama has come down yet. I believe she has arranged for us to have a fitting with Arabella’s seamstress this morning. Some of the gowns we ordered in York were not well finished.’

‘Sarah…’ John spoke to her retreating back, silently cursing himself. He thought that perhaps he had hurt her, which was the last thing he had intended. Once he would have responded very differently to such an invitation, for he believed it had been a gentle hint that he might find favour in her eyes. ‘Damn! Damn it! Why did I not just walk away? Forgive me, Sarah. I am not worthy…not worthy of you…’

John turned away from the house, striding out towards the woods. It was his intention to fetch his curricle and horses, which had been stabled at the inn in the village. The blacksmith would have done his work by now, and John meant to take his leave of Arabella and the others as soon as he decently could. If it were possible he would leave now, make some excuse, but it would offend his friends. He could bear it for a day or so longer, though it almost wrenched the heart out of him when Sarah looked his way and he saw hurt mirrored in her lovely eyes. Would that he could turn back the past two years! He ought to have followed Sarah to Italy as had been his intention, but he had lingered, uncertain of his reception, and then it had been too late.

If only he had walked away from Andrea that day…if he had not listened to her pleas for help…but it was useless to look back. He had married her, given his name to her child, stood by her—and all to no avail. She had taken her own life while in a fit of despair and the sight of her lifeless body as it was taken from the river had nearly destroyed him. He had failed her. Andrea had begged for his help, but he had failed her. And now his guilt haunted him like a dark shadow at his elbow. He had nightmares, which woke him sweating with fear, and he had begun to imagine things; sometimes he wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him—it was as if his late wife were haunting him.

He had ordered that her personal belongings be packed and taken to the attics, but small things kept reappearing, tucked in amongst his own clothes as if placed there on purpose to remind him. A kerchief had been under his pillow when he went to bed the night before he left Elworthy House, and a few days earlier he had discovered her prayer book in his dressing chest; another time he had smelled her perfume in his room. It had been so strong that he had almost believed she was there.

He did not believe that he had placed any of the items where he found them. He had questioned his housekeeper about them, but the woman denied all knowledge of Andrea’s things, except to say that they had been taken to the attics. Indeed, she had gone so far as to say she was certain the prayer book had not been in the dressing chest the previous evening when she had placed some clean linen there herself, and she had looked at John curiously as if suspecting that he had put it there. But John was certain that he had not done anything of the kind. Yet how could it have come there…unless Andrea’s unquiet spirit was haunting him?

Surely not! John did not truly believe that such a thing was possible. He knew that he had failed Andrea, but he had not been deliberately cruel—so why was he being punished for her death? She had taken her own life by walking into the river. It was true that he had been a little irritated with her earlier that day, but he had apologised almost at once for his brusque manner. Had it really been a few cross words that had driven her to take her life? Or was it something more? Perhaps she had guessed that his feelings for her could never be more than kindness?

They had known each other since they were children, their parents friends and neighbours. After John’s father died, Sir Andrew Walton had offered to help John put his estate in order. He had not needed his help, but he had remembered the kindness given and when Andrea had turned to him in her distress, he had done what any decent gentleman would do. Rather than let her face the shame that a wicked rape had brought upon her, he had asked her to marry him, and she had gratefully accepted. Indeed, he knew that she had hoped for it when she came to him.

After he had married Andrea, John had tried hard to put Sarah out of his mind, but he was afraid that his wife had sensed his heart was not hers to command—that he would never love her as a man ought to love the woman he had married. John had been kind, but she had been suffering from the sickness brought on by her condition when they wed, and he had left her to sleep alone that night. After the birth, when she recovered, she had told him that he might join her in her bed, but he had told her that she was not yet well enough and she had not asked again. Somehow they had drawn apart as the days and weeks passed, and Andrea had retreated into a silent world of her own.

They did not quarrel. Perhaps it might have been better if they had, but each treated the other with unfailing politeness, speaking when they met but never really talking. After the harsh words that morning, John had realised that this situation could not go on. Either he must make Andrea his wife in all ways, or they must live apart. He had made up his mind that he would talk to her that evening—but by then they had taken her lifeless body from the river.

Was it his fault? John had told himself that he had done nothing to harm Andrea, and yet his conscience would not let him rest. Had he made Andrea so unhappy that she had taken her own life? It was a hard cross to bear, and the reason why he had begun to wonder if he actually had placed those items amongst his things. Was he trying to punish himself without knowing he did so?

