Читать книгу Danny Boy - Anne Bennett - Страница 5

Rosie McMullen never thought much of the beauty of the countryside she lived in, like the verdant green hills to each side of the farm. These were speckled with sheep and dotted here and there with cottages very like her own and had rivers that shone like silver ribbons in the sun trickling down them that fed into the large lake beside Blessington village.

She lived with her parents Minnie and Seamus and her two younger sisters, Chrissie and Geraldine, on a small, but prosperous farm just over two miles from the village in County Wicklow, a county that was often dubbed ‘the garden of Ireland’.

She took it all for granted like she did her home, that squat, whitewashed, thatched cottage, with the cobbled yard in front of it, full of strutting hens pecking at the corn and grit. There was a barn to one side of the cottage, a byre to the other, a midden at the back and a spring well in the first field. The cottage itself had a large kitchen with a curtained-off bed, in the corner where Rosie’s parents slept. There were also two other bedrooms, the first and largest one, which opened directly off the kitchen was used by Rosie and her sisters and at the end of that room another door led into a smaller room, which remained unoccupied until Rosie took it over for her first ten years.

From the cottage window, Rosie could see the winding lane leading up to the road with cultivated fields to one side of it and the pasture land to the other side, where the cows stood placidly chewing the cud.

However, Rosie’s childhood was a harsh one, even in this idyllic place and came to an end entirely by the time she was just ten, when in October 1907 her mother gave birth to a baby boy she named Dermot. Rosie’s sisters were eight and six, and from the moment Dermot let out his first newborn wail, it was as if they’d all ceased to exist.

Neither Minnie or her husband had ever been particularly demonstrative with their affections towards the girls, and Minnie especially, was always quick to find fault. She would fly into a temper for little or no reason and smacks, or strokes from the strap was a regular feature of their childhood. They never questioned this, it was just how things were. But, Dermot, they were soon aware, had a totally different kind of upbringing.

At only twenty inches long, Dermot ruled the house and all in it. Neighbours trailed to the house to offer their congratulations and catch a glimpse of this marvellous child, as if Dermot McMullen was the first child born to the family. Seamus’s hand was shook over and over. He was stood drinks at the pub by the men, while the women brought gifts for the baby and cakes and other fancies for the family. The three girls were mostly ignored, but if they were noticed at all, it was only to be asked if they weren’t delighted altogether by their wee brother?

Strangely enough, Rosie was. She had no argument with the small baby and she often stole away to gaze at him. He looked so vulnerable. He had a dusting of light silky hair and his skin was a creamy colour, his eyes the milky blue of the newborn. She was enchanted by his tiny flexing fingers with minute nails and his podgy little feet, which would kick out in freedom when he was released from his bindings. No, Rosie couldn’t blame the wee baby for the changes in the house, but as time passed, she blamed her parents and particularly her mother more and more.

Minnie was unaware of how her eldest daughter felt. In fact she seldom thought of her at all, now that she had her son. She would have said, if asked that her daughters were not neglected, they were fed, warm and kept clean. Rosie, if ever she’d given voice to her feelings, would have said that, though their basic needs were attended to, they were never given a kind word or shown a warm smile. Rosie would have liked her mother’s eyes to soften when she looked at her daughters sometimes, the way they did when they lighted on Dermot and to be spoken to in the soothing, gentle way she reserved for the baby.

She never discussed these things with her little sisters, but resentment began to burn inside her and she promised herself that she’d never make a daughter of hers feel so unwanted, however many sons she might have.

Dermot’s eyes eventually turned bluey/grey, but his skin stayed fair and he developed dark blond curls. The three McMullen sisters all looked totally different to their brother. They all had large, dark brown eyes with a dusting of freckles beneath them and across their pink tinged cheeks and the bridge of their snub noses. Their hair was as dark as their eyes and fell in natural waves down their backs.

Each Saturday night, Seamus went into one of the pubs in Blessington village and the girls would have their weekly bath. Minnie would help bring the bath in before the fire and help fill it and then they’d be left to their own devices. It was Rosie who lathered her little sisters and washed their hair, remembering to use the water from the rain barrel outside the door for the last rinse, so as to give their hair extra shine.

