Читать книгу The Doctor's Diamond Proposal - Annie Claydon - Страница 13
ОглавлениеLEO KEPT HIS PROMISES. A letter, confirming what they’d discussed, arrived at her office the next morning. When the negotiations over the outside broadcast had stalled, he had called and spoken to Alex about it, then gone away and sorted the whole thing out within ten minutes. He was perceptive, intelligent and he made things happen.
She listened to his radio show without fail, telling herself that the sound of Leo’s voice was an incidental pleasure and that preparing herself for what was to come was the real object. The on-air version of Leo was slightly different from the one she’d met, still astute and probing but not so confrontational, his gentle charm putting people at ease and encouraging them to talk.
Afraid to trust in either the public face or the private one, she left most of the liaison to Rhona, picking up her normal duties in return. Two weeks, a week—and then there was no avoiding it. Everything was arranged, and the following Monday saw the first of her guest appearances on the Dr Leo Cross medical phone-in show.
Alex had arrived at the radio station at six, two hours before the show was due to start. Half an hour had been taken up with a short induction from one of the production assistants, and then she’d been taken to an empty studio to have a look around. Leo was due to arrive at seven, but Alex was reliably informed that he was always late.
‘What are you reading?’ She’d given up looking at her watch and was sitting alone in the restroom, trying to read, when she heard Leo’s voice.
‘Oh... It’s the latest thing apparently, for teenagers.’ She tilted the cover towards him and he nodded. ‘I like to keep up. It’s actually pretty good.’
He smiled, and suddenly warmth zinged in the air between them. He was dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater that looked far too soft to be anything other than cashmere. However hard Alex tried to look at him dispassionately, he still took her breath away.
He slung a leather jacket down onto a chair and sat down. ‘How are you feeling? Nervous?’
Sick with nerves. That must be probably pretty obvious. ‘A little...’
‘You’ll be fine. Once we get started, the hour will go too fast and you’ll be wanting more time.’ He was leaning towards her, his elbows on his knees. This was clearly Leo’s pep talk for beginners and, strangely, it seemed to be working. Now that the dreaded time had come, and he was here, she felt better about everything.
‘So... What are we going to say?’
Leo shrugged. ‘No idea. I’ll introduce you, we’ll take a few calls and we’ll talk. That’s the thing about phone-in radio—there’s no script.’
‘You like that? The uncertainty?’
He grinned. ‘Yeah. Keeps me on my toes. You’ll be just great, trust me. And if you’re not, then I’ll just interrupt and steer things back on course.’
‘Right. Thanks.’ She’d rather be just great, and not need Leo to save the day. But then that might be a bit too much to ask on her first time.
The door burst open and Alex jumped as the production assistant who’d showed her around popped her head around the door. ‘Leo... Fifteen minutes.’
‘Okay, thanks. We’re ready.’ He turned to Alex as the door closed again. ‘Just relax. It’s a conversation between you and me. Concentrate on that, and the one person out there who’s listening.’
‘One person?’
‘Yeah. Just visualise someone you know, and talk to them. You’ll be surprised how well that works.’
‘I’ll try.’ Alex wondered who Leo visualised. Maybe he’d been doing this long enough not to need anyone. ‘Was it this nerve-racking for you? Your first time?’
He shook his head. ‘Nah. I didn’t have any nerves left to be racked. I was so numb with fear that you could have knocked me over the head with a brick and I probably wouldn’t have noticed. And I wasn’t tipped in at the deep end, like you. I’d been volunteering on a student helpline for years, and done some spots on local radio in connection with that.’
‘That must have been pretty tough. Manning a helpline at the same time as you were studying and working at the hospital.’ Leo hadn’t said anything about a helpline ten years ago, and Alex had thought they’d talked about almost everything in their lives.
‘It was something that meant a lot to me. You make time for the things that are important.’ His face seemed to harden a little, as if the memory was difficult.