No, this was ridiculous! John shook his head. There must be another reason for what had happened, something that ought to be apparent but was not. He had no reason to torture himself in this way. Andrea had known he did not love her when they married. Surely she must have known? But she had not understood that his heart was irrevocably given to another woman.

He had tried to forget Sarah. He had believed that she would never return to England, and for months he had succeeded in dulling the sense of loss that lived with him. Now, seeing her, being close to her, the scent of her perfume teasing his senses, he knew that he had never ceased to think of her. Staying here in this house was exquisite torture, making him achingly aware of a need within himself. Yet how could he ask her to marry him?

John knew that Andrea’s death had set off some whispering. People had wondered why a young woman delivered of a fine son would take her own life…no one had said it to his face, but John believed that some suspected that she might not have gone willingly into the river.

He had no idea who had begun the rumours, but they had been brought to his attention a few weeks earlier by Andrea’s father.

‘I know it is all nonsense,’ Sir Andrew said when he rode over that morning to show John the letter he had received. ‘Had there been any truth in this wretched insinuation, this would surely have been signed. It is a damned lie and I do not believe it for a moment, but I thought you should see it.’

John had read the accusation, his lips white with anger. He handed the letter back to his father-in-law. ‘I swear to you that there is no truth in this, sir. Andrea was a little unwell after the birth of…our son, that is all.’

‘No, no, John, let us be straight with one another,’ Sir Andrew said. ‘We both know that the child was not yours. Andrea told me the truth after she had spoken to you. She wanted me to know that you had not shamed her.’

‘I never knew that,’ John said. ‘She need not have told you. I promised her that no one would hear of it from my lips—and, as far as I am concerned, the boy is mine.’

‘You are a good man,’ Sir Andrew said, ‘and that is why I know this is a lie. I shall destroy the letter, but it may not be the end of it, John.’

And it had not ended there. John had received a vicious letter himself a few days before he left home for this visit. The writer said that he or she knew the truth and that John would pay the price of his evil. It was again unsigned and John had destroyed it at once, but the shadow had lingered. Sir Andrew had refused to believe him capable of murder—but others might not be so convinced of his innocence.

John knew that he could not think of marriage while such a shadow hung over him. He shivered, feeling the chill creep down his spine. If he married again so soon, the rumours would increase and might be difficult to disprove. How could he marry anyone until he could clear his name of any wrongdoing?

Indeed, if Sarah heard the spiteful whispers, she might wonder if there was some truth in them. She would certainly not wish to be the wife of a man who might be accused of murdering his first wife. He must put all thought of it from his mind!

Sarah spent the rest of the morning being fitted for a new walking gown and two afternoon dresses. Although Mrs Hunter intended to order several new gowns in town, she thought highly enough of her daughter-in-law’s seamstress to trust her with a part of Sarah’s new wardrobe.

Her mother’s fussing over details enabled Sarah to put the incident with John out of her mind. She was aware that she might have revealed her feelings too plainly, but when they met again before dinner, he greeted her as always with his gentle smile. He was sitting opposite her this time, for Daniel had taken her into dinner and she felt some relief that she was not obliged to make polite conversation with John.

‘How do you like being back in England?’ Daniel asked. ‘Do you find it very different, Miss Hunter?’

‘Yes, it is different,’ Sarah agreed. ‘But I am very happy here, sir. And of course we go to London in almost three weeks.’

‘Ah, yes, you will be thrust into the social whirl,’ he said, smiling at her kindly. ‘Elizabeth tells me you share her interest in books. I warn you that she will expect you to attend all her afternoon meetings. You must say if you have other engagements. My wife likes to manage us all.’

The smile and the wicked look in his eyes were enough to tell Sarah that he was amused and there was no malice in his words. He was clearly very much in love with Elizabeth, and Sarah felt a pang of envy as she saw the way they looked at each other. If only she could find that sort of love!

Glancing across the table, she discovered that John was watching her. He looked serious, although he smiled and inclined his head as their eyes met. Sarah sensed that he was concerned about something, and wondered at the signs of tiredness in his face. John was always gentle, unfailingly kind and caring, and yet there was something about him that inspired confidence. She knew that he was to be relied upon in a crisis and she sensed an inner strength that was perhaps not immediately obvious to a casual onlooker.