It was Rosie who helped her sisters from the bath and dried them and towelled their hair to stop it dripping before attending to herself. And later, when they were all bathed, the water emptied pan by pan into the gutter in the yard, and the girls dressed for bed, Rosie would plait all their hair, so that it would be wavy for Mass in the morning.

And the next morning, while her mother attended to Dermot, Rosie would see to her sisters, brushing their hair and checking that they were tidy and that their boots were fastened correctly and they had a clean hanky up the leg of their bloomers and the collection farthings secure.

Chrissie and Geraldine accepted Rosie as their substitute mother without complaint and so possibly felt the lack of a mother’s love and attention less than Rosie did. And Rosie felt a sort of fierce protective love for her two little sisters and took a pride in their appearance.

When they stepped out for Mass dressed in their best clothes with bonnets tied beneath their little pointed chins, and their boots shining with polish, they looked lovely. All three girls were dressed the same for Mass, but though many of the neighbours smiled at the girls, their attention was all for Dermot.

Wasn’t he the little dote? Hadn’t he grown so? Wasn’t he the best baby in the world, so good, so contented? Surely Minnie didn’t know she was born with such a child and with three daughters to help her rear him.

In truth, the girls seldom got a look in where Dermot was concerned. Minnie seemed to either be nursing him, or cuddling him most of the day. She’d instruct Rosie from the chair before the fire in frying rashers and eggs for Sunday breakfast after Mass and later Rosie would cook the meal.

Rosie learned fast. Nothing enraged her mother more than vegetables burned onto the pan, lumpy gravy or inadequately drained cabbage and she had no wish to inflame her mother’s temper. So, without complaint, she learned also how to make soda bread, barnbrack and apple pie.

She’d always been used to helping. It had been her lot for long enough anyway, particularly as she was the eldest. She knew it was what most girls did and that it would stand her in good stead when she married. But, just sometimes, she would have liked to hold the baby, to feel his warm little body against her and see his eyes looking into her own.

Minnie however, guarded him jealously, only letting Seamus hold him grudgingly. Babyhood though, doesn’t last forever and as Dermot began to crawl, and then pull himself up to stand and walk, he wasn’t content to be cuddled all the day. He loved all his sisters, who were always willing to stop what they were at to do his bidding, but Dermot’s favourite in the house was Rosie and he was devoted to her.

Dermot began at the County School in Blessington the September before his fifth birthday. Rosie and Chrissie had both left school by then and Geraldine, who had been eleven in June had just one year left, so it was her job to take Dermot up to the school while Rosie and Chrissie helped wherever they were needed, on the farm, the house, or the dairy.

Rosie had settled well in to the mundane life, although she often missed the company of the girls at school and as she neared fifteen she noticed changes to her body she could have done with advice over, things that she could hardly discuss with a younger sister. There was no-one she could think to ask and she often wondered if thinking about it too much could be construed as a sin.

Then, one dreadful day, she’d gone to the privy outside, driven there by severe stomach cramps and found she was bleeding from her bottom. She came in, her eyes swollen, her body weak from crying for hours, for she was convinced she was dying.

Even then, she could hardly bear to tell her mother, but fear eventually overcame her embarrassment. ‘You’re not dying,’ he mother told her brusquely. ‘It’s what happens to every woman, every month.’

Rosie’s eyes opened wide in astonishment. She’d never heard of such a thing. Minnie McMullen was hazy about why women had periods and the workings of a human body – it wasn’t something a good, Catholic woman should know about she felt. But, she knew the monthly periods were connected somehow with having a child, and this was what she told Rosie.

Rosie looked at her in horror. She knew very little about sex and what you did to have a baby, but from the odd snippets picked up in the school yard, she knew you had to ‘do’ things with a man and she knew that to do those things before you had a husband and then to go on and have a baby, was just about the worst thing in the world. She’d be like Cissie Morlarty who, people said, had been expecting when she was but a young girl and there had been no boyfriend in sight. Anyway, whatever the truth of it Cissie was sent far away from her home to a place for bad girls so the rumours went and she was never seen or heard of again.

