Читать книгу Cinderella of Harley Street - Anne Fraser, Anne Fraser - Страница 7

AS SHE PROMISED, the next day Cassie joined Leith in Theatre once her own session had finished. His patient hadn’t been put under yet so Cassie went over to her and squeezed her hand. Maria smiled tremulously.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ Cassie whispered, knowing that the woman probably couldn’t understand her but hoping she found her tone reassuring.

She stood back while Leith repaired the tear, which, judging by the image on the monitor, was significant. Happily, the Mercy Ship had many generous donors and was equipped with the best and latest high-tech equipment.

‘She must have torn during labour—I’m pretty sure it must have been a breech delivery, ‘Leith said as he worked. ‘She’s probably lucky to have survived. I’m guessing there was a great deal of bleeding.’

Cassie admired his surgical technique. He wasted no time and his stitching was neat. As he operated he explained to the nurses what he was doing. When he’d finished he looked up with a satisfied smile. ‘I don’t think she’ll have any more problems.’ He peeled off his gloves and chucked them in the bin. ‘She’ll need to stay in for a few days.’

Cassie walked with him to the door, glancing at her watch. She had thirty minutes—just enough time for a quick shower and change of scrubs before she was due at her outpatient clinic.

‘Meet me later?’ Leith asked quietly.

Cassie’s heart thumped. She already knew she wasn’t going to say no. Last night she’d tossed and turned, thinking about Leith and wondering what she would do if he sought her out. She’d managed to convince herself that it could do no harm to spend time with him. She was tired of her own company and Leith was, well, interesting to say the least. It wasn’t as if there was any danger of them having more than a short while together. Pretty soon they’d be going their separate ways.

‘Why not? Let’s meet at the harbour wall. Say, around seven-thirty?’

Leith grinned and her heart did a little somersault. Good God, it was like being a teenager again, except no one had ever made her feel like this. Not as a teenager, not as an adult, not ever. Determined to ignore the warning bells in her head, she gave him one last smile and headed to the changing rooms.

Over the next week they spent almost all their off-duty hours together and Cassie found herself constantly looking out for him as she worked. She was happy—yet terrified. In the past, whenever she had found herself getting too close to a man, she’d simply backed away before the relationship had got too serious, and every day she told herself to walk away from Leith while she could.

But her resolve melted away as soon as she saw him. Why not enjoy what they had while she could? It wasn’t as if Leith made demands on her, simply seeming to enjoy her company, although she suspected, from the way he looked at her, that he wasn’t immune either.

Was it possible that finally she’d met someone she could love and, even more importantly, who could love her in return? She groaned inwardly. What was the use in even thinking like that? She had her future all mapped out and it didn’t—couldn’t—include long-term relationships.

‘Where will you go when you’re finished here?’ Leith asked one evening as they walked along the beach.

‘I have a job with the United Nations—in their International Medical Corps.’

He whistled. ‘The United Nations! A high-flyer, then?’

She smiled up at him. ‘That’s one way of putting it.’ She had certainly worked hard enough to achieve her dreams. Always refusing to go out with her fellow medical students, although that hadn’t simply been down to work, being the first on the wards and last off as a trainee, doing anything and everything that had been asked of her. After all, she of all people knew how to please.

But she didn’t want to think about that. It was the present she cared about right now. ‘My first posting is to Sudan. I go straight there from here.’

He frowned. ‘Why Sudan?’

‘I can’t think of a more worthwhile use of my skills. I like the feeling I’m helping children in real need.’ She breathed in the scent of sea and spice that she’d come to associate with Africa. ‘And I’ve always wanted to travel,’ she added. Because no place felt like home. ‘I think it will be a real test of my skills. What about you?’

‘I worked as a consultant in Glasgow for years and spent a long time abroad—mainly Africa but other countries too. I moved to London a couple of years ago. I work in Harley Street now.’

‘Harley Street?’ Cassie said, surprised. ‘Bit of a shift from Africa to Harley Street, isn’t it?’

‘Hey, don’t mock what you don’t know. The practice I work for only employs the best—its patients won’t tolerate anything else.’ He grinned at her. ‘If you’re ever looking for a job, I know they’d like to have a top-class doctor on the team.’

Warmth spread through her at the compliment. Although she knew she was a good doctor, she wasn’t used to praise. It felt good, especially so, she had to admit, coming from Leith. But of course what he was suggesting was impossible.