‘And you’ve stayed here. Even though you’re on TV now.’ It seemed a little odd that he should hang on to this, when he obviously had other opportunities. Leo didn’t seem the type for sentimentality.
‘Yeah. I like talking to people.’ He shook his head, as if to clear it, and then grinned. ‘You’ll see.’
He ushered her through to the studio, giving her time to get settled. The producer hurried in, putting a few sheets of paper in front of him, and then the call for silence and the ‘On-Air’ light glowed red.
She hardly heard the music that heralded the start of the show, hardly saw what was going on around her. Then she felt Leo’s fingers brush the back of her hand. His gaze caught hers and he smiled, then started the introduction.
‘And tonight I have Alex Jackson with me. She’s the founder of Together Our Way, a charity which helps young people with all kinds of disabilities participate in sport...’ He glanced down at the paper the producer had put in front of him and frowned suddenly. ‘Alex is going to be on the line with me here, and so if you’ve got any questions for her then you know the number to call...’
The jingle for the phone number started to play and Leo took the opportunity to scrunch up the paper in front of him, tossing it towards the control room. It bounced off the glass and dropped to the floor and then suddenly, seamlessly, Leo was talking again.
‘To start us all off, I’m going to ask Alex a few questions about Together Our Way. And, just in case anyone accuses me of monopolising her time here, she will be right here with me every Monday for the next four weeks, as part of our Charity Partnership Project...’
Suddenly his gaze was on her. The smile on his lips, the look in his eyes, said that he was talking just to her. ‘Alex, how long since you founded your charity...?’
He’d given her an easy one to start with. ‘Five years.’
‘And in that time you’ve made yourselves felt. How many sports fixtures are you planning next month?’
‘We have eight. But our own sports meetings are just the tip of the iceberg. We’ve been working with schools and clubs, advising them on how their sport can be fully inclusive, and we’ve developed a training day for group leaders. Mostly, though, we work with the young people themselves, to help...’
Suddenly, her mind went blank.
‘I imagine that there’s a bit of confidence-building to be done.’ Leo’s eyes were suddenly warm and soothing, dark as a blue Mediterranean sea.
‘Yes, that’s right. Many of our young people need assistance with special equipment or training, but it’s also a matter of showing everyone what’s possible.’
‘So you’re out to capture hearts and minds?’ Somehow, he made it seem as if it was his heart and his mind that were the ones in question and that they were just waiting to be captured.
‘Yes. I think that’s the aim of any charity, isn’t it? Money’s vital to us, of course, because we couldn’t do what we do without it. But hearts and minds are just as important.’
‘And I see that the charity’s run on a shoestring, so all the donations you receive go straight into your work.’
He was feeding her lines, bringing up all the points that Alex wanted to highlight. She smiled a thank you. ‘Yes, that’s right...’
* * *
Alex felt as if she’d run a marathon. It had only been an hour, but she was exhausted, her heart thumping in her chest. All the same, Leo had been right. She was eager for more, and had been disappointed when he’d announced that this was all they had time for tonight and handed over to the next presenter.
‘Did we speak to everyone?’ Leo had said that there were callers waiting but Alex had been unable to gauge how many, or whether they’d been able to speak to them all.
‘There are always people who don’t get through. Some of them try again.’ Now that they were off-air, Leo seemed suddenly more guarded.
‘But... They may be in trouble. They might need someone to talk to...’
‘Yeah, a lot of them do. We have procedures to deal with that. You needn’t worry about that side of things.’
She couldn’t—wouldn’t—let him give her the brush-off like this. ‘I’m... I’m sorry Leo, but that’s not the answer I’d hoped for.’
Alex was expecting some kind of reaction; Leo clearly wasn’t used to being challenged by anyone around here. But she hadn’t expected a smile.
‘What answer were you hoping for, then?’
She took a deep breath. ‘That there’s some way that I could get back to the people who didn’t get through.’
He leaned forward, flipping a switch on the console in front of him. Alex’s headphones went dead and she realised that, even though the sound engineer in the control room seemed to be paying no attention to it, their conversation could be overheard. She slipped the headset off and laid it down.