He must still be grieving for his wife, of course. It was only a year since Andrea Elworthy had died. No doubt he had loved her very much and could not be expected to think of marrying again just yet.

John had turned to Elizabeth, who was sitting to his left. They were laughing at something now and Sarah wished that she might feel the ease of an old friendship such as they obviously shared. John had been her friend once. He had cared for her, but she had walked away from him and he’d fallen in love with Andrea.

Why did that hurt so much? Sarah knew that she had only herself to blame. With a little encouragement John would have asked her to marry him more than two years previously—but that was then and things had changed.

Sarah realised that, since learning of his wife’s death, she had been secretly wishing that he might turn to her, might ask her to marry him. His behaviour in the rose arbour that morning had destroyed her dreams. John was not ready to marry again just yet.

Would he ever be? Sarah frowned at her own thoughts. She would be foolish to hope for something that might never happen. Had John felt anything for her, he would surely not have answered her as he had. By telling her that she would meet a gentleman with a whole heart, who would love her, he could not have been clearer.

John was still in love with his late wife. Sarah must not embarrass him by showing her feelings for him. In future she would take great care not to be alone with him.

Sarah’s ordeal lasted for just two days more. On the morning of the third day, Arabella told her that John was leaving them.

‘He has some business that will not wait,’ Arabella said. ‘I am sorry he cannot stay longer, but he seems anxious to keep his appointment and I am afraid we must allow him to go, Sarah.’

Sarah was torn between regret and relief. It would be easier when she did not have to meet John at every meal, but a part of her wanted him to stay. She knew that he was grieving, but sometimes when they spoke she felt that something flowed between them.

She was sitting in the downstairs parlour when John came to take his leave of Arabella. Looking up, Sarah’s heart jerked as she saw how elegant he looked in his buckskin breeches and a blue coat that fitted him to perfection. He was of a slighter build than either Charles or Daniel, but Sarah thought him the most attractive of any gentleman she had met thus far. More than that, she felt a warmth inside every time he smiled at her.

‘Are you sure your business will not wait?’ Arabella asked as he said his farewells. ‘We had hoped you would stay at least a week.’

‘It was my hope too,’ John replied in his easy, gentle way. ‘Perhaps another time?’

‘Yes, of course. You know that you will always be welcome here, John.’

‘Thank you. I shall remember,’ he promised. Sarah thought there was a hint of regret in his face as he turned to her. ‘It was good to see you again, Miss Hunter.’

‘Yes,’ Sarah replied. She got up from her chair and walked to meet him, offering her hand. John hesitated briefly before taking it in his. Sarah tingled at his touch. There was a clean fresh scent about him that she found appealing and she wished that he might take her in his arms, but he had let go of her hand and was about to turn away. He must not go like this! Before she could prevent the words they leapt from her tongue, ‘Perhaps we shall meet in town, sir?’

‘I am not sure,’ John said with a vague look in his eyes.

‘But you promised to dance with me at Elizabeth’s ball!’ Sarah knew that she ought not to press him, but something inside told her that if she did not speak now it might be too late. ‘Surely you will not disappoint Elizabeth—and me?’

John was caught as he saw the appeal in her eyes. She had never looked prettier than she did now in her jonquil-yellow morning gown and it hurt to refuse her anything. He hesitated for a moment before inclining his head. ‘It seems as if I gave my word and must therefore keep it, Miss Hunter. I shall come up for the ball.’

Sarah’s heart beat wildly. He was grieving for his wife, but he still liked her. She was sure in that instant that John felt something. Perhaps it was not yet love, but that might come in time.

‘I shall save two dances for you, sir. Do not leave me standing alone.’

‘I never lightly break my word,’ John said. ‘Excuse me, ladies. I must say goodbye to Charles and Daniel. I have spoken to Elizabeth.’

Sarah was silent after he left the room, but there was a look of such longing on her face that Arabella guessed what was in her mind.

‘John is a man whose thoughts and emotions run deeply,’ Arabella said, looking pensive. ‘You must be patient, Sarah. I think he has much on his mind, but I am sure that he will find a solution to his problems.’

Arabella wondered if she ought to explain that John was being threatened. He had confided to Charles that someone had begun spreading rumours about the nature of Andrea’s death. Charles had, of course, dismissed it as spiteful nonsense. He was very angry that letters and whispers were circulating.

