Читать книгу Connie’s Courage - Annie Groves, Annie Groves - Страница 12

Connie could feel all the pleasure of the evening draining out of her body as though it had been her blood. In its place was a cold, icy feeling of deathly despair.

‘We … we’ve just been out for some air, Sister,’ Vera fibbed.

‘I see. I take it then, Nurse, that you are recovered from the indisposition which took you off Sister Hughes’ ward this afternoon?’

Vera went red, and said nothing.

‘And you, Nurse Pride?’

There was nothing that Connie could say. She suspected that Sister Jenkins knew exactly where they had been!

‘This is not the first occasion on which I have had to speak to you on a matter of discipline, Pride.’

Connie quailed beneath her disapproving look, her apprehension growing.

‘I have no option but to report your behaviour to Matron.’

Connie sucked in a shocked breath, her apprehension turning to a cold, hard ball of fear. Suddenly, and too late, Connie realised how much trouble she was in. It was obvious both from Sister’s expression, and her reaction, that she was taking their breaking of the rules very seriously.

The warning she had received the last time she had been in trouble flashed through Connie’s mind. She had been afraid, then, of what would happen to her if she was dismissed from the hospital but, foolishly, she had chosen not to think of that fear earlier. Now though, she was forcibly reminded of it by the cramping dread seizing her stomach.

Why on earth had she been so stupid? Unlike Vera, Connie loved working at the Infirmary. And besides, if she were to be sent away, where would she go?

‘You will both go straight to your room, and you will remain there until Matron sends for you. The Guardians of this hospital expect its nurses to behave with obedience and decorum. You have been extremely fortunate to be taken on as probationers. And yet, you in particular, Nurse Pride, have repaid the generosity of the Guardians toward you with disobedience and the most shameful kind of behaviour,’ Sister announced coldly, further reinforcing Connie’s fearful awareness of how much trouble she was in.

Her stomach was a mass of nauseously churning nerves, whilst her head was a mass of equally churning fears. Now, when it was too late, she bitterly regretted her own foolish stubbornness. She had put her precious hard-won security at risk, she realised. And for what? A dance?

‘The nurses of this Infirmary have a reputation to maintain, and an example to set to those less fortunate than themselves. You will not go on duty in the morning, and you will not leave your room without permission. Is that understood?’

‘Yes, Sister.’ Connie said numbly, bowing her head in despair.

With a further quelling look, Sister Jenkins turned on her heel and sailed away, leaving Vera whispering wrathfully to Connie. ‘Someone must have told her, and I can bet I know who it was!’

Connie said nothing. She was barely aware of what Vera was saying. She felt too sick with worry to listen to her. All she could think of was the morning and Matron. Matron would tell her to leave, she was sure of it. And all because she had given in to Vera. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. She could feel herself trembling inwardly with shock. It had never occurred to her that they might get caught. Oh, how she wished she had not been so foolish!

When they reached their room, Josie was waiting anxiously for them.

‘Eeh, but you are late!’ she told them. ‘Sister has been round and your beds were empty!’

‘And I suppose you told her where we were, did you, Goody Two Shoes,’ Vera accused Mavis who was sitting up quietly in her bed. ‘Well, we might have known that you would give us away!’ Vera added nastily.

Josie’s face had grown bright pink. ‘Vera, that’s not fair!’ she protested. ‘Mavis told Sister that you were right bad with your monthlies and that Connie had gone down to the kitchen with you, to make you a hot water bottle and a cup of tea!’

When neither of them said anything, Mavis herself said quietly, ‘I don’t think you were the only nurses who went to the dance, not with George Lashwood being there!’ She gave a small sigh. ‘I would have liked to have heard him again myself. Connie, what is it? What’s wrong?’ she demanded with concern, getting up off her bed and coming over to Connie, as she saw the tears in her eyes.

‘Sister caught us coming in,’ Connie told her, too upset to hold back the truth. ‘We … She’s going to report us to Matron!’

‘Oh Connie! Mavis’s hand went to her mouth, and her eyes reflected her shock.

‘I’m starving! You’d have thought Sister would have let us have our breakfast,’ Vera announced angrily.