‘The call-handlers take names and numbers from everyone, and they always ask what the caller wants to say.’
‘And they make a note of that?’
‘Yes, they do. And they pass the list on to me.’ That seemed to be the end of it as far as Leo was concerned. He was the trustworthy one, the one who got things done, and he was ready to steamroller over anyone who questioned him.
Maybe she’d deserved it. Maybe he had called her all those years ago, and he still remembered that she hadn’t called him back.
‘Look, Leo. I think there’s something... We need to clear something up.’
‘What would that be?’
He gave so little. It was questions all the way with Leo, and she was starting to wonder whether he wasn’t hiding behind them.
‘Did you call me after the party?’ Alex wondered how he’d like a taste of his own medicine, and answered his question with one of her own.
He seemed surprised. ‘I’m not sure I remember.’
‘Why don’t you try?’ If this issue was getting in the way of the work she was committed to now, she wanted an answer.
‘I said I would.’ His slight shrug seemed designed to imply that it really didn’t matter all that much to him. ‘But that’s the way it works. It’s a lady’s privilege not to call back.’
He flashed her his most charming, roguish smile. That alone probably made the chances of any woman not calling him back extremely slim. Or maybe it was just Leo’s way of changing the subject.
‘Since you won’t give me a straight answer, I’ll assume that you did call. And I’ve been wanting to tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, but I really couldn’t. Something happened on the way home and...it was impossible.’
She had his full attention now. Leo couldn’t hide the surprise in his eyes. ‘What happened?’
‘I...’ Alex gulped. It was all such a long time ago now and it ought to be irrelevant, but it wasn’t. A rap sounded on the glass that separated them from the control room and she jumped.
‘I’m sorry.’ Leo snapped suddenly into professional mode. ‘The producer’s here, and I need to have a word with him. Would you mind waiting?’
Alex nodded and he swung to his feet, striding to the door and closing it behind him. He reappeared on the other side of the glass, where a man was waiting for him.
Leo’s back was turned to her but the man was glancing at her, even though Leo was obviously talking to him. Curiosity got the better of Alex and she reached for her headphones, flipping the switch that she now knew controlled the sound between the control room and the studio.
‘It’s not acceptable, Justin.’ Leo’s voice rang in her ears.
‘I really don’t see what the problem is...’ Alex saw Justin spread his hands in a gesture of puzzlement.
‘Well, there isn’t any problem because I’m not going to do it. I won’t introduce Alex Jackson as a disabled person. She has a disability, and she’s open about that, but I’m not going to read out an introduction that makes it seem as if it’s the most important thing about her. She’s here to talk about her charity, which, by the way, is all about encouraging young people to see past their disabilities. And educating others to do that too.’
Alex’s gaze moved to the screwed up ball of paper on the floor, which Leo had tossed at the glass. He’d moved past it so smoothly that she’d hardly realised he had a problem with it.
‘Okay...okay.’ Justin’s tone was conciliatory. ‘It was an error of emphasis, I’ll grant you that. No harm done, though...’
‘Only because I didn’t read the introduction out. I want to hear all the trailers for the show, because I don’t want Alex or her charity misrepresented.’
This was almost too much. Leo was fighting her corner without being asked, but just knowing how she’d feel. A thrill of warmth for him clutched at her heart and Alex wondered whether she should go and retrieve the paper, to see what had been written. But then she’d have to take the headphones off, and she wanted to hear this.
‘We’ll email the sound files through to you. Anything else?’
‘No. I’m grateful you’re addressing the issue with your customary effectiveness.’ Leo’s tone had relaxed into lazy charm. ‘Actually, there is one more thing. Thanks for all you did to help make this evening happen. It’s been a good night.’
Justin seemed to heave a sigh of relief. ‘Yep. Nice chemistry in there, Leo. And the caller rate went through the roof...’ Justin’s gaze flipped towards Alex and Leo turned. When he saw her, his lip curled imperceptibly.