Rosie, gripped with desperate fear cried, ‘But, I’m not having a baby. I don’t want to have a baby.’

‘I didn’t say you were, you silly girl,’ Minnie replied sharply. ‘And I trust you won’t think of having a child until you are respectably married. This other thing is just part of being a woman, so that you can have a baby when you’re ready.’

Rosie was relieved beyond measure that she was normal and she wasn’t dying, but there were still things she needed to know and she decided to ask her mother now, while they were talking of intimate matters. ‘Mammy, how do babies get into you?’

Minnie’s lips pursed. ‘There is no need to know those things, or even ask about them until you’re married. Then, all will come clear to you.’

How? Rosie wondered, but she didn’t ask. One look at her mother’s face convinced her it would be a waste of time. Maybe, when she married, her husband would tell her. She hoped to goodness he knew something about it, or they’d never have a child.

She spent a lot of time as she reached her mid teens thinking about boys, wondering who she might marry and whether it would be someone around them, like Larry Sullivan the son of the blacksmith, or Rory McCabe, whose family owned a farm similar to their own, or even Dessy Finnegan, though when she thought of him she had to smile, for the boy was so small she stood head and shoulders above him like most of the other girls.

However, none of these boys attracted her in any way. In fact, they irritated her more often. Perhaps feelings change as a person gets older she mused or maybe she’d be swept off her feet by someone else entirely. She wondered what it would be like to fall in love, how it would feel to have a man’s hands upon you. Of course, that verged on impure thoughts and then would have to be confessed to Father McNally and yet she could scarcely prevent thinking of such things when she was in her bed at night.

Really though, when she thought deeper about it, she wondered if she’d ever have a boyfriend. She’d had to do so much with her sisters since she’d been ten that she’d seldom had time to think of her own appearance. She brushed both her sisters’ hair a hundred times each before plaiting it for bed, but her own waves got a cursory brush and she’d spent so long seeing that Chrissie and Geraldine were neat and tidy for school or Mass, that she scarcely had a minute to think of herself.

She examined her face and body critically in the mirror in her room and could see she had little to recommend her. Her eyes she felt were as dull as her hair, her skin sallow and while her body was thin enough, it had no shape to it at all.

She had few to compare herself with, for she saw her contemporaries only at Mass or the village, if she went in on Saturdays. There was a social in the church hall once a month for young people over the age of sixteen, but Rosie didn’t think she’d ever be allowed to go. She knew her mother didn’t approve of such goings on. Rosie didn’t mind too much for she had nothing to wear, the serviceable day clothes and outfits for Mass were not the sort of clothes to wear to a dance. She knew too, the possibility of her mother spending money to get her new clothes, especially the things suitable for a social, was as likely as her flying to the moon, and she had no money of her own.

But, despite all this, there was a boy, a man almost, Rosie liked and his name was Danny Walsh. She was the same age as his younger sister Elizabeth, while Sarah his other sister was another two years older and he had a younger brother Phelan, who was the same age as Geraldine. The girls had all been at school together and when she talked to them after Mass, she had ample time to study their older brother, Danny.

He was a well set up and muscular young man, and from being out in all weathers his face was always bronzed. As he was the eldest son he was set to inherit the family’s farm and he carried that assurance with him. His mouth turned up at the sides as if he was constantly good humoured, his chin was determined and strong and his sparkling eyes were as dark as the mop of brown curls he sported.

Rosie, knew that nobody as handsome as Danny Walsh would look the side she was on, and she kept her thoughts about him to herself and only dreamed about him in her bed at night when she was tucked in beside her sisters. However, Danny Walsh had noticed the young girl with the deep brown eyes and hair that shone in the sunlight, but he also knew how old she was and he was no cradle snatcher.