‘How anyone could think it for one moment!’ Charles had burst into furious speech when they were alone the previous night. ‘John is the last man on this earth I would suspect of having killed his wife.’

‘Why would anyone wish to spread such a rumour?’ Arabella had asked him. ‘It is scandalous and cruel. Someone must hate him to do such a thing.’ She frowned as a thought occurred to her. ‘Could it have anything to do with that other business?’

‘You mean because of the part John played in thwarting Sir Courtney’s attempt to abduct you and force you to marry him?’

‘Yes,’ Arabella replied, looking anxious. ‘John risked his life for our sakes, but why should he be the one to suffer now? And Captain Hernshaw fired the shot that killed Sir Courtney when he tried to kill Sarah and I…’

‘As well us as John if someone wanted revenge for that affair,’ Charles agreed. ‘No, I think this has more to do with John. There is something else…something that runs deeper.’ He explained that John had found some of Andrea’s possessions in his room. ‘Someone must have put that stocking on his bed. It did not get there of its own accord.’

‘Is that so surprising? I dare say the maids found it tucked away somewhere. My things often get left in your room. It could have been caught under the bed or some such thing.’

Charles shook his head. ‘I do not think John’s marriage was like ours, Belle. He would never speak of his intimate situation but…I have never thought it a love match.’

‘Nor I,’ Arabella agreed. ‘He was attentive and kind to her—but not as a man in love might be.’

‘John thought it right to inform me of the rumours and mentioned that he was under a strain. However, he said nothing of their relationship. What I have told you is merely my opinion.’

‘I had already formed my own,’ Arabella said. ‘It seems that John has an enemy, Charles.’

‘Yes, that was the conclusion I formed. I made him promise to seek out Tobbold—you may recall that both Daniel and I have found him a useful man?’ She nodded. ‘John needs someone to help him now. He must discover who is spreading malicious lies. Meanwhile, this remains a secret between us. Mama is not to be told, though both Elizabeth and Daniel have been informed. John wanted them to know because of the ball.’

‘You don’t think…’ Arabella was dismayed. ‘I imagined the gossip was confined to John’s village and home. It will be uncomfortable for him if it becomes generally known and believed.’

‘It will not be known from any of us!’

‘No, certainly not,’ she agreed.

Seeing the sadness in Sarah’s eyes after John had left them, Arabella was tempted to confide in the girl. However, on further reflection, she decided against speaking. It was not truly her affair. John might resent it if he knew that his secret had been betrayed. After all, had he wished Sarah to know, he would no doubt have told her himself.

‘I should not have rejected him before I left for Italy,’ Sarah said, breaking the silence between them. ‘He would have spoken then had I allowed it. I thought for a while that I should never wish to marry anyone.’

‘And now?’ Arabella asked, but before Sarah could answer, the door opened and both Elizabeth and Mrs Hunter came in. ‘Ah, there you are. Did you see John just now? He has been taking his leave of us. He has important business elsewhere but has promised to come up to town for your ball, Elizabeth.’

‘Has he?’ Elizabeth was surprised. ‘He must have changed his mind, for he seemed to think he would not manage it. I am glad that he will come. He looks tired and drained, and I am sure that it is no wonder. He needs to be with friends.’

‘Yes, that is what Charles thinks,’ Arabella agreed. She glanced at Mrs Hunter, who was clutching some letters. ‘Did those just arrive?’

‘Your housekeeper gave them to me,’ Mrs Hunter said. ‘One is for you, Arabella—and one for you, Sarah.’

Sarah took the letter from her mother. She walked over to a small table by the window and sat down on an elegant parlour chair, breaking the seal. She knew who had sent it—it carried the wax impression of the Conte di Ceasares’ seal. She scanned the few lines swiftly.

‘This is from the Conte,’ she told her mother. ‘It is just to say that he hopes we had a good journey.’

Mrs Hunter looked disappointed. ‘I had thought he might have written to say he intended to visit London.’

‘No, Mama. It is simply a polite letter to inquire after our health.’

‘Did you wish to see him again, Mrs Hunter?’ Elizabeth said with a teasing look, for she had no idea of who the Conte was or what age he might be. ‘Or perhaps Sarah…’

‘He was very taken with Sarah in Italy,’ Mrs Hunter said and looked thoughtful. ‘Had she been more sensible, she might have been married to him by now.’ She gave her daughter a straight look.