She reddened and took off the headphones, putting them back onto the console. Perhaps he’d think she was just trying them on.
Leo had followed Justin out of the control room and when he appeared at the door of the studio again he was holding a manila envelope.
‘Your car’s waiting.’
And he thought he was going to slip away now? ‘No, Leo. I’m not going anywhere until we finish...what we were talking about.’
‘I thought I’d catch a lift with you. The car’s a lot more private.’ He walked across to the console and, too late, Alex realised that she’d forgotten to cut the sound in between the control room and the studio, and that voices were whispering out of the headphones.
He reached out, switching the sound off again. Then he turned, leaving Alex to grab her coat and handbag and follow him out of the studio.
* * *
Leo wondered whether letting sleeping dogs lie was the best option. It probably was, but he knew that wasn’t what he was going to do. Not many people questioned his decisions and, while it came as no surprise that Alex bucked that trend, it was unexpectedly like a breath of fresh air.
She settled herself on the wide leather seat in the back of the car, and Leo got in beside her. The driver confirmed the address with her and the car slid smoothly out onto the road.
‘This is nice.’ She stretched her legs out in front of her, smiling. Clearly she was attempting to disarm him before she started on the next onslaught. He wondered briefly if she knew how much damage her smile could do to a man.
The lights from the street outside were sliding across her face, giving it an almost ethereal quality and it was an effort to stop himself from staring at her. Alex was even more perfect than when he’d first met her. Or maybe he’d just become more of a connoisseur of perfection and learned how to appreciate it better.
He pressed the control button and the glass partition behind the driver’s seat slid upwards. Not that the driver probably cared two hoots about their conversation, but the gesture wasn’t lost on Alex and her cheeks reddened.
‘What happened?’ It was probably something stupid—she’d lost her phone or met an old boyfriend on the bus. But Leo had learned the hard way that hoping for the best didn’t always mean that the best was going to happen. He had to be sure.
She ignored the question. That usually annoyed him, but Alex did it so blatantly that the assertive twist of her mouth was enchanting.
‘I want to thank you. For standing up for me... I mean the charity. And our aims.’
‘That’s what a good host does.’
‘I know. But it doesn’t always happen, and... Thank you. You’re a very good host.’
People said that all the time, but on her lips the compliment warmed him. Despite that, he still hadn’t forgotten what he wanted to ask her...
‘What happened? On your way home.’
‘I had an accident. I lost my phone.’
‘What kind of accident?’ Something tingled at the back of Leo’s neck. That instinct, honed over years of listening to people, told him that whatever she was about to say next was important.
‘I got off the bus and crossed the road...’ She paused for a moment, as if the memory was a difficult one.
Leo was trying not to put two and two together and make four. Hoping that the almost inevitable conclusion wasn’t the right one, this time.
‘And...?’
‘I was knocked over by a car. Drunk driver. I woke up in hospital and my phone was... I don’t know where it was. It was gone.’
A great wave of horror seemed suspended above his head, just waiting to crash down on him. ‘This was...’ He couldn’t even say it. His finger twitched, gesturing towards her right leg.
‘Yes. My right foot and the lower part of my leg were completely crushed. The only way I’d ever be able to walk again, or be pain free, was for them to amputate below the knee.’
The full horror of it washed over him in a suffocating wall of guilt and remorse. ‘Alex... I’m so sorry. If I’d known...’
‘You couldn’t have known.’
All he could think about was the trail of small events which had ended in this one great one. If he’d only done just one thing differently...
‘I should have seen you home.’ He remembered that he’d offered and that she’d told him no. If only he’d insisted. If they’d even just argued about it, and she’d missed her bus and had to wait for the next one...
‘What would you have done? There were witnesses and they said that the car swerved right across the road and hit me. There was no getting out of the way.’
‘I might have helped...somehow.’ Anyhow. If all he could have done was just hold her hand, then he would have done it with every ounce of his strength. But he hadn’t been there for Alex, and then six months later he hadn’t been there for his brother either. The thought seemed to be literally eating at him, taking great chunks of his flesh and leaving him quivering with shock.