In the spring of 1914, Rosie was sixteen and a half and Danny’s feelings for her had deepened, though he had no idea how she felt about him. He was no flirt and didn’t give his heart freely and that Sunday morning he decided it was time to see if Rosie liked him enough to step out with him and he dressed with extra care. The McMullen family came out of church and Minnie and Seamus stopped to speak to some neighbours just a little way from the porch.

It had rained in the night and dampness still lingered in the air and Geraldine and Chrissie had Dermot between them and they were jumping him over the puddles. Rosie was standing a little way apart watching them, a smile playing at her mouth at the squeals of delight from Dermot and was unaware of the figure beside her, until he spoke.

‘It looks as though the afternoon might turn out nice after all,’ Danny Walsh said to Rosie and she, certain Danny couldn’t be talking to her, looked around to see who he was addressing.

Danny laughed. ‘It’s you I’m speaking to Rosie McMullen,’ he said. ‘And I’d like to take a walk with you this afternoon, if you are agreeable?’

For a moment or two, Rosie was unable to speak, both from astonishment and pleasure and her face flushed with embarrassment.

She didn’t know quite how much the flush suited her and how the blood pumped through Danny’s body at the sight of her pretty, fresh face. He felt his heart soar with joy for the blush and tentative smile told it’s own tale.

‘I must…I must ask my parents,’ Rosie stammered at last, when she’d recovered enough to speak. ‘If…if they have no objections I’d be pleased to walk out with you. What time did you have in mind?’

Danny shrugged. ‘Half past two/three o’clock. Whatever you prefer.’

‘Either would suit me admirably,’ Rosie said.

Minnie and Seamus had no objection to a relationship beginning between Danny Walsh and their daughter. The Walshes were known to them, their farms were nearly adjoining, though they were over two miles apart by road and they knew them to be a respectable, and a good, catholic family.

‘And he’s the eldest,’ Seamus said. ‘Going on for twenty-one now and set to inherit all.’

‘Aye,’ Minnie said. ‘Course Rosie is young yet.’ And a grand help to me, she might have added, for she knew she’d miss that greatly.

‘Old enough to marry,’ Seamus said. ‘Sure, she’ll be seventeen in September, and you were just eighteen when we wed.’

‘Aye,’ Minnie said with a sigh, knowing her willing helper would not be with her much longer. But then Geraldine would be leaving school herself in the summer and Chrissie would still be at home, time to lick the pair of them into some sort of shape.

And so, a courtship began between Rosie and Danny Walsh. Each Sunday afternoon through that long and glorious spring and summer, Danny would call for her and they would go from her home sedately enough until they were out of sight of the farm, whereupon Danny would clasp Rosie to him and kiss her, until she felt she had no breath left in her body.

They would walk hand in hand by the side of the lake and just the touch of Danny’s hand in hers sent heat pounding though Rosie’s body and when he turned to look at her and smile, she felt as if her heart had actually stopped beating.

Rosie regularly visited Danny’s parents, Connie and Matt, and found she liked them very much and knew they liked and approved of her. Phelan, though he liked Rosie, was not above teasing her. On her second visit to the farm he had a grin on his face as he grumbled, ‘Danny’s making me do all the work, since he met you,’

‘You cheeky young pup,’ Danny cried, cuffing his brother, lightly on the side of the head. ‘Bout time you pulled your weight. Anyway, it’s only the evening milking I’ve asked you to do.’

‘Aye, so far.’

‘You turn will come, boy,’ Matt told his younger son. ‘Danny does his share and more, so lets have no more talk about it lest we embarrass our Danny’s young lady.’

Rosie was anything but embarrassed. She loved the teasing and ribaldry between the family, never having experienced anything like it. As she helped Connie clear away the things from the meal one evening, while the men had a smoke by the fire, she gave her a brief account of her life and the cooking and washing and dairy work she’d done since she’d been a child.

Connie knew some of it of course. She knew too about the baby boy born to the McMullen’s after three daughters and at first she’d been as pleased for them as any of the neighbours, knowing most farmers wanted a son. Made the work all worthwhile if their own flesh and blood was to inherit all they’d worked for but though she’d been delighted herself to have two boys, she fiercely loved her daughters too.