‘I couldn’t eat anything,’ Connie told her numbly. ‘I feel that sick! I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Oh, Vera, what will we do if Matron dismisses us?’ she whispered, unable to keep her fear to herself any longer.

‘As to that, I don’t rightly care!’ Vera retorted.

‘I’d be glad if Matron did send us packing. I’m fair sick of this place, Connie. I thought nursing was going to be exciting, not spending all day scrubbing and polishing.’ She gave a defiant toss of her head. ‘I was thinking of leaving come Christmas anyway!’

As Connie digested her friend’s comments, she reflected bleakly that it was all very well for Vera to talk of leaving: she had a home to go to, and two parents who, by all accounts, doted on her, whilst Connie …

Connie stiffened as the door opened. Sister Jenkins was standing outside the room, a nurse on either side of her.

‘Matron will see you first,’ she told Vera, coldly.

After Vera had gone, marched away like a prisoner, Connie smoothed the fabric of her dress, and fidgeted nervously with her apron and her cap. Would this be the last time she would be wearing them? Although she had never said so, she had felt so proud and so smart in her uniform.

Whatever happened to her, she couldn’t go back to somewhere like Back Court, she would rather die, Connie told herself fiercely. And she would certainly rather die than embrace the life Bill Connolly had planned for her. A sick shudder gripped her. Oh, why hadn’t she thought properly about what she was risking, instead of being so stubborn!

She was on the verge of bursting into tears, but she knew she mustn’t do so.

It seemed a lifetime to Connie before Sister Jenkins returned for her. It was certainly more than long enough for her to think about, and regret, her stubborn rebelliousness, over and over again. Just as she had regretted running away with Kieron, and wished she had listened to Ellie when she had begged Connie to leave him.

Even though she had been expecting it; waiting for it, in fact, the abrupt opening of the door made her start. There was no sign of Vera, and Connie wondered frantically if she had just been told to leave without any more ado.

‘I trust you have had time to repent of your shocking behaviour, Nurse Pride?’ Sister Jenkins demanded, as she looked at Connie.

Too distraught to speak, Connie swallowed and nodded her head.

Matron studied the report she had in front of her. Normally with transgressions as serious as Connie’s had been, especially after her two earlier warnings, she would have dismissed the girl immediately. But here in front of her were reports from the Sisters in charge of the wards on which Connie had worked. All of them, without exception, praised not just the high standard of her work, but each, in their own way, revealed that they considered that Nurse Pride – whilst as yet a very rough and uncut diamond – had, nevertheless, the potential to become not only an excellent nurse, but, in time, something much more. Good Sisters were born, not made, or so Matron considered, and good Theatre Sisters, even more so.

But no matter how promising a young nurse might be, discipline was, in Matron’s opinion, the single most important thing she had to learn. It was impossible to be a good nurse without it! Straightening the reports on her desk, she rang the bell for Connie to enter.

Forbidden to leave their room, it was thanks to Josie and Mavis that there had been water for them to wash in this morning, and for Connie to smooth down her unruly curls before putting on her freshly starched cap, Connie acknowledged, as she advanced towards Matron’s desk. There was a chair she could have sat in but Matron did not invite her to do so, and so Connie remained standing.

‘You are, of course, aware of why you are here, Pride?’ Matron began.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Connie acknowledged, swallowing hard against the tension locking her throat muscles.

‘You have already been warned, not just once, but twice, about certain unacceptable behaviour.’

Connie bowed her head in silent assent, fiercely blinking away her frightened tears.

‘Your fellow probationer has informed me that it was at your suggestion that the two of you broke the rules by leaving the hospital without permission.’

Connie felt sick with disbelief. Vera had blamed her? When the whole idea had been Vera’s own? She wanted to defend herself, but feared to do so in case she made her own situation even worse. How could Vera have done such a thing to her? She was supposed to be her friend! Connie knew that, had their positions been reversed, it was not something that she would have done.

Matron frowned a little as Connie remained silent. She had a pretty fair idea of just who the instigator of their transgression had been, and whilst she had accepted Vera’s version of events without any comment, she had expected that Connie would refute it. Matron’s opinion of Connie began to improve. Loyalty was an excellent virtue in a nurse, and so was the ability to hold one’s tongue, especially under pressure.