Her gaze searched his face. ‘You would have put me back together again? That was beyond anyone.’
He couldn’t answer. Didn’t have words to tell her how sorry he was—for all she’d been through, and for his part in it.
‘Do me a favour, eh?’ Her voice was soft and he felt her fingers brush his arm. Clawing him back from the memories that swirled in his head.
‘Yeah?’ Anything.
‘I’ve given up on the what if because the past can’t be changed. I prefer to concentrate on what is.’ She shot him an imploring look. ‘Please...’
It was an effort to smile, but if Alex could do it so could he. ‘You’ve got it.’
There was one thing he could do. The only thing that made him feel any better about having let his brother down were the people he could help now. Leo guarded that role jealously, never letting anyone else get in the way, and no one ever asked about the call-backs that he made after each show. But Alex had.
He slid the manila envelope across the seat towards her.
‘What’s this?’ She touched it lightly with her fingers, seeming to know that it was something important.
‘It’s the list of people who didn’t get through to the show. Names, numbers and I ask the call-handlers to find out whether they would like a return call if they don’t get through.’
‘And you were going to tell me about this?’ She narrowed her eyes.
‘I don’t usually volunteer the information. But you did ask.’ The envelope lay between them, Alex’s fingers at one end of it and his at the other. As if neither of them could quite bring themselves to let go.
‘So...when were you thinking of calling back?’
‘The call-handlers have told everyone that it’ll be tomorrow, late afternoon. I have a surgery in the morning but I’m usually finished by about three o’clock.’
She nodded. ‘If you want a hand... Actually, I think I’m going to insist on helping.’
He felt his lips curl into a smile. ‘You’re free tomorrow afternoon?’
‘Yes. I usually work Wednesday to Friday at the hospital, but I’m taking some time off over the next few weeks. I can be available any time.’
He was suddenly almost breathless. It was as if they were making a tryst. More than that, because this would require his full attention.
‘You’ll be at your office? I can come to you, and we’ll go through the list together.’
‘That sounds good. Although you might like to bring a scarf. The heating’s on the blink again.’
‘Sounds delightful. I’ll be there at about half past three.’ He pushed the envelope another inch towards her. There was a copy back at the radio station, but it still felt difficult to give it up. ‘You take this. But don’t call anyone until I get there...’
She grinned, stowing the envelope in her bag. ‘I imagine they’ve been told that they’ll be hearing from you, not me. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.’
Before he got the chance to change his mind, the car drew up outside a block of solidly built flats, set back from the road behind a curving drive. Leo made to get out and she laid her hand on his arm.
‘I think I can make it on my own.’
She knew just what he’d been thinking, and Leo jumped guiltily. He’d made the promise, but it still wasn’t easy to stop thinking about all the things that might happen to her in between here and her front door. ‘I dare say you can. But...’
Alex chuckled. ‘I know. A gentleman always sees a lady to her door.’ She got out of the car, bending down before closing the door. ‘I’m no lady. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Leo begged to disagree. He watched her as she smiled at the driver, giving him a wave and a nod of thanks. She was every inch a lady.
‘Wait...’ The instruction was unnecessary, as their driver seemed as unwilling to go before Alex was safely inside as he was. She opened the main door and then turned, flapping her hand as if to shoo them away, and, without any reference to him at all, the car pulled out onto the road.
* * *
Leo kicked the door closed behind him. The car had retraced its route, driving back into town to the flat that he kept for weekdays, ten minutes’ walk from the radio station.
The flat was quiet and dark, shadows slanting across the floor. He fixed himself a drink and, without taking his coat off, slid back the large windows and walked out onto the roof terrace, set seventeen floors above the ground and commanding a view across practically the whole of London. Alex was out there somewhere. One of the lights shimmering in the distance was hers.
