Читать книгу Delivered From Evil - Anthony Greve - Страница 8

Let the Bands Begin

Going to the White Zombie concert opened up a door to the darker side of music for me. I began to develop an interest in the occult. It was one thing that I was going to be a rock star, but I was consumed with the idea that it had to be dark. There seemed to be a sense of power that came with the darkness with which I had become acquainted. I would soon start my first band called Devil. I wanted to be like the rock stars I worshipped. Though only in the sixth grade, I began to draw what would appear to be tattoos all over my hands and arms with a pen. My school folders would become saturated with other band names that I would develop, such as Suicide. My teachers became concerned about me.

I didn’t understand the seriousness or the implications of these names at the time. I made a banner that said Devil on it for the purpose of hanging it as my band’s backdrop. I knew that we had to have a show and an image. It was time to recruit members. My stepbrother would become my drummer even though he didn’t know how to play the drums or even own a set at the time. As far as I was concerned, he could learn how to play, and we could purchase a drum set. We took old clothes and tore holes in them. This was to be one of the things that marked our band.

At the time my hair was shaved on the sides, and I would gel it all towards the middle with the point hanging down my forehead like Glenn Danzig from the Misfits. I even set up a photoshoot for the band. We hung the Devil banner in the background and lit smoke bombs for ambiance. I was all about a show. We had to have a show if we were going to be like Zombie. I only wrote a few songs under this band name. Since my brother never got a drum set and lost interest in the project very quickly, Devil didn’t last long. Even though this project seemed to be falling apart, my dream was far from over.

My interest in concerts only increased. The next few concerts I would attend featured bands like Candlebox, Pantera, and Collective Soul. I would later play several shows with Candlebox and Vinnie Paul (now deceased) from Pantera. Concerts and music weren’t the only habits I picked up. I also started smoking cigarettes at this time. I remember the very moment I put that first cigarette to my mouth. Everything within me said, “Don’t do it.” Before long, I would become a Marlboro Man though it was only after some heavy peer pressure from friends that I finally began smoking. I was now doing what I said I would never do. That was to become a theme in my life.

In elementary school, I had signed a waiver in D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education), stating that I would never smoke. I guess they figured if they could keep you from smoking, they could keep you from drugs. I also remember making a promise to my parents that I would never get into drugs. My statement was sincere at the time, but this too wouldn’t last. I’ll never forget the first time I did cocaine. It was similar to my cigarette experience in the sense of everything in me saying, “Don’t do it.” I remember the first time I snorted that white powder up my nose. As I was inhaling it, I remember being overcome with a sense of failure and thinking, “How could I let myself get this low?” I felt like a part of my soul was ripped out of me at that moment. It felt like whatever innocence was left had just been lost.

After trying a cigarette for the first time, I started smoking regularly with my friends. We all agreed that we were just doing it for fun and that we could quit anytime we wanted to. At that time, we probably could have, but it would soon become a habit we would not be able to break. To this very day, most of the friends that I started smoking with still smoke. I started smoking Marlboro Lights and worked my way up to Reds. By the time I was in the seventh grade, I was smoking pretty consistently. As a matter of fact, the first thing I would do when I got home from school was step into the backyard for a smoke. My parents weren’t home of course.

We would leave the school grounds for lunch or sneak away during school hours when we could to grab a smoke. Once, in junior high, some friends and I snuck down to the basement of the school’s gymnasium and followed the tunnel down to the exit. The exit led outside. We cracked the door open just enough to let some fresh air in and the smoke out. We lit up a cigarette and began to pass it around. All of a sudden, the door flew open and there stood our vice principal. There was no way we weren’t going to get busted. He just smiled and said, “What’s going on in here guys? You know you aren’t supposed to be down here. Let’s get going and get to class.” At this time, one of my friends had the cigarette cupped in his hand to hide it. You could clearly see and smell the smoke. To my amazement, the vice principal never said anything about it. He just let us off the hook. He then walked away, leaving us standing there. We stomped the cigarette out and got to class.

On our lunch break, a group of us would walk over to a local gas station where one of the kids had a connection to buy cigarettes. He’d purchase cigarettes for us, and then we’d all go out back and smoke. One day the cops showed up, and a bunch of kids got busted. I didn’t get caught even though I was smoking as well. Later that day, my dad said that my uncle had seen me behind the gas station smoking with a group of kids. I lied my face off stating that he must have been mistaken. The truth was, he had caught me red-handed, but since he didn’t have the evidence to prove it, I certainly wasn’t going to admit to it.

Later on that year, I’d find myself at parties where I started drinking and smoking weed. Though the drinking and weed, I could do without, my cigarette addiction was getting out of control. I started craving them. I and my friends had a connection who would buy us smokes at that time. I would keep my cigarettes hidden and stashed away. One day, because I had accidentally left a porno video in the VCR before school one morning, my dad went through my room and found my stash. My stash included porn, a carton of cigarettes, and a note from the school that I hid from my parents stating that if I didn’t attend summer school, I was going to have to repeat the year again.

Not only was my stash gone, but my dad threw out all of my rock shirts and CDs as well. It was clear where the influence was coming. However, that didn’t stop me. The rebel in me simply said, “We just have to start all over again.” I ended up going to summer school that year for algebra. I rode my bike back and forth to school, and I guess it’s a good thing I went. I had to get through school somehow. Nothing was going to keep me from becoming a rock star. All I wanted to do was play my guitar and rock. I didn’t just want to play rock music; I wanted to live the rock and roll lifestyle.

I connected with a friend of mine from school who had a keyboard, and we started writing some songs together. We ended up creating a band called Slight Destiny. This was the closest thing to a real band that I had been a part of up until that point. We wrote some decent songs! At least, we thought we did. My dad was pretty impressed by the tunes that we were coming up with as well. After one of our practices, my dad said, “Man, that was pretty good. That sounded like it could be on the radio.” The song he was referring to was called “Demons,” and it had an epic intro.

My friend, Gary, and I would meet up early in the mornings and walk to school together, discussing songs, music, and our band’s future. Gary was a great artist as well. Looking back now, I think we were both just trying to escape the pain and reality of life. Regardless, I wanted to be a star, and if you wanted to be a star, you had to do what the stars did. Sometimes I would walk to school alone just listening to my Walkman. I would listen to Blind Melon every day. Amazingly, I didn’t burn that tape out considering how much I listened to it. I loved that band. If I didn’t have Blind Melon in my tape player, I was listening to Metallica’s Black Album. This was my favorite Metallica album by far. I loved that it was heavy, yet it was mainstream. Some people said that they had sold out, but I didn’t care. I knew what was good when I heard it.

Once in a while, my friend Billy and I would meet up in the morning and walk to school together. We would always stop at the gully on our way to class where we’d smoke a cigarette. We had to get our morning fix before the day started. The gully was a path that crossed through the woods. There was a little bridge over a stream where we’d stop and have a smoke. We would just hang out, smoke, and talk life. Billy and I loved the same music, which is why we got along great. When I stopped at his house in the mornings, he’d usually have one of the Guns N’ Roses Use Your Illusion albums blaring as he got ready for school. This would get us pumped up for the day. Bands, music, friends, and cigarettes had become my life.