‘Thanks, but, no, thanks. London in the rain? The crowds? Battling the Underground? Give me blue skies and sun any time,’ she responded, knowing it was only a version of the truth. ‘I’ve had my career all mapped out ever since I went into medicine. That’s the way I like my life. It keeps me focussed.’

‘What about the personal one?’

The look in his eyes made her bones melt and once again she found herself wondering if there could be room in her life for spontaneity. Did everything have to be planned down to the last hour? On the other hand, that was how she liked it. It was far safer.

‘My work gives me everything I need—or want.’

He raised his eyebrow. ‘Everything? You don’t intend to get married? Have children?’

She stiffened. ‘Not every woman is born to be a mother.’

‘No,’ he replied, looking surprised, ‘but I’ve seen the way you are with the children. You’re a natural.’

‘Why does everyone think that every woman should want to have a child? In my experience, some women should be positively banned from having kids. After all, no one seems to think it unnatural if a man doesn’t want to have children. What about you, for example? Are they in your future?’

‘One day perhaps.’ His eyes crinkled at the corners. ‘In a few years’ time. In the meantime, I plan to have as much fun as I can.’

Her heart sank. His reply wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear.

‘And your parents? Are they in London?’ he continued after a moment’s silence.

Suddenly chilled, despite the muggy evening, she wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Some of the time. They spend a lot of time abroad now. One way or another, I don’t see much of them. What about yours?’ She wasn’t about to tell him that a bonus of going to work in Sudan was its distance from her adoptive parents.

He studied her for a moment as if he was about to press her further but then he seemed to change his mind. ‘They live on Skye. They’ve been married for forty years and still crazily in love with each other. That’s the way I want it to be if ever I get married.’

A familiar ache in her chest made her catch her breath. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to believe love could last? They halted under an acacia tree. In the distance, small fishing boats lit by glowing lanterns bobbed about the waters of the Atlantic Ocean and the smell of jasmine hung on the heavy night air.

Leith tipped her chin so she was looking up at him. ‘God, you’re beautiful.’ The world stopped turning as he brought his mouth down on hers. For a moment she felt as if she could hardly breathe. His kiss was gentle at first, his lips warm and questioning. But as she melted into him, his kiss became deeper, more demanding, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting more of him.

She could feel his desire for her against her pelvis and an answering warmth flooded through her. She wanted him. She wanted to feel his naked skin on hers, to have his hands all over her body and hers on his. She didn’t even care that after she’d left here she would never see him again—all she needed right now was this.

When they pulled away they were both breathing deeply.

‘Come back to the ship with me,’ he said simply.

When she nodded, he took her hand.

Cassie woke to bright sunshine streaming in through the porthole. At first she didn’t know where she was, but as the fog of sleep lifted she remembered. She smiled and stretched as a warm peace filled her. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this good.

She propped herself up on her elbow and studied Leith. Even in his sleep his mouth turned up at the corners. She trailed her fingertips over the hard contours of his chest and as she did so his eyes snapped open and he caught her hand in his.

‘Morning,’ he said with a smile.

‘Morning,’ she whispered back.

He ran his hand along her shoulder and down the curve of her waist and every nerve in her body tingled. They had made love twice last night, but now she wanted him again with a need that shocked her.

She moulded the length of her body against his so that it seemed as if every inch of her skin was in contact with his.

He pulled her tighter. ‘I can’t seem to get enough of you,’ he groaned.

Or her him. They didn’t have long, but why think about the future and what couldn’t be? Why not just be happy while she could?

It was her last coherent thought before she gave herself up to him.

Leith found himself humming under his breath at the oddest moments and when he wasn’t with Cassie he was thinking about her. He constantly sought her out and loved to catch even the briefest glimpses of her, squatting on her heels in the dust, talking to a group of women, or distracting a child while carrying out some unpleasant procedure by making funny faces or dangling a colourful toy just out of reach before relinquishing it to them.

Sometimes he would find her on her own on the deck of the ship, staring out to sea with a wistful, almost sad expression on her face. But then she would catch sight of him and her face would be transformed by the smile he’d grown to love. It felt as if their coming together had been inevitable. Which was strange—very strange. He wasn’t a man who believed in fate.

However, it felt good. It felt right.

But he still knew little more about her than he’d known at the start. Normally that would be good but with Cassie he wanted to know it all. In the past he’d always kept his relationships light-hearted and stayed away from the heavy stuff, but no one had made him feel the way he had since the first moment he’d spotted her lugging her suitcase along the quay.

However, he wasn’t going to think about what might or might not be. He was going to make the most of being with Cassie while he could.

He was smiling as he opened the email he’d received that morning.