She could talk to her daughters, far more than to her sons and she took pleasure in their company and she’d always hoped that Danny and Phelan would choose women who would fit in with the family, when they took a wife. She was delighted with Danny’s choice and knew she would get on a treat with Rosie and told Matt this later that night when Rosie and Danny had set out for a walk.

‘Mind you,’ she said. ‘I don’t like the set up in that house at all, and that’s not so much from what Rosie said, but more from what she didn’t. And didn’t Danny tell you when he was invited up for a meal, that the wee child was served even before his father and that he held court over the conversation at the table and all had to be quiet and listen to him?’

Matt gave a brief nod. ‘Aye, he did right enough.’

‘God, but they’ll have him ruined,’ Connie said.

‘Do him no good in the long run.’

‘Aye, don’t I know that?’ Connie said with feeling. ‘Course Minnie has always been daft about the boy and never has a good word to say for the girls and from what Danny says is far too free with her hands. Rosie herself let slip that Minnie had used the strap on her more than once.’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t understand the woman at all. Rosie, at any rate, is a daughter I’d be proud to own and I’d welcome her here tomorrow.’

Danny somehow talked Minnie into letting Rosie go to her first social, to show her off he said and Minnie relented enough to buy Rosie a dress when she said she couldn’t go, for she hadn’t suitable clothes. Minnie wouldn’t want the Walshes to think her mean. Rosie didn’t care why the dress was bought, she was just glad it was for she was wild to go and let her friends see the fine man she had. Several girls were already jealous of Rosie’s luck in landing such a grand catch, but Rosie didn’t see Danny as a catch, but as a good and kind man whom she loved with all her heart.

Shay, Danny’s best friend still footloose and fancy free, teased Danny about settling down so young that night at the social. He had noticed a change in his friend over the last few weeks and knew Rosie had captured his heart. ‘Sure, isn’t there plenty of time and the whole world full of women?’

‘Aye, but it’s just the one woman I want,’ Danny said. ‘You’ll know one day. You’ll fall for someone and it will hit you like a ton of bricks and nothing will do you, but marry them.’

‘Well, I wish you joy of it. I’m in no hurry myself.’

‘Just wait until it’s your turn,’ Danny said and he left Shay and went over to claim his sweetheart, who was surrounded by a group of girls. ‘Excuse me ladies,’ he said. ‘I need to have a dance with my lovely Rosie’.

Rosie missed the looks of resentment and envy on many of the girls’ faces for she had eyes only for Danny and he took her by the hand and led her to the dance floor and they made up a set for the Dublin Reel with young people like themselves. ‘Enjoying yourself?’ Danny asked. As the music came to an end and the partners bowed to one another.

‘Ever so.’

‘Well, it won’t be the last time you go to a dance I promise,’ Danny said. ‘You shouldn’t be stuck away in some farmhouse all the time, for just to look at the beauty of you would brighten anyone’s dull life.’

‘Oh, Danny, you say such silly things.’

‘True things,’ Danny said and Rosie was unable to answer for she was swung away by another man, as the music changed to a polka. The man had his arm tight about her waist and the pace was such that there was little time or breath to talk and she was glad to take a rest at the end of it and hang onto Danny’s arm and accept the glass of homemade lemonade he had ready for her for she was out of breath. It was a wonderful, magical evening and later in bed that night she went over Danny’s words again and again, as she did after every date and they warmed her very soul.

In fact, she thought about Danny nearly every waking minute and dreamed of him every night. With every passing hour and day, she loved Danny Walsh more and knew she would do anything in the world to please him.

One Sunday afternoon in late June, they climbed the Wicklow Hills. They’d been before, but never so high and eventually, Danny called a halt, hauling Rosie up to join him. They stood and looked about them, the lake shimmering blue in the sunshine that lit up the hillside. ‘Have you ever been up there?’ Danny said, pointing his hand way into the distance. It was a clear day and they could see for miles.

