Half-Hours with the Idiot

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Bangs John Kendrick. Half-Hours with the Idiot

I. AS TO AMBASSADORS' RESIDENCES

II. AS TO THE FAIR SEX

III. HE GOES CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

IV. AS TO THE INCOME TAX

V. A PSYCHIC VENTURE

VI. ON MEDICAL CONSERVATION

VII. THE U. S. TELEPHONIC AID SOCIETY

VIII. FOR TIRED BUSINESS MEN

Отрывок из книги

"That's rather promiscuous, isn't it?" asked the Bibliomaniac.

"No, it's just playing safe, Mr. Bib," said the Idiot. "It's like a man with a million dollars to invest. It isn't considered quite prudent for him to put every red cent of that million into one single stock. If he put his whole million into U. S. Hot Air Preferred, at 97-7/8, for instance, and some day Hot Air became so cheap that the bottom dropped out of the market, and the stock fell to 8-3/8 that man would practically be a busted community. But if like a true sage he divided his little million up into twenty fifty-thousand dollar lots, and put each lot into some separate stock or bond, the general average would probably maintain itself somewhere around par whether the tariff on lyonnaise potatoes was removed or not. So it is with my affections. If I could invest them in some such way as that I might have to move out of here, and seek some pleasant little domestic Eden where matrimony is not frowned upon."

.....

"I had no idea that any of my boarders could ever bring themselves to advance a single word in favor of polygamy," said the Landlady sternly.

"Never having married a canary, I don't know," said the Landlady, with a glance at her husband.

.....