‘You realise, of course, the serious nature of your behaviour, and the consequences of it?’

Connie went white. She knew what was coming, and she bowed her head.

Matron stood up and came round from behind her desk. Connie could feel herself starting to shake. Was Matron going to remove her cap and her apron and send her thus from her office so that everyone could witness her disgrace?

Matron was tall and rather rotund, and her steely inspection made Connie clench all her muscles. She must not. She would not break down in tears and plea to be spared.

‘When this hospital was rebuilt on the lines laid down with the assistance of Florence Nightingale, it was part of her recommendation that nurses be trained here in such a way that their training, and their demeanour, would reflect well on both the Infirmary and those who ran it.

‘I look upon the task of maintaining the standards set down by Miss Nightingale as a sacred trust, Pride. I will not have that trust, or the exemplary record of my nurses, damaged or sullied in any way. One bad apple can contaminate the whole barrel, as we all know. My first instinct, so far as you are concerned, is to dismiss you from this Infirmary forthwith, and in disgrace.’

Connie dared not raise her own gaze to meet Matron’s. A horrid feeling of light-headedness and nausea was beginning to spread unpleasantly through her.

Matron cleared her throat. ‘However, it seems there are mitigating circumstances in your defence.’

Connie’s eyes widened. Unable to stop herself, she looked at Matron.

‘I have received some degree of praise for your work from those in charge of monitoring it, Pride. It seems that they consider you show a glimmer of promise of eventually becoming a good nurse. And for that reason, I am disposed to give you another chance.’

Another chance? Connie was terrified that she might faint with shock, and relief! She, who hadn’t come anywhere near to fainting in the operating theatre!

‘Good nursing though, Pride, is not just about practical diligence. It is about duty, responsibility, obedience: these are the virtues I wish to see growing in you, Pride. The virtues I intend to see growing in you,’ Matron concluded ominously. ‘Virtues which, I fear, are currently lacking in you.

‘The only reason you are not now facing dismissal and disgrace is because of those members of my staff who have expressed their faith in you. I trust you will not let them down!’

‘Connie, are you all right?’

‘What did she say?’

Connie looked from Mavis’s concerned face to Josie’s anxious one. There was no sign of Vera, and somehow Connie was not surprised. She could well understand that Vera would feel uncomfortable having to face her so soon after having laid the blame for what had happened entirely on her shoulders.

‘She said I am to have another chance,’ Connie told them shakily. ‘Oh Connie!’

As they both hugged her tightly, Connie could feel the tears rolling down her face. ‘Oh, I was so frightened I would be sent away,’ she admitted.

‘Vera’s been let off as well,’ Josie informed her. ‘Haven’t you, Vera?’ she added, as the other girl came into the room.

Although Connie looked immediately toward her, Vera refused to meet her gaze, her face turning a guilty red, before she turned it away and tossed her head defensively, sniffing unconvincingly, ‘Pooh, I don’t know what all the fuss was about!’

‘Vera, there’s something I wanted to ask you about …’ Connie began quietly.

But before she could finish what she had been about to say, Vera broke in quickly, ‘I can’t stay, I’ve got to get back on me ward.’

Silently Connie watched her leave. One of the links in their friendship had been broken by the lie Vera had told to protect herself, and Connie knew that things would never be quite the same between them.

And Connie was right. Whilst on the surface the four of them remained firm friends, a subtle shift in their loyalties began to develop over the months that followed. Connie emerged as the leader of what, essentially, was a trio of herself, Mavis and Josie, whilst Vera began to distance herself from them.

They still went out together on their rare evenings off, the music hall remaining a favourite venue, especially when George Lashwood was appearing. But whilst she retained her mischievous sense of fun, Connie was becoming increasingly involved in her work.

And then, out of the blue, Vera, announced that she was walking out with a young man she had met at the music hall.

‘If I’m going to be skivvying, then I might as well be doing it in me own home and not this bloody Infirmary,’ she told them sharply. ‘Bert’s dad has a little bit of a business that Bert is going to take over from him, and I reckon, if I play me cards right, I could be married to him within the year, and mistress of me own house.’

‘But I thought you wanted to be a nurse,’ Mavis protested.

They were in their room, drinking the sweet, hot cocoa Connie had made in the kitchen and brought up for them all.