‘Mama!’ Sarah cried, blushing bright pink. ‘I pray you will not say such things.’

‘And why should you pray that, miss?’ Her mother looked at her in some annoyance. ‘The Conte is rich, attractive and charming—and not so very much older. You are foolish not to have taken him when he asked, Sarah.’ She nodded as Sarah stared at her. ‘I am aware that you refused him without reference to me. Had you asked, I should have advised you to take him.’

‘Please, Mama, do not,’ Sarah begged, feeling as if she could sink. It was so very embarrassing.

Elizabeth had realised her mistake. She sent Sarah an apologetic look. ‘Tell me, Mrs Hunter, where do you intend to take Sarah for her new clothes when you are in town? Have you heard that we have a new and very talented modiste? Her name is Madame Henriette Deloir and she made a wonderful gown for me this spring. Everyone thought that it must have come from Paris.’

‘You mean your green gown,’ Arabella said. ‘It is exquisite, Elizabeth. The lace she used to trim the sleeves is finer than anything I have. I shall ask her to make something for me once the baby is born.’

The conversation was successfully turned as Mrs Hunter asked for the modiste’s address. Sarah stood looking out of the parlour window, her back turned to the others. She had not realised that her mother knew she had refused the Conte’s offer and it was a shock to learn it so publicly.

Tears stung her eyes as she thought of how different it might have been had John asked her to marry him.

Staying here with Arabella, watching as she and Elizabeth held their children in their arms, holding the babies herself, Sarah had come to realise that she wanted a home and children of her own. Her heart belonged to John, but if he no longer cared for her…

Sarah sighed. She was not sure that she could marry just for the sake of a home and children, though she knew that it happened. In Italy most marriages were arranged and many of them turned out well. Some of the ladies she had counted her friends were completely happy with the husbands their families had chosen for them. She suspected that two of the ladies had secret lovers, but it was never spoken of.

It was not what Sarah wanted! She knew that if she married John she would never look at another man, but what if she were forced to take a husband for other reasons? Arabella had said that Charles would not allow Sarah to be pushed into an unwelcome marriage. However, he did not have to live with Mama! Mrs Hunter could be very disagreeable if thwarted too often.

Sarah knew that by giving her this London Season, her mother was offering her one last chance. Mrs Hunter expected her daughter to make a good marriage. If at the end of the season Sarah was not at least promised to someone, her mama would be most annoyed, for she might never have a better chance to find a husband.

Sarah was not afraid of her mother, but she did not wish to be at odds with her. Nor did she wish to remain at home with Mrs Hunter for the rest of her life. She envied Elizabeth and Arabella their freedom.

Sarah’s heart lifted. John had promised to attend Elizabeth’s ball. Perhaps when they danced together he would fall in love with her again.

John drove his horses hard for some minutes. He was determined to put some distance between himself and Sarah, determined that he would not give into the voices in his head telling him to turn back.

He had been a fool to weaken over Elizabeth’s ball. Seeing Sarah again was bound to bring him pain. Besides, if Charles was right, he had an enemy. Someone who was bent on ruining him and perhaps worse.

John was not certain he could prove his innocence if it came to a trial at law. He had spent some time with his agent the morning that Andrea had killed herself. Afterwards, he had gone for a long walk alone, needing to sort out his thoughts. His path had taken him to the far side of the estate. At no time had he been anywhere near the river, but could it be proven? He had some ideas that might be foolish nonsense, and yet he could not help thinking that he might know the writer of the letter. The hand had been disguised, of course, and yet he had his suspicions.

If he were forced to prove his innocence, it might be only his word against another’s. He believed that a man had written the unsigned letter. John might be acquitted by reasonable doubt, for if he could not prove his innocence no one could prove his guilt. However, the mud would stick. People would say that there was no smoke without fire. Even if he were merely called before the local Justice of the Peace, some would think him a murderer. John had told his friends of the threat, believing that they ought to be aware that he might be disgraced at any time.

‘You might prefer that I did not attend Elizabeth’s ball, Daniel.’

‘Damn it, John! Do not dare to say such a thing to me again. None of us would believe such a wicked lie.’ Daniel had been outraged.