He read it through and clicked on the attachment. It was a photograph of a boy of around four with large green eyes. He stared disbelievingly at an image that could have been him as a child.

An hour later, Leith was still trying to come to terms with what he’d learned. He had a son. He was a father. It just didn’t compute. Okay, so he’d always thought that he might, one day, have children, but ‘one day’ were the two key words. One day in the future. So far in the future he couldn’t even really imagine it.

But he’d better start imagining it.

He had a child.

He wasn’t ready to be a father. Not yet. He liked his life just the way it was. No ties, no obligations. Doing what he wanted. Work, women and travel—that’s what he liked. A child would put a stop to that. He’d have to be responsible, for God’s sake. Cut down on his working hours, reduce his travel commitments, be selective about the women he dated.

He examined the picture for the umpteenth time. The child was clearly bright—anyone could see that. And he had the same set to his jaw that Leith recognised from his own childhood pictures, which his mother brought out every time he was at home; hundreds of him as a baby naked on a blanket, as a toddler standing proudly next to his father with his own child-sized fishing rod, on his mother’s lap as she read him a story, all depicting the years until his graduation photograph and beyond. As his racing mind conjured up an image of him taking his son fishing or out on the boat, just as his father had taken him, something shifted inside his chest.

He studied the photograph again. In his childhood photographs he was always smiling—he might look the worse for wear, with patches on his knees and a dirt-smeared face, but he always looked blissfully happy.

He drew closer to the screen and his skin chilled. His son didn’t look happy—he didn’t look happy at all.

No child of his should look like that.

Cassie was happier than she could ever remember being. After the night she’d spent with Leith, they took every moment they could to be together. As soon as their medical duties were over they’d slip away, either to walk into the African veld or sometimes take a blanket down to the beach where they’d sit and talk about their day as the waves lapped against the shore.

Her heart cracked a little every time she thought about it ending. Leaving wasn’t supposed to be this hard. Wasn’t this the reason she’d always promised herself never to care too much?

Tonight they were sitting on their favourite spot by the shore. Leith was behind her with his legs and arms wrapped around her as she rested against his chest.

‘Do you have to go to Sudan?’ he asked suddenly.

The question caught her unawares and silence hung heavily before she answered. ‘Why? What else would you have me do?’ she asked lightly.

‘Come to London. You could get a job with the practice or in one of the teaching hospitals. Someone with your credentials should find it easy to get a job anywhere.’

She doodled a picture in the sand, stalling for time. ‘Now, why should I do that?’

His arms tightened around her. ‘I’m not ready to let you go.’

Her breath stopped in her throat. For a moment her carefully constructed future held no allure, her need and want of him overriding every rational thought. Perhaps it needn’t end? The thought shook her. Was she really thinking that this could last? What he was asking was impossible—she couldn’t let her employers down at this late stage. Especially not for a dream that might not come to anything. ‘I can’t not go to Sudan, Leith. I’ve made a commitment.’

She felt his sigh. ‘Damn it.’

Wriggling out of his arms, she turned to face him.

‘You could come with me. They’re always looking for people.’

‘I can’t.’ His voice was flat, his expression unreadable.

The light inside her flickered and died. She had read too much into his words. He wanted her to come to him but he wasn’t prepared to do the same for her.

‘But we could meet again when you to return to London,’ he added. ‘Until then, we could write, email, phone even. I’m sure they have phones in Sudan.’ His eyes glittered in the moonlight as he searched her face. She could almost hear the thudding of her own heart.

Why not? Perhaps it was time she trusted her heart to someone. To Leith. Take a chance. The thought was hammering around inside her head. Go on, take a chance. This man could love you—really love you.

But would he love her for ever? Could love ever be for ever? Could fairy-tales come true?

She leaned towards him and pulled his head towards hers. ‘Enough of the talking,’ she said lightly. ‘Do you know it’s been at least twenty minutes since you last kissed me?’

All too soon it was their last night together. The boat was setting sail at dawn to go further up the coast and it would be leaving her behind to catch her flight to Sudan. Leith still had a few days left before he too would be returning to his job in London.

Sometimes Cassie fantasised about the life they could have together but deep down she knew it was only that—a fantasy. Despite the passion they had for one another’s bodies, they hardly knew each other. She had her life to lead, one that didn’t include children—or a permanent relationship.

But there were still a few hours left for them to be together and she was determined to make the most of every second.

