Читать книгу Saving Max - Antoinette Heugten van - Страница 14

Danielle and Max sit on a bench in the hospital courtyard the next morning. He seems groggy from whatever monster sedative Kreng injected into him. Danielle puts an arm around his shoulders and gives him a squeeze. As she looks at him, so subdued and sweet, she believes that he must be terribly remorseful about his behavior yesterday. After considerable thought, she has dismissed the horrible incident as a fluke. She knows that Max is terrified that he may be like the other patients in the unit, and Jonas is, sad to say, the very worst example for him to see every day. Danielle is certain that when Jonas surprised him, Max’s retaliation was merely a knee-jerk response. That must be what happened.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

Max moves out of her embrace and turns to her, his face pale and anxious. “I feel—weird. Like things in my head are sort of scrambled.”

“What do you mean?” She keeps her voice nonchalant.

His face closes. “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

“Max, we need to talk about what happened yesterday.”

He glares at her. “What about it?”

“Why did you attack Jonas?”

Max’s face flares red. “It wasn’t my fault! The guy came at me while I was asleep. I just pushed him off of me and he fell. He’s a freak—always mooning around and driving everyone nuts.”

“But Marianne says you hit him.”

Max jumps up from the bench and points an angry finger at her. “Then she’s a goddamned liar!”

Danielle decides to switch the subject. They won’t get anywhere this way. “Okay, Max. Come sit down.”

He sits, but this time at the end of the bench, as far away from her as possible.

Danielle sighs. “Are you feeling okay physically?”

He shrugs. “I guess so. Kind of sick to my stomach.”

“It’s just the new meds.” She avoids mentioning the sedative. There is no need to set off another outburst. She pats his arm. “The doctor says you’ll feel better in a few days.” Max grunts, leans back, and closes his eyes. Danielle takes a deep breath and then asks the real question. “Are you feeling less … depressed?”

Max opens his eyes wide enough to glower at her. “Don’t go there, Mom.”

Danielle nods and tries to look as if everything is all right. She turns her face up to the warm sunlight, and they sit like that in companionable silence. Then Max moves closer and lays his hand on her arm. “Mom?”

“What is it, honey?”

His eyes are wide with a fear he can’t hide from her, although he’s trying to do exactly that. The piercing on his eyebrow looks particularly cruel above the dark smudges under his eyes. “Dr. Reyes-Moreno said she has some tests for me today—if I’m not too sleepy.” He is quiet a moment, hands folded on his lap. He raises sad eyes slowly to hers. “After I finish those, will they tell her if I’m nuts?”

Her spine stiffens as she fights to speak in a normal voice. “You’re not nuts.”

Max slumps down farther on the bench, refusing to meet her gaze. Danielle tries to take his hands in hers, but he pulls away. “Yeah, right,” he mutters. “That’s why I’m here. Have you noticed how sane the rest of these geeks are? Not to mention that creep yesterday.”

Danielle cannot disagree, so she does what she usually does in such situations. She bullshits. “You’re different from those kids, sweetie,” she says softly. “All they’re going to do here is fine-tune your medication and get to the bottom of your … depression.”

Max lowers his head like a veal calf that’s been lied to about its imminent slaughter. “Sure.”

All Danielle can think about is how awful it must be for him to watch these terribly disturbed children and to worry if—or when—someone is going to tell him how screwed up he is. She holds out her hand, palm up, their secret sign of solidarity. He places his on top, and they link fingers. His hand is almost bigger than hers now.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath. “Yes, baby?”

His green eyes stare directly into hers. “What do we do if they say I’m really crazy?” He turns away quickly, as if he can’t bear hearing the question out loud, much less the answer. Danielle takes him in her arms and holds him to her. His thin body quivers like a mouse caught in a trap. She squeezes him tighter.

She doesn’t have any answers.