‘Maybe I did, but I’ve changed me mind,’ Vera told her tossing her head. ‘I’ll give it ‘til Christmas and then I’m off!’

None of them said anything but Connie was not surprised. She had suspected from certain comments that Vera had made to her that she would leave.

To her own relief she was not as upset by this as she had thought she would be. She and Vera had been close friends, and two of a kind, or so Connie had thought, but increasingly recently she had begun to grow impatient of Vera’s constant complaints and time-wasting tricks.

Only this morning Sister had praised Connie’s bandaging, and told her approvingly that she had done a very professional job. The glow of satisfaction that praise had given her, had felt much better than the pleasure Connie had once got from being rebellious.

It was Mavis with whom she felt she had the most in common now, as they discussed what they were learning, and how much they enjoyed their work. And although neither of them ever said, there was a shared awareness between them that they had both come from homes and backgrounds a little higher up the social scale than either Josie or Vera.

Where, originally, she had found Mavis’s similarity to her sister Ellie got her back up, now Connie found it strengthened her affection for Mavis, and made her feel closer to her.

‘I’m going Christmas shopping today, Mavis,’ Connie announced, as she sat down with her breakfast opposite the other girl, she stifled a yawn. There had been an emergency on the ward the previous night, a patient suffering from delirium, and Connie had quick-wittedly noticed that something was wrong, and hurried to tell Sister.

‘You and me have the same half-day, we could go together if you fancied it? Josie was saying that they’ve got all the Christmas decorations up now in the shops on Bold Street, and in George Henry Lee’s.’

‘Connie, what a good idea,’ Mavis replied enthusiastically. ‘I haven’t done my Christmas shopping, yet. I want to get something special for everyone, my mother, my sister, and, of course, Harry, my brother.’

Connie had heard a great deal about Mavis’s family since they had become more friendly, and, every now and again, when Mavis was talking about them, a sharp spear of pain pierced Connie’s heart, and she felt very envious. Mavis’s closeness to her family brought home her separation from hers. She missed them so much. Especially Ellie, even though once she had thought she would hate her elder sister for ever. She was an older and a wiser Connie now than that girlish Connie had been.

Unlike Connie, Mavis’s brother was older than her, and her sister, younger, but when she talked about her family and the happiness of her life before the death of her father, Connie couldn’t help recalling, again, how happy her own life had been before her mother had died.

‘I do feel for you, dear Connie, in not having the comfort of a brother or sister!’ Mavis said gently, now.

Connie bit her lip. ‘I do have a sister, Mavis, and … and two brothers, but after our mother died we were split up. Then my father remarried and …’

‘Oh, Connie how dreadful for you!’

‘Yes, it was,’ Connie agreed bleakly, tears pricking her eyes. ‘If you don’t mind, Mavis. I prefer not to talk about it …’

‘No, of course. I understand!’ Mavis assured her sympathetically, squeezing her hand gently.

She couldn’t say too much about her family, Connie acknowledged, because after all she could hardly tell Mavis the full truth. She could just imagine how Mavis would turn away from her in shock and disgust, if she knew what she had done. And Connie knew how much she would hate that. There was a bond growing between her and Mavis which Connie deeply valued.

For once, there was no mischievousness or teasing in Connie’s eyes as she looked at her friend, and said truthfully, ‘You have become as dear to me as a sister, Mavis.’

‘Oh, Connie!’ Tears in her eyes, Mavis flung her arms around Connie and hugged her tightly. ‘That is exactly how I feel about you!’

‘Do Josie and Vera want to come shopping with us?’ Mavis asked, when they had released one another with pleased and shamefaced, emotional smiles.

Connie shook her head. ‘Josie is going to see her aunt, and Vera doesn’t want to come.’ Connie gave a small sigh. ‘She’s changed since she met Bert. You know she says that she isn’t going to continue with her training.’

‘Well, to be honest, I don’t think she would have made a very good nurse. Not like you, Connie!’ Mavis responded.

‘Me?’ Connie gave her an astonished look. ‘You are the Miss Goody Two Shoes,’ she reminded Mavis, teasingly. ‘I’m always getting into trouble.’