She was lying in the crook of Leith’s arm as one of his hands brushed lazily along her shoulder. Over the last couple of days he’d seemed preoccupied. She’d often catch him looking into the distance as if he were miles away, but she didn’t ask. If he had something to tell her, let it be in his own time. She hated people’s questions too much to ever pry.

But tonight he seemed particularly distracted. Normally when they were together he focussed his full attention on her. She’d noticed that he did the same whatever he was doing, working, eating—or making love. At the memory of just how thoroughly he’d made love to her only moments before, her whole body tingled. She stretched languorously.

‘Penny for them,’ she said, wondering if he was thinking about a patient.

‘I’m not sure you’d want to hear them.’

A shiver ran down her spine. There was something ominous about the tone of his voice.

‘As long as you’re not going to tell me you’re married after all.’ She laughed nervously.

His hand stilled on her shoulder. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Of course it’s not that.’ He paused for a moment. ‘I had an email a couple of days ago.’

She propped herself onto her elbow and looked down at him. Anxiety fluttered when she saw he was frowning. ‘Bad news?’

‘No. Yes. Damn it. I don’t know. A bit of both.’ He swung his legs out of bed and pulled on his jeans. The only light came from the moon shining through the open curtains. Even in the half-light, he was unbelievably gorgeous with his hair tousled by their love-making, his skin golden from the African sun and his broad shoulders that tapered to slim hips and long legs. When he turned his intense green eyes on her, her heart lurched at the thought that soon she would lose him.

Since the night he’d suggested they keep in touch, he’d been strangely silent on the subject. Had he changed his mind? Or had she simply read more into his words than he’d meant? Had it been no more than a casual throw-away comment and was this the part when he told her it had been great but …?

She plucked nervously at the trimming of the sheets.

‘I’m afraid you’re going to have to explain.’

He sank down on the bed and pulled her against his bare chest. She lay there for a moment, listening to the beating of his heart.

‘I had a one-night stand a few years ago,’ he said finally. ‘Until recently I had forgotten about it.’

Cassie stiffened in his arms. She shouldn’t be surprised he had a past.

‘Her name was Jude. To be honest, I barely even remembered that. Anyway, her sister, Bella, wrote to me. It seems Jude had a child—about nine months after we had our—er—thing.’

A chill ran up Cassie’s spine. ‘You didn’t take precautions?’

He rubbed his hand across the rough stubble of his face. ‘It had been a tough day. She told me she was on the Pill. I chose to believe her.’

Cassie guessed what was coming next. ‘She had your baby.’

‘Apparently,’ he said dryly.

‘She didn’t tell you? So why has the sister written now?’ The hollow feeling in her stomach was getting worse. She wriggled out of his arms.

‘Because she’s worried. Bella’s been trying to persuade Jude to tell me that I have a son ever since Jude told her she was pregnant, but she wouldn’t.’

‘So what’s changed now?’

‘Bella doesn’t think Jude is coping with him. She’s even hinted that Jude’s been taking drugs.’ He raked his hand through his hair. ‘God, Cassie, what kind of mother would do that when she has a small child to take care of?’

Cassie hugged her knees to her chest. She knew only too well what kind of woman. Someone like her own birth mother for a start.

She felt horribly disappointed. Had she misjudged him completely? Had she been too quick to put him on a pedestal? Of course it was ridiculous to think anyone was without flaws—she of all people should know that.

‘I’m pretty sure she wasn’t on any drugs when we met. According to the family her drug taking only started a couple of years ago. And as to why she should feel it necessary not to tell me she was expecting our child, Lord knows, I haven’t all the details yet. Possibly because there was a man in her life, someone she was engaged to, when she and I had our—er—thing, and before you say anything I swear I didn’t know. Anyway, he left her when he found out the baby wasn’t his. Apparently that’s when Jude started behaving erratically.’

Poor Jude. But it was the little boy that Cassie’s heart went out to. Why did people have children if they weren’t capable of looking after them? When she felt all the old anger boil up inside her, she pushed it away before it could take hold.

‘Although he’s only four, Jude’s sister thinks that the boy is being badly affected by his mother’s behaviour.’ Leith rose from their narrow bed and started pacing up and down the small cabin.

‘What are you going to do?’

‘If he’s my child, and I have no doubt he is judging by the photo the sister emailed me, then I’m going to do whatever it takes to get access to him—fight for sole custody even if need be.’

He strode over to his laptop and flipped the lid. He typed something into the browser and turned the monitor so Cassie could see. ‘The sister sent me this picture of him.’