‘Sugar Loaf Mountain?’ Rosie said, recognising its distinctive granite summit where it was said nothing grew at all, although it was miles away. She shivered. ‘No. I’d be afraid. They say the Devil walks there at will.’

‘Jesus, Rosie, you can’t believe that?’ Danny cried. ‘It’s a tale put about to frighten the weans. Shay and I always promised ourselves we’d go there one day and stay the night, just to prove there was nothing to be scared of, but we never did get around to it.’

Rosie liked Shay Ferguson. The Walshes and Fergusons were good friends and Shay and Danny had been inseparable since their school days, just as Shay’s brother Niall was with Phelan now. ‘We used to get up to some high jinks as lads,’ Danny said. ‘We even had a den. Don’t know if I could find it now, if it’s still standing that is. It was an old shepherds’ shelter, but we thought it a grand place. We became blood brothers together there, slicing our fingers with our pen knives to mingle the blood.’

Danny gave a short laugh at the memory. ‘Little wonder we didn’t bleed to death, or get an infection,’

He put his arm protectively around Rosie. ‘There’s no need though for you to fear anything any more, Rosie McMullen for I will never let anything harm you in all your life.’

‘Oh Danny.’

‘Do you love me, Rosie?’

‘Oh yes, I haven’t enough words to tell you how much.’

Danny sank to the ground and Rosie was glad to sit beside him on the springy turf, for her legs had begun to tremble. They lay together clasped tight and when Danny began kissing Rosie, she felt those strange yearnings beginning in her body which she barely understood. Danny fumbled at her top until her breasts were partly exposed and as his tongue gently parted her lips, she felt such excitement and pleasure, she could no more tell him to stop, than she could prevent the sun from shining.

Dear God! She knew right from wrong, but never knew about this, this passion that could rise up in you. When Danny’s lips began to nuzzle at her breasts, she pressed him closer her whole yearning for him. Yes. Oh yes, and she pushed her fist in her mouth to prevent her saying the words aloud.

But she couldn’t help the cry escape her when Danny slid his hands between her legs. She felt she’d died with happiness and she cried. ‘Go on. Oh Danny, please go on.’

And how much Danny wanted to. God, he loved Rosie so much it hurt and he knew now, this minute, she would stop him doing nothing and that she wanted for them to be truly together as much as he did.

He pulled away reluctantly, though his groin ached with desire. He had to be strong and sensible for both of them. He was four years older than Rosie, and he had to be the one to put on the brakes, for she seemed incapable of it. He didn’t want her disgraced, her family dragged through the mud with her, the wedding rushed and baby born a scant six months later and all claiming it was premature. He’d seen that enough times and didn’t want it for his Rosie.

After that though, their courtship became more ardent and their lovemaking more and more intimate, until there were few places on Rosie’s body Danny hadn’t explored. Rosie, with Danny’s urging, had touched him too, feeling his strong muscles move beneath her hands and she had even felt the throbbing hardness of his manhood.

Each time, Danny would pull away from Rosie with difficulty and she would return home frustrated and filled with desire. She didn’t know what it cost Danny to resist, for he was burning up himself.

‘Oh God, Danny,’ Rosie said breathlessly one evening at the farm gate, as Danny pulled away from a passionate embrace. ‘Christ, I can’t stand this much longer.’

Danny too felt they had waited long enough. ‘Rosie, do you love me, as I love you with all your heart and soul?’

‘I love you with all my being,’ Rosie told him earnestly. ‘Danny, I’d need a lifetime to show you how much.’

‘Then you’ll have a lifetime,’ Danny said emphatically. ‘Rosie, will you marry me?’

‘Oh Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.’

‘Then my darling, we’ll talk to your parents tomorrow evening’ Danny promised.

But, despite Minnie’s indifference to her daughter, she had seen Rosie come home flustered time and enough and knew what ailed her. She hoped Danny Walsh had respect for Rosie and that Rosie had worn her sensible head when she was with him, for she knew well enough what could happen to young couples allowed out alone. So she was relieved and pleased that Danny came to see them and asked for permission to marry Rosie and readily gave their permission. Connie and Matt weren’t averse to this either, for they weren’t fools and had seen the way things were going for some time and the wedding was set for October 1914, a month after Rosie’s seventeenth birthday.