‘I don’t suppose I should tell you this, but I heard Sister saying that you are a natural.’

Connie tried to look nonchalant, but her face went pink and inside she was secretly thrilled to have been picked out for praise.

Ellie was grateful for the warmth of the beautiful new furs Gideon had bought her, as she stepped out of Cecily’s husband’s motor car, to join her cousin on the pavement on Basnett Street. Cecily was one of Aunt Gibson’s two daughters, and Ellie had always got along with her cousin very well. They were outside Liverpool’s most exclusive store, Bon Marche, where they had come to do some Christmas shopping. This store, whilst owned by the Lee family, carried a far more exclusive stock than George Henry Lee’s across the road from it. Bon Marche catered for the cream of Liverpool society, and it was here that women flocked to buy the latest Paris fashions.

Gideon had driven her over to Liverpool the previous evening, and he was picking her up this evening, and then driving her to Hoylake so that they could pay a visit to her Aunt and Uncle Parkes, before returning home to Preston.

‘Oh, Ellie, this takes me back! You and I going shopping together.’ Cecily smiled, as they stepped into the deliciously perfumed warmth of the store. ‘Do you remember when we used to meet Iris at the Adelphi for afternoon tea? Not that we can do that today, of course, for they have pulled it down and are rebuilding it.’

Ellie nodded her head. She knew that Gideon had hoped that this visit to her cousin would lift her spirits, but Cecily’s comment had simply reminded her of a time when her sister Connie had been alive.

‘Connie always loved Christmas so much,’ she said sadly. ‘I think it was her favourite time of the year. We used to hurry home from school so that we could make our Christmas cards together. I miss her so much, Cecily.’ Tears filled Ellie’s eyes.

‘Ellie, you really must try to put her loss behind you,’ Cecily told her firmly. ‘I know it was very sad, but under the circumstances, bearing in mind the disgrace she had brought upon herself …’

‘I know that what she did was wrong, Cecily, but …’

‘Indeed it was. Very wrong! I suppose I should look for something for the maids,’ Cecily fretted, deliberately changing the subject, ‘although not in here, of course. It would be far too expensive. I thought perhaps a pretty handkerchief, Mama always gives her maids gloves which she buys from the Church bazaar. What are the children to have this year?’

Ellie smiled, roused from her sadness by the mention of her family.

‘Gideon has insisted on buying a brand new train set for Richard, and we’ve ordered a new rocking horse for Joshua. Henrietta is to have a set of paints. She is very artistic, and Gideon thinks that we should get her some private tuition.’

Cecily started to frown. ‘Well, I know how much you love her, Ellie, but I have to say that with her looks – and she is quite strikingly oriental-looking now, although very pretty – you may regret making her so much a part of your family. Mama says that it would have been far better if you had had her adopted, or sent her back to Japan.’

Ellie was shocked.

‘Cecily, I look on Henrietta as my daughter, as much as though I had borne her myself,’ she told her cousin in outrage. ‘Gideon and I have adopted her legally and, to us, she is our eldest child.’

Really, Ellie thought crossly, sometimes Cecily seemed to be growing unpleasantly like her mother!

‘Brrr, it’s cold!’ Connie exclaimed, as she huddled into her thin coat.

‘Oh, do let’s look at Bon Marche’s window,’ Mavis begged her, catching hold of her arm.

Arm in arm, the two girls studied the elegant window displays, and the luxurious furs worn by the mannequin.

Still arm in arm, they crossed over the road to look into the windows of George Henry Lee’s.

‘Oh, Connie! Evening-in-Paris perfume. I can remember my father buying my mother some! And look at those gloves!’

They walked happily from the store to Bold Street, ‘the Bond Street of Liverpool', lingering over each window display and teasing each other, their laughter ringing out in the cold air, as they drew level with Cripps shawl shop.

‘Oh, do let’s go in, ‘Connie, Mavis urged. ‘I would love to buy my mother a really good warm shawl!’

The shop was busy with customers, and whilst they waited to be served, Mavis fingered some of the shawls.

‘Oh, look at that one, Connie,’ Mavis exclaimed, pointing to a particularly warm, soft, lavender blue shawl. ‘It is so pretty.’

Connie looked at the shawl. It felt warm to the touch, and it was obviously expensive.