He moved closer to the glass barriers which stood at the perimeter of the terrace and a gust of chilly air hit him full in the face. Leo shivered. He had no right to wonder what she was doing, or to wish that he could be doing it with her.
Leo Cross. Never there when you needed him.
He hadn’t been there for Alex. To the extent that he hadn’t even known that she’d needed him. But he’d known that his brother needed him. He’d known that Joel was under stress, that his first job after university hadn’t turned out quite the way he’d wanted it, but Joel had seemed a lot better, and promised Leo that he was handling it. Leo had returned from a weekend away to find that his brother hadn’t been handling it at all.
His father had been waiting for him, gently breaking the news that they’d lost Joel. An overdose of prescription drugs. Maybe it had been a mistake.
Leo had doubted that. Joel was his twin, and he knew him almost better than he knew himself. And when he’d finally been able to get a couple of moments alone he’d found the missed calls on his phone. Joel had called him on that Saturday evening.
The brothers used to joke about missed calls. Once meant: I’ll catch you later. Twice: Call me back. Three times: Call me back now. The five missed calls on Leo’s phone had spoken to him loud and clear. I’m in trouble. I need you, Leo...
He pulled his phone from his pocket, scanning it. There was a text from his mother, saying she’d heard the show tonight, and automatically he hit speed dial.
‘Hi, Mum...’ Leo smiled into the phone, knowing that even if it was forced, the smile would sound in his voice. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Oh, darling! Exhausted. I went shopping with Marjorie today...’
‘Yeah? Find anything nice?’
‘Of course we did. You know Marjorie. I heard the programme tonight.’
His mother could always be relied on to give him an honest assessment of his performance. ‘What did you think?’
‘Good. Very good. I was very impressed by that young woman...’
‘Alex?’
‘Yes. She sounds as if she’s a force to be reckoned with.’
‘She is. She’s very committed.’
‘That came over. And she sounds nice with it.’
‘Yeah. She’s nice too.’ Leo took a sip of his Scotch.
‘Pretty?’
‘No. More beautiful, I’d say.’ Leo chuckled. His mother’s wish to see him settled down with a nice girl, preferably one he hadn’t met at some glitzy party, was never all that far from the surface.
‘That’s nice. And she’ll be back next week, will she?’
‘You were listening, then...’ Leo laughed as his mother protested. He knew well enough that she always listened. ‘In which case you’ll know that we’re holding quite a few events over the next couple of weeks.’
‘Well, I hope you enjoy them. What’s that funny noise...?’
‘Wind, probably. I’m on the terrace.’
‘What on earth for? You’ll catch your death of cold...’
‘I just wanted to clear my head. I’m going inside now.’
Leo had accepted that, faced with the loss of one son, his mother could be a little over-protective about the remaining one. The least he could do was go along with it; there was little enough else he could do to ease his parents’ agony. Apart from keeping quiet about the five missed calls. If his parents wanted to believe that Joel’s death had been some kind of horrendous accident then he couldn’t rip that shred of comfort away from them.
He slid the balcony doors closed with a bump and threw himself down onto the sofa.
‘You sound tired, darling.’
‘Long day. I’m about ready to turn in now.’
‘Well, don’t let me stop you. Goodnight.’
‘Yeah. Speak soon, Mum.’
Leo ended the call, staring for a moment at the screen of his phone. Joel’s number was still on there, transferred from one phone to another, over the years. It was stupid, really, but it reminded him why he did what he did. Why the radio show was so important to him. He hadn’t been around to help Joel, and the only thing that made that agony a little easier to bear was the hope that maybe, as a result of something he’d done, there was another family out there who hadn’t had to grieve the way his had.
And now Alex. He’d let her down, as surely as he’d let Joel down. But there was one very big difference. There was no possibility of going back and helping Joel. But Alex... She had a future, and he could do something to change that.
Putting his glass down on the small table beside the sofa, he walked into the bedroom, picking up the key to the gym downstairs. Hard physical work would calm his mind and help him think straight. And he needed some ideas about how exactly he was going to make things up to Alex.