Rosie began sitting by the fire each evening that she didn’t see Danny, sewing things for her bottom drawer. Geraldine was an accomplished seamstress and helped her, but Chrissie had no interest in it at all. Rosie looked at the cobbled mess Chrissie had made of the sheets she’d offered to hem and knew she’d have to unpick the stitches and begin again. She knew Chrissie had tried though and said nothing to her.

Not so their mother. ‘Who in God’s name would marry a woman who barely knows how to thread a needle?’ she demanded, giving Chrissie a cuff across the head so hard that it knocked her from the stool. Chrissie’s face burned but her eyes remained dry. She said not a word to her mother, but once she’d left the room she whispered to her sisters, ‘Am I worried? I don’t think so. There are more ways of satisfying a man than sewing a button on his shirt.’

‘Chrissie,’ Rosie cried shocked. ‘Take care, Mammy would take the strap to you if she heard such talk.’

‘That’s why I’m not telling her,’ Chrissie said, with a defiant toss of her head and the three girls giggled together.

But, although Rosie had help with the basic sewing, she embroidered the night gowns and pillowslips by herself, for she had a knack for it and eventually a week later, with her wedding only days away, she said with satisfaction, ‘No-one could have a better bottom drawer than me.’

Chrissie had watched Rosie finish the last rosebud on the neck of the cambric gown, and snip off the thread and said, ‘Aye, it’s a fine nightdress right enough. And now, with all the work you’ve done on it, don’t you let Danny tear it from your back. Tell him to go slow.’

‘Chrissie!’

Chrissie paled instantly. She’d not heard her mother come into the room and now she watched her approach with dread. The first slap snapped her neck back, but the second on the other cheek with the back of the hand, scored a line down Chrissie’s cheek from Minnie’s rings. ‘We’ll have no more of that sort of dirty talk. You can just be thankful your father is out.’

Chrissie’s face with the scarlet handprint on one cheek and the other oozing blood from the deep graze had wiped the smiles from Rosie and Geraldine’s faces. Rosie wondered if she should say something – intervene, but in the past when she had tried that, it had only made things worse.

She wouldn’t risk it and waited till her mother left the room again before reaching for Chrissie’s hand. ‘I don’t care,’ Chrissie said defiantly as tears she wouldn’t let fall, glistened in her eyes. ‘I hate her! She’s a cow.’

‘Hush, oh hush,’ Rosie said putting her arms around her distraught sister. ‘Never say things like that, Chrissie. Think them if you must, but never say them. Mammy would kill you if she heard. But I’ll tell you what,’ she added, hoping to turn the subject from their mother, ‘Danny can remove the nightdress in any way he chooses and if he’s too slow, I’ll help him, so I will.’

Chrissie’s smile was tremulous, but it was at least a smile and both Rosie and Geraldine were glad to see it. Rosie gave her sister another hug and returned to her seat before her mother should come in

Connie had offered Rosie the loan of her wedding dress, to save the young couple money and when Rosie had seen it, shimmering satin with an overdress of lace and a large train, she felt her eyes fill with tears at her generosity. A neighbour woman ran up dresses of white satin for Rosie and Danny’s sisters on her treadle sewing machine and they were decorated by Sarah and Elizabeth with beads and little pink and blue rosebuds.

Then, Minnie announced she was going to Dublin to buy clothes for Seamus and Dermot. ‘The trousers on the suit your father wears for Mass have worn thin. They’re always shining on the knees and don’t hold the crease for five minutes and the jacket is downright shabby.’

Rosie knew she was right, but she worried at the expense of it, what with them already paying out for the reception although it was being held at Danny’s house as it was bigger ‘Oh Mammy, Daddy will be fine in what he has,’ she protested. ‘Don’t be spending money like this.’