An hour later, after Mavis had finished her shopping, and Connie had mentally earmarked the small items she had decided to buy for her friends, Mavis said tiredly, ‘I’m parched. Shall we go and have a cup of tea?’

‘Yes, let’s, Connie agreed, and linking up together they started to walk down the road.

They had just reached the teashop, when Connie exclaimed, ‘Oh, I’ve just remembered there’s something I wanted to get. You order that tea, Mavis, and I’ll just dash back for it!’

It didn’t take her long to hurry back to Cripps, and, mercifully, this time there were no other customers. Connie pointed out the lavender blue shawl and opened her purse.

‘It’s one of my favourites,’ the saleswoman said to her approvingly. ‘Fair lifts the heart that colour does.’

Thanking her, Connie paid for her purchase and left. Connie hadn’t forgotten the help Ma Deakin had given her, and when she had seen the shawl, she had thought immediately of the midwife.

The late autumn afternoon was already closing into dusk, as Ellie walked out of a shop ahead of Cecily. The street was busy with shoppers, but Ellie’s attention was caught by one girl who was crossing the street, a few yards away from her.

Ellie froze, gripped by shock. The girl had her back to her, but something about her made Ellie’s heart pound. Connie. It was Connie! The angle of her head, the way she walked. It was her sister! Frantically Ellie started to hurry after her, calling out her name, desperate to catch up with her, oblivious to the attention her urgency and strained expression were attracting.

She was walking so fast that she accidentally turned her ankle, and would have fallen if a kindly fellow shopper hadn’t reached out to hold her arm steady. Choking back a sob, Ellie thanked him before begging, ‘Please, I must go. My sister … I must find her …’

‘But your ankle – you gave it a nasty twist …’

‘Please …’ Ellie pulled away. She had to catch up with Connie, before she was swallowed up in the busy crowd and lost to her.

‘Ellie. What is going on? I saw you slip,’ Cecily told her anxiously, catching up with her.

‘Cecily, I just saw Connie …’ Ellie burst out immediately. ‘We must go after her. We must find her, Cecily …’

Tears were running down Ellie’s face, as her frantic gaze searched the crowded street.

Cecily stared at Ellie in consternation. She knew how distressed Ellie had been by her younger sister’s death, of course, but … ‘Ellie, you can’t have done … you must have been mistaken,’ she told her gently, taking hold of her arm.

‘No, Cecily, it was Connie,’ Ellie insisted again. ‘We must go after her.’

‘Oh, Ellie, my dear, be reasonable. How could it possibly be Connie?’

Ellie stared at her cousin, suddenly realising how she must appear to her.

And Cecily was right. How could it have been Connie? Connie was dead. Ellie had let her own pain overwhelm reality! Bleakly Ellie let Cecily lead her away.

‘I’m sorry, Cecily,’ she apologised shakily. ‘It was that just for a minute …’

‘Let’s go and have our tea,’ Cecily told her firmly, tightening her grip on Ellie’s arm.

‘I’ve ordered us tea and some crumpets,’ Mavis told Connie, as she hurried into the teashop. ‘I’m really looking forward to Christmas at the Infirmary now. I wasn’t at first, but Josie told me that Sister said that it is the most jolly time, with every ward having its own party and all manner of festivities taking place. There’s a proper Christmas dinner and Matron herself hands out presents from a huge tree.’

‘And, with a bit of luck, that handsome young policeman who’s got an eye for you might be on duty?’ Connie teased her mischievously, laughing when Mavis blushed.

‘If you mean Frank, the only reason he stopped me to talk to me the other day was because he wanted to ask after old Mr Beddoes. He brought him in, you see, and he wondered how he was getting on!’

‘Oh, I see, it was just to talk about the old man that he stopped you, was it?’ Connie asked guilelessly. ‘I’m only asking, seeing as how Mr Beddoes is on my ward.’

Seeing how self-conscious Mavis looked, Connie relented and stopped teasing her. ‘Did Frank say if they’ve found out who it was who knocked him about so badly? Poor old thing’s got a broken leg and Gawd alone knows what happened to his insides! Mr Clegg isn’t saying anything, but somehow I don’t think he’s going to be going home,’ she added darkly.