Cassie wrapped herself in a sheet and went to stand next to Leith. Immediately, just by looking at the little boy’s eyes, Cassie knew without doubt he was Leith’s son. The circumference of Leith’s iris was slightly irregular—barely noticeable unless, like Cassie, a person had spent a lot of time looking into his green eyes. This little boy had exactly the same irregularity in the same eye. But it wasn’t just the family resemblance that drew Cassie. In the child’s eyes she recognised the same bewilderment and pain that she’d seen in the rare photos of herself at the same age. She sucked in a breath, conscious of a knot in her stomach. An image rushed back of her as a little girl, having woken from a bad dream, sitting on the top of the stairs, praying that her mum would come and carry her back to bed, kiss her, say or do anything to make the ghosts and demons of the night go away. But when Mum hadn’t answered her calls, she had got cold and had eventually crept back to bed alone and miserable.

‘What’s his name?’ she asked, swallowing hard.

‘Peter.’

‘Where do they live?’

‘In Bristol.’

‘So what next?’

Leith raked a hand through his hair again and stared back at the computer screen, his expression bleak. ‘As soon as I get back to London, I’m going to consult a lawyer. If necessary, I’ll have him removed from his mother’s care.’

‘Perhaps you should meet Peter and his mother first? Talk to her. Maybe there will be no need for lawyers. If you involve them now, it’s possible Peter will be taken into care while access is sorted. Is that what you want? Think of him. Sometimes any sort of mother—if she loves the child—is better than a substitute.’

Leith narrowed his eyes. ‘I want my son. And if Jude isn’t able to look after him, then I want him away from her.’

This steel was a side to the normally easygoing Leith she hadn’t seen before. Chilled, she went back to bed and huddled under the thin duvet.

Leith’s pager buzzed. He cursed as he looked at the message that had come up. ‘There’s an emergency in Theatre and they need my help. Can we talk about this later?’

‘I’m leaving before the ship sails,’ she reminded him.

‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ He tugged on his shirt. ‘Damn the timing. I haven’t even got your address or phone number,’ he groaned, tossing his mobile to her. ‘Could you put it in for me?’ He glanced at his watch, hopping on one foot as he pulled his left shoe on. ‘But be sure to come and find me if I get held up.’ Then he gathered her against him and kissed her hungrily.

Despite everything, Cassie melted into him and responded with a passion that, until she’d met Leith, she hadn’t known she was capable of.

He released her reluctantly. ‘God, I would give anything to be back in bed with you, woman, but I have to go. I’ll see you later.’ And with that he was gone.

For a long time after Leith had left Cassie lay on the bed, wrestling with her thoughts.

Leith had a child and that changed everything.

When she’d agreed to keep in touch that had been before … before she’d known he had a child.

She couldn’t be with Leith if he had a child. Particularly one who was bound to be needy. The parallels between her life and Peter’s were uncanny and she couldn’t, just couldn’t, risk becoming even slightly involved in the life of a vulnerable child and riding the emotional roller-coaster along with him and his father.

But, a little voice whispered, it’s not as if he’s asking you to be a mother to his child.

It didn’t matter if he was asking or not. He wasn’t the kind of man who would put his child aside for anyone. If he had been, she couldn’t love him the way she did.

And she did. Love him. With all her heart and soul, and would for the rest of her days.

But be a mother to his child? If it ever came to that?

No.

She didn’t know how.

She wasn’t up to the task. She couldn’t be objective enough, and soon, in all likelihood, she and Leith would end up disagreeing about what was best for Peter and he would be caught in the middle, her own objectivity compromised by a lifetime of hurt. Of course it was impossible.

She couldn’t be with Leith. Her throat closed. All her dreams of a fairy-tale ending had been just that—a dream.

Flinging back the covers, Cassie dragged herself out of bed and started getting dressed. There was still the rest of her packing and a thousand other things to do and she didn’t want to be here when he returned. Better to end it now, quickly and as pain-free as possible. Leith and his son deserved better. They deserved someone who could be part of their family, not a damaged woman who had no intention of being a mother—not even a stepmother—particularly not a stepmother. If she couldn’t risk not loving a child of her own enough, how could she risk not loving Leith’s son? And Leith would demand it. If she were in his shoes, she would feel the same.

As for Peter … The little boy had enough to cope with without a new woman in his father’s life—one who might be there one minute and gone the next.

She tasted the salt of her tears. She loved Leith too much to get in the way of a life with his son. He would forget about her soon enough. But just in case she had to make sure he wouldn’t come after her.

The tightness in her chest hurt.

She scrawled a few lines on a piece of paper she found next to his computer. Then she opened the door and slipped outside.