‘Och, sure aren’t you the first to be married?’ Minnie said and a rare smile touched her lips for a moment. ‘We’ll do the job properly or not at all.’

‘But Dermot, Mammy. He’s just a wee boy. What does he need?’

‘I want him in a sailor suit,’ Minnie said. ‘In the paper it said they were the talk of the place in England. Won’t he look a little dote in one. Of course you’d get nothing like that in this town, but I’m sure to find something in the fine shops in Dublin.’

Rosie knew then why her mother was making the trip. It wasn’t for her father’s suit at all. The material could have been bought at the drapers’ in the town and run up by a seamstress the way it was always done, but, Dermot had to be dressed as a wee sailor on her wedding day. She said nothing, she had no wish to argue with her mother now and anyway there was little point. Her mother was blind and deaf to reason where the child was concerned.

Dermot didn’t care whether he had a sailor suit or not. He didn’t even want to go and see his Rosie marry a man who would be taking her away and he said so forcibly and shed so many and such bitter tears that Rosie felt immensely sorry for him. So little had been denied Dermot in his young life that he thought he just had to say that he didn’t want Rosie to go and she wouldn’t. It was a shock for him to realise that Rosie was going ahead with her plans, regardless of what he thought. ‘Don’t you love me any more? he asked plaintively.

‘Dermot, Of course I love you. I’ll always love you.’

‘Not as much as you love Danny Walsh.’

‘I love you differently,’ Rosie corrected. ‘It’s all part of growing up, getting married and leaving home. Nearly everyone does in the end and I’ll not be far away. You can come and visit as often as you are let.’

Dermot scrubbed at his wet cheeks with the sleeve of his jersey. ‘It won’t be the same.’

Rosie, moved by the sadness in Dermot’s face bent down and put her arms about him. ‘I know it won’t and I can’t do anything to make that better, but I want you to remember something always.’

‘What?’

‘That you are very, very special to me. My own wee brother and wherever I am you will always hold part of my heart.’

Dermot was only slightly mollified by Rosie’s words, but he did at least begin to see that whatever he did or said, would change nothing and the days rolled by one into another.

The day before the wedding, Rosie felt herself looking around her home, seeing her room, her sisters, her parents and little distressed Dermot in a new light, knowing soon she was leaving them behind her. She loved Danny and oh without a doubt she longed to be with him, longed to be his wife, longed for fulfilment and to be loved with intensity, but it was a big step nonetheless, whereas for Danny, little was changing. He’d have a wife certainly, but he would still be living at his own house and with his family still around him. It wouldn’t be the same wrench for him at all.

It wasn’t that Rosie disliked Danny’s parents or siblings and they’d gone out of their way to make her welcome in their home. It was just that she was nervous of leaving. Her home had never been a bed of roses and since Dermot’s birth, it had been liberally strewn with thorns, but it had been familiar and she knew she would miss her sisters greatly.

Minnie didn’t help her daughter’s unease at all, when she spoke to her the night before the wedding. She chose to talk to her after her sisters and Dermot had made their way to bed and Seamus was doing one last round of the farm before turning in. ‘There are things about marriage that women don’t talk about,’ she began.

There had been no lead up to the conversation. Rosie had stared at her mother slightly appalled and a little embarrassed. It was too late for this type of discussion.

Evidently, Minnie didn’t realise this, for she went on. ‘You must let your man do as he pleases once you are married. It’s what you’ll promise to do before the priest and congregation tomorrow. You don’t have to enjoy what he does, most women don’t, but you must endure it. He may hurt you at first, this fine husband of yours, but even if he does, you must let him have his way, for this is what marriage is all about.’

It seemed an eternity that Rosie sat before the dying fire that night after her mother’s words, looking into the turf settled into the grate with a hiss and lick of orange flame, while the wind gusted around the cottage, trepidation and fear of what was before her, driving away tiredness. And then, her father came in, the door torn from his grasp by the wind, so it slammed against the wall with a crash. He brought in with him the cold of the autumn night and Rosie, unable to sit any longer and make inane conversation, after the declaration her mother had made, took herself off to bed.