‘But others will,’ John had pointed out with a wry smile. ‘Some will cut me, I make no doubt. You could be tarred with some of the filth they may throw at me.’

‘Anyone stupid enough to think you a murderer will no longer be welcome in my house,’ Daniel said, looking grim.

Charles had said much the same. Neither of his friends was prepared to think the worse of him. John had thanked them for their loyalty, but he knew that he would find a rather different attitude in others should the rumours become common knowledge.

‘Speak to Tobbold,’ Daniel had advised him. ‘He will get to the bottom of this if anyone can, John. It is a pity that you did not keep the letter. If you should receive another, make sure you retain it as evidence. Someone is out to ruin you. You have an enemy, my friend, and you must fight back. He must not be allowed to get away with this, whoever he may be.’ Daniel frowned. ‘I suppose you have no idea who it might be?’

‘No, none at all,’ John said, though it wasn’t quite true. He had wondered, but his suspicions seemed so ridiculous that he could not bring himself to voice them aloud. ‘I have racked my brains to no avail. I thought that perhaps Andrea’s father might blame me, but he was disgusted by the letter sent to him, and the first to bring this matter to my attention.’

‘I am at your service,’ Charles told him. ‘If there is anything I may do to help, John, you have only to send word.’

‘The same goes for me,’ Daniel agreed. ‘I am certain we can sort this out between us, John. I shall make inquiries myself, because there is more to this than we yet know—but you must speak to Tobbold. Your enemy is a dangerous man and may not be satisfied with your ruin.’

John was feeling better for having confided in his friends. Both had declared him perfectly sound of mind, which meant that he might be dealing with more than one enemy. And at least one of them was able to come and go in his own house!

John found it difficult to understand how that could be. Many of his servants had worked for him for years, and some for his parents before him. He would have sworn that every one of them was loyal. Why had this person turned against him? What had he done that deserved this?

John had puzzled over it, but could find no answer. Perhaps his enemy had bribed one of the maids to place Andrea’s things amongst his, hoping to unnerve him? It had certainly given him a nasty shock the first time, but afterwards he had begun to suspect what was going on. When he returned home he would ask his housekeeper if any new maids had been taken on in the past few months.

And why was his enemy trying to ruin him? Was it because Andrea had taken her own life? He had wondered if Sir Andrew had written his own letter in order to threaten him, and yet he could not truly think it. His father-in-law had known that her child was not John’s—how could he blame John for the fit of despair that had driven her to take her own life?

Who else would want revenge for her death? John could think of no one. She did not have any brothers or sisters, and her mother had died when she was but a child.

So perhaps it was nothing to do with Andrea. Perhaps she was merely the tool being used against him. John frowned as he slowed his horses to a steadier pace. He had no idea where to start looking for clues. He could tell Tobbold what had happened so far, but he could give him no help in solving the mystery.

It was possible that this nonsense might be something to do with Sir Courtney Welch—or even Sir Montague Forsythe. John had been involved in both those affairs. He had helped when Charles had been desperate to discover his sister’s whereabouts after Forsythe had had her abducted, and John had also played a big part in scuppering Sir Courtney’s attempt to force Arabella into marrying him. It was also possible that he had trodden on someone’s toes for quite another reason, though he did not know of anyone who had a right to hate him. He had not insulted anyone, nor had he ruined another gentleman at the card tables.

It was a warm spring day, but John felt the chill of winter enter his heart. The future looked bleak indeed. It was hopeless. How could he ever discover who his enemy was, let alone prove his innocence to the world? He had no answers to the questions others would ask of him. All he did know for certain was that he could not ask any woman to marry him while this shadow hung over him. Only a selfish man would think of his own happiness when it might bring harm to the woman he admired more than any other.

Yet had he the right to ignore Sarah? He had once given her to understand that he was in love with her. In the rose arbour she had seemed to invite him to speak, and a part of him had longed to oblige her—but he did not wish to bring her down. If he were to be disgraced—or, worse, accused of murder—it could ruin her life.

John knew that he must conquer the guilt he felt concerning his wife. It was true that he had not been able to give her the love she needed. Kindness and concern were all very well in their way—but was it his neglect in making their marriage a true one that had driven Andrea to take her life? Or was there some reason of which he had no knowledge?

Only when he had settled his own mind would he be able to think of making plans for the future.